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In today’s much more sexually open and sexually adventurous world, compromising when it comes to relationships is even more important. This is doubly true when it comes to relationships in the LGBTQ community, as we’ve always been outsiders and more experimental when it comes to relationships and sex.

That said, we do have our limits, and one woman in a relationship with a bisexual man recently wrote to Slate to ask if her hard limit was something reasonable or not. According to the letter writer, her bisexual boyfriend has said that he’s mostly had sex with men, but has only been in relationships with women. Her boyfriend wants to open up their relationship, but she’s got some conditions she wants met before agreeing.

For one, she’s only cool with it if he sleeps with men and not with women. She’s also only okay with it if he’s the top during sex, because she’s afraid of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and also because she isn’t comfortable thinking of him in a “vulnerable” position.

The columnist says there isn’t anything wrong with setting stipulations, at least in principle. He also corrected some of her misconceptions about bottoming and STIs. He also pointed out that just because his boyfriend may be topping, it doesn’t make him any less vulnerable. He writes: “Putting your dick in the mouth of a stranger who could bite it off without a hell of a lot of effort and of whose history you know nothing? Pretty damn vulnerable.”

In the end, the columnist didn’t have any firm advice to give her, other than to say that opening up the relationship is “going to play out the way it’s going to play out.”

All that said, we want to hear about what your hard limits are when it comes to your relationships. If you’re in an open relationship, do you set limits when your partner hooks up with other people? If you’re in a monogamous relationship, what do you consider cheating? Is it okay for your partner to think about having sex with other people but not actually do it, or would you still consider that cheating? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below!

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