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How did your religion influence your attitude about your sexuality, guys? Did you have a hard time navigating your LGBTQ identity because of religion? We are bringing this up because we stumbled upon this letter written to a popular The Sun column called Dear Deidre that promises readers their “house agony aunt” will help you solve your personal problems.
Anyway, one of their letter senders was a gay man who shared that he came out to himself at the age of 13 but now he’s 29 and still a virgin because he hates that he’s gay. He was brought up Roman Catholic and as a devoted Christian, his “faith has always been really important to me – it has defined who I am and how I live my life.” He said, “I feel it’s wrong to have any type of sex outside marriage – and a mortal sin to have sex with another man.” He added:
I have never told anyone I am gay. When I spot an attractive guy, or fantasise (fantasize) about him, I feel disgusted with myself. How can I reconcile these two conflicting parts of me – the gay part and the Catholic part?
This is tearing me apart. I feel like I’m living a lie and that I don’t fit in anywhere. I’m confused and depressed and sometimes I wonder if there’s any point carrying on. I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, or to be celibate.
I’m still a virgin at 29 because I hate that I’m gay https://t.co/UjxgADUeGi
— Dear Deidre (@DearDeidre) December 1, 2021
Deidre, on the other hand, said: “Many people feel torn between their faith and their sexuality.” She then encouraged him to see his GP, noting that the letter sender “sound depressed.” She explained that there is “confidential support available, and nobody will judge you.” Deidre also advised that he approach Switchboard LGBT+ for help as this non-governmental organization provides help to LGBTQ people in need of support group and mental health counseling.
Reuters reported in the past how a study found “greater religious feeling and engagement was tied to increased risk of suicidal thoughts and actions for (survey) participants who identified as LGBQ.” Read the article in full here.
All that being said, can you relate to the letter sender, guys? If so, how did you reconcile your faith and your sexuality? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below.
My comments here may be familiar to some, may be offensive to some, but these are my thoughts, from a lifetime. I knew I was different, attracted to cute boys before I even went to school, befotmre I knew what sex was. Yet I knew I must keep it secret. I was brought up in church and I took all the teachings to heart. Into the teen years, I wanted to talk to crushes about it, thinking that would be a relief. Never did that. I did get a booklet from the Quakers, a very devoted religious denomination which felt… Read more »
No, you said it beautifully, from the heart, I felt that.
Billions of years of evolution allowed us to enjoy man on man sex. Some 2,000 year old crackpot deity scam means nothing to me. And while we are on this subject, why does God need so much money ???
I always thought that since God made us in his image, it must not be a bad thing. Society had other ideas but finally caught on being Gay isn’t a terrible sin
The Old Testament thinks quite differently.
lolol. The greater majority of the Old Testament, was based on ‘survival’ of the tribe. A lot of the daily day to day ‘laws’ were solely focused on that. And I’ll not get into the stupidity of how Christian’s pick and choose what parts of their Holy Book, they will apply and which parts they will then ignore. *snorts*
Pick and choose? So I’m ignoring the parts where the Bible condones homosexuality? Maybe you can quote them to me, because I don’t think you know what the fuck you’re talking about.
And then Jesus came………………………
Really? I didn’t even know he was breathing heavily.
Prove it….
Yes, it does and some of the ideas from the Old Testament are quite out dated.
Uh, the entire fucking Bible is outdated.
This poor guy is exhibit A on why we need a religious revolution just like we had a scientific revolution. And just as the scientific revolution got rid of notions like nature abhors a vacuum, a religious revolution will get rid of primitive notions like God cares how you get your dick wet. A real God cares about one thing and one thing only: how we treat each other. No real could God could have a “chosen people,” any more than real science could hate lizards.
Why do we keep pushing god further and further into the corner? First, he loves all people equally (when he clearly picks favorites in the Old Testament). Then he doesn’t care if people are gay (which he clearly does, again, in the Old Testament). Why can’t we just realize that it’s a fucking CREATION OF OUR OWN MINDS? It’s a social construction, and one which no longer serves any good. And I’d like to know what the Christians reading this post think of cabbait’s claim that “No real God could have a “chosen people” when the Old Testament is ALL… Read more »
*cackles* And do you even bother to read Christ’s words and teachings. Clearly not. Nor do most ‘Christian’s’ when it comes to attacking others.
I’ll not argue the validity, value or point of *ANY* faith, as we continually learn and expand our knowledge and understanding.
I’ve read the entire Bible three times, and the New Testament in Koine twice. I’d imagine you don’t even know what Koine is, since you hardly even have a grasp on English.
I love how you think you’re smarter than me, but you think the plural of “Christian” is “Christian’s” with an apostrophe. Go back to fucking elementary school and use learn how to use punctuation correctly, troglodyte.
Life isn’t tidy or perfect for any human being. Therefore, we must embrace who we are, and manage to keep our faith in balance.
Or better yet, just reject it for the dead weight it is, and move happily onwards with your life.
why is it that spot s like allow people like ex cops to get away with sexual assault in cleveland. is it because im black and bi and the gay scene just desegregated in the late 90s. or because the exnyc cop is white and im black, or because detectives in 2 nd district or anywhere in cleveland feels i got what i deserve. a” dead rape ” with over sedatedation . cuz the fuckin prick is trying to act tough now , but been evading giving me details as what him and possibly another has done?. akso lgbt cleveland… Read more »
Hey clinton, what the hell r u talkings about homie and what’s does ur comments has to do wits the title of this blog? Try speakings proper English and use correct spellings and grammar, homes boy. Aight?!
I need to know more m. clinton
I know this will come like a ton of bricks, but the sooner you recognize it, the better: your religion is bullshit, and it’s holding you back from living the life of self-affirmation and love that you deserve. And if you’re a Christian who wants to pull the “but I can’t be moral without the Bible” card, your holy book quite literally condones chattel slavery. You should try reading it sometime.
My friend, your Creator God loves you and wants a personal relationship with you thru his son Jesus Christ. Seek HIM
Nice claims there, bud. Any evidence for them?
any evidence to the contrary? Faith does not require concrete hands on proof.
Please learn something about epistemology and who has the burden of proof in an argument. I’m an atheist. I’m not the person making the claim here. The believer is.
Prove there is no Flying Spaghetti monster.
Didn’t think so.
Might as well seek the Easter Bunny.
This is why religion is poison. I was also raised Roman Catholic, and while my parents were relatively liberal with their beliefs (they were totally accepting when I came out) the priests, nuns and teachers basically told me, over and over again, that I wasn’t even worth living unless I pretended to be someone that I wasn’t. My parents regret raising me as a Catholic after years of therapy, one suicide attempt and plenty of antidepressants. Religion is nothing more than an ancient explanation of things from people who didn’t know what they were talking about…my life would have been… Read more »
Personally, I’m glad you failed in destroying yourself/life. Having to go to church as a child really should “open the door” to spirituality, not program you; like college is supposed to teach “critical thinking” but seemingly in all too many cases did just that, program people.
While my own experience as an active Christian and exploring my sexuality are different than those expressed by the 29 year old in the Dear Deidre article; no surprise here as we are all pretty different in details and much the same in general. I would not describe myself as gay, but rather as a bisexual explorer. Reconciling my strong faith and my behavior is not a simple matter as it took me years to take the first step in this journey. It had long been on my mind, this attraction to the act of being with a man intimately.… Read more »
“Bisexual explorer.” Right. Sure, Jan. If we didn’t have religion for you to tiptoe all over, you’d be able to own up to the fact that you’re gay just like the rest of us. But by all means, please keep UTTERLY deluding yourself.
I have less religion and more faith in the relationship I have with my creator. This part of the journey has been a growing one for me. John, it sounds like you have this all sorted out… even how you welcome newbies into the fray. How’s that working for you? You are probably a nice guy, and I just touched a nerve, but it is hard to tell. I hope you would be open to hearing and perhaps accepting other’s experience.
“John, it sounds like you have this all sorted out…” Well, at least you got one thing right.
Faith & Religion are not necessarily interchangeable Religion is the belief & practice of an organized religious deity and the rules & regulations that go along with it…you do this…you do not do that & you do it in a proscribed manner or else… . Faith is the suspension of the intellect…what the five senses and the intellect cannot answer…ego demands answers; hence, mythology. Beliefs come & go and eventually, so do Religions & what are designated as Rights & Wrongs change as time forwards; thus, what are rights & wrongs today…may be opposites tomorrow. You can have faith but… Read more »
There is a way that seems right unto a man.. the end thereof is death. Proverbs 14:12
If the Heart & Soul hear the Word Of God…so be it!
Stephen, u remind me of Greg kelly on the radio, always quoting the Bible and telling people to read it, because it allows them to get closer to God. This is actually good advice in today’s world where people can literally rob somebody or assault them and not get prosecuted.
“Roman Catholic?” Wow, there’s his problem right there, “barbaric programming.” As we speak, I’m having a conversation with someone who went to a catholic school. Being gay is not a sin it itself, it’s how you live while you’re gay. Some of the most religious people are sinners themselves, obviously. You cannot hardly live without sinning in life. Jesus died for our sins, and a sin is just that; can you separate the two (evil vs. sin)? I don’t know. To me, it’s about the ‘evil’ that you do that is abhorrent. I’ve been saying for decades “homosexuality is just… Read more »
What does “I’m spiritual, not religious” even mean? Is that the same thing as saying “I go to church on Sunday, but love sucking dick on all the other days”?
John, what that means, is that I wholly except that I am a spirit “having a human experience.” It means, “there’s a time and place for everything” which means you give/spend some time and thought of/to our “Creator.” However, John, some people are ‘spiritually’ dark/evil as they just subscribe/believe more in the power of evil doings; destructive. I insist on the spirit of light/goodness where and when I can, however I can. As I said earlier, “I tend to pray twice a day” giving thanks, etc. It’s about anointing your spirit or feeding, fortifying yourself with that of our Creator’s… Read more »
You’re not a spirit. I have no idea how “there’s a time and place for everything” has ANYTHING to so with spirituality. I see no evidence for a “Creator.” You sound like one of countless New Agey hippy-dippy bullshitters who refuse to let a moribund idea just die.
Sure, I am, so are you, you’re just ignorant of that fact, this as old as antiquities, it’s not “new-agey 60’s hippy-dippy.” I get the feeling I’m speaking with an angry child, lol. Maybe ‘if’ you knew more, period.
The realization of the connectivity of all living things and the respect for such.
I recognize the connectedness of all things. I don’t have a spirit, nor am I spiritual. There is no connection between the two whatsoever.
And that, John, is your problem, irreverent, at least one of them anyway, lmao, clearly!
I’ll agree with you about you, you probably do not, John, (eyeroll)
Easy! I became an atheist!
Snark aside, I grew up catholic, but once I shed that insanity, I removed a huge source of stress from my life.
Kinda like deleting Facebook…
God knows who each of us is and loves each of us as we are. Nowhere in the Bible did God (or Jesus) ever speak about homosexuality. Words against it are Man’s doing. Christian denominations, including Catholics, are more open than ever to homosexuality. Remember, they used to be against interracial marriages, but changed their ways on those. Lumping all Christians into a bucket of hatefulness is as full of folly as saying that all gays are pedophiles. Gays who are conflicted by their religious affiliations should look for a Church that supports them for who they are. Those churches… Read more »
Well said and I totally agree with most of what you said.
Your gracious point is well-made and appreciated. In some ways, God did outline His position on homosexual acts. His “design for us” is not being followed (imagine using a kitchen blender to mix paint here), and like many sins, it is this “missing the mark” that is in question. Remember that we all “sin” or fall short of getting it right. And God still loves us, even when we “fall short”. It is man/woman who tends to judge us and this is where we see in the bible places like Genesis 19, Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13, 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, 1 Timothy 1:10,… Read more »
I was raised without religion, so I don’t have to deal with these kinds of inner conflicts. Sure, I still face moral dilemmas, but I can evaluate the consequences of my actions based on my own sense of right and wrong, and using logic and reason, rather than feeling forced to follow a moral code that may not have any rhyme or reason to it.
I will put this as simply as I can..therefore, it will be missunderstood by many.. both Christian and Non Christian. I was raised in conservative Christian home…Protestant, not Catholic. If you are homosexually oriented or Same Sex Attracted that simply is one of the many lists of “sins” that qualify you to be in need of forgiveness and salvation BY GRACE. The Heavenly Father forgives all sin if you accept his SON is Jesus Christ as your Lord & Savior. Salvation is by GRACE..unmerited and UN-deserved forgiveness and salvation. JUST ACCEPT that this is true. Embrace the grace of God… Read more »
I was raised Roman Catholic and I’m in a gay sexual relationship and because of my relationship I’m no longer in full fellowship with the RC Church. I go to Mass on special occasions and feel very spiritual. It hurts that the RC Church doesn’t want me but the love of my partner and my spirituality is enough for me
I’m with you 95%. The definition of “sin” becomes the sticking point. If God (and Jesus) are nowhere quoted in the Bible as saying homosexuality is a sin, how was it a sin? Certain scholars will quote that the Apostles speak for God (or Jesus). Nowhere in the Bible do we have a reference where God (or Jesus) designated that.
Agreed that let’s just keep it simple! There are the 10 Commandments and there is God’s Grace. No homosexual needs to be sorry for who they are.
Jesus said, “Love God with all your heart, and love your neighbor as yourself.” That is the sum and breadth of Christianity. All the other gewgaws hung on holy scripture are man made, and plus, there are no such things as magic books.
I was fortunate to be raised in a tolerant low key christian denomination so never got the hellfire and brimstone shit. I just learned to love and respect other people. As I got older I gravitated towards pagan spirituality, tho at this point I identify as a humanist. No false gods, as they all are, for me thanks. I think people create the gods that serve them best, and homophobic gods never serve queers. There’s a recognition in both paganism and humanism that sex is a sacred part of life and essential for sanity and the continued health of the… Read more »
I can’t even bring myself to enter one of those houses of hate.
Truly an evil institution that have caused more suffering and death than the Nazis ! Thats not even adding up all the children those evil creeps have molested ! MILLIONS FOR SURE!
God made me in his image. Also, he would not create something for it to be damned to Hell since birth. Therefore, God created gays. Sorry, but those that take the Bible literally need to think if EVERYTHING in it is actually true. For example, dinosaurs are not mentioned…NEITHER are the words “gay” nor “homosexual”. So, if it’s been rewritten & translated multiple times, WHAT does the ORIGINAL say? Side note: I remember being younger & asking in Sunday School “HOW is it we’ve found dinosaur fossils, but NOTHING from the Bible; yet people claim the Bible is fact?”. Another… Read more »
Was an active Mormon all my life. When I divorced, came out, and quit the church all the same weekend I did away with that prior life and the need to be a religionist. I no longer need dogma, buildings, spokesman for god to lead me along. I have found the god within myself and am at peace.
I was forced to go to Mormon church as a child. I never bought any of their ridiculous BS even as a child. I went to the gay block called ‘camp’ in Portland Oregon and met a hot man and moved in with him at 18. He and I started a business and made millions. No need to pray to some fake deity.
Religion, like all other inventions, is fabricated by humans. There is no proof of anything spiritual. Nations only exist in the minds of the humans who invent them. Religion was invented by old rich religious elders, primarily to control money and sex, and to impose patriarchy. Shed the burdens inflicted by fake fairymyths. Study lots of history and science, you will liberate your mind from the enslavement of faith in what you know ain’t true.
If there is a topic more taboo than politics at the dinner table, it is that of the dichotomy between Faith and sexuality. Crawling out from the space void of any hope my life was in the previous decade directs the attention whereby addiction is the gate keeper. A lesson from the decade is simple, that it’s society who has the problem with our sexuality and faith, not God. The path walked was not just for my struggles with faith and God, but for anyone else in the LGBTQ community who longs for a relationship with their own God. All… Read more »
Not interested in a cult that loves to hate.
To answer the question that is the title of this blog… Very simply, you pray the gay away and the demon that has possessed you will be banished.
Simple. Know the difference from right/wrong, good and bad. Be the best person you can be. Try to make the world around you a better place. Give love and see clearly. DON’T follow fake, hypocritical religions. There is a better place than this. Try to get there.
I grew up as a Roman jCatlholic in a family that went to church every Sunday. I was an altar boy and later became a lector. In my early 20’s, I struggled with accepting being gay. I attended a Catholic retreat called an Awakening where one exercise was to write any problems on a sheet of paper and then put it in a large bonfire. This was a way to release any guilt or stress to the Lord and accept myself as God made me. Years later I ran into the priest that led the retreat and told him that… Read more »
I am not a real religious person and as a family with an absent father we did not go to a church regularly. I new society saw being gay as a sin and an illness and to keep being gay to myself. The thing that helped me reconcile my feelings about God and religion and with society was when I read book from a gay author. I cannot remember the authors name but in his book he said…:”If God can forgive me for killing a man then he can forgive me for loving a man.” I think that says it… Read more »
I believe that God made me this way, which I am sure is a recurring theme in this thread. We are conditioned to believe from a very early age that being gay is a terrible and unusual thing. In my opinion this is a systemic belief created by religious and political organizations because they think that same sex relationships are somehow a threat to procreation. I think they believe that the nuclear family is the only way. Forcing that belief on society is very destructive to individuals in ways that are not spoken about and sometimes have tragic circumstances. Since… Read more »
Yet they have NOTHING against people who don’t want children or are unable to have kids (medical, age, etc.)?
That goes against the procreation thought.
Really disconcerted with the amount of liberal, ooey-gooey “Jesus and God are okay with you being gay” bullshit” on this thread. If you think that, you need to go back and read the Old Testament. Thankfully, you don’t have to believe it because it’s bullshit. But you should at least know what it says before lying that it condones or in any way supports homosexuality.
I think all walks of life, seemingly believe in some sort of deity or God, it’s a very human thing to do; seems innate. It’s just that the rulers of the day/s decided to manipulate people using and abusing this innate ability of humanity. Personally, I will not allow some corrupt sociopath/s to fuck-up my connection to the supernatural, it’s a gift to ‘us’ that can get/receive it after all. Evil fucks tend to ‘disarm’ you anyway they can, it’s up to you, man.
“I think all walks of life, seemingly believe in some sort of deity or God.” Hate to break it to you, Lamar, but you’re wrong. It’s not innate at all. If it were innate, babies would believe in god, but they don’t. They’re inculturated into it.
“It’s up to you, man.” Thanks, Hare Krishna. Whatever would I do without your eternal wisdom and guidance?
LMAO, exactly what you do, throw doubt at any and everyone ’cause you have no believe system, so you’re an atheist, bully for you or is it? Oh, Merry Christmas, btw!
A baby can’t tell you what they believe, lol, ’cause they cannot speak, yet. Hell, you as an alleged adult, cannot even espouse what you believe.
“Spirit” is about the ‘spiritual’ in religion which is millennia-old around the world, so, it actually ‘is’ innate, Hare John, lol, it’s about truth . . . not being right which you will never-ever be, which you so much want to be, never.
Hey John, we agree on something alright. The bible does not condone or support homosexuality. It’s a sin; it’s taking what God designed and using it in another way. Does this mean that God hates us? Nope, He loves us. I remember my 2 year old daughter telling me that she didn’t love me anymore because I wouldn’t let her do something that she wanted to do (that would cause her harm). I could see things she could not and in some ways, regarding God’s design, He can see things I cannot. My daughter still loves me and she is… Read more »
Catholic theology says when in heaven we recognize each other’s spirit and we are not male or female; why would love between two people matter more on earth than in heaven.
I’ve come to realize that Religion has murdered a lot of people. I see it as man-made and a tool used to control the masses. Starting with Constantine in terms of at least Christianity. Personally, if I was to subscribe to any belief at all I like what our founders believed. Which is the existence of a God that does not meddle in the lives of humans. Otherwise known as deism: belief in the existence of a supreme being, specifically of a creator who does not intervene in the universe. The term is used chiefly of an intellectual movement of… Read more »
I’ll be honest, I was raised as a Christian, I’m no longer a Christian. I’ve found a different faith and path, that is unique to me.
As a Christian, did I feel a lot of pressure, shaming, etc? Hell yes. Do most ‘Christians’ actually bother to use their brains and read and honor their own Holy Book? *cackles* Yeah, let’s just not go down that road.
Gawd for the most part is not very nice . like a cruel boss that needs to be fired. he seems to enjoy inflicting conflict in our lives. he gives us things only to take them away. he allows children who have not even lived long enough to sin to suffer in pain for years, while watching their parents suffer the rest of their lives from the memories of helplessly watching their child slowly suffer until they finally die. he gave the life of his only son when he could have saved him. Every father I know would give their… Read more »
I went back to the original Greek and Hebrew writings to determine what was actually said. Along with using the customs of the times. God nor Jesus never ever said anything about homosexuality and there was multiple opportunities. They said plenty about things they didn’t like but Gay love was not one of them. Man did say things about it in the Bible. Who do you follow though, man or God? I trust God and Jesus over man. (Jesus came to the soldiers home to cure the health of the soldiers houseboy. Male soldiers were not allowed to have females… Read more »
Many many stream churches accept homosexuality as normal.
Many of the deacons and elders and prominent members are in same sex marriages
If one reads the original texts, homosexuality is not what the King James Version says. Man has used God’s words to push his own agenda many times in the past.
Do a little research on the subject.
I stopped believing in organized religions a while ago, they all have their own interpreation. I still choose to believe in a higher power, my higher power being God. I am good with myself because God made me and God does not make mistakes.
I have faith in evolution, not some ridiculous deity cult. I knew religion was BS before I was 12 years old . It’s just so inane and full of fakery. How can anyone with a brain buy into it? My mother said I was too smart for my own good. She was right. Religion expects you to be stupid. Im not. Watch on You -Tube about how ‘Jesus’ is just a myth.
If the bible is the word of God, being gay is an abomination. It is sin. And not just your typical sin – but a “go to hell and burn forever” kind of sin (yeah, there’s actually gradation of sin). The church will tell you it’s “behavior” and label it as “same sex attraction” so they can give gay people an “out” by not “practicing”. That way God isn’t a horrible, heartless God. The only problem is – the God of the bible is a horrible, jealous, vengeful, murderous, heartless God. It’s when you realize the bible is a work… Read more »
I am Gay. It’s who I am.
In being Gay I been allowed to experience an ‘Apparition’, I have been allowed to experience the extraordinary ‘Love of God’ and been given the ‘Gift of Healing’.
I can only be who I am, and God knows exactly who I am.
I always thought religion was a stupid con game and I have faith in sodomy.
Wow! – I’m very late to this discussion. From my personal experience. I did struggle (As most of us did) with religion/God regarding my attraction towards men. In the beginning, I did try hard to pray away the gay inside me, of course to no avail. ALL of us know what the “Church” says about Homosexuality which caused many of us great Anxiety/depression and for some suicide! Thankfully, today – myself do not subscribe to “Religion” anymore, but to “Spirituality/Relationship” with the all mighty. Some may disagree, some might agree. Whichever is the case, I am much happier now that… Read more »