(Photo Credits: Ola Dapo from Pexels)
There was a time in my life when I would get all choked up whenever Whitney Houston’s song Run to You would come on the radio because I could relate to its lyrics. Sometimes, listening to it would even result in a full-on cryfest, I mean, you know the song right? The first and second verses of this song pierce my heart; the second verse goes like this:
Each day, each day I play the role
Of someone always in control
But at night I come home and turn the key
There’s nobody there, no one cares for me
Oh what’s the sense
Of trying hard to find your dreams
Without someone to share it with
Tell me what does it mean?
I guess I could relate to it because during that time of my life I thought I would die single and alone forever, and that made me feel oh so lonely. And do you know what’s worse than this? It’s going through one relationship to another thinking we already found the one only to realize that they were not the right person for us. Or that it wasn’t love in the first place but we oh so badly wanted someone in our life we couldn’t see these things. Do you know the saying, “You think you’re in love, but you just want to be loved?” Yes, that about sum things up.
Anyway, now I look back and a part of me would say: “what a dramatic I have been,” but the truth is that many people feel the same way. Others say they’ve learned to live with it while some say they’ve learned to ignore this fear although some days the fear really weighs them down. Further, one gay man confessed that he had this fear of staying single forever since he was a kid, owing to this TV show he watched where a dead bachelor was found in his apartment. The bachelor, he said, had been dead for quite some time already and it was the smell coming from his apartment that made the neighbors complain to the authorities. His ramen was still on the table, untouched. This made an impression on him but he wasn’t alone, many respondents are actually afraid of dying alone and being found by others this way.
One guy on the other hand, said that he isn’t afraid of being single mainly because he doesn’t “think that far ahead.” He added, “Being single or having a boyfriend doesn’t even come to mind if you just live in the present.” Another said that “living alone and coming home to an empty apartment, condo, home, etc. is what I prefer and makes me the happiest.” While another gay man explained that he was, “Kinda hoping for it actually. Ten years in a relationship taught me a lot about myself.” Read the entire thread here.
But what about you, guys? Are you afraid of staying single forever? Do you feel like you will die single and if so, how do you deal with that fear? Maybe you wish to remain single all your life like some of the guys mentioned above? Do you love single life? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below.
Not at all. I have my playmates and my solitude.
I’ll start this off by stating that I am now 61 yrs old. When I was younger, I went from LTR to LTR. Most being between 5-7 years in duration. In between, I would laminate that I was “nothing without someone”. As I aged, I grew to appreciate me and my alone time. I didnt NEED someone in my life to complete me. When the last partner walked out the door, I realized we weren’t really in love with each other. I embraced that I truly function better “flying solo”. Do I get lonesome? Sure, sometimes. Am I ever LONELY?… Read more »
How long is forever ?
Less than 5% of the gay guys I know seek a long term one-on-one. None of them are “afraid” of being so. Those who would like it say “it’ll happen when and if it happens. Pushing for it pushes it further away.” What’s there to be “afraid” of? What’s wrong with being “single”? Nothing in both cases. It’s a combination of a desire by some gays to end up with a Prince Charming, a house with a picket fence and a dog while wanting, for some reason, to be a tragic victim of life (a role many gay guys he… Read more »
Being a gay male means that you’re generally all done by the time you’re 40. Loneliness goes with the lifestyle. If you’re one of the few who manage to tie up with a partner, consider yourself to be very lucky, because it’s not the norm.
Since hen is being 40 the end? And I know several gay couples that have been happily together for decades. Your logic is flawed and that sour attitude may be what’s keeping a good man away from you.
No, I’ve already been single forever………That was easy.
I’m more afraid of being stuck in a relationship with tons of drama.
Thanks Matt, I couldn’t have said it better. I rather be lonely than miserable!!!!!!!
I seem to be good on my end here. Instead of seeing the idea of being single forever, I just see it as awaiting a totally different type of guy, until I get across the ocean. I haven’t dated in my hometown in 18 years; they just showed me with the actions, that I’m deserving of so much better. Most are attached/partnered out of necessity and I just don’t have the patience for dealing with that brand of dysfunction.
We all have the fear that weighs us down… That’s what makes parts of us humans, at least I think…
Yes…I am afraid of being single forever.
Men , women gay, bi or straight all feel scared sometime that they might be single forever we as a community always lump ourselves as the only ones who go through certain things in life
Yes, I am. That’s why Im here looking.
You and a small circle of friends that you stay in contact with a few times a week, maybe a date or romance every now and then; you’ll be just fine. Also, maybe FWB, FB, as long as you’re reasonably fulfilled, the glass is half-full, not empty, it’s your ‘state of mind’ that counts, the mind over matter-thing. I just count my blessings; one needs to ground themselves in the new reality, which sucks, however, there it is. People are/have become so self-absorbed, selfish, self-centered; our lifestyles are no longer geared for the relationships of the past, “through thick and… Read more »
As an old guy my great fear is not dying alone, it is living longer than my spouse. I wonder not only about which of us will go first, but if I outlive my spouse, how I am going to get along. When my mother was in assisted living, there was a couple down the hall who were both in their late 90s and tottering around taking care of each other. In a private conversation he once said to me they were both afraid of dying because they didn’t want to leave the other one behind. One of them passed,… Read more »
Great story thanks. Tea, I also know a couple of couples that died within hours of each other.
G W Russ: Regardless of what kind of relationship, someone always dies first! A relationship should compliment a person not become and “End To A Means.” It both logical and realistic to understand that a couple leave the earth, separately, unless circumstances dictate, otherwise? There is nothing unnatural about being alone as we are all born singularly as we come out between our Mother’s legs, one-by-one. It is the “Nature-of-the-Human Being” to socialize and embrace, literally and figuratively; however, it is “Culture” that defines a relationship and its purpose, In America, it is “Until-Death Do-You-Part,” or realistically, until one member… Read more »
You hear those stories and it reassures you that that kind of life and that kind of relationship is still possible. I grew up in the 70’s and it looked like suddenly everyone I knew was getting divorced. Then the AIDS thing happened. I’ve never been opposed to LTR but I think that gen-x’ers like me uniquely understand how rare and how precious it is to truly find “the one”. I think we often forget that it’s not something you can just make happen. It is a blessing in every sense of the word.
In my younger days I worried a bit about being single forever and dying alone. And the fear would resurface every time a budding relationship ended. Then, in my early 30s, I met him – the love of my life. We fell for each other quickly, but it lasted. Our relationship took work, but it was worth the effort. And I stopped worrying about the future, because I knew we could face anything together. But then, after about a dozen years together, the unthinkable happened and I learned that “till death do ye part” doesn’t necessarily mean your own death.… Read more »
I was 15 for my first date with a girl to a school dance. I was 18 and a college freshman when I was “raped” by a grad man. 23…and I tried to even have TWO dates with TWO different women on a Saturday…and one even drove me to the Chicago Auto Show. That Saturday evening…I was called into work in the Loop of Chgo and stopped at the gay bar, Hideaway, Forest Park, IL, and spent the night with a man. FINALLY. I had to change my thinking that being married and a father might be difficult to achieve… Read more »
Just to share one of those “tokes”, some drinks and some stories, I would LOVE to meet you! You sound like a truly cool person (and I love Chicago).
Totally. My husband was murdered by a meth head. It’s been almost two years, and I know I’ll never recover that old life. Since that unhappy day, I’ve been in limbo. I don’t seek out a new lover – when I do and go on dates, I invariably link up with men who are no good for me or are not interested in a long-term thing. The death of the love of my life changed everything. I lost him, my home, my job, and my social life all at once. Because he was so good to me, no one will… Read more »
Hi Leo, so sorry to hear your story. I’m sure you’ll find someone, you seem like a nice person!
Sorry for your loss Leo, but given time I’m sure you’ll find happiness again.
Yes, I try not to let it show because all my life I’ve been taught to not show my feelings, especially loneliness. Is that right? Maybe. But overall, I’m seeing like an out-of-body experience as time just keeps slipping by and I still haven’t been in a relationship. That being said, it might be important to note, while I haven’t been in a relationship, I did find my “twin flame” (it’s the only thing that somewhat describes the concept). Unfortunately, he won’t accept his feelings for me, so I’ll never be with him; and that leaves me in an awkward… Read more »
I’m afraid I Will be alone forever I thought had my twin flame and after 15 yrs he’s gone its been a yr and it’s been the saddest yr of my life. I can’t really live any kind of life anymore I just don’t have the want to anymore. It’s sad I know but I loved him still love him but he’s gone. He hasn’t spoke to me. I guess he’s happy off doing whatever. All of know is I miss him ever second of the day. I truly hate it. Sorry everyone I’ve never even been depressed in my… Read more »
Why is it that so many people succumb to the peer pressure of society to be in a relationship? Why is there that ever so slightly judgemental tone of voice by partnered people when they ask “Why aren’t you with somebody”?; like ‘what’s wrong with you’? as if it’s some type of flaw to be single. I guess my thoughts on being single are outside of the norm. What’s wrong with people who have to find happiness and self-worth in another? Are they not good enough to find that within themselves? For me, a small circle of extremely close friends… Read more »
I’m a 66 black man living in Atlanta 5 years now before moving here I lived in San Francisco 32 years and to this day 2-15- 2020 I’ve never been in a relationship I’m a handsome caring social intelligent man, a giver but for some reason love just always seems out of reach . Yes I wanted to be in a relationship as far back as I can remember I’ve sought it out but in the end all I received was a ” Your a real nice man and I know you care for me cause you’ve shown it BUT,… Read more »
Hello Phillip, I’m a your age ND LIVING IN NYC.YOU HAVE ALL THE Qualities that WOULD MAKE FOR a loving relationship, I’d like to meet you
Guess I’m on that path now. At my age and having been alone so long how would I adjust to a relationship? I might just be in love with love but not really ready for it. ♂️
I love you, Dave, you always bring us great topics to ponder and chat about. And, I also admire that you provide diverse images and photos with each discussion/article. Thank you!
Of course. I’ve had 6 relationships my entire life & was dumped by the 1st 5 (1 was done via a “Dear John” E-Mail on my bd). The last guy I dumped due to drugs & him lying to me. The longest I was with somebody was 9 months & that was a long distance romance.
BTW, all these occurred between the ages of 22-26.
It hurts when my sister dated her husband 9 years before they got married…..& are still together.
So yeah, I always wonder “what’s wrong with me?”.
I’ve come to the decision that I’m gonna be alone for ever. The most action I get is being blocked. The guys in my area are super shallow and pickey and with the more outlets out there the harder it becomes. There are men I want to be with. Be friends with. Get to know. But it never goes past the initial “hey how’s the day” or “what’s up”.
CONSTANTLY!!! My whole dating life was between June 1996-Sept. 1999. In that time, I had 6 rlnshps.(4 local & 2 long distance) with the longest being ~6 months. During that time, I was dumped via a “Dear John” E-Mail on my birthday, had a promise made that was broken right in front of me (the only guy of the 6 that I dumped), was out celebrating a 3 month anniversary only to have him flirt with the waiter & exchange phone #’s right in front of me (& have the waiter call him later that night), & found out I… Read more »
Not as afraid as I am of being trapped in a bad relationship. While I never say never, I fully expect to remain single.