Is it a big deal for you if your partner has a colorful sexual past, guys? Why or why not?
And what about you, guys? Do you have what others may deem as a “slutty past?” Do you sleep around and if so, has this ever posed a problem for you before when it came to having a serious relationship?
Currently, the gay and bisexual men on Reddit are talking about this topic because someone asked, in summary, and we quote, “I’m a gay slutty twink in recovery who has realized he wants to be a responsible, committed, and monogamous husband to the right guy – but I don’t know if I can live down my past.” He added, “Can a tiger change his stripes?”
One reader responded, “I don’t give a shit about how many guys someone has slept with in the past.”
Meanwhile, another reader replied:
Some guys will view you as damaged goods, it’s just the way it is in life. You can’t have your cake and eat it too. But the past should stay in the past, if you’re unhappy with your current situation and want to make an honest go at changing your habits, then I think you’ll find people who will give you a chance.
There is a lot of self-hatred and slut shaming in your post, most of it coming from you. Until you learn how to reconcile with your past, you won’t be able to enjoy life. I’ve done plenty of “immoral” things in my time, hurt a lot of people, but I’ve never lost a night’s sleep over it. I just try to do better in the present and build a better future for myself.
All the hang-ups and shame can go to hell, so what if we’ve had a bit more fun? At least we’ve lived it up like we wanted to, which is more than plenty of these judgmental mofos have ever done.
Anyway, if you are unable to stop thinking about your boyfriend’s or partner’s sexual past to the point that you are obsessing over it, there’s a term for that, and it’s called retroactive jealousy.
According to Healthline, retroactive jealousy “refers to jealousy around your partner’s previous relationships.” Emily Cook, a marriage and family therapist who is based in Bethesda, Maryland, explained, “Interest in a partner’s past can range from curious to obsessive to avoidant.”
The problem occurs when retroactive jealousy “become obsessive and show up in unhealthy or destructive ways,” says Cook. She further explains that there are ways with which we can fix or “work through these feelings.” Read this article to learn how but to start with, your feelings are valid so you’ve got to acknowledge and accept them. You also need to put yourself in your partner or boyfriend’s shoes and try to understand them. But most importantly, communication is essential so always talk to your partner about your thoughts and feelings be it about your future together or each other’s past, or any other issues you have with them.
Having said all that, is your boyfriend or partner’s sexual past a huge deal for you? Is it a deal-breaker for you, as in would you no longer date them if they slept around in the past? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below!