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Hey, guys! Have you ever cheated on a partner or been cheated on by one?
A gay man on r/askgaybros asked, “Guys who have cheated, why?” The responses ranged from regretful confessions to unapologetic reflections, offering a glimpse into the complex reasons behind infidelity.
Some gay men cheated as a reaction to betrayal like this one commenter who shared: “Because he cheated on me and after I forgave him, he went and cheated on me again. Found out at a party we were at… I hooked up with a random dude at the party, doing it on the couch next to him.” While the story is dramatic, another user with a similar experience admitted, “I do regret it though. I was young and stupid. Now I’d just end it. Two wrongs don’t make a right.”
Others emphasized the emotional toll cheating would bring them. One user humorously wrote: “Okay well you see it happened like this so there was this guy right and then he was like… Ah, who am I kidding? I’d never cheat. Legit wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I did.” For some, the guilt and self-reflection are enough to deter infidelity entirely.
Closeted relationships also contribute to cheating. One gay man recounted: “I was in the closet and in a relationship with a woman. Cheated about 5 times, all with men. Our relationship was finally ending and I was checked out by that time.” While he regrets his actions, he acknowledged that being closeted created a challenging dynamic that ultimately led to dishonesty.
Some responses offered a broader perspective on cheating. One commenter described it as a combination of unmet needs and cowardice: “Cheating is a sign of unmet needs and a cowardice at the same time to be honest about your feelings to your partner… If you’ve cheated or are thinking of cheating, all I can say is that the relationship is already doomed.” This perspective suggests that infidelity is often symptomatic of deeper relationship issues.
For others, cheating isn’t about regret or unmet needs—it’s simply about personal preferences. One user candidly admitted: “I’ve cheated on all my boyfriends, and honestly, I don’t feel bad about it. I’ve come to realize I’m not wired for monogamy… Maybe I just need to find relationships that align with that reality instead of pretending otherwise.” This highlights the importance of finding a relationship model that works for both partners.
Another response pointed to biology: “There are only one or two species on earth that are monogamous by nature, and the human species is not one of them.” While this view might seem reductive, it raises questions about the societal expectations surrounding monogamy.
What about you, Adam4Adam blog readers: have you ever cheated or been cheated on? What do you think drives people to stray from their partners? Is infidelity always a sign of a doomed relationship, or can couples work through it? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below—we’d love to hear your stories!
cheating is neither good nor bad unless a child is created a relationship that does not procreate, replenish or multiply does not need to Fidel
I’m so sorry for you that you just don’t get it.
I do get it which is why I commented.
Why do most men cheat? Well when you really think about it, it’s right in front of your face…Pornography. I’ve never cheated on anyone before, but I’ve had a bisexual partner who indulged in porn every day and the more he watched it, the more he seemed to lose interest in having sex with me and more interested in jerking off to porn. And when that was no longer enough for him, I one day smelled a fishy odor of a woman moaning loudly when I came home from work and caught both of them having sex on the couch.… Read more »
“but I’ve had a bisexual partner ” – right there should have been your RED FLAG to say ‘Nope, not for me….’ They’ll forever want their cake and to eat it too…. :-\
That’s true. Bisexuals are the absolute worst to be in relationships with. Unfortunately, I was too young at the time during my early 20s to see the red flags of getting involved with one till it was too late, so I ended up learning that lesson the hard way. Now that I’m in my early 30s, sometimes I want to go back ten years in time and kick my own ass for being so stupid and naive for thinking it was even possible to stay with a bisexual guy.
Are you basing this on one relationship that went bad? Don’t judge the actions of a group based on the actions of a few.
Something that applies to all of life’s situations…unfortunately, too many people have forgotten this.
Fishy? Gross. The bearded clam, eh?
Dyson, if it was fishy, it’s likely your partner was with Mother Hennepin!
because….a stiff dick has no conscience. Just like fishing, dangle the worm and eventually there’ll will be a bite.
Mmm-hmm And when fishes starts biting on a stiff dick that you’ve already bitten…toss that worm back into the ocean from whence it came and get you a bucket full of worms for yourself instead lol.
Funny true
Opportunity
I think part of the reason men cheat is hormones. Steve below mentioned “a stiff dick has no conscience.” And I think that is true to a point; If your hormone levels are high enough, it is like being drunk and you are absolutely NOT thinking of consequences, you just want the urge to be itched. (Just my opinion) I think it comes down to what one man said in the blog that this discussion is based off; Every person needs to find a relationship that fits the dynamic that they need in their life. If that means an open… Read more »
There is HUGE difference between sex and love. Loving your partner does not equate to a sex life. Most people would play around if they were honest with themselves…..if not, we wouldn’t have “hall passes” and fantasy forgiveness games in relationships! Also, gay men don’t need to conform to the expectations of heteronorms in our relationships!
CAUSE THEY WANT TO FUCK SOMEONE DIFFERENT………………….
A couple of thoughts….I have been cheated on – several times. I did some deep reflection to determine if I thought it was something I was or was not providing my partners. I concluded that, at least in my situation, it was that they couldn’t be monogamous and were cowards for not being honest about it. Which brings me to one of contributors to the article….the one who says he decided he wasn’t “wired” to be monogamous. I think that’s very true for many guys and I think that once a guy figures that out about himself, he needs to… Read more »
I don’t know if low-self-esteem is involved, but placing a low value on sexuality and love is a factor. Lack of faith, the Divine, weakens one’s love for another. This is one of the reasons we needed the right to marry. Cheating cheapens the partner and the new partner, and it is a serious lack of respect for the ones you hook up with. I will only do a married man if he is married to a woman, because that’s something she can’t give him.
Sex with my wife is always good , but I’m a very freaky guy and she’s not as freaky as I am, I enjoy sex with either a man or a woman, so I have women and men that I see , I enjoy sucking dicks and getting deep fucked, I sometimes just like to lay in bed with a man and suck his dick and get fucked off and on for hours,, sometimes I need what a woman can’t provide, well I know a woman can use a strapon dildo, but that’s not for me, it’s the idea of… Read more »
I agree on that one 100%
All of these guys here saying that a cheater is dishonest and all that shit..but then when a guy is honest he gets downvoted? SMH
Can anyone trust a cheating person? Why does gay men, married men, even single or committed in a current relationship CHEAT? Well, for me it’s all about having a conscious, self respect and complete honesty with heart! To tell the truth at all times, no matter what is the key. The world isn’t going to end if you simply tell the truth nor make the past and present dating status well known to the world. You either are not involved with another person or you are, what’s the big deal. The real truth will be revealed sooner or later that… Read more »
Cheating is a stupid concept for gay men. I have a 30 year great marriage and I get to fuck thousands of hot strangers and fuck buddies too! Life is great when you make your own path, instead of following other peoples stunted ideas of ‘propriety’. One life does not fit all…
are we talking physical or emotional cheating? I think it’s sometimes a lack of communication in both cases. Anyone I have never been in a relationship with has known going in: If you are looking for a promise of monogamy forever you are looking at the wrong guy. That is just failure waiting to happen. I’m not saying I’m going to jump on anything that moves, I’m just saying I’m not going to promise I will never jump on someone someday if so moved. Right? Wrong/ Debate all you want, it is what it is.
Because they can…it’s entitlement mentality.
Sex is an important physical connection between partners. It is also a strong physical connection with one’s self. I feel as long as you and your partner are strongly connected then extra curricular activities are just that. Extra bonuses to connect with people and yourself while holding the connection with your partner the tightest. Now if you’re not getting it at home, that’s probably when relationships should be rethought
For a change of pace. For a different cock. For better sex. For more sex. I can’t possibly have just one man all the time
Humans are not naturally monogamous, no matter what the religions and patriarchies say. So much energy wasted on fretting about ‘cheating’ and dramatics about purity. Outmoded ideas about saving oneself for just one person are based on rules thought up by ancient elders who needed to find a way to control sex and money. Grow up. I have never rolled my eyes so much as when hearing anyone blither on about eternal happiness and wedded bliss. Drop the clicheed thought patterns and reality up.
Simple. It’s just gay culture
It’s simple. It’s just gay culture
Wow. No free speech here. All my comments didn’t get posted. Oops my bad. Maybe they are after all
There’s something very unrealistic, immature/childish, and a state of insecurity to believe in monagamy. NO PERSON can make claims on another person…thats why there are no laws against it otherwise it would be considered human trafficking or slavery. To actually claim ‘thats mine, don’t touch’, means ownership and how do you propose to enforce that , when a human being is ‘sometimey’ (sometimes I wanna be owned, other times I don’t). The courts get around this by instituting something called ‘marriage’ and correlate to something widely accepted as sacred as the bible, which may or may not be a work… Read more »
Was dated a woman for years but just couldn’t stop sneaking off to have some fun with guys. Not to top either but to suck and to bottom and submit. 5 years with many times and a few semi regulars. Just couldn’t help it had an itch I couldn’t scratch
I totally understand I’m in the same situation now, I still love women and pussy, but creep off to be with men, I get dick craving and I have to go out and get it, sometimes I just need to suck some dick and or get fucked, I love the feeling of getting fucked,
I believe we are just sexual beings who like to pleasure and be pleasured. I have been with a lot of men who love women sexually and romantically, but like having sex with men, especially as a bottom. However, they don’t have romantic feelings for men, just sexual and physical attraction, mostly for the penis. Gay men have to block their feelings for them if they get together regularly. I have seen this a few times. It happened to me when I was younger.
Cheating is wrong. I had an ex partner who cheated on me throughout the whole relationship. I knew that something wasn’t right because he started changing his routine. At one point of time, his suitors knew my work schedule and when I was coming home from work. To top it off, I came home from work early and walked in on him about to have sex with someone else. This guy was only 17 and he was 46. Why would someone need to cheat with someone that young. I beat him up with a 2×4, threw his clothes out the… Read more »
Always good to admit to battery on a public website! Just saying 🙂
Men in general, regardless being Gay, Straight, or Bisexual, are not good at monogamy. Some are, but they are not many. Guys who aren’t committed fully to monogamy will often enter into such relationships. They’ll struggle, and the chances of failure are high. Others will find like minded partners and will successfully maintain their monogamy. Cheating will occur most often because over time we change. Each morning, we’re not exactly the same person we were yesterday. We’ve learned some, grown some, and changed some. Our partners will do just the same. After agreeing to a “one and only” relationship, one… Read more »
In a sense I cheated on my girlfriend when I was closeted and I watched gay porn. I lusted for and masturbated to men, but I never did anything with one while I was with her. I also watched porn the one time I had a “serious” boyfriend. The one time I was “cheated on” I had only been on a few dates with the guy, and while we were out together on a date he ditched me on the date because he met a more muscular guy at the bar we were at, and he told me bluntly that… Read more »
Very glad you pointed that out that we’re all born with free will to make our own choices in life for we are humans not animals. We’re born with a brain that’s more intelligent than any species of the world and a conscious to know right from wrong. As a victim of molestation as a child by an adult man, I’ve had some people tell me that “Oh he probably didn’t mean to do what he did” or “He probably had hormonal problems that may of been the cause of why he hurted you” which to me, was them making… Read more »
I think some people cheat simply because that is who they are. This is how they choose to live their lives. For me personally, when I came out in college and ultimately ended up in a relationship, it seemed that being gay meant that you were to sleep with whomever you wanted to, whenever you wanted to. So, this is what most of us did. I did not like it. It was not satisfying to me because deep down I felt it was the wrong thing to do when I was committed to someone. Even when I was single, I… Read more »
id love to post about my 2 douche bag cheaters just tell me how!!
It mostly evolves around sex more so than having an actual relationship with another guy. I was not getting much sex from my ex and it was causing me to want to stray, and I eventually did. I opened up to him about it and he wasn’t surprised. He just didn’t want to be single. He didn’t care about sex. He pretended he was sex positive and a versatile top when we met. Turned out he was a big bottom with a big dick that he didn’t want to use, and the little sex that we did have was just… Read more »
The shallower you are, the more likely this is to happen.
So you’re saying you cheat all the time? Not surprised!
This is an out-and-out confession, one I’m neither proud nor ashamed of: I’m married to my wife of 3-plus decades. During that time, I’ve had some form of intimacy with about 250 different guys. She has no clue, nor does anyone else. I’m cautious, careful, SAFE and always opportunistic. How do I live with myself? In my own mind, I don’t think of it as cheating per se. I’ve never been with other women during our marriage and to me, that would be cheating. I look at it as a little “side hobby” – a “physical activity.” Is it wrong?… Read more »