man-379800_1920 (1)

Speak Out: What Are Your First Date Dealbreakers?

If we’re lucky, the first date that we go on ends up leading to a second date, a third date, a fourth date, and eventually to something more permanent. It certainly feels great to have yourself validated by a person who’s excited to spend time with you again and again.

Then there are those dates that doesn’t lead to anything else, and you’re left wondering if it’s something you said or something you did.

Reddit user u/StandfordV certainly was curious about those kinds of dates, as evidenced by his post on the r/askgaybros subreddit. In his post, he asks what someone could sat on a first date that would immediately result in a “no second date.” The responses range from the most banal of reasons to the serious.

Reddit user u/henare says being asked “Have you always been this fat?” results in a “no second date” with him, as well as someone asking to go on a smoke break. Meanwhile, Reddit user u/essex_uk_93 says being asked questions that are too personal is the dealbreaker for him. Reddit user u/ShittyGuitarResponse, on the other hand, doesn’t like hearing about astrological signs and how they align.

The more serious responses are more political in nature. Three responses talked about how being a Trump supporter would definitely result in not getting asked out again, while four responses pointed out that any racism displayed on the first date would result in an immediate no from them.

Adam4Adam blog readers, we’re curious to hear about what your reasons would be to not see someone for a second date. Would the conversation revolving around astrological signs be too much for you? Or are you someone who could never think about seeing a Trump supporter ever again? Tell us your first date dealbreakers in the comments section below!

There are 90 comments

Add yours
  1. Edgar

    1. Talking making sex with passersby.
    2. Egocentric. Selfish
    3. Nagging guys
    4. Drama Queens. Worsen when is a DL.
    5. Too feminine. girly guys.
    6. Talking about dirty. Filthy sex.
    This are a total turn off for me. I have walked away from a date. I told him to stop nagging about how expensive the food was. He pick up the place on first place. So why complain now. A guy was telling me he owed more then 100k$ on student loans. But he have 3 PHDs. And he was working with especial nerd children. I say to him. That I know people who dont have 3 phds and work with special need children. The argument was so bad that I stop talking to the guy. I stop eating. Then I left the restaurant. I cant do that. Stop complaining about your job. You students loans. And all your crazy dramatic life.

  2. Matt (Black)

    Short and sweet. Any kind of body odor. Bad breath is enough to stop the date right from the start. Another deal breaker as a versatile top is a dirty bottom during anal sex.

  3. Brent Majors

    Dishonesty is cause for me to walk off a first date immediately. “Dan” hit me up, His profile had no pic. His profile description stated “Muscular, with a few extra pounds.” My recent pics, full body with face, confirm my profile description, “swimmer’s” type body. We seemed to connect in chat & Dan wanted sex, ASAP. I repeated what my profile states, “Meet in person before agreeing to having sex.” We agreed to meet at a local coffee shop. I guessed I got there first because only a few gals were there. The only guy there was a HUGE, morbidly obese fellow, so I sat to wait for “Dan.” The obese dude immediately walked over, sat at my table and said Hey. He immediately recognized me from my photo. Dan was the same height as me, 5′ 8″. I weigh 140 lbs. He appeared to weigh about 300 lbs. To me, “a few extra pounds” is like 5 to maybe 10 lbs. max. Dan carried the weight of another entire man! I said, “Good luck to you, but I’m out of here, not interested.” He followed me outside and confronted me. “You’re dropping me only because of my weight; that has nothing to do with my personality; you’re an ass hole!” I replied, “WRONG! it’s not because you are obese, but because YOU LIED ABOUT IT, writing “muscular, a few extra pounds.” (I saw no muscle–only flab. He was nearly as wide at his waist as he was tall!) If you lied about that, I can’t trust anything you say. Suppose you are also lying about your negative HIV status?”

    • Jeff

      Wow Brent…I hear you! I had the exact same experience. And he was equally as rude. I don’t know why in the world they would think we’d accept them after they lied to us. I hope your dating experiences have been better since then. Mildly better for me.


        Well sometimes you tops get too deep! And some of use meet youse and didn’t plan on getting dick! Just wanted to meet! Yea I don’t like getting my dirt on your cocks either! Been both sides of story too! Long ago before douching be came popular it was given fact you might need to wipe off!

    • SOuncivilized!

      LOL sounds like more than half of the “Catfish” from the hysterical show. Like Framel AKA “Marq with a Q”. Using a club promoter’s photos – in person, about the size of Colorado!

    • Danny

      Man Brent ! Don’t you just hate scenerios like that!? That’s what I don’t like blind dates anymore. Either that dude didn’t know his math very well or badly needed to get his eyes checked! Sure he could be a great guy but it got overshadowed by stating something he obviously wasn’t. Oohhh….and the superficialness he was quick to accuse you with? Couldn’t be any worse than his false stats he gave! Sad scene. Yes there are guys out there into guys like him but sadly you weren’t it.

  4. 1egg2fry

    For me what’s important is what is going on between a guy’s ears … as well as between his legs. If I first date can not carry on a conversation about a general topic, he is not getting a second chance. Any guy who takes the lead in a conversation and asks me questions is definitely a guy I am interested in.

  5. Terence R Evans

    One of the things that would make a person not get a second date from me will be 1.) Asking about money 2.) paying attention to your cell phone instead of me and 3.) having any type of body odor

    • Jer

      Guess you gotta have a gay gay boy huh – no Bi . Cuz like you got something everyone wants . Get over self . Typical gay bitch

      • anonimatovato

        Wow, calling him a “gay bitch” just because he prefers a guy that’s out of the closet not hiding behind a faceless profile or wife with children. Me myself I could still date an openly bi guy, as long we’re both good together, no drama, cheating, etc. Open relationships to me is like you’re better off single and mingle all you want.

  6. Hunter0500

    “Or are you someone who could never think about seeing a Trump supporter ever again?”

    Or are you someone who could never think about seeing a Lefty, Progressuve, Liberal ever again? (or any other political affiliation which is not you)

    I have buds from several political camps. Politics is not a deal breaker for us. It could well be by anyone consumed by Political-based Hate, of course. Or anyone who lives to keep hate and division alive.

      • Matt

        Why Dave? Are you intolerant of people who think differently than you? That would be really hateful to act superior to someone for something so petty.

      • Jim

        i could never date anyone who supports 45 or any other republican politician or political figure. thats utterly disgusting to me

        • mountaindawg

          I understand not dating the racist white nationalist so called president, but you aught to rethink about casting all Republicans together. U wouldn’t cast all gays together would? Some Republicans are sane. As a progressive I routinely vote for a state senator that is Republican. I actually agree with a lot of what he says and the way he votes. When I don’t he has a clearly stated reason why he doesn’t. Also one party government is not good for you town, county, state or nation is good.

          • Barry-NJ

            Considering that about 90% of Republicans approve of Trump and the other 10% don’t have the balls to speak out, it really isn’t terribly unfair to lump all Republicans together.

      • anonimatovato

        Politics does matter because I wouldn’t date a guy that thinks Trump is so awesome lol! It wouldn’t be fair for the date of the opposing party either. Why would I date a guy that thinks I’m a “libtard” or a sjw just because I voted blue? Red team seem to be the ones getting offended at every single thing. I don’t need to hear how “Obama ruined things” all the time.

    • Nathan


      You may or you may not possess Nathan’s ample dick, but you certainly have his backbone.

      You, truly, love to stir the post; rail up sleeping dogs; ignite the audience; augment the distempered, and elicit a response from Dave.

      I admire it and you! We are on the same page if, sometimes, on a different part of the same page.

      Keep up the good work and continue to write freely…out of respect to those, of us, who rest, well and safely, on their backs, wearing their respective Dress Uniforms

      • Hunter0500

        Thank you, sir! Agreed!

        I understand I can stir the pot. My radical views that the stereotypical brand of gay does not fit the majority of gay men is troublesome for some. Gay guys are not all diva/pop music lovers, concerned with high fashion, chained to the lives of Hollywood or music industry elite, fem, young, urban, single, trendy, Liberal, or free wheeling when it comes to sex (hookups). Many gay guys don’t fit many of the terms of that model. It’s fine if they do, of course. But look at profiles on A4A. Gay guys come in many builds, sizes, races, ethnicities, ages, with a spectrum of social and political views. Some are or were married to male, female or other partners. Some have children. Some are acceptable of the varied others; some are narrow minded across many factors. Fashion and music choices can all over the board.

        There is no one gay brand. Sexuality does not come with a package of requirements or rules. Diversity at the utmost!

        Radical, I know.

    • Mark

      I would agree that polical based hate is a turn off from either right or left. But if I feel someone’s values are clearly not in sync with mine I’m unlikely to want to pursue a relationship with that person.

    • Lady Magaga haha

      Thank you for saying this. I’m happy when I see “no Trump supporters” in a guy’s profile. It lets me know right away that he is a narrow-minded, ignorant, virtue-signaling douchebag who is to be avoided at all costs.

  7. Rick Scott

    Doesn’t like or allergic to animals (sorry but that just won’t work), Log Cabin Republican or Trump supporter and if he’s rude to wait staff and service people.

  8. Robert Kerlen

    You just inspired me to put “Trump supporter” on my profile so as to not waste people like your’s time as well as mine.

  9. John E

    How much space do I have?!? Things that guarantee no second date: Using a cellphone while on a date. Any history of meth use. Any history of being “in recovery.” Poor personal hygiene of any kind (odors, bad teeth, long nails, scraggly hair, etc). Belief in a god or gods. History of marriage to a woman. Existence of any children, whether biological or adopted. “Bisexual.” “Coming out” after teen years. Smoking. Large or numerous tattoos. Evidence of affected hyper-masculinity. Evidence of steroid use. Evidence of plastic surgery, dyed hair, or hair transplants. Driving a car with a purchase price greater than $30K. Participation in gay cruises of any kind. Past attendance at any circuit party in the past 20 years. Any appearance in a porn movie or photo shot. I could go on for pages!

    • Sam

      Wow, thats a lot. Being in recovery seems rather unfair, esp if he’s been sober for many years. And I’m sure guys lie to you about any past meth use if they sense how judgmental you are about it. Coming out after teen years (and even having been with a woman or having children) is the one that most bothered me most though. People are still raised in very homophobic environments, it seems crazy to me that you would dismiss someone who might not have come out until his 20s or later.

      • Hunter4B

        Sam, I agree. The best friend that I have, the first friend to 100% fully support and accept me, the friend who is always there for me, in my corner, was both an alcoholic and a drug addict. For a long time I couldn’t figure out why he seemed a mess. However, after a life-changing incident, he sobered up, got clean, went to therapy, and regularly attends AA and NA meetings. It took him a long time to share with me, and he had so much shame about it, it would appear no one was there for him when he was coming out at 15 (another reason I disagree with the guys here who say you don’t have to; he was caught in the act, with his bf, by his very Christian mother, so yeah it was a big deal that he never got over). We could all be great examples and supports to one another if we cared enough to be such. As I wrote earlier, most of these people’s list are silly things that will change with maturity, however, the lack of respect for others diversity, and the polarized attitudes towards perceptions are nasty (30k for a car? I recently purchased a pretty stock econo-model truck for 42k, cheapest on the market, so who is John to judge?) I swear there are a lot of Tall Poppies on here!

    • Jer

      Wow I guess someone would have to be so luck to live up your list of preconceived expectations to even get a slight chance of you – NOT TOO Shallow – ARE YA ?
      Oh BTW Cut the shit . I doubt you are anything close to perfection . And honestly would anyone even Waste their time with all your nonsense
      Get over yourself !

    • Nathan


      I refer to my penis as “Russell, The Love Mussel.”

      Giving one’s penis a Name is just a sign of respect for what it is and what it does.

      Remember, God gave his male creations one and we should rejoice and give it a dutiful name.

  10. Rick

    I agree with the cell phone thing, as well as weight. Honesty is important to me. All top or all bottom is a turn off as well. I like to mix things up and don’t want relegated to one position for the remainder of my relationship. Egotistical, self-absorbed are out as well.

  11. Ryan M.

    Though I am quite a reserved fellow, a date may take place only if he asks me first, himself. Given that, sometimes he may have something on his page that may prevent even the first meet and greet. Those things whether on his page or the first date may include racial divisions or other things such as, “please be sane.” What if I have a mental or emotional disorder but am self-aware and take care of myself? I think to be cognizant of myself and surroundings outweighs having the devisive disorder to begin with: I take care of myself. This could also apply to STIs or STDs: Are we practicing safe sex and if HIV Positive achieving Undetectable Status? Those who achieve any healthy status have an A+ in my eyes.

    Respect for others’ lives and their differences and that they return the same to others is always a good thing that can promise at least a second date if not something even better.

  12. Jim Talbot

    If a guy is sitting there at the table and we’re out on a Dinner date or any kind of date and he starts picking up his Cell phone and starts texting or calling other people, Thats a Deal Breaker! I’ll get up and leave right then and there.

  13. charleytee

    I have a strong stomach, but the one thing that WILL upset it is…BODY ODOR! If a man smells bad he is subsequently shown my door. Never gonna be a second because there will be no first.

  14. IceKingCometh

    How about asking, in terms to, and of, standards? So many are outlandish as hell, very few are realistic; too many men are too trivial to wanna make the effort to try to one-up and possibly sharpen their game…

    Hygiene, upkeep and physical appearance are big deal breakers for me. Anyone who begs to differ, can argue with themselves…

  15. Danny

    Assuming I’m attracted to the guy, these traits can still be deal-breakers:
    1. Rude to service workers (or anyone)
    2. Only brings up negative topics
    3. Too involved in cell phone
    4. Unable to listen as well as talk
    5. Talking too much about work
    6. Emitting any pompous, arrogant, sociopathic or egocentric energy
    7. Checking out other guys (especially out loud)

  16. SOuncivilized!

    Signing onto a dating app – more insultingly, the one we met on – in front of me. Can’t your hoe ass wait until after the drink(s) or whatever, or excuse yourself for a BS reason to see who’s available at the moment? Go right ahead and arrange something else because you’re already outta gas in my lane. A dirty mind is a TERRIBLE thing to waste and I’d be 99% less bothered if you signed on to PornHub, XTube or whichever adult video website you frequent.

  17. tim

    I’m a pretty easy going guy but if he invites me out he has to plan a real date. Not starbucks for a coffee. Its a prett good screening device for me.


    I cant fuck with fem dudes, I as a BLK MASTER LIKE MY BOYS 100% MASCULINE DISCREET BOTTOMS
    So the deal breaker would always be a fem dude
    I don’t understand them nor can I relate to them
    I like to dominate a brother so I am only turned on by a natural masculine blk men who even if they are sucking my dick or getting fisted by me are still strong masculine brothers.
    Also smoking and drug use, I dislike those 3 things.

  19. Andrew

    If the guy shows up in flip-flops, it’s dead in the water. I’ll get through the cafe meet (I would never do a meal on a first date/meet & greet) and then, I won’t see him, again. The good news is that flip-flops are waning as a fashion trend, but anyone who thinks it’s a “shoe” is one less trailer trash I don’t need to know. Everyone has their idiosyncrasies and this one is a definite deal-breaker with me (no matter how smart, interesting, good-looking, etc.).

    • Barry-NJ

      Interesting … that is one of my deal-breakers, too. I mean, it is one thing if we were meeting at a beach-side cafe in the middle of the afternoon, but in Manhattan? Come on.

  20. Hunter4B

    Well, after reading the above commentary, I have to say, it is funny in a sad way, how stereotypical some of these responses have become. As I struggle to get through what some of these gentlemen consider English, I find idiosyncratic dislikes. First, most of us look in the mirror each day and see our BEST qualities, and we exacerbate those throughout our life. From outside forces, we are told we are handsome, athletic, or assessed on physicality. If we are not considered generally handsome, we often compensate by becoming expert at a task. Many academics here call themselves NERD, etc., however, in a complicated manner, I believe we subconsciously begin to heal ourselves with the platitudes we can live with (the Id heals the Ego), and therefore we prosper in life, and fail in our profiles to reflect THAT ‘Je ne sais qoui’ which others in this community care about (and I have given up the idea that there IS a communal standard anymore), as I find it disheartening to read many of the harshly negative comments we place on our brothers.
    At a recent workshop at work, we were learning about insecurities, in general, the presenter made a point that 99 people could tell us how wonderful we ARE, but if one person were to demean us, even wrongly, most of our attention would be diverted to the unkind remark. We are not only more likely to accept and believe the remark, we are more likely to obsess over it as well. For me it is strange, all my life I have had compliments (how handsome etc., at the time I did not see it. Now I realize my look is rather different because I had two very different parents – a lily white mother and my father rather swarthy). I have found the mix of dark hair and light eyes is often attractive to others, so what did I do? I removed my photo from my profile (because I don’t want to be pursued for my physical attractiveness and have them miss what I wrote on my profile – oh, and without the photo, many assume I am a malcontent because I rally against this standard, lol). Now, I am older, and therefore, by these banal standards, ‘less worthy’ of being ‘considered’ here. Better yet, after a long list of loss, illness, and rightfully earned depression – I gained weight. I was under the required 20% over appropriate BMI to be officially considered obese, but still, I had no idea what a venal sin it was.
    Alas, I am a thinker, I forgive most of these guys their foibles in their profiles, I provide accurate statistics, and I get little notice from the elite. I move on, and sometimes I am lucky to find the other gems that exist here. I must admit however, that when I read the sweepingly shallow devices for deciding who is worthy above, I must say that the intolerant have become the INTOLERABLE! (When we start hating The GAYS, and forget WE are ‘the gays,’ THAT is when we all are losers). We have become a microcosm of the society at large – and all that shame most deservedly falls on us!

  21. Will

    Anyone who brings up politics on a first date is out. Both sides of the political spectrum are full of morons and I have no patience for any of it.

    • Barry-NJ

      Until 2016, I would have agreed with you about no politics or religion on the first date. But, now I think it is a must so that I don’t waste any more time on a guy who turns out to be a Trumpist or a gay evangelical (yeah, they exist, but they tend to be so messed-up that you want to keep your distance).

  22. Leo

    I knew of this hairdresser through my grandmother. She would often go to him to get her hair done. We met once or twice in passing, and thought nothing more of it. Years later, we met and remembered who the other was. The old woman suggested to me – strangely, days earlier – that I should go out with this guy because “he’s your type” (even though he’s not.) The man and I agreed to give it a try, but in the more recent days, we had only communicated by online chat. He and I got together for a non-date, but just to meet and get acquainted.

    Not a *bad* person, but I found one thing to be especially grating: His voice. He was far too loud, his voice was annoying to listen to, and I quickly realized this could never happen. If I can’t have a comfortable conversation with you, there’s no way to make this work. You have to have some control over the volume and level of your voice. I have a hypersensitive ear from my musical training, and thus, I hear *everything*. And his regular interruptions during my turn to talk were just annoying. After an hour of this, we parted. I haven’t communicated with him since, even in online chat.

  23. Tober

    A deal breaker would be checking his cell phone, smells bad, rotten teeth and if his appearance doesn’t come close to his profile pic. I would be polite, but no second date. Drug use is a problem for me as well as calling me honey, dear and sweetheart. We are men, lets be men. I guess I am picky. lol

  24. Lamar

    Someone, who lacks EMPATHY, racists: blk or wht or anything in btw, elitists, “holier than thou’s”, sexists, the “anything goes people-no boundaries”, those/w short attention-spans, cruel-rude people, pig-pens, bad hygiene, trump supporters, non-monogamous guys that are just looking for sex, period, on a date, non intelligent-foolish, shallow guys, complete-btms or complete tops, those that are: chemically dependent or alcoholics, narrow-minded, ignorant.

  25. Hot-Dad-2

    Reading these comments, mainly about cellphone use, is very eye-opening. As a Southerner, the human company should be the MAIN focus, date or non-date.
    Politics shouldn’t be a topic of choice on any date especially at the beginning of a relationship until each one knows the other better. Racist remarks aren’t acceptable and gay men backbiting about other gays make them no better than non-gay backbiting. Gays know the struggle of most gays and to belittle them is very unacceptable.
    I go to restaurants that I love the wait staff and they love me and my folks. So, no dissing the staff in my presence. If I have an issue, I usually know the chain of command to get it fixed. Make me look bad and that’s the last time I will want to see you.
    I don’t have an issue with tobacco. It fed, clothe me and sent me to school. I worked in the stuff. I don’t use it so don’t knock me for it because you do.
    I don’t have an issue with apparel. Just don’t wear vulgar words. I know when and where to talk vulgar and when not to. I just don’t want to see it and be known by the company I was with.
    There are probably more, but, these seem to be the most chart – topping of the deal breakers.
    Enjoy the day!

  26. Jer

    It’s so Not even daunting to me the the Pure Shallownrss and arrrogance in nature of way too many esp Gay men
    It’s A ll this BS and the preconceived expectations that you all put on anyone to try to acheive (& the Audacity too)
    .. or reach b4 you even meet with them or to give them a slight chance yet to only show much of a arrogant truly fucked up prick you are
    that you think anyone should try to meet your nonsense “ standards
    Esp If about looks
    -Pretty packaged can have usually Alot of Ugly horrible inside contents
    Stay simple give some kinda chance
    Esp you’re truly Interested in someone
    that’s where this has become so hard in meeting another anyone is because of the Bullshit gay guys put out and think and truly believe you have to meet some marathon of expectation checklist
    Cut the checklist , give someone the chance that you maybe interested . No one is perfect and esp with shallow crap like looks and someone physique political views and religions sexual habits or whatever else . It’s tough enough for two people to get together and be with each other from a day to bays let alone years together- it’s when you don’t sweat the small stuff -is how you get to those golden years together – along with forgiveness;trust and communication (esp if mistakes are made)
    the rest of what’s mentioned above is just Nonsense
    And it’s what -WAY TOO MANY makin it the issues be center stage rather than in knowing and being with another someone Thru the good and bad

  27. Jason

    I would not ever consider dating a smoker or a drug user. As shallow as it sounds I would not date any one that is obese. I can accept a few pounds on a guy. I even prefer it over too skinny…but if you are 40 pounds or more overweight….not happening.

    As for some guys saying a DL guy is not acceptable. To me, a guy on the DL is just looking for sex and not dating or a relationship. But the same turnoffs apply to just a hook up as it does to dating for me.

  28. John

    Learned long ago to pack up your cultural baggage and roll up your moral rug–open your mind–close mindedness is definetly a no go

    • Mike

      There we go. Every soul is evolving however fast or slowly. Just pair up with the resonating frequency and let the rest find their way.

  29. skyreader

    !. Lack of communication skills. Been on dates with guys who think questions such as “Where did you grow up?” are akin to asking for his last 10 years of tax returns. I’m a journalist so I tend to be inquisitive, but just interested in finding out more about a guy, if I like his general disposition.
    2. Staring at everything in Levi’s that walks by while allegedly on a date with me. I’m miles away from an egomaniac, but this seems stupid, rude, passive-aggressive. If you’re not interested in being on this date, just say. “I’m sorry. This isn’t working out. I best be on my way. But wishing you a good rest of the day or evening.” Anything else is says something very small about your balls.
    3. Bad breath. There are any number of cheap products such as chewing gum or breath mints that can help you avoid this.
    4. Cologne that has been applied with a power washer. A tiny bit of a light cologne is acceptable but prefer none at all.
    5. Wolfing down one drink after the next until your date is soused and incomprehensible. Stick with two drinks slowly quaffed. Just enough for comfort and enlivenment.

  30. Mr. Uglydick

    I know this is going sound really superficial and everything above are potential dealers.

    Butttttttt, an uncut penis with an overly long foreskin is a turnoff. I mean, a total anteater. I watched some porn last night. The top had a beautiful face and perfectly sculpted body but he had an anteater for a penis.

    So, even with my average looks, age, and slight padding around the middle, I’d have to pass.

    Just a preference <>.

  31. Jonathan

    When a man can’t smile and laugh, that’s a serious deal-breaker for me. Not the obnoxious loud “look at me, I’m important and the center of attention” laugh, but that warm, funny, sincere laugh that comes from within. Those with those grim faces or when the face is straining to prevent a smile or laugh, I know it won’t work. I meet a lot of men simply by their laugh. From there, the hope is they can hold a conversation about anything; offer some back and forth; OK with being challenged and agree to disagree, but leave out the hostility and the arrogance. However, if he thinks the Kardashians are important or significant (other than fodder for entertainment news), I’m gone. 🙂

  32. Billy G

    Some of these posts I find entertaining, funny, occasionally news worthy and mostly dumb, but this one has been like that “good book” you just can’t put down………. I have found it to be most truthful…………………….. Being gay is hard enough and finding someone to be with, spend time with or fall in love with is 99.9% very difficult, so I do understand the “selling” we have to do to even get a first date, let a lone a second………… That being said, here are my top three, I know I have others, but these will never get me past the first one ate to even think about a second………

    Coming in at #3: The guy wants me to fuck his “man-pussy” or “man-gina”. The last I checked, if you really are a man there’s no “pussy” or “gina” lurking down there……………

    Coming in at #2: Unless I am doing all the talking and asking all the questions on that first date, the guy is sitting there like a wart on a toad’s back. And when he does respond to a question, it comes in one and two word responses. I can talk more than that to myself when I am alone and get better answers…………….

    And my all time favorite, coming in at #1: The guy reached out to me first, said how much my profile was like him and we had so much in common and even though I struggled through #2 and #3, at the end of the first date I ask him to get together again and do something he has indicted he likes to do from my profile and his response is…………” I’ve never done that before or I really don’t like being outdoors, but I will try it”.

    That’s my end to any possible second date. It’s also when I realize I should have stayed home with a good book…

    My best, BG

  33. Greg

    Before a first date can happen:
    non smoker
    non drug user
    HIV negative
    There must be some sense of physical attraction and some sense of compatible personalities.
    They must be willing to meet in person in a neutral place, like a coffee shop.

    Before a second date can happen:
    The first meeting has to have gone well, in terms of punctuality, behavior, conversation, and honesty in appearance and situation. This is the time to see what the sexual chemistry might be like.

    If all goes well on the second date, then things can develop as the two guys want–fuck buddy, friend with benefits, dating, etc.

    Sorry, but the Republican Party has a long history of homophobia (just read its party platform), and the inaction on AIDS by Republican President Ronald Reagan condemned many men of my age group to early deaths. I DO NOT DATE REPUBLICANS.

  34. Dr. Joseph Boodaghi

    I certainly my own deal breakers, and I will cite them.
    But first, I want to emphasize that as gay men, we have a perfectionstic tendency to find fault, almost immediately on a date. I mean the inner judgment and chatter, where we quietly judge his every gesture, hands, skin, eyes, voice, see if he meets our impossible criteria to continue dating or not. We can become possibility killers almost immediately. we say” I knew from the first 30 seconds, if he was the one or not”? Really? even psychologists wait 2-3 sessions before we make an assessment assessment. I am explaining this dynamic, because fault finding stops us from any possibility of at the least, making a new friend, and keeps us safe and single and not experiencing intimacy and commitment. not to mention Internalized Homophobia projected out on a guy who is just wanting what you want, a nice, kind, fun, and empathic man. So, let’s keep our egos in check. I don’t think who you are, a porn star, 4 phds, a billionaire, with a 14 inch dick, or 22 years old, you do not have the right to feel superior to any of our gay brothers who have survived, pain, loneliness, the Aids Crisis, sudicial ideation, family isolation, not belonging, overt and covert discrimination, depression, anxiety, and so forth.
    LET’S BE KIND TO ONE ANOTHER FIRST. An hour spent with a human being is more valuable than watching a crappy tv show, only if you don’t go with the attitude of ” well, show me your stuff”. You need to contribute also, and enrich this date.
    My deal breakers, are smokers, addicts, sociopaths and untreatable Narcissistic disorder.
    If after the second date, I am not looking to pursue romance, I gently say; you are a good man, however I do not feel the alchemy necessary for my to continue a dating situation, however, we can meet as friends, and hang out. I will not ghost on him, that lacks class and courage.
    that’s it. be well gentlemen.

  35. Danny

    Man Brent ! Don’t you just hate scenerios like that!? That’s what I don’t like blind dates anymore. Either that dude didn’t know his math very well or badly needed to get his eyes checked! Sure he could be a great guy but it got overshadowed by stating something he obviously wasn’t. Oohhh….and the superficialness he was quick to accuse you with? Couldn’t be any worse than his false stats he gave! Sad scene. Yes there are guys out there into guys like him but sadly you weren’t it.

  36. Christopher J Bartnik

    Anyone who dates people according to their political views…PERIOD! If you feel the need to bash Trump or wave his flags it still tasteless and boring politics and you need a life of your own… IMO.

  37. Shockrum

    Wow, I just feel that this entire conversation has been enlightening to say the least. Online dating is interesting in that it provides the ability to put out all of your business up front. Blessing and curse – I feel as if people go into dating expecting complete perfection from day one rather than learning and growing with one another. When I reflect on those in my life who did not have online dating as a tool, they didn’t have some of these absurd lists, and they certainly didn’t move on to the next 5 minutes later. They took the time to get to know someone, and love them flaws and all.

  38. Bradley

    I can’t stand gay men who tell me to get over myself just because I don’t like giving or receiving anal sex. No means no, and you either deal with it or get the fuck out of my way


    For me it basically boils down to stupidity! That’s the deal breaker! Some can’t even meet me cause I am older? From the country? Don’t have an phd? Etc! really stupid things! Of course my losing interests is when obviously they try be some one they are not! And try take advantage of my generosity!

Post a new comment

Like us to stay in touch with latests posts!