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Do you believe in this, guys, that there are unspoken rules that gay guys should know and, well, follow? If so, what are these?
A rather popular question was posted on Reddit, it says, “What are some unspoken rules that every gay guy should know?” Quite a number of gay men seem to be in consensus that indeed, this is the case, in fact, there are some truly popular ones mentioned, one such answer reads: “Do. Not. Fall. For. A. Straight. Guy.™”
A lot of gay men agreed on this statement, one guy even shared, “I wish I knew this. This really ruined me. I was at a point where I was wailing and crying not wanting to be gay anymore.” He added, “It was awful. I have moved past it since, and now have a boyfriend. But getting past that was one of the darkest moments of my life.”
Meanwhile, one man has a few points indicated on his list. Firstly, he said, “Do not out anyone,” which was followed by, “Always keep a condom on your person.” Further, he stated, “Ask first before you send a dick pick.” And lastly, he stated, and this one we thought is a rather great advice, “If a guy says no, don’t touch his dick.”
Another guy said, “When you think you’ve applied enough lube, add more.”
In addition, there’s a rather quite interesting and unfortunately true and full of wisdom statement that says, “Just because he’s screwing you, doesn’t mean he loves you.” To which one guy immediately responded, “Especially if he just met you and says ‘I love you.’”
Having said all that, is there something you’d like to add on this list, guys? Do you agree to any of these statements that they have raised?
Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below!
Don’t use the word “clean” to mean “disease free” especially in regards to HIV. Suggesting that a person with a medical condition is “dirty” is as rude as suggesting that a gay person is mentally ill.
I agree, also it confuses me personally, I either think you mean if I douched or the disease thing”.
I am seeing this a lot with the younger 20-30 something guys. I have already corrected a couple online about it and they have thanked me for correcting them.
What the “Politically Correct Generation” is telling you is: “Dirty” carries the connotation of “Tainted.” And, thus, one cannot differentiate someone who is tainted.
Dirt is filth and thus, someone needs a shower. “Dirty” and “Dirt” for the “Politically Correct Generation” are two different words and two different definitions.
“Dirty” is Primary condemnation; “Dirty” is Secondary momentary rebuttal..
I’m not smart enough to follow that…sorry.
I’ve always and only heard “clean” to mean, did you douche, a sometimes difficult word to use, so staying clean is a lot easier.
I think to say clean to refer to disease is nasty and ignorant and would be reason enough to end the encounter right there.
Having gone through rehab and still going to NA when someone says clean I go to sobriety. Clean = drug free. The unwritten rule I would add if clean is used in the context of HIV- (which I agree is a misnomer) or for that matter sobriety as well is “Just because he’s clean don’t mean hes not DIRTY.”
A gay man would never lie to get someone into bed, right?
What’s with “unwritten rules”? Just be a gentleman (okay a gentle person for those who may find that term offensive.) Be honest about yourself and what you have to offer. And also then about what you seek. Be respectable whenever you interact with others.
“Unwritten rules?” Who’s keeping them? That “The Community” with no headquarters, officers, or staff that somehow claims rulership over anyone LGTBQ? No.
Just be nice.
The topic is a good one. I notice the advice had two types, either to personal benefit or to others’ benefit. I have one that fits into both categories, and usually goes unheeded by those who need to hear it most: “Do not obnoxiously advertise your lifestyle.” Especially today, when so many people, bombarded by demands from every side, are complaining of “cancel culture”, obnoxious overtures are provoking and counterproductive. You know the ones, where someone is deliberately flamboyant and dramatic, loud and rude, has a makeout session in a public place, or makes uncomfortable overtures to uninterested guys, or… Read more »
Another rule: Don’t call being gay a lifestyle. It’s not. Ralph Lauren is a lifestyle. Living on a boat is a lifestyle. NO ONE should be obnoxious no matter what their sexual orientation. As far as flamboyant, God bless those drag queens who started throwing rocks at the Stonewall Inn. Remember your hstory.
I’ve said that for decades, “lifestyle is a choice”, “homosexuality is sexual assignment by nature.” I ‘did’ choose to except my sexual self as I am. And yes, God bless these incredibly brave drag queens for their standing-up to the bullies, so called men.
Sort of related here: I’m an older longtime bi-married (to my wife) and have been at the closet-sex thing for quite some time. I don’t live any sort of gay lifestyle and I’m not part of the “gay community” in any way other than being in it solely for the M-M sex – nothing beyond that. On a couple of occasions I had super-hot sex with a younger openly gay guy. Not long after our second encounter, he started talking about a relationship and as I’ve always been and thought he could easily figure out since I had been clear… Read more »
yes.i could have written this. Mine was with another married man.
sigh. ruined a great thing.
No matter what you read in a gay man’s profile, he always means he’s looking for sex. examples: Looking for someone to get know, looking for friends, tired of being single, etc. Never ever assume that he truly means any of these, lol
Sex? Maybe. Sometimes it’s a sugar daddy.
LOL, yeah. Looking to get someone on his knees or back legs in the air fast? Start with profiles that say dating/relationships only, or better yet, hopeless romantic.
Martha, your blanket statement and generalization of gay men is laughable and incorrect. Honest to God, replace above “gay man’s profile” with straight and it can apply to straight males as well. I’ve seen and known some fairly shag-nasty straight guys. All that is on their minds is sex. Now that you mention it, I’ve known some women who are the same. 🙂
Someone saying they are DDF and are on prep does not mean it is true.
Don’t sleep with a married man unless you are prepared for someone to do the same with yours.
Wait. You have sex with single guys? What do you threaten them with if they get too clingy?
If he asks for money once that is one time too many .Unless he’s a whore and you hired him,then the money question might be the first thing to happen.
The two guys you’re most attracted to are either already married or will hookup by the end of the night.
If you do not drink vodka you will be a pariah.
We kiss with our eyes open so we don’t miss someone better.
Putting up with drama makes us feel needed.
LOL “straight” guys, is there really more than 100 them on the whole planet? I’ve picked up dozens of “straight” guys. If you know how to approach and have the right attitude, you can fuck most any guy. The down side to straight guys, is they are much more likely to get shit on your dick. But thats easy to wipe off on the drapes and it’s still worth doing. That marine in San Diego who looked like a young Nick Nolte, WOW and he got no shit on my dick! There was tension after he came though, after all,… Read more »
yes. I have found that the difference between a straight man and a man that will have sex with another man is OPPORTUNITY
The number one rule of life (not just gay life) is…EVERY ONE WANTS WHAT THEY CAN’T HAVE! I have had the absolute best husbands, boy friends and even tricks by making them want me, not the other way around. My current husband of 28 years with a Phd, makes bank of 500K and I fuck him 2-3 times a week still. When we first met, I would only let him call me one time every day and told him he could be my dog, but nothing more… He is still madly in love with me….
What an ego, very unattractive.
“everyone wants what they can’t have”. That’s why its called fantasy – straight or gay.
My list is short and sweet…
Rule #1: Don’t take any of this too serious.
Rule #2: No-one fully reads my profile in it’s entirety. Which explains all those Russian hotties hitting me up despite my profile clearly stating “LOCAL ONLY”.
Rule #3: Accept that since Craigslist went away all of the flakes came to Adam.
Rule #4: Its unhealthy to want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you.
Rule #5: Just because it’s Dave’s blog doesn’t mean he knows shit…
And to add, NO FUKKIN SMILEY FACE EMOJI’S!
This is one of the best topics yet!!! G.O.A.T. Guys, always be yourself. Your profile on here should be 100% accurate!! When you send a picture, proudly send your face and entire body. Some people prefer short men, tall men, fat men, skinny men, bald men, hairy men, dark tan skin men, lite skin men, chiseled abs men, big belly sexy men, red hair men, blonde men, bald men, old men, young men, fem men, masculine men; i think you all get the picture. There is someone for everyone!!! For me personally, kindness and a good personality is a huge… Read more »
My advice to a gay first timer is not all advice should be taken. There are those who will purposely give you the wrong information to sabotage what you are attempting to accomplish. Hence the phrase “viscous queens”. Beware.
Rule #1 Don’t be a mean girl.
Mean girls are followers. Keep the rainbow vibrant. Be yourself!
I also thought that when I started having sex with men I would lose my attraction to women. And I had long been aware of the fact that some men called themselves Bi in order to deny being gay, and also out of a sense that being Bi was in some way superior to being gay. But after having had rewarding sex with men for over ten years, I am surprised to find out, as I do on a regular basis, mostly by watching straight porn, that my attraction to women and their genitals, etc remains as strong as ever.… Read more »
Many gay people struggled, fought, and even died to get us where we are today.
Many men got us to where we are today, but they took a different path. They lived their lives quietly. Only letting those close to them know of their sexuality. Or letting those close to them come to the conclusion about their sexuality when they were consistently accompanied by a certain male friend or friends. A non-militant, but also effective, approach.
…very compassionate attitude you have…I admire that.
Thanks for explaining this so accurately. Sounds like we’re both of a generation a few decades back, where if you were open about being gay, meant that the “straight” guys in your rural community would take you behind the school gym and beat you with a tire iron.
Young gays today do not know that they are allowed to walk through society daily, flaunting their queerness because of the pathway that many before them paved, for their rights.
All gay men are liars. When you first meet assume his name, relationship status, where he lives, what he does for a living, and his HIV status are all lies. Don’t expect a meaningful conversation. Gay men lack substance. Talk about reality TV shows, the mall and gossip about other gays. That’s all they know. Don’t expect to just be friends. If he’s interested in you sexually he’ll never stop hitting on you. Expect him to be a drunk or drug user or both. Gay men love to get high, so if you’re sober you’ll always be the odd man… Read more »
I’m disgusted by your comment which is filled to the overflow with self-loathing. No need for anyone offended by you to seek revenge. the mere fact that you have to live with yourself is suffering enough for anyone…even you.
Replace the second word in your hysterical diatribe with “straight”, and it fits many straight guys I’ve known. It’s sad that your lack of knowledge and desire to let your vitriol ooze out in a public forum are so apparent. It’s sad that you feel a need to generalize people. You seem like a bitter guy. Maybe being the neighbor you’d want, is a good way to turn your life around — by seeing good in others.
If a guy asks me to bareback I would most certainly say no, even thou I loved having my rear end full of male organ milk when I started bottoming when I was like 12 in the early 60 when nobody knew about all the dangers of HIV, but if I was the bottom to a real Doctor & he told me & gave prove that the PrEP works I would not only let him but would have a gang bang & get royally barebacked my behind, there !!
If you run into a closeted buddy in a public location do not acknowledge their presence. I am married to a woman and very much discreet. I have run into buddies while out with my wife. They have done the right thing and not even looked at me.
Darrell1, God bless you. Walking around in fear, with your wife, thinking that your rules run the planet. Kind of arrogant. The fall is usually great when a straight guy is outed. Your idea that a gay guy is lucky to have you is kind of sick. Have you found a therapist for your closeted, split personality?
This is, sadly, typical of what I have personally experienced and seen with bi closeted men who are married to a woman. I’ve known my share of married closeted bi men and this is always the case with them. All you are to them is a means to scratch the itch before they retreat back to the comforts and security of their heterosexual unions. But hey, maybe this is just the norm for bisexual men in general. They are physically turned on by men and enjoy the sex, but find or desire no value in something deeper, like a relationship… Read more »
I think the most important thing is to have a clear and honest understanding of your goals when meeting someone new, and making those expectations known right away! If you’re looking for a relationship, stop setting yourself up for disappointments and complicated situations by getting involved with individuals who do not ultimately share those goals, and thus, for what ever the reason can’t reciprocate. Too many times we set ourselves on a path of heartache because we either fail to be fully honest with ourselves or the person of our intrigue. We all know that sex and love are two… Read more »
I hate to be gruesome, but I was always advised, if I were going to have a one-night-stand, to have it at the other guy’s home, because it would then be too inconvenient for him to have to dispose of a body, if he were the killer type.
Wow! No offense, but you must not think of yourself as a very good judge of character!
Falling in love with a “straight” guy is pretty much a recipe for future heartbreak. Many closeted straight guys remain closeted their whole lives, with wives, kids, soccer games, church, etc. for a reason: it’s easier to navigate hetero society this way. Although it is a lonely existence for these guys. Trust me, I was one of them for 40 years. I’ve been out now for 11 years and have never been happier or feel more integrity with mind, body and soul. But for a gay guy entering into a sexual relationship with a straight guy, expecting a fully satisfying… Read more »
You nailed it… well put.
Etiquette for hooking up: The bottom provides the lube; the top provides the condoms. That’s not to say that condoms are required. We all have our own comfort levels and preferences. This assures comfort for both partners. Condoms are not one size fits all. Similarly, most bottoms have a preference for lube – water based, silicone, hybrid…
That is exactly right, one size does not fit all. I would like to see an article about choosing the proper condoms.
Getting a prenup doesn’t mean you think your relationship will not last. It just means you’ll be better=-prepared if it doesn’t.