(Photo Credits: Dean Drobot from Shutterstock)
How old were you when you started to venture into the dating scene, guys?
Whether we started dating during our teenage years or in our 20s, I’m pretty sure there were things like “rules” in the gay community about dating that we wish we knew about sooner. If only to, you know, spare us from heartaches and disappointments.
The gay men on Reddit have a lot to say on the matter and we’re sharing some of their thoughts that we find relatable. For instance, one user cautioned: “Expect to be ghosted at some point in your life.” Another gay man, on the hand, observed, “They’ll kiss you fk you passionately and have no problem leaving at the end of the hookup then forget about you lol.”
Meanwhile, one guy advised, “If you enjoy raw dogging, get on PrEP and have regular STD checks.”
Further, here is a piece of advice that’s a personal favorite of mine because I think it’s full of wisdom. The user said:
Invest in your friendships and your family even when you have a man. It’s easy to get swept up in a haze of love and romance during a new relationship, but keep your circle close. Don’t forget the ones that were there in the beginning.
Anyway, if you wish to read the thread in full, click here. Before I leave you today, I’d like to share that yes, I also experienced being ghosted – by a date and by a boyfriend. The first time the former happened, a guy I’d been chatting up with online stood me up during our supposedly first date. Thankfully, there’s such a thing as Adam4Adam’s Video and Audio Calls now. With this feature, we are able to connect with other guys in real-time not to mention we can see their faces so we know they are real and not someone who is trying to catfish us. Read more about this feature here.
Another personal dating advice I’d like to share is for you to learn to give others a chance. I know we all have a type or preference. Maybe we prefer someone who’s tall, dark, and handsome so to speak; or someone who’s taller or younger or older than us. But now that I’m older, all I can say is that let’s not be so quick to say no or to dismiss them just because they don’t fit our type. Who knows, we might be compatible with them and they might be our next partner.
Having said all that, what about you, guys, what dating advice would you give to gay men who are new to dating? Were there “rules” in the gay community about dating that you wish you knew about sooner? If so, what were they? Kindly share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below!
Be sure to thoroughly douche before going out. Prevent nasty accidents.
If you think this falls under the file of “Relationship Advice,” I’m sorry your life as turned out the way it has.
The problem with that is it is not good for your colon.
Stay away from drugs. Drugs are bad. M’kay.
My thing is to always tell the truth when dating or in every day life. It’s really true that you don’t have to have a good memory if you tell the truth. On that second, third or fourth date with the same person; you can speak freely knowing you told the truth from the beginning. A lot of times people catch you in lies but they don’t say anything. They just put a check mark in their memory bank that you lied.
Damn that is excellent advice!!!
My brother and I are best of friends. He told me a big lie about 25 years ago. All is forgiven, but I still think about that lie every once in a while when I see him.
I have the same situation with my best friend. The thing to ponder, (and this is also true for me), if the lie is not forgotten, can you truly say “All is forgiven’?
That is impractical. You have to protect yourself and your privacy. Giving a stranger full access to your personal information is foolish.
When it comes to men, it’s not really “dating”. That’s more a heterosexual practice which includes repeated and regular meetings with ideas of a long term relationship and monogamy. Only 15-20% of the gay men I’ve met say they’re looking for that. Some say they prefer the excitement of a constant line of new guys for sex. Most say they prefer casual relationships that endure over years with multiple men simultaneously. Sex, yes, but also getting to know about the guys’ families, work, etc. More of a “herd mentality”. They’re not interested sole sex partners, living together 24/7, joint property… Read more »
Ok, so now the “herd mentality” has actually become those that prefer the “multiple men simultaneously” that would be the opposite of the “15-20%”; 80-85% then.
I love living alone, but would love to have a steady who also, lives alone, we can swap spending time at each other’s places.
Always remember in ANY relationship you need to ask yourself if the fucking your getting is worth the fucking your getting.
What an exquisitely conceived sentiment.
Actually, better put…?
Always remember, in ANY relationship, you need to ask yourself…if the fucking you are receiving is worth the fucking you might be getting…?
It might be better expressed:
Always remember in ANY relationship,
you need to ask yourself if the fucking you are enjoying is worth the fucking you may be receiving down-the-road?
I was one of those learning what not to do, by watching my friends make the sorted mistakes they did. Sure, I “tricked” like everyone else was doing, seeing what works sexually, I was always good at conversation as most guys really are not, I’ve learned. What I wasn’t aware of is how very narcissistic people commonly are; that they really couldn’t give a flying f**k about anyone; they do not learn from their mistakes; which explains a lot without having to go there, right? So, be very choosy, do not be some kind of “come what may type” or… Read more »
Great advice from a peer counselor in D.C. long ago: Each person is responsible for 50 percent of the interactions with a dating partner. For example, if you don’t take the time to get to know someone and get burned by them, then you are responsible for at least half of that situation. It’s easy to blame other people for their behavior, but having to own up to your half of the situation leads to more mature behavior on your part.
Older does not mean mature. Had my heart broken by enough daddies to set my daddy issues in stone. Pretty much set on dying alone at this point.
I hope you get a chance to read this, Nicky. My partner of six years died in 2013 when I was 31. I thought that I would be alone for a long time – and I was. For 8 years. Last year, I met a wonderful guy and we just marked our one-year anniversary. Hang in there. I know it’s a cliche, but it WILL come when you least expect it. *bear hugs*
You too ?? I used to bum out about that….but then i thought, do i really want anyone to sit there & watch me die? I think Id feel like even more of a burden. LoL.besides, what if I had to take the biggest l nastiest dump, but then died before i could get to the bathroom….I don’t be need my man, friends or family around me to witness my last glorious moments.
Boy, ain’t that the truth, I have an older sister, who once said, “gay men seem to typically grow old alone” I was in my very early twenties then, I’m happily, going on 62 in less than 6mos. It’s looking that way, man, growing old alone. However, I’ve come to realize, I was always too old and have been for decades, lol, for the typical gay lifestyle of seemingly endless sexual encounters that has come to exemplify that of typical gay men. Shallowness is something that one can expect from the immature . . . period, apparently or regardless, arrested… Read more »
I’ve had more or less 8,000 great fucks. You may think that that is too much, but really, what on this earth is better than great sex? Spending endless hours watching football or hitting a little ball in a hole in the ground, playing golf ? And really, not only did I make myself very happy, I made 8,000 guys very happy too !
Keep trying. You haven’t dated me.
That’s sweet, thank you
No one wants to date someone who spreads bullshit about anal sex being “dangerous”. Welcome to the 21st century.
Yep, you can be so careful, nothing bad… or good, ever happens to you.
Honesty is the best policy. Since dating means different things to different people, it’s best to make sure we’re all on the same page with the same expectations. If monogamy is not your strong suit, its best to be upfront about it.
I was born to fuck and have plowed thousands. Both of my husbands (One 8 years, the current 28 years) Married me because the sex was so great. They knew they could not have me, if monogamy was required, plus they liked to screw around too. Happy dick, happy life!
Well, when I “came out” I was first and foremost, an observer, not realizing I, too, was being observed. I’m still doing so on both counts, lmao!
People who make rules about dating are going to be unhappy.
Unless, of course, you make your own rules, that’s what rules.
Not necessarily, I have rules about what age I will not consider as well as rules about hygiene.
Detecting BS, games….
Wish I’d actually known how to talk to gay and bi men back in the day. I have learned over the years, but it was difficult for a kid in the Army to even explore his bi side at that time.
If there are rules, then I have never been able to figure them out. It always seems like guys are always playing this elaborate game with inscrutable rules, especially in the bars. Nothing is obvious, nothing seems to be sincere. I can never figure out what things mean. I thought that coming out was supposed to make us free to truly be ourselves. It seems that I was wrong. I really want a relationship but have no idea at all how to proceed.
The truth is, everyone wants what they can’t have.That is the secret to getting everything you want in life. Never be the pursuer, but rather be pursued. I was born poor white trash, but have ended up being in the top 1% of the wealthy in America and have had sex with thousands of the most beautiful men on this planet. Married for 28 years to a devoted husband with a PhD in physics. He just took me on a fabulous first class excursion to London, Paris, Malta, Marseille and Madrid. One of 100 great international travels over the last… Read more »
What you should blog about is penis health. Looking at photos will easily point out to you the guys who do not use lube or lotion when masturbating, because the head of their cock will be pebbly instead of smooth. Fortunately, daily use of oily lotion or cream, especially when masturbating, will make it smooth and sensitive once more. I couldn’t find the name of the condition, but it has one. There are also many nasty issues with foreskins.