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Adam4Adam open relationship

Dating: Monogamy VS Open Relationship, Which One is Right for You?

(Photo Credits: Screengrab from Jimmy Fowlie’s YouTube Account)

Earlier this month, we asked you if you think it’s possible for you to fall in love with two people at once and only 11.74 percent answered an absolute no. The rest replied: maybe (10.23 percent); yes, I think it is possible (49.16 percent); yes, it already happened to me once (24.66 percent); it happened to me once but looking back, it was not the real thing after all (3.19 percent), and other (1 percent). 

Does this mean that Adam4Adam blog readers are more likely to enter into an open relationship or in a throuple? 

If your answer is yes or maybe, then you may want to watch Jimmy Fowlie’s vlog on open relationships first titled, “Curtis and his Open Relationship.” If not, well, go ahead and watch it anyway, if only just for laughs. The vlog episode was funny as hell but it was a subtle reminder as well that all relationships take work and effort to maintain and an open one isn’t an exception. 

Here are the open relationship essentials which we learned from Jimmy Fowlie’s vlog that may hopefully help you navigate yours:

  • Communication is important – as in all kinds of relationships, of course. But in the near future, should you want to enter into an open relationship, you’ve got to ask yourself: “Is this what I really want?” “Do we both want this?” The two of you have to be transparent about it as at the end of the day, honesty is still the best policy.
  • You’ve got to have a conversation on safe sex – yes, you do need to have this talk.
  • Time – maybe all that sex on the side has left you without time for each other in which case, that would be a good time to evaluate or have another talk with your partner. If you’ve been relegated to the side, then what’s the point? 
  • Set boundaries – emotional and yes, sex boundaries as well. How many times can you guys have sex with the same person? Can you remain in contact with the other guy/party after sex? How many guys are too much?  Maybe the two of you could only play together with other people and not separately? Can you guys have sex with friends or must they be a stranger? 

Going back to the topic at hand, monogamy or open relationship, which do you think is the right one for you? Is there anything else you can add from the tips mentioned above and also, have you ever tried to enter into an open relationship before? If yes, how did that work for you? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below.


There are 29 comments

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  1. Erukana Wambi

    I have no problem with people in open relationships, but it wouldn’t work for me because I can’t share my man, and neither can he

  2. Jer

    I’m sorry but this idea of Open Relationships marriages or whatever other nonsense gay men try to justify calling this hideous and selfish behavior ..and IT IS EXACTLY THAT……SELFISH. what makes you think that getting sex or having supposed “relationships” with multiple people is the thing…..its not some trend , I know this has went on for decades but now its like its more like some trend …..like a selfie?….Really that’s what you think. listen do what you will but no one ever said any relationship was easy but involving others even if its for sex….it is pure selfishness and no one wants to admit it….if you are in a relationship .be in a relationship……thinking others involved is some how a hall pass or you being with other people and you thinking its gonna work……its not going to……I have never seen one yet…..the “throuple” or more than one person you might being involved with even if its for sex and yes the gay mans selfish favorite …….the multiple sexual partners even though you claim your partnered and or have a bf or esp my favorite married and yet you f*ck other people…..
    really …..did you really think it was gonna go somewhere and esp for how long?
    there’s a reason for a relationship…..its you being with one……doesn’t involve more than one……Hell look at the polygamists….or this polyamorous nonsense……listen you can love more than one person I know……..I have…….not at the same time..way too much work and effort and heartache……but don’t deem open relationships is like “the way”……or like this lil poll I seen just b4 commenting here……40 are for this hideous behavior……and you are the ones hurting people deceiving people even thought there’s this supposed idea of communication if you are gonna engage in this …….but this biggest factor that should scare every one of you …..the risks….lets not forget the heart ache and hurt you inflict due to jealousy even though you might have this setup agreement……but the STDs and HIV……its sky rocketed ……it hasn’t changed…..its causes so much chaos due to this f*ckin other people even though you claim some sort of partnership……and I must say for myself…….you that do this…….you make it very difficult for someone like me that believes wholeheartedly in monogamy and wants one person…..becuz you are all out giving this impression that this is another option…….F*ck that…don’t put this idea out there that this is the thing to do ……its not some trend……if you do this……remember …..you sleeping with everyone you do…….it can affect others……just like the HIV AIDS epidemic spread like wildfire in the early 80s, its true …theres a docufilm that was done back a few years back and if you havent seen it you should……and to those who did……you know the scene……fromt he HBO shown…the NORMAL HEART , with Matt Bomer ……theres a scene anyhow for those that havent seen it…….Julia Roberts is one of the only doctors that is willing to treat anyone with this new oncoming gay cancer as it was deemed…..theres a scene where she goes to meet at Mark Ruffalos apt….as he has just started this Gay Mens Health crisis group and one attendant says and i quote…..its all we have………we shouldnt have to go back into the closet…this has been happening since the sexual revolution…….but its because of this attitude that guys leeping around and gettin off….getting it in. for their sexual pleasure and feeling good…….its that .EVERYONE these men slept with…….and NOW you all currently present day 40+ years later ……EVERYONE YOU SLEEP WITH ……AND ESP NOW IF YOU AREN’T BE TESTED REGULARLY AND JUST GETTING IT IN ALL OVER WITH WITH WHOEVER AND HOWEVER MANY…….YOU ARE POTENTIALLY AFFECTING SOMEONE ELSE’S LIFE……CUZ IF THEY DIDNT SLEEP WITH YOU…….THOSE YOU ARE SLEEPING WITH…….ARE POSSIBLY WITH ANYONE THAT MIGHT WITH THEM SAME AS WELL…….AND i HAVE TO MENTION PORN….THINGS THAT GO ON IN PORN ARE VERY RISKY….ILL BE BLUNT UNTIL THIS BEHAVIOR AND THINKING STOPS…..PULLING OUT AND SHOOTING YOUR LOAD….NO CONDOM, STICKING YOUR DICK WHEREEVER…..HAVING DICKS IN YOU WHEREVER AND ESP BY WHOEVER ESP MULTiPLE PEOPLE…..RISK…..ITS HIGH RISK,…….SO STOP!!!!……..STOP THINKING OF YOU GETTIN OFF AND FEELING GOOD …….BECUZ OF IT
    AGAIN YOU ARE AFFECTING OTHERS……….. LISTEN THERE ARE VERY SEXY MEN……ESP EVEN IN PORN , SOME OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MEN BUT PORN IS PORN …..ITS NOT TO BE REPLICATED IN EVERY DAY LIFE… …..AND ITS STILL SEX…AND IF YOU ARE WITH MANY MORE THAN ONE…ITS no wonder the STD rate and HIV infections are in the masses…..cuz no one can stop gettin around and getting it in……AGAIN YOU ARE AFFECTING AND INFECTING OTHERS DUE TO THIS BEHAVIOR……AND ITS NOT FAIR WHEN IT KILLS OR RUINS SOMEONES LIFE DUE TO IT……

  3. Jer

    IF THE MODERATOR WHO IS IN CHARGE OF POSTING THESE COMMENTS ….
    if you DON’T POST MINE…..ITS BECUZ MINE IS FACT BASED…..AND ITS TRUTHFUL AND ITS MIGHT BE AGGRESSIVE AND SEEM JUDGEMENTAL…. FORGET ASKIN IF PEOPLE WOULD CONSIDER IT …… IT SHOULDNT BE SCOFFED OFF AND LOOKED OVER AND THOUGHT…..NOPE YOU’RE NOT GONNA POST THIS BECAUSE IT MIGHT OFFEND OR YOU DON’T AGREE ….AS THE MODERATOR….POST IT!!…….
    THIS IS NOT A QUESTION TO LIGHTLY ASK AND NOT FEEL SOME SORT OF RESPONSIBILITY ESP WHEN THERE ARE PEOPLE THAT DO AND ENGAGE IN THIS BEHAVIOR AND IT DOES AND IT IS AFFECTING OTHERS AND INFECTING OTHERS……NOT ONLY BEING HURT BY HEARTACHE…..FEELING USED AND LEFT TO FEEL LIKE ….THIS BEHAVIOR SHOULD BE TOLERATED EVEN IF YOU TRY IT ONCE……..REGARDLESS OF WHAT PEOPLE THINK……ITS ABOUT EDUCATION AND THIS BEHAVIOR HAS TO CEASE AND STOP……ITS WHY HIV/AIDS CONTINUES TO AFFECT MILLIONS AND HAS KILLED SO MANY ……AND ALL THE STDs still affect others too…….so this idea of the open whatever sort of relationship…..it should be squashed…..its not cool and not the thing to do……not some trend like a selfie THE TERM SELFIE EVEN SOUNDS AND IS STUPID……. THIS IS SELFISH AND ITS NOT SOMETHING THAT SHOULD BE CONSIDERED AN OPTION…..DO WHAT YOU WILL……BUT IT DOES AFFECT OTHER PEOPLE….THATS THE POINT I AM MAKING…

  4. Matt

    Monogamy is a heteronormative construct created by women when they were 100% dependent on men. Of course she wanted him to be a one-woman man.

    Research shows categorically that ALL MEN have a tendency to multiple partners.

    There are different types of monogamy as well.

    Sexual monogamy means you’re stuck with one person.

    Emotional monogamy means you’re committed to one person emotionally, but may have multiple sex partners.

    Open gay relationships last and last.

    Monogamous gay relationships tend to fail miserably.

  5. Nathan

    Nathan Writes:

    Two live better than one!

    Most who hook up…tend to do so for company and financial realities. An open relationship affords it practitioners a two-for-one-split:

    it affords the benefits of two and affords the advantages of security and continued access to sex and numbers.

    Why have an open relationship if you are going to be partnered? Stay alone; take care of yourself; provide, cherish and support.

    Having a relationship for love not necessity; if not, have a glorified “FWB.”

    • Hunter0500

      It’s tough (impossible for some) for both Monogamous Guys and Hookup-only Guys to grasp the concept of “FWB”. And these guys will insist that their monogamous way or hookup way is the only way. Monogamous or hookup, there’s no other choice. The good news is, they get to follow their choices, even while denying others their choices.

      There is a middle ground for gay men when it comes to emotions and sex. To me it seems realistic, sensible, and in fact how the middle ground of gay men actually behave. It’s a place where guys see emotional attachment and sex as separate. They are not locked together. Sex is pleasurable and fun; something they share with other guys. Emotions are more rigid; they tend toward monogamy (an idea or level of commitment), but do not require it.

      What’s important is that guys’ views on emotions and sex line up when they decide to partner.
      And “partner” can range from monogamy, through “open”, to hookup. What matters is that the partners are lined up; what matters is they have discussed the relationship and where they stand prior to entering into it (be it monogamous, open, or hookup).

      What does not matter is outsiders looking in, oppressing their definitions on others. regardless of where they lay on the spectrum or monogamy, open, and hookup.

      • NATHAN

        HUNTER0500:

        I TEND TO BE VERY MUCH…AS A MATTER-OF-FACT. I’VE SEEN TOO MUCH NOT TO BE PRAGMATIC…WHICH, SOMETIMES, BORDERS OF THE FACTS AND ONLY THE FACTS.

        IT IS NOT ALWAYS INTENTIONAL; IT IS HOW I CAME TO TERMS WITH WHAT I SAW; WHAT I HEARD, AND WHAT I HAD TO DO.

        THINGS HAPPENS AND SOMETIMES FOR THE BEST…BUT NOT ALWAYS. I BELIEVE IN GOING WITH THE FLOW UNTIL IT BECOMES A “tsunami.” AND WHEN IT DOES, YOU DO NOT STAND YOUR GROUND; YOU MOVE OUT…ACCORDINGLY.

        NOT ALL IS CHISELED IN STONE… .

  6. Friar Chicken

    When I see someone in an “open” relationship, I see someone who is greedy, selfish, dishonest and undesirable. They may want more sex than one person can give, but what are they giving to a new partner? They are physically available and emotionally unavailable, ensuring an empty experience. Meanwhile, their “partner” is suffering. Or, they have been together so long they are completely bored with each other. Not much better. Or, they just don’t break up for financial reasons. In any case, they are focused on themselves and not what they have to give or not give to others. Get some spine, some morals.

    • Tavion

      Agreed. They want to have their cake and eat it too. I’ve had some involvement with these types and it’s always about the dominant member getting over on the other. And let’s not get into the STDs, drama and potential for social and economic harm involved.

  7. Bob

    No…. there is no such thing as triad love, “committed non-mongamy”… that last one especially makes me lmfao…..

    Love is between 2 partners. Commitment is between 2 partners. If you wanna have a loose hoeish life style, I’m not here to judge, but there is nothing “committed” about it.

  8. Hunter0500

    Monogamy. The few (very few) gay guys that want it and can pull it off should stick to their guns and make it happen.

    Most gay guys can’t. Many of them will claim to seek it but either they or Mr One and Only will come up short.

    Some gay guys like to be part of a small herd of men who care about each other. Maybe we call this “open”. They can have flexible emotional and sexual relationships with more than one guy, although they may have “too dog”. Monogamy guys will eschew these relationship as false.

    Some gay guys don’t want to “compromise”. They want to be free. They won’t let themselves be tied down by relationships of any kind. They’ll go through man after man happily. Often lamenting in their later years they wished they found Mr. Right.

    In the end, there’s no one right, proper relationship for everyone. What does matter is that guys are forthright in what they’re seeking … and in what relationships they let themselves be involved in.

  9. bjjj

    I have no problem with open relationships. Matter of fact my BF and I are both open in whom we see. We have threesomes, and I also know his BFs, and he knows mine.

    • Matt (Black)

      Hey. Not being judgmental but I been following your wise responses to various subjects on here and I’m surprised that you’re in a open-relationship. I know you’re man is black and you’re white and I feel as if I know you, just from reading your open-minded and great responses. You didn’t really elaborate in your response on this subject so I hope you don’t mind answering a few questions. Do you guys do it just to have something different in bed or do you seek someone with a bigger cock than your man? Do you go for other black men or it don’t really matter as far as race? Keep on having fun man and what ever work for you guys.

      • bjjj

        Well, Matt, anymore it’s more of a friendship and sex upon occasion situation. I do not live with him, but see him quite frequently. We both have agreed we can see others for sexual fun, and neither of us have no problems with it. Yes, he tells me of other sexual partners he hooks up with, and I also tell him about encounters I have with others. I have also had encounters with others he sees as well. Neither of us are into anal sex, but do mostly oral. Although anal has happened upon occasion. Our cocks are just average, and I’m not in particular looking for any monster cocks. I see both black and white men, and he does as well. Race isn’t really an issue with either of us when it comes to sex or friendship. We travel together, go places, go shopping, movies, concerts, etc, As for your question “do I go for other black men, I would say sure, but also love and go for white and other races as well. I’ve seen a white guy once that had about 10 inches, and black guys that are quite small in that aspect. I guess what matters more between us is the love and friendship we have going on. We can tell each other anything, and help each other out. A lot of emotional support goes on between the 2 of us. We are both older, and not in our sexual prime for sure. Do I like variety, well sure, and the occasional hook up is fun, even if I never see that person again. I know on here it seems as if we always chat about black vs white’s, but in real life between the 2 of us we seldom even talk about it, and to me it’s just not any kind of issue. If I were to meet you Matt, I’m sure we would get along fine, and sure there are always cultural and family differences, but skin color isn’t any big deal.
        I know that sounds strange with all the racial and cultural issues going on in this world. Matt, I bet you are one wonderful guy, and I also enjoy reading your posts on here as well. Enjoy life, and just enjoy being who you are.

  10. Jon

    The date only very slightly resembles his photos. He is much older/younger (is he worth going to jail?) than he told you or the photos are old….possibly taken with a Polaroid camera. There is no “warmth”between you….very little compatibility. He is a Trump supporter. You keep waiting for the “spark” but there is none. Poor hygiene. Very little in common. He asks if the dog can go outside. He does not speak English. He is welded to his iPhone. His favorite movie of all time is “Ghostbusters,” the new one. He is late…very late. He has no idea who is running for president in 2020.

  11. Southernboisb

    I don’t understand “open relationships”. If you can’t commit to 1 person, why are you be in a relationship with them? Stay on the friendship plane & nobody gets hurt should something happen.

  12. Seth

    This is just me, but no matter how to try to sugar coat it, IT’S STILL CHEATING. You just allowing him/her to do it.. Now again this is me, but I have a big RESPECT rule for my relationship.. Respect it. Now that goes both ways.. For me and those outside and can clearly see I am involved.. I’m greedy and don’t share what I have. That’s the best way to say it.

  13. Jus sayin

    I recently was asked by a friend to partcipate in a 3some with him and this guy and this friend ive known for 8 years got a bit jealous that the guy was attracted to me and we hit it off. We were doing our thing without penetration but my friend just stop sat up and stopped the session. My friend told the guy to leave while gesturing to me to stay so that we could be alone. I declined the invitation and left with the guy, but the guy and I just chatted outside briefly and went our separate ways. 3somes are not for me. Jus Saying..

  14. Kayman

    Nope. Open relationships are nothing more than glorified friends with benefits or fuck buddy situationships. That’s why open relationships fail in the end because one or both parties catch feelings for someone else. The “relationship” ends because of the desire to be with others.

  15. Darnell Coates

    I read some of these posts. I find them to be amusing. What I have read thusfar are a bunch of guys screaming about how wrong it is to be polyamorous blah blah blah…yet I’m more than confident that a vast majority (if not all of these dudes) are single while they work on that “monogamous is the best relationship” thing they scream about.

    A friend of mine said to me once, “if there are so many single gay men looking for a relationship, why are there so many single gay men looking for a relationship”?

    Is it selfish to open up a relationship, or does it show the most extreme amount of trust in your partner in that no matter what sexually occurs, you are with each other?

    All I have read on this topic are naysayers and folk screaming about how wrong it is, yet the dudes (that include myself) are in relationships living our best lives while the ones screaming about how wrong it is are still seeking that monogamous relationship.

    Heaven forbid if he cheats. Then they’re bitter as fuq and still looking for that monogamous relationship.

  16. NotAnAngel

    We’re all wired differently. Some of us need monogamy for emotional security and others don’t. Overlaying your context on someone else serves neither of you. Some really need monogamy and others do not. It’s all good– just be truthful about which you pick, and act responsibly. Partnerships work when both put effort towards it, but partnership is just one element of relationships.

    And that basis, that context can change. Understand it, but be honest. Me? I don’t see ever going monogamous– I’m not built for it and can’t see myself honestly committing my sexuality to just one stud. Ever.

  17. 619to916

    Perhaps I’m older than some of you, but y’all need to chill. Having an ‘open’ relationship doesn’t have to refer to how wide your legs will go out, but how much your mind can handle at one time. “Open” is the most accurate way to describe our relationship, but neither of us has carte blanche to do whatever we want… there are rules, and the lines can change or blur over time out of necessity, not convenience. What we do know is that our hair is not going to burst into purple flames if something does happen. We are not going to blow up a 15+ year relationship; we’ll deal with any new facts and circumstances as they occur; and, if something disrupts our life plan we’ve made together so far, then better that than stay together under false pretenses. We’d have a far better chance remaining life-long ‘lovers’ that way than some other ideas. Gay men should be the last to demand forced and false conformity. It didn’t work for closeted men either. They didn’t know where they were going exactly for their next phase, but at least they were living life honestly.

  18. Bill

    I try my best to be faithful, I truly love him.. when I’m with him I am in heaven….but then at the supermarket this hot sexy good looking guy walks up. He’s got a big bulge in his jeans…I can’t take my eye off his crotch.. he smiles at me…. He reaches down and rubs his big dick..I can see it growing in his jeans…he invites me to follow him to his truck… first thing you know I’m getting fucked so dam good… afterwards I feel so dam guilty…and the guy beside me tell me hos good my ass was….and first thing you know I’m getting fucked again……………………


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