Losing your virginity can either be a memory you’ll want to treasure forever or something that you want to just immediately forget. If you’re one of the people who’s had a less than memorable first time, you’ve probably wished that there was someone around to give you tips back then.
Thankfully, we now have the internet, where there are quite a number of places where you can ask for help and advice. The subreddit Ask Gay Bros is one such place, and recently a curious man in his 20s asked for some advice.
In a post titled “I’m ready,” Reddit user discmain reveals he’s been attracted to women his whole life but he’s also been curious and that there’s nothing he wants more than “to give oral to a man and possibly even be penetrated.”
The problem — aside from this being his first time with a man — is that he has just come out of a 14-year relationship and doesn’t know the best way to approach someone to ask them to take his gay virginity.
The people of Ask Gay Bros readily gave him some advice, ranging from getting on a dating app or heading to an LGBTQ establishment.
User DidntAskGonnaTell suggested going on a dating app, saying “There are usually a few people who just want to hookup and plenty who have a fantasy about a straight/first timer.”
User PrivateAccountShh echoed this sentiment, saying that the poster should sign up for a dating app and declare “‘I am a straight man, I am just curious to give oral and/or be penetrated but I don’t want to kiss or cuddle etc just purely want to experiment.’ There are definitely going to be some people who are cool with it as they just want a hookup or whatever.”
Meanwhile, user waffleyan suggested a gay bar, and even gave advice on how he should go about getting a hookup. According to him, the user should “Be very upfront about (t. Usually in a conversation people will ask how long you’ve been out, if you’re single or what you are looking for in the bar. You can use these opportunities to explain your situation!”
But we want to hear what you Adam4Adam blog readers think. If someone who was going to try gay sex for the first time approached you for advice, what tips would you give them? Share it with us in the comment section below!
The most important advice you can give someone who is getting ready to have their first experience is this… Don’t let your partner talk you into doing something that you are not completely comfortable with & ready to do. Simple.
My first note is that I don’t like to give advice as there are so many variables to apply. Otherwise, I can share my experiences and what I could have done differently. My first experience was with a man of whom he and I were 18 and lived in different cities. I would have liked it to have continued, but distance ultimately divided us. I will share my next sexual encounter that continued on way too long but only because of my lack of being outgoing and also not being cognizant of my right to stand for my needs. I… Read more »
Don’t believe anything that anyone (strangers) tells you – people lie. Know your status. Practice safe sex. Meet in public first and get to know someone if possible. Set boundaries. Don’t let anyone encourage you to do something you are not comfortable with. Your first time should be memorable – not something you will become ashamed of.
Hmmm… a 20-year old who just got out of a 14-year relationship… that’s a little alarming… But regardless, the advice I’d offer is to just be patient. It will all happen when it’s supposed to happen. Trying to rush it, force it or pay for it is a certain recipe for disaster. One day you will be a party, at the gym or at the grocery store and a conversation will turn into a meeting which will turn into exactly what you’re hoping for. I can promise you the first time won’t be the best time, but a little patience… Read more »
It says 20s not 20 year old.
If you read the original, he says “I’m in my 30s”
If you are looking for your first gay experience with a guy, find someone who is older and more experienced in the bed. I have popped a few cherries in my time and I always treated the newbie with love and respect. I wanted his first to be memorable exploring every nook and cranny. Responding what he liked and didn’t like is so rewarding for both of us.
I started late. I was 55 he was 32. He knew it was my first time. He used a lot of lube and was so gentle. I could not of asked for a better first time experience. His uncut cock went in easily and I loved the feel of his hairy body on mine. I will always hold that time in my heart!
I like that . I am that guy described in the article text . just want to explore . i did perform oral on a couple guys , and I loved it ! Especially if they were very dominant , i had no problem getting naket with my back against my Bed , and unzipping Him , but either I’m really good at Blow jobs , or these guy’s were two pump chumps because the one was done in under two minutes , but atleast he grabbed my Head and came in my throat so cum , and spit ,… Read more »
but i like You . I would enjoy a sensitive first time like that . face to face missionary style .Yes. But the next time i would like it a tiny bit rough , and sloppy I Loved it that first Guy when He just made me a mess ! but He was so fast ! why ? Why can’t a Guy just hold back for at a minimum half hour . I never had trouble with control . Those hair trigger Men though , I never cum that much , If only they could become the best of both… Read more »
Have your first sex be solely about sex and not some misguided bullshit about love.
that is some bullshit advice to give anyone new or not……you clearly are the kinda guy only about hookups and sex and meaningless crap that gay men engage in far too much and far too often…..
too each his own.
i’ll take it anyway , man , I just want to have a first time .
For a first time, I think you should meet someone in the bar, ’cause you can see them face to face; better more thorough conversation, obviously carry a fresh condom or two. Hold off on oral, though, unfortunately; you’re odds of contracting an infection/s orally are very high these days, as we live in an increasingly unforgiving, selfish, reckless world; circumstantially, speaking. It’s horrible to say or assume, perhaps, but I feel that gay men are just typically messier ’cause many tend to be very self-centered/serving-selfish. (I’m here in Soflo) though; highest rate of new infections across the board, for… Read more »
Get a buttplug-use a lot of lube and watch a few porno’s you might learn something from them.
Worst reply ever! PORN is not an educational tool. I’ve NEVER seen a cock bigger than abt 7″. Plus porn these days is more like rape with choking and strangling. I would never want to have sex with a porn star.
If you never seen a dick bigger that 7″ you don’t know the right guys. I have seen, sucked and been fucked by lots of guys who have 8, 9 and 10 inch Dicks.
I had a Guy with a nice big dick who was going to give Me my first time , there were two , but only one had a big dick . that did turn me on , but both of them came frm oral , and fast too ! the guy with the nice cock soaked My bed in cum as soon as i had him fully hard . The other guy he came before fully hard as I was giving him oral , but I Loved it though . He came completely in my mouth like i said i… Read more »
He could open a profile on a site like A4A. He should check other guys’ profiles for picture ideas and include some pictures of himself, face not necessary. Neither is a gaping hole. Maybe torso or cock to start. He should be specific in his profile that he’s looking for a guy or guys to get to know who will meet with him before bedding to shepherd him through his first time. He should go with the guy who after discussions and a meeting or two his gut tells him is the guy to be his first.
My advice is that the gay community is not some haven of acceptance and love as it’s often times portrayed. It’s a lot of toxic, insecure, ppl who you should protect yourself from.
“‘I am a straight man, I am just curious to give oral and/or be penetrated but I don’t want to kiss or cuddle etc just purely want to experiment.’
Fantasy or denial, mofo you ain’t straight
#intolerant He can identify any way he wants. Cut the bigotry.
Bigotry? Seems you wrote your own dictionary dumb ace
“He can identify however he wants”
No, he can’t. You can’t just rewrite a words meaning based on your Fee-fee’s.
I identify=I pretend to be
My advice would be #1 Be safe. Be prepared with your own condoms and lube. #2 Be selective. When the time and the vibe are right you’ll know it. An inconsiderate clod could ruin an otherwise enjoyable experience.
If someone is about to have gay sex for the first time, I would advise him to chose someone special to have it with rather than hookups. I believe someone having sex for the first time should experience how good and wonderful it is than the pleasure involved.
You need to be upfront with the guy and tell him its your first. pick a smaller cock, and make sure he spends some time opening you up with a soapy shower, a long rim job, then fingers with lube, and then sit on his cock slowly controlling the entry.
Use a condom, plenty of lube, and trust no one’s status. Know who you date, make sure he has something to lose. Stay away from druggies, and other idiots as well
You’ve been walking through a dry, hot desert for 14 years; don’t jump in the first mud puddle you see!
The hell if you don’t. As you never know if there will be another! (so probably not the best analogy. lol)
Not necessarily you Jared, but Everyone is posting like the dude is a straight up 13yo virgin.. Well, he’s not! He just hasn’t had the joy of playing with cocks other than his own. I’m pretty sure he’s not looking for a love interest, just for some sweaty fun sex, and is asking how best to find and approach another guy to do the deed.
Do all the above. It will happen when you are ready for it to happen. Just make sure you are ready. Don’t do anything you are uncomfortable with or with anyone that makes you uncomfortable.
You will know when the right opportunity arises just don’t be pressured by anyone or anything.
Enjoy, life is wonderful and there is something to be gained from every experience.
Good luck…
Best advice.
Don’t become a stereotype, be who you want to be even if it annoys others.
Sober Sex, Safe Sex, Use Condoms, Know your Sexual partner, Know you and your partners Stats, Have fun!
What Advice Would I Give A Gay First-Timer? LoL, Reconsider Your Sexuality, Go Straight And Fight Your Feelings, Stay Off A4A, Grindr, M4SN, Squirt, Manhunt, Etc., Get Yourself A Decent Girl. If You’re Gonna Be Gay/Bi, Be A Total Top .
Great advice,,,but I tryed that,,it worked,,it really worked until I couldn’t fight the feeling anymore,,, I just had to try it and man,, I’ve came millions of times with women but when he made me cum with his dick,,, I knew I had to have more
Use protection!!!
Push out like your taking a shit,,,,tons of lube …..and let that mo’fo pump your starfish like a piston
So my advice depends. Going online, like this article says is a good idea, I think. If the gay virgin thinks they want to do oral and possibly be penetrated for the first time – BE CAUTIOUS!! There are gays like me who (no offense intended) don’t want to have ANYTHING sexually to do with virgins. So be honest! On the other hand there are some gay men who (like some straights) fetishize gay virgins. I know a virgin who someone tried to pressure into full oral, and he’d never done oral before. He stood up for himself so he… Read more »
Well if your going to have intercourse for the first time and it is just a casual hookup, be prepared if you bottom make sure your bum hole is entirely cleaned out, and your rectal hole, make sure you at least maybe get to know the guy or person before you go ahead and decide to actually have sex for the first time with them, you can’t really take a chance on getting HIV or some other disease, so make sure you wear a condom, or if he is the Top that he for certain wears a condom before he… Read more »
Don’t be smooth talked in to doing it bareback because its going to feel better…try to figure out the guy as best as possible to make sure he’s not cray cray…use lube..take it slowly until your anal muscles are relaxed and ready..don’t think he’s the one and fall in love with him..you are not his first and he’s only going to call you when he’s looking for some ass..if he turns out to be a nice guy..lucky you..otherwise move on !!
If you have a good partner, he’ll help you relax and and go slow as he starts to enter you. He should have tongue fucked you, finger fucked you and maybe used a small dildo to start stretching you and having you open up during foreplay. Of course he should be using a lot of lube while doing these things to you. There is never too much lube the first time and after you’ve accommodated his cock and he’s taking longer strokes, if there’s still a large amount of lube around, then you can wipe a little off and let… Read more »
Get on PrEP. trust your gut, not a stranger or friend, assume everyone is HIV positive.
My advice is to never do anything you are not comfortable doing and never do anything you do not want to do, no matter how hard your partner begs or tries to talk you into it. As for your first time getting fucked. Along with some of the good advice noted above, my advice here is go slow and use lots of lube. Have the top kind of tease your hole with his dick using little jabs but not entering just yet. Then when you are feeling like you are ready to take his dick have him enter your ass.… Read more »
Run, the majority of gay men are lying whores and if you’re not careful you’ll catch something. Not to mention the stats on who’s still spreading hiv, black and latino you’re up first. Black men especially being 70% of all new hiv cases every year are black men.
What is your research source citation?
Don’t let your sexuality be the single thing that defines you, it is just one of many things that make up the person you are. People rush into relationships too fast. Learn to be friends first. It takes at least six months before you start to really know someone and not just the image they chose to show you. Getting to know someone first I have found leads to a relationship that lasts years. Becoming ‘lovers’ after a month or so is absurd, you have watched too many romcoms, and 99% of the time you will be single and looking… Read more »
Care about the person, and he, focusing as much on your pleasure as his, should take things slow.
Don’t rush or submit to pressure. Let your first time be with someone who is understanding and will take their time. Most of all, play safe.
I’ve never had sex at age 43…i was way too religious and tried to be holy and pure like Jesus and the Apostles…and thought I would be guaranteed eternal life after death if I stayed a virgin..( a big Santa Claus story I fell for ) . now I’ve lost my sex drive..sex doesn’t matter to me…but I like the circus show here at Adam. My advice to religious virgins…If you want to be resurrected after death then have your body frozen and a cryonics institution or be buried in a ice glacier where you can. To support our United… Read more »
Run! Save yourself!! It’s too late for us!!! There’s NO future in gay life, especially when you become old and out of circulation! We all know that women are sensual and emotional and men are physical and visual. It’s the very reason two men eventually get bored having sex with each other; looking elsewhere, having highways, byways, 3ways, or resort to “open relationships”(except in most cases the unsuspecting lover doesn’t know he’s in an O.R. and being cheated on)! If you’re going to exclaim, like the majority of gays, that you’re a dime-a-dozen bottom, you better have a hot perky… Read more »
I was that guy, but in my 40s…I was lucky to meet a couple awesome gay men who guiding me through the process at my own pace. Now I am fully able to admit I am gay and enjoy gay sex. Thanks to those men that guided me out of the closet with compassion…and hot times.
My advice is learning to relax during a hookup or new sexual encounter. I know it’s hard for guys to relax especially if one meets for a first time. It’s like what’s he thinking or wanting, and your partner is thinking the same of you. If your partner doesn’t want to do something, by all means respect it, but explore and find out what each other enjoys. Don’t be afraid to suggest. Suggest like “is it ok if I rim your ass” or ” do you like to swallow cum?”, etc. Of course play safe, and don’t be afraid to… Read more »
A lot of us need help, therefore security from death is important. Can you be frozen after death for under $3000 USD with the hope of being preserved for a medical resurrection one day ? How can you help yourself and Greenland’s Inuit youth ? Can you be frozen after death for under $3000 USD – if you can get your dead body to the cemetery in Tasiilaq Greenland they have a natural crynic ice cemetery holding hundreds ? I just watched a youtube video named : ” The despair of Greenland’s Inuit youth ” with a highest rate of… Read more »
what does tis nonsense have to do with the subject matter?
That post has more value to others, than the nonsensical advice being giving on here – and when the first timer and others eventually die, then what ? follow advice from a sex addict ?
I would say, go slow, and respect yourself. Don’t just try to get your rocks off. Maybe get to know someone so you have a connection, etc. It’s easy for guys to get sex, but if you want more, then you have to lay the ground work for that.
one be yourself……and give people a chance…. do be safe whoever you meet for a first time……Ive met guys at bars, places near where i have worked….guys who have worked nearby… ive met some thru people ive known……but yes………from on line but usually at a public place…….but i have even had them come to my place for a first time to meet……i chatted with them for abit ….and i would meet them out in front of my place……no harm there but im ready to kick some ass if theres trouble or some BS gonna come my way…..so…..but do be cautious… Read more »
Someone in their 20s with their futures ahead of them just need to understand, it’s totally fine to take the lead of someone else from time to time as long as it’s understood that this does not equate to the same thing as being a “FOLLOWER” & their is a huge difference between the two. Do what feels right, do not do what doesn’t……under any circumstances! Whatever intuition is saying to you in a feeling about something, is most likely not lying. Always follow your first mind or gut instincts, always!
Beware of wigs.
Do what feels right & comfortable for you. It’s better to have something pleasant than a horrible nightmare.
I still remember my 1st kiss! *sigh* <:-)
If you are bottoming for the first time, the best thing you can do is try to poop the cock out as he enters you. Kinda gross but the best advice I ever got.
Like most guy guys it took me a while to decide if I like girly or boys best. I finally decided I like boys best but still like girls… like most gay guys I looked at gay magazines.. I fantasized about being with them…but all the time know that it was never gong to happen.. Then one day I came across this famous porn star.. He was gorgeous good looking. unbelievably movie star handsome.. I read the entire article.. Googled his name to see more of him….and in one article OMG there was his phone number.. I though no way… Read more »
Gay world is not always a kind place. People lie. A lot. Attractiveness is everything. It’s truly a caste system. I wouldn’t even know what advice to give here
My first anal penetration was with a workmate. He was a cute guy. We had started BJ’s and mutual masturbation after work a few times. It was new, and hot to me. We were in our early 30’s. Neither had been with a man before. One night he invited me to stay over. Things just happened naturally. He had a huge 8″ cock with a massive head. I decided to lube up a deodorant tube and work it in my ass prior to him opening me up. I didn’t know about sex toys then, or about douching. When we finally… Read more »