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Hey, guys! How is your first week in year 2021 going? We hope you’re doing great, this guy from askgaybros though not so much, or at least not in the bedroom department.
The gay man, known as user jj2801 on askgaybros, shared, “So, I’m a bottom and after a rather long dry spell, I had a couple of hookups recently. While I enjoyed the sex, I wasn’t hard while I was getting fucked. When the top was finished, I wasn’t in the mood anymore to jerk off or anything.”
He added that when he masturbates, the thought of getting fucked always turns him on but when he’s already actually doing it, he is not hard.
“I enjoy it but some dudes were really taken back and thought I didn’t like it. The thing is, I’m starting to freak myself out during sex. Getting hard is kinda all I’m thinking about.” Lastly, he asked the gay men on askgaybros: “Maybe I’m too conditioned on masturbating rather than actual sex? What’s your experience? Does anyone have suggestions?”
One of the respondents on the thread called FukkBomba told the original poster (OP) that his dick also gets soft when he bottoms. He said, “You sound like a great bottom. There’s no problem here! When I bottom I ignore my dick.”
He advised OP to wear jockstrap while bottoming, “I like wearing a jockstrap because I’m so turned on and it’s a distraction to see my dick is soft. I find anal and prostate orgasms only happen when my dick is soft and I’m ignoring it. My dick gets hard and works fine when I’m jerking off, making out, or when I’m the top.”
Then he added, “Throw out any idea of what you think is expected of you and enjoy bottoming the way you’ve been doing it.”
User EarthQuest on the other hand, told OP, “Sounds like you’re psyching yourself out. Worrying too much about am I aroused or am I attracted can prevent things from happening.” While user MrAppleby assured him, “It is not a strange occurrence. Many bottoms experience this. Being pounded can take away the focus from you getting hard.”
Another user called ally053991, agreed with MrAppleby. He said, “You’re totally normal. Don’t worry too much about it.”
He then confessed, “I’m never hard during sex. It’s not that I’m not enjoying it or that I’m not aroused, it’s just that the other sensations are so intense that they just take over I guess. Some bottoms can stay hard during sex and I’m pretty jealous of them. Just not possible for some of us.”
Having said all that, how true is this for you, guys? Do you stay hard while bottoming or do you, like the OP, get soft during anal sex? What’s your experience and what would you advise jj2801?
Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below but don’t forget to read our sex advice in the time of coronavirus; click here and here
The biggest sex organ we have is the brain.
I have friends who have erectile dysfunction from health related issues. It doesn’t stop them from being sexually satisfied.
As with the marketing paradigm, perception is everything.
As an older guy who only tops, I am uninterested if my bottom is erect or not.
Personally, I think if his cock isn’t hard he’s just focusing on my needs like a good bottom should.
Soft or hard, as long as he’s enjoying himself he’s achieving what he intended to do.
We worry too much about superficial shit that’s totally irrelevant.
Yes a good Bottom focuses on pleasing the Top, not about himself.
Im hard now can someone cum put they’re coco in me so i can see if it works for meee
Not trying to rub it in, but I’m such a bottom that I’m always hard when being pounded. I’ve only done it once but I’ve cummed just from sitting on a cock, it was amazing.
I love bottoming and usually stay hard throughout. I like being on my back taking a guys cock and seeing mine hard and wet
I think it all depends on the vibe with your top. If you are really into him, and vice versa, the chemistry and passion will be there. I am always erect while bottoming and usually always come when my top comes, or just before.
I rarely get hard when I’m getting fucked, but i don’t mind. I kinda enjoy the fact that its all about serving the top guy. My favorite thing to do is get fucked good and the top will finish off in my ass or preferably my mouth. Then I’ll jack off with his cock or balls in my mouth…heaven!
Even hard, I am not big. I don’t care if I am hard or not when getting fucked. I want the guy in my balls deep and to know what he’s doing. I want to kiss and fuck in all different positions. I almost always play with myself when getting fucked. Most times, I last longer than my tops, even tops that are long lasting. The last guy I hooked up with, which was a few times, doesn’t cum and can last a while. Usually by the two hour mark, he is done and works to get me off.
Because I’m always hard when bottoming I also like to see any guy I’m topping to be hard
Totally normal. My cock is soft when bottoming as well as I’m focused on the sensations I’m getting from his cock and super focused on pleasing him by relaxing my hole so he can get in deeper. However, after a while, I sit on his cock, ride and face him. That eye contact triggers something in me and I’ll get hard and can cum without touch. Try it!
I have also grinded an orgasm out of myself while riding Daddy D-E-E-P!!
You’re in the middle of having a Top give you a great, pleasurable experience. Why distract from that with a self-inflicted buzz kill about you not being irrelavently rock hard? Enjoy the moment!!
I love to bottom and when i first started bottoming i maintained a hard on. But the more I did bottom, the less of a hard on I had. Some of it is age related and some of it just wanting to be the submissive manpussy!
I experience this sometimes but not always. There’s quite a few factors that play into this in my experience. 1) You have to really be attracted to the top, or at the minimum be enjoying the stimulation he’s providing. It helps to initiate anal sex only after you’re already hard and very aroused. A top that’s concerned about your pleasure will make sure of this. Then he’ll be sure to fuck you in a way that is more pleasurable than painful, while taking an interest in stimulating your penis as well. These have been the times that I’m hard during… Read more »
Dave can’t get hard either when there’s a big nine inch cock up his ass. He’s a lowlife scumbag that deserves to be stoned to death just like Barack Obama and ALL the Democrats here in the US and they will be put to death for trying to impose tyranny on America.
Nice of you to share your bigotry, intolerance and abundant ignorance.
Next time please don’t hold back, please tell us how you really feel….
Dude fuck off
Because I LIKE IT!! No explanation needed
i never stay hard when I bottom, but I am 65 but I like to bottom to make my top happy and hopefully he kisses me because the affection is what I crave more than anything else.
So I agree with the comments in the article. I would add that if you really get comfortable bottoming you may be able to experience the “woman’s orgasm” as I call it. With the right stroke, the right dick and the right mentality, you can cum in an entirely different way, where your whole body will orgasm and your dick is soft and the cum just dribbles out. It’s one of the best parts of bottoming! In my experience if you want to be a good bottom you have to get your pleasure from the dick inside you not jacking… Read more »
Applying a bootygasm is one of my favorite things. My BF can have them in sequence, lasting a half minute or more.
I wish I could cum hands free when a guy is inside of me. I am hard to get off no matter what.
Ass orgasms are great.
I love to bottom. The best sensation is tightening my ass muscle around the guys dick, kinda like stroking it as he goes in and out. I usually have an orgasm with his dick rubbing my prostate, shot cum over my head. Love it.
I have that full body trembling and shaking internal orgasm while being rimmed, crack licked and soaked and my hole eaten. I am not hard and this type of orgasm yields little to no cum because it is not a penile orgasm. This full body orgasm is much more intense and lasts 20-30 seconds without touching my dick. I also call it the male version of the female orgasm like you have similarly stated. I would take this type of orgasm over being hard and shooting a load. No stimulation while the top is hitting every nerve of my man… Read more »
I don’t really want an erection while I’m being fucked. I would rather forget I have a dick
altogether.
Nothing makes my cock harder than while “bottoming.” I do not understand why or how anyone’s cock would NOT be hard while bottoming, though I certainly do see it a lot when I am topping! I usually attribute the flacidity to illegal substance ingestion.
Man you’re totally normal, I can be hard or soft when I’m bottoming. I agree with everyone else you’re putting to much thought in it. My partner will freak me after we’re done so I usually get even more pleasure, enjoy the moment.
I find that I mostly don’t get hard when I am getting fucked. I still love it and I don’t pay attention to it. I don’t think it is a big deal
The intensity of anal usually overrides any feeling in my dick. I often get soft, at least initially, but I leak like crazy. Comfort level with the partner, learning muscle control, proper preparation, and of course choosing the right position. Most of my success has been riding cowgirl and sitting slightly diagonal with one leg forward one leg sort of behind. I can then use the angle to squeeze and shift my hips, which drags his shaft over my prostate. I feel more pleasure from this than out and out pounding.
I’m humper by nature period, I use my dick. This, is the very reason I don’t bottom, I bottomed twice in my whole life, it did NOTHING for me; two guys shot their loads while I’ll fucked them, otherwise after I fucked most, they then needed to jack-off. I really pleases me, when I fuck/make love to someone, causing them to climax. These days, I prefer masturbating each other or oral-sex or some type of frottage. If it’s exclusive monogamy. . . then and then only, I might bottom to please him then, he will engage me in whatever method… Read more »
I am never hard when bottoming, whether I was 25 or 65. I am anally/prostate multi-orgasmic and I could not care less about being erect while getting fucked. This is the experience of most of my bottom friends!
LOVE BOTTOM DONT GET HARD WHEN FUCKED BUT DEF AFTER WHEN HES DONE FILLING ME AND BLOWS ME
Wow! I thought it was only me, but I have the additional problem of ED caused by nerve damage. But as a bottom, it never really mattered much. When I’m on top and he’s fucking me, he usually jerks me to orgasm no problem, and then he usually gets me at least semi-hard.
I’m surprised to see this, because, maybe it’s me, but I noticed most of the porn films I view on popular gays sex sites all look somewhat softer when being fucked. I simply never gave it a thought, as a bottom, because I thought from my viewing…”hey, it just happens”. Even the biggest guys get somewhat softer, so to me…it’s not an issue.
I get rock hard if I’m sucking a guy off, but I always stay soft when I’m getting fucked. It doesn’t matter because the pleasure focus when I’m getting fucked is always internal, on my p-spot. I can cum from just getting fucked even though I stay soft the entire time. And these internal orgasms are way, way more intense than just cumming through my cock, they can leave me wiped out, literally gasping for air.
Same Andy
I typically start out hard but as the pounding heats up I inevitably go soft. My top likes me hard but it is what it is. I LOVE being a bottom and can take a long, deep, pounding for a very long time – hours in fact. Having an anal orgasm is probably the single most intense experience I have ever had. They don’t happen to me often but when they do, I am always soft up front and so utterly and totally overcome by the feelings inside my hole that nothing else matters. Prostate orgasms are also cool. I… Read more »
I’m a top so I don’t know what to tell a bottom about staying hard during sex. But it’s a turn on to me when a bottom stays hard while I’m topping him. Makes me feel like I’m really fucking him good. If he stays hard and cums while I’m in him it’s even hotter!
I’ve found that it depends on the position in which I’m being fucked. If he’s doing me doggy with pillow under my hips to prop up my ass, the friction of my cock against the pillow while he pumps keeps me very hard, and sometimes I even cum. But when I’m on my back I usually go from hard to soft pretty quickly. I don’t mind, as I enjoy the focus on my hole, and the tops I’ve been with pretty much roll with it because they can tell I’m enjoying their cock inside of me.
Before my husband and I have anal sex we enjoy a good session of 69 then I make the first move to get something to put under us to prevent anything getting on the sheets. Usually I am the first one to be the top and after I cum I realize that his erection is gone so after he gets back from the bathroom unloading my deposit I start most of the time to sucking on his cock to get him an erection. I sometimes have to move my cock back to him so he can play with me or… Read more »
being a bottom takes good preparation and a lot of effort. when you want to maximize the pleasure with a top you focus on being a great bottom. focus on that requires directing your sexual energy to you butt. for many of us bottoms that means not having a hard on. when a top wants us to have a hard on it distracts that flow of energy to our cocks. i can top but when i do i use completely different sexual energy and focus. bottoms should be commended for their effort to make the top’s experience a delightful one.
Agree completely!
Ever since my first bottoming experience I would be hard at the beginning but would go semi erect to soft during anal sex. It was only with certain guys that hit my prostate just right that I would have erection & ejaculated while being fucked. Over time the erections never came while having anal sex. But I would pre cum alot! And still do! In most cases now I’ll have anal orgasms instead of penis ejaculated.
Paul, 36, NYC – When I bottom I don’t get hard, there was only one time, but for the most part I’m not thinking about my dick when I bottom. I don’t think it’s an issue.
i wear a chastity cage so erections are not possible for me- i love that my focus is on bottoming and giving pleasure that way. Also its my sole way to orgasm.
Yes I love to bottom and I notice that when I am having sex, I too get soft. Don’t worry about. Anal sex is meant to be enjoyed, so do not worry if you go soft. I have found that after a good pounding, I am soft, but I always jack off and I am still able to cum thru my penis with no issue…it might take a little while, but when my partner plays with me prostate or I use a prostate massager…it helps a lot.
I find that I don’t even think of my cock when I am bottoming.
If a top wants me to get hard, I can, it is just not that important to me.
Of course, having said that, after a top cums in me, I often get on top and jack off quickly while he is still hard and in me. Hottest thing ever!!
I happen to be hard (usually) when I bottom and very often cum and the times when my dick is soft I find myself no less pleased.
This will require in-depth…(pun intended)…in-person testing.
jj2801 should report to my bedroom at his earliest convenience.
It’s not necessary to be hard when you are bottoming. Personally I prefer to be hard. For me it really intensifies everything. Sex feels even better.But that isn’t always possible. I’ve found that certain brands of poppers will also effect my erections. If you;re a fan of poppers, you may have to try different ones till you find one that works best for you.
As someone who tops, I really don’t mind if the guy that bottoms isn’t hard. At the end of the day he needs to be relaxed and feel comfortable. If two guys are sharing each other then I’m thinking about his needs as well as mine. Just because I top shouldn’t mean I have to be selfish and only consider my pleasure. It’s important (for me) that both parties are satisfied. If I’m seeing someone regularly and he worries about his erections then having a conversation is essential. It may be a case of trying different things in the bedroom… Read more »
I know some tops may like their bottom to be hard for one reason or another. For me when I bottom, and this works for me, I don’t get hard. I’m usually pretty focused on my butt, and more of a “use me” kinda lay. I’m kinda selfish that way, but as far as being hard while I’m bottoming, If anything I just rub one out after.
I am a bi married bottom. I have found it depends on the connection with the top as to whether I get hard. I had a fuck buddy for a while who would make me leak like crazy when I rode him. I would be semi hard but leak like a faucet. My current fuck buddy is a Latin guy with a thick 8 inches the curves up. He has literally made me cum hands free every time he fucks me. I am often semi hard at best but he gives me the best orgasms of my life. They can… Read more »
Married bi couple here (male and female)
When I’m using a white strap on with hubby, he stays soft and I make sure to tell him how sad I am about it. But using same size black strap on he is rock hard and he doesn’t need and encouraging words. Usually shoots a good size load for mommy. The white toy, he leaks almost the entire time he’s being ridden.
I would have to agree with some other sentiments here, it’s mostly psychological. When I’m with a new guy it’s mostly nerves and wanting to make a good first impression with my mouth and ass. When I’ve hooked up faiy regular with guys that’s when I can relax more and I do get an erection. When I’m with a very well hung guy who bottoms out in my ass it’s a little difficult to maintain that hard on because he’s pushing so hard but I’m loving every minute of it even though I’m soft. I’m a total bottom and the… Read more »
Usually soft when I bottom. Anal orgasms rock.
I usually stay hard but not always. But the fact is I get so much pleasure from a nice top fucking me long and deep I don’t care if I’m hard or not. My whole body craves and adores the feeling of being filled so much, it’s way more important to me than my own erection. And I have had many times where I cum just from the guy fucking me
As a bottom I usually don’t get hard while being fucked I concentrate on the pleasure I’m getting from my tops cock sliding in and out of me
Like other total bottoms here I do focus on pleasing my top and don’t even focus on whether I’m hard or not. I have noticed though, when I’m with someone a lot there is a greater chance of getting hard while I’m getting fucked. My concern is friction of my cock rubbing causing me to cum before my top does and getting extra sensitive. I’d rather be on top of my bottoming game and pleasing him and making him shoot a huge load in me than getting off myself. Most times I don’t even cum unless my top wants me… Read more »
This discussion reinforces and is a tribute to human male diversity! Some bottoms get hard while being fucked, some never do, and some may have an orgasm without touching their soft or hard dicks, from prostate stimulation, friction or just the thoughts of being bottomed! And others want to beat off while being fucked. Anything is possible, and human diversity is amazing! As someone else mentioned, the biggest sex organ is your brain!