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“Ask me if I’m gay without asking me if I’m gay,” says the original poster (OP) of one of the most popular threads on Reddit. The aforementioned thread garnered interesting comments and funny personal stories.
One gay man for instance, replied, “Why are you walking like that?” This particular response itself earned plenty of comments.
We did a bit of research and apparently, some people do gauge or identify a man’s sexual orientation by the way they walk. There’s even a study about it published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
According to the study, observers are able to tell whether a man is gay or straight “at a glance.” They explained further that the “key to telling might be in the way he walks,” NBC News reports. They added, “A swing of the hips or a swaggered shoulder is enough for many casual observers to identify a man’s sexual orientation.” You can read the article in full here, if you are interested. The researchers however, cautioned readers “that snap judgment can unleash a series of stereotypes — even from the most liberal-minded.”
Anyway, going back to the original topic at hand, one respondent suggested that one way to tell a man is gay is through music. He said, “There was this time when I wanted to let a guy know that I was gay while we were in a group conversation about music, so I simply said ‘I like ABBA,’ he got it right away, so I guess music is one way to tell.” Many people agreed and even suggested singers who are popular or loved by the gay community, Kylie Minogue, for example.
Of course, there were gaymers on the thread as well. One particular guy shared that he asked someone in his local Pokémon Go group whom he knew was gay: “Hey! So are you a fairy type too?”
Further, if you find yourself browsing a shop’s underwear section, then that’s one indication also, at least according to the gay men on Reddit. One gay man quipped, “Checking out the underwear aisle again? Didn’t you get new boxers for your birthday?”
How about you, guys? How do you ask if a guy is gay without asking if he’s gay? You can browse the thread in full here to read the other gay men’s responses.
Just talk to guys. If they’re weirded out, they will quickly move on. If not, they’ll talk or chat. If talk or chat continues for a while, tell him you’re about to get lunch and ask him if he’d like to join you. Don’t be a teenager. Be an adult. (And since you invited, cover the bill.)
Thinking you can tell by someone’s walk is its ups and downs. It catches those gay men who have some feminine affects, but completely misses the large portion of gay men who display few to no noticeable feminine affects. The key mistake is that a lot of straight guys, and even many gay ones, think gay men are always identifiable by behavior/speech patterns/some other detectable way. But more often than not, that’s not the case. I’d imagine music preferences or asking what someone else what they do on the weekend for fun (if their interlocutor is willing to be honest… Read more »
Many gay guys are not stereotypical femmy, flamboyant, and/or spreading feathers and glitter behind them. Many men who are sexually and/or emotionally attracted to men carry themselves in masculine/Straight as an Arrow manners. “The Community” remains in denial about this second group.
We’ve seen enough flaming muscle queens. Most pretend to be masculine but the gaydar gets them anyways.
What about “The Leatherettes”?
Not really. Most gay men who have been socialized around other gay men know that there are plenty of them who come off as stereotypically. The group that tends to not realize this is heterosexuals, not gay men.
Yeah, that was … sort of the point of my post.
Generally… we Gay Guys have “Gaydar” which is gay radar and radar is radar! So, when we observe the “Swish” walk, gaydar activates. When we smell the overabundance of cologne, gaydar warns us. When we see the “Matching Outfits,” gadar yells an “Ensemble.” When someone brags “I just love Madonna,” gaydar goes into high gear. When a Gayboi warns us that he is “Watching-His-Weight,” gaydar screams, Ah Ha! Yes, there are warnings everywhere and “Gaydar” keeps us informed and abreast. When I was very young,(I was born in 1964), if a male screamed that he just “Loves The Supremes” or… Read more »
Agreed if they’re stereotypical femmy, flamboyant, and/or spreading feathers and glitter behind them. Many gay men are stealth.
As usual, we are mostly on-the-same-page!
Making a judgement on who might or not might t be gay base solely on appearance, mannerisms, way of dressing, and even voice pitch/inflection–particularly in metropolis where the “metro man,” gay or otherwise, pay careful attention to their personal appearance, grooming, demeanor, and cultivated speech–could be quiet deceiving. Additionally, in rural areas where men tend to adopt a “macho” attitude and dress code, is even more confusing. Boy, o boy! Have I made such embarrassing blunders in this regard! Some men I was 100% gay, turned out to be as straight as an arrow. On the other hand, some I… Read more »
As you pointed out, life is an enigma.
He is 200% gay if he likes any of those: Madonna, Kylie, Sher, Britney, Janet, Beyonce.
He is 1000% Gay if he;;;
cleanses; moisturizes; exfoliates; shampoos; douches; applies lip gloss; nail polish or hardener; styles; plucks; shapes; contours; diets; mousses; sprays; uses a depilatory; curls; straightens; uses an emery board; files; twizzles; dyes; tints; visits a hairdresser; never mentions a barber; wears flats; heels; pumps; hair pieces; or considers himself a succulent!
This got furiously downvoted – the gays felt exposed!
The “Gospel Truth” eviscerated their flesh not unlike ravishingly hungry cannibals who are anticipating the delights of human flesh, cut and quartered, seasoned and tenderized!
I can usually tell a guy is gay because his dick Is in my mouth or up my ass. Just saying…
a wink, a smile, and a nod…. and we are off to bed
I’m not really into labels. I played football for years and have a deep passion for football rather it’s high school, college or professional. I’ve been a Washington Commanders fans since I was a boy. My sons played football. I talk football with complete strangers if the subject comes up in the barber shops, gym, waiting in line in the mall, etc. This time of the year before the NFL season start, football fans are excited about new additions to their teams from the draft and trades. Rarely do gay guys talk football. They act like they’re from a different… Read more »
Some of us Gays were competitive swimmers who made Nationals and who competed in the “Pan American Games”.
Football isn’t the only measure of masculinity. You are trying to impress us that you are anything but obvious.
Some of my gay buds are die hard football, baseball, and basketball fans. Those sports are a great starting place for conversation. So chat guys up about sports! And see where further conversations take you. 😉
I stopped watching football when it became political. As did most everyone I know. I’m sick of all of this liberal bullshit. You be who you are and don’t force it on the rest of us. Getting nasty in bed just no place for that shit. (Pun intended). I’m as manly as they cum. But don’t put up with bullshit lies and propaganda. Go there and you can fuck yourself. My iq is higher than 01.
your post is spot on and quote refreshing to hear in this forum especially
NFL teams averaged 67,254 fans a game in 2021 up 606 fans or about 0.9% over the pre- pandemic season of 2019. Football didn’t stop because you stop watching it fool. People you know don’t count because they’re fools like you!!! The jury is still out about your IQ being higher than 01. Now go back down in your basement and use your 12 inch dildo and blank yourself. (Pun intended Mr. Manly) Lol!!!!
I’m a mixed bag; both “gay ways” and masc., I’ve always been like this. Most black guys know; hetero or gay, most white guys don’t, period. But I’ve always been open-out, just not so “flaming” however, my knuckles aren’t dragging the ground, either. I’m just not typical either way, typically black or typically gay for the most part. I’m into the track and field events and tennis, all of the fights: boxing, kickboxing, martial arts, wrestling. I love and have an extensive music collection, mostly all genres of music. I have a baritone voice, articulately, speak clear english, proper pronunciation.… Read more »
The real way is to watch their eyes, and if they look at your crotch, bingo!
You know, there’s truth there; most hetero black men are ‘not’ going to make the kind of eye contact that I have experienced at basket-ball games, with what I’m assuming are DL’s. Some of these men are ‘almost’ irresistible, I’ve had to look away or risk a public woody, they nod with that “what’s up” look, lmao! They’re sneaky, they’ll check you out.
You are a “Renaissance Man”!
Cultured; Refined; Sophisticated; Cosmopolitan; Continental and most of all, The Most Desired Man In The World!
Lamar, he’s trying to swell your head? Lol
No, it’s not working, lol.
But, it got you to comment!
So, it already worked!
. . . And exactly, how, how did it swell my head; just by responding? A comment (eyeroll) is all it was/is.
But it got you to respond so it wasn’t all that “Innocuous”?
WHT? Dude, that’s ALL it was, a comment, ok?
Lamar, you are an excellent gay!
Perhaps, in my own unique way, thanks!
That was sarcasm honey, but I didn’t expect you to get it.
No, I got it “honey” . . . “you go low I go high.”
“Who’ve you been dating lately?”
Why do we need to know if a guy is gay? If he’s Straight (or presents himself as such because that’s what he wishes) we’re done?
Why do Gay men work so hard to ensure they end up old, bitter and lonely?
Because it is a huge waste of your life to try to date someone that isn’t gay or just doesn’t want to show you he is gay. Good luck with mission impossible but many before you have tried and failed.
And, what is wrong with “Self-Deprecation?”
It has its merits and who are we to disavow the right to self-imposed misery? I say, be miserable and enjoy the self-flagellation?
Remember, Hunter: from pain comes pleasure!
Arrested development, mostly, easy. Many gay men seemly stay in this make-believe world all in their heads of course, they’re young forever, “still waving at a parade that has long since passed them by,” lol. I’ll bet you know what movie that line came from, lol. You just got to love script writers.
And then they awake and don’t like who/what they see, looking back at them and that’s when they become bitter, fucking their brains out, and ‘still’ lonely.
my husband used to work at a family business. His cousin owned and bought from his grandfather. Husband was early 20′ and a customer asked him if he “was family”. yes I am. “No are you family!” Yes my cousin owns it! “are you Family!! Husband now talkes real slow and loud, YES I AM FAMILY OF THE OWNER. Husband learned a month or so later it was code
In 99% of the gays lives a woman. That womanhood gets exposed in gay porn when muscle dudes start moaning like they are dying, and they aren’t even hard! That’s why the Gaydar has such a high success rate – we just notice a womanly behavior regardless of the muscles and the beards. Only 1% of gays are masculine like heterosexuals.
Almost every case with monkeypox nowadas is gay. It looks we found the perfect gay test.
perhaps, for gays under age 50. the smallpox vaccination program stopped in 1972 for the general population (in 1991 for the military). so, gays over age 50 do not need to line up for the vaccine.
hmm so a vaccine given 50+ uears afo remains effective, yet for the Wuhan flu we are told to take 2 rounds plus 2 boosters in less than 2 years because the vax works so well?? And every covid vaxxed person I know has gotten the virus at least once, many multiple times
Covid as all coronaviruses and similarly the flu viruses infects a lot and mutates fast. That’s why the vaccines against them have to be constantly updated. HIV is also mutating fast so all trials to make a vaccine against it failed too.
Once again, disinformation. HIV is mutating more slowly because it’s being contained. And if you do the job of staying on your meds, or take PrEP, you’re fighting the good fight. Updated vaccines treat various mutations that outside the efficacy scope of an original. A new mix is coming in September for new mutations, but if you had an mRNA vaccine, it’s still the best prevention, as is wearing a mask, and distancing, but few want to do that. It’s understandable. And chances are, you’ll get it. Remember that the unsuccessful mutations are spread almost equally until statistically, the mutations… Read more »
Dude, you have KNOW IDEA what you’re talking about. COVID was a novel, never seen before SARS virus. Monkeypox has not mutated beyond the efficacy of the smallpox virus. Please do the research before you spread bad information. You do the community zero good by spouting off such nonsense. Most US men over 50 are smallpox vaccinated and need not worry. Others, by all means, yes, and the response has been miserable and ineffective.
You could be right but it is not known how much would an 50 years old vaccine hold against monkeypox. There are indeed fewer cases of older gays but they have much less random sex with multiple partners than younger gays.
It is strongly believed, short term statistics taken (and the gov isn’t doing a good job of it) that the current monkeypox strains are being contained by a youth-administered smallpox vaccination. Doesn’t mean it can’t mutate, but so far, there is no evidence of this.
Is that true about the smallpox vaccine? That would be great, but this is the only place that I’ve heard that.
Right. Until it spreads to the wider society
And then…there are those of us who are happily married to our wives and carry on our closeted gay sex lives completely on the side. I’ve been carrying on this charade my whole adult life, including the past 35 years happily married to my wife and neither she nor anyone know I’ve had this “other life” all along. I’d like to think/believe nobody can detect which way my c*ck points (and it clearly points at guys). My daily life is all hetero – socially, but I always wonder whether I give off any clues – sure hope not (but how… Read more »
This could have been written by me! Married for 36 years. No sex with her for about 10. I am totally attracted now to men. I find that a look into a man’s eyes sends the signal. I’ll catch him looking and I’ll look back or vice versa.
Darrell1: Aside from being in what appears to be the exact same situation as mine (even incl. being just a couple of months shy of my 36th anniv.), you make an interesting comment about the eye contact. It hasn’t happened with me in many years, but in the distant past, I was walking on a city sidewalk and walked past a guy, casually looked him over, kept walking, then about 10 paces later, I stopped and thought I’d take one last look and bingo – he did the same and we connected. Had great sex later that day! Another time,… Read more »
I’m with you both. Married to a woman. Have discreet M2M play in my off hours.
Sex with my wife is a distant memory….
I’m also married and we still have sex ,,but it’s only to satisfy her when she wants it witch is not often ,, but I’ve had a man (top) on he side for a yr now,,,, everyone that knows me thinks I’m the straighted guy on the planed,,,but once I’m at his place it’s tank top and panties ,,,,I become a submissive bottom,,,, He’s also straight acting very masculine and dominant a 100% top,,,,as far as I know I don’t give off any gay vibes,,,,lots of women hit on me til I stress the fact I’m married,,,,that’s how I blow… Read more »
I hear you, Ltgfoti. Although I’m more of a dom/top (though not entirely), once inside some place w/ another guy, doors double-locked with nobody nearby who could possibly witness it, I transform…and oh do I transform. I hug, I kiss, I s*ck, then I (sometimes) f*ck. I do all those hot things that no one in my “real life” could imagine me possibly doing, and what a release!
Yes it’s a wonderful thing,,, being naked with a good top getting body rubs his hands all over my body with warm oil right before he slide into me is amazing,,
You’re not alone. Most of the guys I play with are the same, “reserved” about our sexuality and revealing it only to those who need to know. We’re, not “in the closet” or “on the down low” which have never been complimentary terms when used by “The Community.” Being attracted to men sexually and/or emotionally is a part of who we are, but not a sole defining factor.
“Loud and Proud!” Gays have every right to be so. “Reserved” ones just as well.
Overt: Appreciate your chiming in here, though I would only “reveal” my sexual interest to those I actually have sex with. Nobody else “needs to know” and if anyone were to find out, my life would collapse like a house of cards.
Hopefully there’d be a tough discussion about love between you and them and you’re not having to apologize for how you were born.
Not to get too deep about myself, but I wasn’t born this way. My lust for guys developed in my mid-teens (in fact, I can track back to a particular moment in my life that I first took notice of guys’ bodies). Love has never been a part of it, which is why I remain totally hetero in my so-called “real world.” My gay activities are just that – they’re activities and comprise a completely non-existent, love-less side of my life. (Didn’t mean to sound all defensive.)
Same here,,,if anyone should find out about my double life my life would be over,,,I would move far away and never be seen again,,,,most people say rather you are a top or a bottom it’s still the same,,,,if someone walk in on me fucking a guy I might be ok,,,,, but if someone walked in on me getting fucked,,, I know I won’t be able to handle that,,,, I’m a DL bottom and as much as I enjoy getting piped down I don’t want my family or anyone else knowing that I willingly let men use my asshole like a… Read more »
LOL @ this article. I NEVER ask guys if they are gay, that’s rude lol. S*** just happens.
People who want to “present” as gay, find a way. The hints can be subtle or strong. If you’re advertising, we’ll know it. I usually present as standard masculine. Did you catch my nipple piercings behind my shirt? That I automatically match what I’m wearing? That I take care of myself? Some can tell, others aren’t looking. I’m into the ones looking. And I can flame and swish, and be total scorching homo if I wanna be. It’s not often. It’s not normal for me. On certain occasions, if you can’t tell I’m a queer MFer, you are blind, dude.… Read more »
i sure do miss ya mister B, honey! you were the first guy i ever asked, “are you gay?” and without any hestitation whatsoever you said “yes” .. but oh my what a lovely set of full and fine TEETH you had, such pearly whites that i’ll never forget .. alas, ya moved away to the USA desert somewhere and i’ll never find ya .. wish i was brave as you if ever anyone asks me the same Q, but i’m a wimp 🙁
I’m a masculine, DL bottom living in the Bronx, NYC. I sometimes see a man out on the street, store, etc., and wonder how to ask or figure out if they’re gay, and if there’s a subtle way or signal to let them know I bottom?