(Photo Credits: New Africa from Shutterstock)
Are you a top, bottom, vers? If you aren’t any of the three, are you perhaps a side?
Vers, by the way, is defined as “(in the LGBTQ community) being or relating to a person who is willing to take either a penetrative or a receptive role in a particular sexual act, especially anal intercourse.”
On the other hand, side is used to refer to a gay man “who does not enjoy anal penetration (giving or receiving), but will engage in other forms of same sex activity (fellatio, frottage, mutual masturbation, etc).”
Anyway, we are asking because a gay man shared online, “Being a Side is so much easier and less stressful.” He then added:
“I used to find sex a chore, a painful one. It was literal torture having to bottom. And yes, I tried EVERYTHING, it still hurts. Ever since I became a side, no more painful sex, no more nights crying from the literal pain I had to go through. I still have PTSD from a night of rough sex. I fainted and had to go to the hospital.
Guys, don’t Bottom if you are not into it. You’re worth more. Sex can be great if you are cool with it.”
A lot of gay men on the thread agreed (we do, too!); sex isn’t of course, just about topping and bottoming. On guy commented, “Bottoming is just an anal sex position. Whenever some mentions that anal is their only way to get off I feel really bad for them and wonder if they have truly explored sex. There are so many things you can do physically with touch. I love a good massage and happy ending for example.”
Further, one gay man shared, “I think I am a side at heart but pretty much everyone wants anal so I just do it (I usually top though). I find the other stuff way more fun personally.”
Meanwhile, on guy advised, “I’ve come to the realization in my life, many years ago that there are lots of options for sex as a gay man…. top, bottom, side, oral only, j/o only, sensual touching.” He continued, “Just try it all and stick with what you like! And mix it up once in a while. Try something new! You are the one in charge of your sex life!!! It’s up to you what you choose to do.”
Having said all that, what about you guys? Would you say you are a side? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below!
One of my buds recently frotted me (his cock between my legs sliding along my ballsack) while we kissed and hugged hard laying facing each other on our sides until he unloaded profusely. Sometimes I bottom for him but prefer he fucks me face to face so he frots me sometimes. He’s not a Bottom. We both love oral.
Does the mean I’m a Side-ual Bottom Vers?
Does that make him a Side-ual Top Vers?
It’s already convoluted enough. Just call it “side” !!
so-called inclusive community just loves labeling people
There’s nothing about inclusivity that precludes the use of labels. Every single word is a label. We use words to communicate ideas. This is how language works.
Nomenclatures
Thanks for that, Kasper. That one-word response completely changed the game for me. I’m now totally convinced that labels are inherently nefarious, divisive, and necessarily exclusionary.
But, sometimes, effective and justified!
Sometimes, it only takes “One Word” if chosen wisely!
“Touché”!
“Jesus fuckin’ Christ.”
Someone can’t, “recognize,” sarcasm!
Nobody was using the term ‘side’ about over a year ago, until some video or a series of gay videos went viral describing what the term means, and now it’s like if almost everyone saw that same vid and claims they are a “side” online when it was just practically yesterday, virtually every gay was on PrEP for every 12 months a year. I seriously doubt all of these gays are actual “sides” while that’s typical among them, their unoriginality.
I think I am an IN-side…
Just stop talking all sweet, and put that Dick INside me already…
I love massage, especially soft touch without oil.
I also love the feel of his dick and mine rubbing together.
Oral is great, if I know you enough to trust you.
I am too tight to enjoy anal … it hurts. No topping or bottom at all for me.
This is an idiotic term that people need to stop using.
“Stupid Are As Stupid Do”!
You’d know better than nearly anyone.
It is not at all idiotic. People who don’t fuck get tired of being asked if they are tops or bottoms.
I always regarded top and bottom as implying anal activity proclivity, but in wider discussion, top and bottom applied to any number of activities. It was possible for a person to be an anal top but an oral bottom. I was always vexed by the total bottom, who allowed no touching of his penis. I myself would specify as to anal, but I always believed all of the so-called “side” activities were actually necessary foreplay. Sometimes we would plan anal, but get so enthralled by everything else that we let the anal pass, considering it to be an interruption of… Read more »
Who comes up with these labels… and by the way…. If you identify as “top/vers top” or bottom/vers bottom” or are you just plain versatile? And if you actually took the time to get to know a guy and later find you don’t like his “label”… would you just not see him again? On some of these “dating” sites, if you indicate any label that doesn’t interest another person…you get a “sorry I don’t think we are a good match” response. Drop the labels… Please!
Before having sex with someone I’ve never met, I need to know of the following up front: Do you play safely? Are you a top, bottom, vers., or neither (“side”)? In a recent hookup with a guy I’d met on a4a, he said he had a policy of no f*cking first meeting. Did that make him a side that day? We made up for it with our lips, tongues & hands. It was a hot time and I really don’t care how you describe him that day.
What do you mean by “someone I’ve never met”? If you’ve never met someone, how can you have sex with him?
I can understand if you said someone you’ve recently met, or someone you’ve newly met. But “never met”? Are you talking about online/virtual sex?
“ Whenever some mentions that anal is their only way to get off I feel really bad for them and wonder if they have truly explored sex.”
As someone who only gets off by insertive anal sex, please don’t feel bad for me. Trust me. I’m extremely happy and satisfied. And power to the bottoms, versatiles and sides. Live and let live!
I’m an oral side/bottom. I’m a side outside of a committed monogamous relationship, and a bottom in a committed monogamous relationship.
i just love being a side, oral really is a very sensual (and more safer) form of sex, and less painful for that matter, honey!
I have topped but it’s definitely not my favorite thing. I prefer sensual kissing, massage, oral swapping, frotting, etc – and always have a mind-blowing orgasm. If that makes me a side, so be it.
I find this constant need to label everything and everyone to be puzzling. It may be useful in a profile description to hint at a person’s likes or dislikes, but for me, that’s about all they are good for. The idea of fitting into a label implies that you are stuck in a rut and unwilling to try new or different things. What a turn-off! Some partners are better at some things than others. It’s a fact, but not the end of the world. As humans, we don’t always bring our A-game to the party. We’ve all had big plans for a night out only to have… Read more »
It’s part of the marketing strategy of the gay “community” where every possible thing is commercialized. It was first publicized by a guy who figured out it was a way he could both make a lot of money and get laid, so he started marketing it and charging to appear as a speaker about it, etc. Butt at the same time, it does have its benefits.
We’re probably talking about the same influencer/vid. And back in the day, nobody was identifying as “tops” or “bottoms” either.
A side is a guy who likely takes more responsiblity for his health and the health of his partner(s). Side is a lot more gay than fucking as if heterosexuals.
“A side is a guy who likely takes more responsiblity for his health and the health of his partner(s).” How on earth did you draw this conclusion?
Ignore Mother Hennipen. The shared single brain cell between that thing, and Kasper, and a couple of other trolls on these stories is obvious.
I have been a fairly committed top my whole sexual life. As I’m getting older now (66) it’s getting more difficult to get fully hard all the time. Topping is just less likely to happen. I love body contact, kissing, frot, oral (one guy I was with preferred giving me head while soft!), j/o… There are lots of satisfying ways to have sex without penetration.
I’m being hacked and tortured y ronnie killough and john foster and they won’t stop they stole my company and the money they call me slave and I hate them for that
I was a cna for 15 years and they have ruined my career they keep me broke fornover 2 years now in Coweta Oklahoma and ronnie killough thinks I’m going to go anywhere with him. I’d rather die.