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Dating: Can You Fall in Love with Two People at Once?

(Photo Credits: Travis Seera from Pexels)

Once in a while we would read about a couple, celebrity and otherwise, who are in a throuple—and how the three of them are in love with each other. But what about you, guys, have you ever been in love with two people at the same time and if so, what did you do? Did the three of you decide to give throuple a go or did you choose not to act on your feelings? Did you choose between the two or did you walk away from them instead? For Adam4Adam readers who have yet to experience this, do you think it’s possible for you to fall for two people at once?

Anyway, according to relationships educator Kate McCombs, as cited by Thrillist, if this happens to you, do not “judge yourself for feeling attracted to someone who isn’t your partner.” She added, “When you get into an internal judgment cycle about it, it can make it a bigger deal than it is. Most of the time, you can have a few fantasies and faps about that person and it will naturally diffuse over time.” 

But what if your feelings don’t go away? McCombs thinks polyamorous or open relationships might be for you, “If you’ve been monogamous and you are finding yourself in love with someone else too, you may have to make some tough life choices and rethink your relationship style.” Read the full article here.

All that being said, have you ever been in love with two people at the same time? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below!


There are 9 comments

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  1. Paul

    I’m dealing with it right now. One person I have been with 10 yrs. he fills my needs of s/m and hard love. The other person fills my spirituality and serving a man because I want to.

  2. Libertarian Queer

    Dave, I need to talk to you about something. Is it possible we can email each other? There is no need to post this on the blog as it is an important private matter. I assume you can see my email address from where you are….

  3. Hunter0500

    I’m not a One Guy Guy. But not a Once and Done User either. I’m clear about this whenever chatting with someone for the first time; I like having several good men in my life.

    Most of the guys I have in my life are the same; they’re not interested in monogamy and like having good men in their lives that they are close to. A couple of them would like monogamy, but realize it’s rare among gay men.

    Is there “love”? Of course! A deep one with two guys. Lighter with a couple of others. Just friendship with the rest.

  4. Frank Lycan

    I think being in a relationship and falling for another is probably one of 2 things: 1. You really are no longer in love with your partner or 2. It is simply lust because something is missing in your current relationship. I do believe that a throuple relationship, although rare, is possible when all three partners are truly in love with each other it can work. In my long life I (70) I have known of two throuple relationships that have lasted for many years. For my entire life I was in love with someone I could never be with but did find love with another person, although that ended up in an mentally abusive relationship for 6 years. Yes, I do believe it is possible to love someone and find love with someone else. It just did not work out for me.

  5. Ron

    Don’t know why people have to keep trying to INVENT words, the word everyone is looking for is TRIAD, it has been around for a very long time, “throuple?, Really? WTF do you call four people, a “Quaple?” For those of you who really know what the word means, know that you can never predict who you gong to love, Shit happens whether or not you look for it. In a Triad or Quad, everyone share the “Love” feeling equally for each other, that along with trust is what makes it work. I’ve been in a Triad, Permanent Threesome for 7 years, the two partners left are bottoms, we still love each other but look to FWB to fill the gap that we are missing, it works, the love is there.

  6. Mike

    Every relationship is a construct. Marriage, mortgages, parents, contracts, rule of law. There was a time when we were tribal and/or nomadic and the relationships were more of an aid to survival and probably a lot less fraught with needs. Relationships are fostered in environments where assurance is desired. Not many are comfortable living alone. But some are and do and they’re quite happy. One could guess that multiple partner relationships would require some evolved minds.

  7. Polygeo

    I think it’s funny that no one has used the word “polyamory,” other than in the article. Everyone is referring to “triads” and “quads,” yet no one has actually referenced general polyamory. This further proves my hypothesis that many gay men consider something like polyamory as a fantasy pipe dream. My partner is a poly-accepting monogamous guy; he is absolutely fine with me dating/seeing multiple people/being in multiple committed relationships; he will never be romantically involved in any of my other relationships. He may be acquainted with and have dinner with my metamors(people that share a common partner) , but that’s it. yes, quads are a thing. Throuples are a thing, but that’s a small subset, where it’s more common to see a polycule than the other 2.


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