Image credit: Marcelo Chagas from Pexels
When it comes to media representation of LGBTQ folks, more than not we’re portrayed as hypersexualized, especially when it comes to gay men. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a strong sex drive, but it understandably makes a lot of LGBTQ virgins feel like they have to be sexual savants the moment they put themselves out there.
Living up to expectations is tough and we don’t want our readers — of whatever age — who just happen to be virgins to feel pressured to perform. Here are five things to keep in mind if you’re a virgin looking to dive into the world of LGBTQ sex.
1. LGBTQ sexuality is often misrepresented
Just like we said at the start of this article, a lot of LGBTQ representation in media depicts us as hypersexualized — from the predatory gay man, the ridiculously butch lesbian, or the trans sex worker. Being constantly fed that lie is sure to warp your expectations, so learn how to unlearn them. You’re not the only one who is inexperienced. There are plenty of people out there that are just like you.
2. Sex isn’t going to be perfect
Here’s one situation where both straight people and LGBTQ people are treated the same: the media makes us think that sex is going to be sensuous and perfect. That’s absolutely not the case. Sex can get messy, it might hurt, it might even be boring. If it’s your first time, there’s an even bigger chance that this encounter isn’t going to be mind-blowing. It’s best to just go into it without any overblown expectations and you might even find yourself pleasantly surprised.
3. Making sure the sex is safe isn’t going to kill the mood
If you only base your expectations on porn, you’d think that bareback is the only way to enjoy sex. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Sex is very much enjoyable even with a condom on. In fact, you could argue that you get to enjoy sex more with a condom since you’re not worrying about catching HIV or any other sexually-transmitted infection. Always keep it safe, especially if your first time is going to be with someone who you don’y know very well.
4. There’s nothing wrong with being prepared
Don’t think that just because you’re going to have sex with someone more experienced than you that they’re going to have everything needed for your first time. Don’t be afraid to bring condoms and lube, especially if you’re going to do anal. Trust us, anal sex is definitely going to require lube.
5. It’s perfectly okay to remain a virgin
You might feel a lot of pressure to go out there and have sex. Don’t give in to that pressure. Sex isn’t the be-all and end-all of life in the LGBTQ community. It’s okay to wait for as long as you need.
These is just some of the advice we’d give to any LGBTQ virgins out there looking to experience their first time. Do our Adam4Adam blog readers have any advice they’d like to share? What are some of the things you wish you knew when you were still a virgin? Share it with us in the comments section below!
1. Never Trust Anyone.
2. Always Use a Condom.
3. Never Trust Anyone.
4. Always Use a Condom.
5. Never Trust Anyone.
That was easy……..
To remain a virgin or to not remain a virgin, that is the question!
However, for those who chose to remain a virgin, remember this:
upon embalming, the mortician will insert a “Butt Plug.” Therefore, in the end, we all will lose our virginity!
I gave you a thumbs up because I got a chuckle out of your comment.
LAMAR:
Hugs & Kisses to You!
You are one-of-the-few who recognize my sense-of-humor mixed with a sense of reality. I appreciated your kindness.
“more than not we’re portrayed as hypersexualized,”
A case of “if the shoe fits, wear it.” Look at the responses here over the years to photos of guys’ bulges. Or comment after comment where it’s clear their makers look at all men as not much more than sources for fulfilling their sexual appetites/addictions. As long as many gay guys are loud, proud, out, flamboyant, etc. continuing to portray gays as hypersexualized, especially in the media, the portrayal, unfortunately, will be the reality.
Considering our gay parades; don’t you think that most often, ‘we’ are portraying ourselves as “hyper-sexualized?” It’s why I quit going long ago… I mean, it’s like blk-men that ‘call themselves thugs’, I find that outrageous, ’cause some actually do! That, is the mistake gay people made in our representation initially, we should have been correcting that assumption long ago, instead, ‘we’ confirmed it!. Living down the propaganda is what black people have had to do, who/what we are not; what we’re capable of throughout our hist., here; woman, same thing. Hell, man, they said the same thing about blk… Read more »
“we” are the problem. It’s not most gay men, however. Most gay men don’t flaunt their sexuality. It’s not the main point of who they are. It’s secondary to who they are. They keep their sexuality private as is their choice to do so. Problems occur when the “we” hit the media spotlight or feel a need to broadcast to everyone on the planet they are gay. That’s their choice to do so. of course, but it presents a skewed reality of what it means to be a gay man.
Hunter0500: It seems you’ve missed the main point of the article. The article is about sex, virginity, abstinence, hyper-sexuality, which all fall under the umbrella of Sexuality. The point you raise is more about sexual orientation – self identifying or being proud of being LGBTQ. Your comment: “Problems occur when the “we” hit the media spotlight or feel a need to broadcast to everyone on the planet they are gay,” implies that it is bad if a proud gay person represents/flaunts themselves or our community as a gay person. I beg to differ. LGBTQ persons who are proud and bold… Read more »
“Sex on your own terms”, you have chosen to lurk in dark behind an anonymous user name. I’ll respond anyway for clarity. No point was missed. The “we” are the out and proud who flaunt their sexuality in the media and public spotlight. It is their right to do that, of course, as I stated. The response from society as a whole to what they see in the media and public spotlight then is that gay men are hypersexualized…as the opening sentence of the article states. That response is not always positive. It won’t be until gays learn to live… Read more »
The bottom line is this: you’re visible anyway, there is no hiding/denial (they can see) in todays world-no privacy; why the hell not, control how you’re HOW you’re seen, craft and up-lift with a positive light in ‘how’ you’re seen, that way, there is no shame in being seen/recognized, as fully human-deserving of humanity; on pare with the rest of humanity. That, is ‘why’ the lessor points of homosexuality became really antiquated to me, like you said “skewed,” I’m not just blk or gay, you’re not just wht or gay, we’re not just American, either. Get a broader view of… Read more »
I made a similar observation during the A4A gay pride over promotions and was chastised by a member of A4A who didn’t feel the same way. Some just can’t take the truth when handed to them.
Be very, very selective, take your time and do not be desperate. I honestly think it’s so much better if you meet someone else who’s also a virgin. Try dating each other, as old fashioned that my seem to folks these days, find some inner quality in one another, COMMUNICATE, experiment and be honest. Obviously, damnit, use those condoms!
I agree, sex isn’t the only thing about being gay. It’s a liking for each other, a love and care that most people don’t understand that exists between two guys, (or gals). It’s about accepting each other as they are. Sure, it’s not at all like in the porn videos. Yes, anal can hurt, sometimes you just can’t cum, and yes being nervous plays a big role, especially if it’s your first time meeting up, or even trying out something new like anal. I also agree sex can get messy, and that’s just the way it is. Yes, we fantasy… Read more »
About time they have a more realistic article for once. If there’s something these apps do is pressure people into thinking sex is the only way to enjoy your LGBTQ identity. Being a virgin or even non experienced monogamous makes you just as valid.
Add to the advice list “Meet First in a Public Place”. When it comes time to propose a first face-to-face meeting, suggest (insist) meeting someplace public for coffee, beer, etc. first to talk about who you both are, what you’re seeking, etc.. Not only is this wiser/saferr than inviting an unknown guy to your place or you going to his, it’s a great indictator of guy who’s willing to invest some time in having a good time. If a guy balks, it’s a signal that he’s got something to hide or isn’t being upfront or is going to be pushy/aggressive…or… Read more »
BINGO! Thumbs-up I was going to say meet in a public place, first, like we used back in the day before the net.
That’s good advice for non-virgins, too! Online, I get numerous invitations for some play from guys who appear interesting on the surface. But, over 90% disappear when I tell them that I always meet in a public place first. When that happens, I count myself lucky because he’s hiding something or is deep in the closet.
They’re, usually, just looking for a hit & run, totally, anonymous sex, their ‘motives’ aren’t on the same lever as yours, Barry, that 90%+.
Hypersexualized is more about wanting to have sex with just about everyone the person lusts without regard to forming or building rapport beyond sex. The media does particularly portray gay males as hypersexualized. There are many who may be hypersexualized; We should not shame those men. But, the point of the article is to inform LGBTQ persons who may be virgins to not be pressured to have sex because of media hype. What’s more, this important and socially conscious article is reiterating that sex should be consensual, on your own terms, no need to rush-do it, do it when you… Read more »
Just be prepared to experience something you didn’t expect. There are a lot of virgins who have a whole list of expectations, and they’re going to be discouraged by the realities of sexual congress. Lose the rainbow unicorn ideals; sex is dirty, nasty, and thoroughly enjoyable, as long as you keep your senses. Don’t be afraid to try something new, just know the medical ramifications of your actions. In short, don’t do anything stupid. Recognize the signs of an overly-confident partner who wants to do more than you need to do; there are creeps who will do damage, if you… Read more »