(Photo Credits: RODNAE Productions from Pexels)
There’s online ghosting, and then there’s ghosting after meeting each other face-to-face and going on a date in person, which brings us to our question: which do you think is worse between the two, guys? We’re asking because we stumbled upon this topic on AskGayMen on Reddit wherein the original poster of the thread asked, “How to deal with being ghosted after meeting?”
Before we dive into his question per se, we would like to answer the questions, “what is ghosting” and “why do people ghost?” first.
Ghosting, according to Wikipedia, is the “practice of ending all communication and contact with another person without any apparent warning or justification and subsequently ignoring any attempts to reach out or communication made by said person.”
As for the why, a survey conducted by BuzzFeed in 2019 showed that people ghosts for the following reasons, and we quote:
- I wasn’t into them – 81%
- They did something I disliked – 64%
- I was in a bad emotional state (independent from them) – 45%
- I was afraid of them – 28%
- I was angry at them – 26%
In addition, counselor Shae Ivie-Williams, LPC, BC-TMH, CCTP, as quoted by Mind Body Green, explained the reason why some people ghosts others:
If someone’s not interested in you or feels like they haven’t invested that much time in the relationship, then they may feel they ‘don’t owe you anything or owe you that ending conversation.’
Meanwhile, psychologist Dr. Jennice Vilhauer – author of Why Ghosting Hurts So Much and Did The Internet Break Love? – said in an interview that “Social rejection can cause the same level of pain that an injury to your body would cause and it’s activated in the same region of the brain.” Further, she shared that studies revealed how taking Tylenol “actually help alleviate emotional pain.”
You’ve heard it right, guys; people who are in “an acute state of emotional pain” can take Tylenol to help ease their pain.
Anyway, Oprah Daily says the best way to deal with ghosting is to “Surround yourself with people who care about you, and reconsider your dating strategy.” They advised against getting even and confronting your ghoster is a huge no-no as well, but most importantly, never ever blame yourself about what happened.
Having said all that, what do you think about this issue, guys? Have you ever ghosted someone after your first date with them? Why or why not? Have you ever been ghosted after meeting them face-to-face? How did you deal with the heartbreak that followed? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below!
People lie on their profiles. Too many pretend to be someone they’re not….
Yup. So if they let you get to know them you’ll find out they’re phony.
There is an expression which rings of great truth:
there are those whom you fuck and those of whom you date. Some get the message after the first meeting and are rather cut & dry about it.
If you are meeting for sex, the outcome is logical if somewhat abrasive. If you are meeting for a date, then, it would be humane to say why you have no interest…whatsoever.
Sometimes, it is best to be decisive and nip-it-in-the-bud… instead of trying to explain the obvious in a “Politically Correct Way.”
Recently been ghosted by someone I’ve seen casually for years. He borrowed money,
then disappeared…he is actually more like the school drop-in (the almost dropout who
occasionally shows up at school to keep from being dropped from active enrollees). He
will text, “how are you?” after a couple weeks, but not respond to whatever I text back.
It’s rather like he just wants to know he still can get my attention or has an option if he
really needs it. But, in effect, I feel ghosted …oh yeah, and used. Ugh.
Don’t respond to that MF. I hate a-holes like that. He’s playing games.
Gay men conquer each other through sex whether it is dominating or submitting. Even just a date will do. Once you conquer a guy you move on since the hunt is over, the mystery is solved, and there’s no need to see that other man again. -Dr. Nicolosi
I think there is something to that.
I been ghosted before and could care less. I’m a very unique individual. I honestly think that “I’m all that” and I am. If someone ghost or ignore me I laugh because it’s their loss. You missed out on a chance to be with a caring, unique, special individual. Remember this always guys, never let another person decide how your day go. It’s not that serious men!!!!!
Ghosting could be ended with honesty. If you meet, or go on a date, or even have sex with somebody and you’re not interested in seeing them again them tell that.
All rejection doesn’t have to be rude. Polite honesty is the best way to tell someone you’re not interested in seeing them anymore.
People think they’re going to hurt the other man’s feelings by turning them down. So they ghost instead. Which really hurts even worse than just telling them the truth.
While l think it’s “unhealthy” to want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you, ghosting rather in person or over the net is just fucking rude. Your obviously not shy if you can get naked and exchange bodily fluids with a total stranger, so it boggles the mind why your suddenly being a dick while claiming it’s out of shyness. I don’t care for silent movies and l equally dislike ghosting people or being ghosted. Being rude is a choice, it should never be a default setting of your personality. Ghandi once said “If we could… Read more »
I’ve recently been taking to this guy on a4a we started chatting on cam and it was great then a few days later i was totally ghosted. In my mind i taught we had a real connection and i often questioned what happened? And why it pained so much being ghosted. I guess I really wanted to know why i was ghosted. But I guess the universe is teaching me a lesson on dating perhaps
Ghosting hurts when we like the guy.
Yes it do!!!! but as each day go by, the less it hurt. I look at it like an open sore. Each day it gets better and better and then after a while, it is healed.
I’ve been on both sides of this equation. Thick skin is a good thing and yes, don’t take it too seriously, “let it go”, it just wasn’t to be.
We used to that simply ignoring someone we’re not interested in. People have become so damn sensitive, needy, and just plain babyish. Grow up and move on already.
Jeesh, this comment itself is rather insensitive. Not everyone has the same perspective dude. Be a little more conscientious. C’mon now. :-/
What about the flip, I didn’t believe that they were into me?
I’d like to add 1 more category to the way people ghost.Bcuz it’s happened to me more than once.First lemme say that I both have multiple pics in my profile & completely,accurately,& honestly have ALL the stats/preferences section filled out.So then why after coming to my crib,some guys either immediately or at various time frames wirhin say 10-30 minutes claimed to have recvd an urgent msg which they must attend to,or said they left their cell phone or whatever out in their car,apologize profusely,then step out the door & do not return after sayin they really wanna do this they… Read more »
I know he could have done that better. I once chatted a guy who really seemed to hit it off with me. He and I agreed to meet in a neutral spot. He arrived shortly after I did, and I stood beside his car to talk. While our original plan was for me to follow to his place, he calmly apologized that he wasn’t feeling like it today. I understood. No argument. We talked a little more. Then we parted. I was disappointed, but we respected each other’s feelings. That’s how you do it. But because I was not an… Read more »
Ghosting is absolutely ridiculous but i say don’t let that spoil your day cos in the the end they are just arrogant sourpusses unsure of what to do with themselves and you’re showing them they have the power whilst reacting back. They apparently are just a dick with legs. You will keep living and pursuing your goals definitely. As an international blogger iv’e lived all over though has a decent experience with a French guy whom we had a fun time together then he ghosted me and for a few years iv’e attempted to contact him only to have all… Read more »
I met with a guy from online. Instantaneously I knew I wasn’t “feeling it”. So as he was undressing, I said as much to him. Since I felt like the “heel” in this situation, I kept telling him it’s me not you. I genuinely hoped to spare his psyche from being hurt. Since then, if I have any doubt about someone I just decline the offer. I wish more guys would go out of their way to not hurt someone else unnecessarily. Karma has a way of finding it’s way back to us all.
Ghosting happened all the time. I would rather be honest and move on, which i do. Especially on 4A4, so many fake pics. Some guys who are 50 years old post pics when they were 40 and when you meet them in public, what a shocking surprise ! As in everything else, if you are not even honest from the get go from your pics, why would you wanna continue seeing that person? I wouldn’t and i would tell them why as well.
Stuff happens. Guys really fear rejection, and they also fear rejecting people. And some are ADHD and get distracted by a gentle breeze. We’re all different. Some people don’t realize that others don’t want/need/desire their drama(s). Or ours. We give each other subtle and also overt clues, and some people will misread both kinds, convinced of something that is not real. Mr Right is almost never Mr RightNow. Be honest– you need to get blown or do you want a date and a movie? These are different things. Men abstract sexual relationships from partnership and long-term relationships. That cute butt… Read more »
Some individuals, unfortunately, are willing to put their self-worth and happiness in the hands of strangers. They feel, for some reason, that others owe them.
Whether it’s after an online or in person meeting, Ghosting is simply a form of communication. At its roots, “there was no chemistry.” For me, since there was no commitment, there’s no violation. Its message is clear and easy for those involved. If an individual is going to allow someone who is practically a stranger to hurt them emotionally, that’s the choice they have made (most unfortunately).
As someone who has experienced guys “ghosting” me, it’s never easy. It sucks, especially if the sex was good, the vibe was chill, etc. I really try my best to just move forward and try not to do the same thing to the next person who reaches out to me to connect or wanna meet. There is always gonna be a better a**, better d*ck or a better person elsewhere. However, to quote another earlier comment on here, being rude is a choice. Nobody is “too busy” to send a quick text back (Yea I said it. You guys out… Read more »
As a previous user mentioned, being rude is a choice. Ghosting is rude. PERIOD. If you were that open to exchanging XXX pics/videos, talking about “how nice the vibe is”, and you stop responding to texts or phone calls, then that’s you making the conscious decision to be RUDE. Nobody is “too busy” or “have a lot going on” that you can’t send a text back. EVERYONE is ALWAYS on their phones or has their phones nearby (this is not a loaded or exaggerated statement, because it’s true). Your fingers aren’t broken, nor have you developed aphasia. Be the decent… Read more »
If someone just stops communicating, that’s not too bad. But I was a bit annoyed or perplexed when I had a nice conversation with a guy on A4A, we met for lunch, then kept chatting and made plans to meet a few days later to attend a play. I went ahead and bought tickets for both of us, and we texted each other several times. That morning he texted me about how he was looking forward to it and maybe doing some things after, but then an hour or so later blocked me on A4A and didn’t show up for… Read more »