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Would you go on a date with a married or attached person? Why or why not? We’re talking about a real date, by the way, and not just having sex or hooking up for a night.
We are asking because we often encounter this question online. Sometimes, the dilemma is just about having one date, but there are others who are also asking whether or not they should have a long-term relationship with the married or attached guy. Like in this thread for example, where the original poster (OP) said, and we quote:
I got no issues with hook-ups, but I think it’s a different story when someone married as described above wants to start a committed, romantic relationship with me. I had a workmate last time who is married with two kids and he said he likes me and wants to be his bf but we need to keep it secret and live a private life ‘coz he can’t leave his wife and family. Is this love affair worth it or better stay away from such complications? Thank you for your time and thoughts. Cheers!
One of the readers answered, “No, wtf, I’m not trying to be a home wrecker.” His response was echoed by another, who said, “No. I hate the thought of being cheated on so I would never put myself in a position where I was involved in it.”
In addition, another guy said that it’s truly up to the person if he wants to be in the middle of someone’s marriage but that he also has to think about what he is doing to the married guy’s family. He added, “Think that if you are his secret, [then] there are probably other secrets. So it’s all your choice. I wouldn’t, based on what it could do to a family. I have also found that the advice I give is not 100% the greatest and is a matter of personal opinion. Good luck.”
Meanwhile, three guys did reply and advised OP to go and do it. One said that he had, in fact done it. The other explained that it’s because life is short which is why he should just go and have a relationship with the other guy while the other man’s answer was way longer. He said:
Yes, why not. I totally would. If we like each other and we would have to arrange something, like an open relationship or something. I mean, I know it’s not ideal at all, but when you’re in love, reasons are not enough to amaras away from the person you want to spend some time with… although I would probably have mixed feelings sometimes TBH. If you’re not in love, then stay away. For practical reasons, leaving feelings aside, if you know the situation beforehand. If you decide to embark in this type of relationship, you will need to be super coolheaded and be aware of all limitations. Just be realistic. I’d do it. That doesn’t mean you have to do it as well… especially knowing you have the option to avoid it.
Having said all that, what about you, guys? Would you go on a date with a married or attached person? Would you have a relationship with them? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below!
Hook-up, sure. Actual dating that could lead to emotional involvement with someone else’s spouse/partner? No. That’s a whole different level right there.
The very first line of the blog post reads “Would you go on a date with a married or attached person? Why or why not? We’re talking about a real date, by the way, and not just having sex or hooking up for a night.” You don’t have to make the differentiation between hooking up and a “real date”. They told you upfront they were only talking about the later.
Sex is okay, but a date is wrong.
Is that a correct understanding of your post?
I have and still do. No judgement. If they are not getting what they need at home i am always willing to help out
This sounds like you’re just fucking them. That’s not what they’re asking about. READ THE POST BEFORE YOU POST.
he’s trying to give you some good advice.. listen to him.. I had a married guy fucking me for over a year.. he had a big huge dick and I enjoyed every inch of it…some of the best sex I ever had…it was strictly sex. and i loved it..
Why build a Love Relation…predicated on a man who is already enjoined? Where is the Rhyme and Rhythm? The man is already attached. Where is the logic…particularly, when most men either marry or remain married for societal acceptance, occupational prosperity and opportunities, financial well-being and, most often, because of children? There are already so many obstacles to any relationship…particularly, Gay Relations. Why either fan-the-fire or-fuel-the-fire? Surely, an unattached man can be found who will love, cherish and honor a relationship which has a chance to begin and perpetuate; instead of a relationship with a married man who is not free… Read more »
Kasper, totally agree if “married” and “dating” refer to a totally exclusive monogamous relationship when it comes to everything, meaning love and sex. All’s good for those who want and need that. But as we know there are more to men than just that kind of black and white exclusivity. There are married guys who enjoy also having physical fun with other guys. Their connection with their married partner is spiritual or mental or really one of the heart and head. They have their “top dog guy.” But they don’t also require exclusive physical fun. Some guys do have that… Read more »
It seems people define dating in different ways. I have no moral objections about hooking up with a married/partnered man, but I think of dating as seeing someone who is regularly available to do things with like movies, dinners, concerts, sporting events, week-end trips, parties at friends’houses and various other things that may come up. Date someone who can never spend the night? Has to be home at a certain time so his spouse won’t become suspicious? Can’t plan a weekend trip because of family obligations? I wouldn’t! I haven’t met many married men who can even plan a simple… Read more »
You hit it. If he got in one that leaves him dissatisfied, if he can play that game of two faces, trying to keep what he wants while deceiving another, just how secure can you be in his truthfulness to you? You already see him lying to someone he made a contract with, in front of witnesses. Is it because he doesn’t want a price atrached to his choice? Is it “for the kids”? In that case, he should put it on hold until they grow up. I just see a lot of fakery. I feel for a guy who… Read more »
I appreciate your comments.
I was not trying to moralize the dilemma; I was just applying logic.
Never saw the logic of playing pillar to post…eventually, something slips and someone gets hurt or completely undone?
If all those involved have met face-to-face and the married guys acknowledge their relationship is open, why not? They’re not looking for monogamy. It’s their relationship to conduct as they wish. Lacking that, a third guy shouldn’t even hookup.
We could be friends, but not like sexually or intimately, no.
Outside of polyamory, I’m not sure why anyone would ever want to romantically or “seriously” date a person who is already attached. What’s the point? (Before responding, note that NO ONE IS ASKING WHETHER YOU WOULD FUCK A MARRIED MAN. THEY’RE ASKING IF YOU WOULD DATE ONE.)
I would with no explanations if I loved him, otherwise it’s just a one night stand with the same person I wouldn’t expect or pressure him to leave his wife/husband and family. But I also don’t want him being with others either, not because I would feel cheated but for disease and such. I would be loyal to him as well. Like the song says “I’d rather have fifty percent of him or any percent of him than all of anybody else”
You’re not afraid that if he cheats WITH you, he also wouldn’t cheat ON you?
Oh HAIL NO!! I unknowingly dated a married guy a few years back. He came over for an afternoon of play. But his WIFE pulled in the driveway right after he did. She had a baseball bat- the results were NOT pretty! Men who cheat on any committed relationship are liars and who wants to get into anything with a liar? If you don’t have better self esteem than that then you need a therapist and not a married/partnered man. I saw a hat the other day that said, “Make Lying Wrong Again”- here here!
Is a regular FWB a “relationship?” I have no problem with that. I know his situation — he goes back to his spouse when we’re done — and he knows mine (I’m not in a proper headspace for a partner, and he’s convenient for sex). We’re just getting a current need met, and either one of us can call it off at any time. This would be true with a single FWB, too. As far as actually calling him my “boyfriend,” no. If I’m looking for a boyfriend/husband he needs got be the primary person in my life, and I… Read more »
I dating a straight man who was BI and he was a big man a bear with a massive cock. His wife could not take his big cock in her mouth, pussy, or ass. She did not like his big loads of cum. So, he was bi and guys had no problems. I did not
Can I borrow him for a little while? lol
Sure, why not. If you have something in common to share, go for it. I have hooked up with a handful of married and partnered guys. Gave them what their spouse and partner couldn’t.
No. A hard no. Just because they are unhappy about their current situation doesn’t give you free reign
Im from the OLD SCHOOL !!! Im a VERY FIRM believer in those Sacred Vows of Marriage !! I ALSO believe to Each there own & try VERY hard NOT to judge other people for there situations !! HOWEVER I Personally would NEVER come inbetween those Vows OR cross the Boundries of Someones Relationship !! NOW IF by chance BOTH parties were involved knowingly THEN GOOD LUCK !! I was in a Triangle kinda Relationship with a Bi-Guy 7 this girl !! We ALL lived together & was on the Best of terms !! After 9 months I started to… Read more »
When I was in my 20’s, I went out with and hooked up with 3 married men: the first married guy lied and never told me; the second married guy gave me the story that he was “getting divorced;” and the third married guy told me he was bisexual and that “his wife knew.” I just remember that all three were high maintenance so I said never again.
I had a relationship that gave me high hopes of being together for the long term, offering support and companionship to each other, challenging each other to be the best version of ourselves… you know, all the happy, starry-eyed romantic enthusiasm and optimism that pumps up our happiness hormones and relieves us of the need to hang around in sleazy bars and websites. (Ahem). I truly loved the guy, and looked forward to being together after work, weekends, vacations. My partner also loved me. He was adventurous and spontaneous, and had a sex drive that matched my own. Sadly, he… Read more »
See…that’s what I don’t understand about “open relationships”…how can you want to be with somebody if you have to go elsewhere to be happy?
The entire discussion reflects the straight-monogamy paradigm of our culture. On religious grounds, it is not adultery because that covers only male-female relationships. We are an abomination, right? Second, bisexual married men are not gay men so a relationship there is entirely within their sexual norm. Third, it is narcissistic and selfish to demand that “he” uproot an established relationship, triggering who knows what tensions and anxieties on the children, to feel “fulfilled” in a gay relationship. Fourth, the man-man bond is which you are the man mistress is one that can work in light of the three points above.… Read more »
I wouldn’t date but I would have sex with someone who is married or attached. I do have limits. I wouldn’t have sex with someone who is married to or attached to a friend of mine, family member, coworker, associate, etc.
Oh HAIL NO! I once (unknowingly) dated a married guy. One afternoon he drove into my driveway for an afternoon tryst. Well his WIFE drove in right behind him. She had a baseball bat. It wasn’t pretty! Broken bones, lost teeth and NO prosecution! Hmmmm…. So would I date someone that’s married/partnered/”sort of divorced”? HAIL NO! If you don’t have the balls to admit you’re attached then you’re a LIAR and I don’t date liars. I saw a hat the other day that said, “Make Lying Wrong Again”. Here! Here!
The expression is “hell no,” not “hail no”.
But it’s pronounced ‘Hail no’.
I can’t imagine – going into a relationship with the thought of dating. However if you build long relationships with special people and are intimate things can sneak up on you. I’m married and always started my conversation with an explanation that I was not looking for anything other than a sexual friendship. However I met this guy and it started out as a regular once a week thing that grew, he saw other people – but we were just friends. In time I fell for him and told him. I told him I would change my whole world for… Read more »
A SINGLE date (AS FRIENDS) in a public place is okay since there’s nothing more going on.
Getting involved with somebody already attached means that if he’s willing to cheat on them with you, he’s also willing to cheat on you with someone else!!!
Normally I’d say no but as of late, I’d pretty much date anyone right now. Hate being alone.
No I would not “date” anyone else. I’m already happily married for 28 years. But I’d fuck anyone hot enough to get me hard.
Sex is sex. I am married, have no secrets from my husband. He doesn’t play around but understands that I have a sex drive, kinks and fetishes that he has no interest in. What does it matter if it’s a sexual friendship. If your really looking for a monogamous relationship on a sex site ir a bath house odds are you will be looking
Dating someone means a continuing relationship. Doing things together. Movies, concerts, games, vacations together, meeting each other families at some point. Someone in a marriage or relationship is rarely available for anything spontaneous, or prolonged. Could he ever spend the night? Regularly? I think hooking up is fine, and even then often they often can’t follow through with that for various family reasons. I don’t think the word “dating” could apply to a situation where one person is committed to someone else.
What if the wife knows of the husband wanting a relationship with a certain man and is cool with it? My wife told me she wouldn’t mind if I found a guy that I wanted to date, and she did not want to be a part of it. Every situation is different.
I have in my past I learned one thing “Don’t wear mascara”…you’re always the one hurt!
It’s O.K. to fuck them from time to time…but dating…no way!
been there done that several times.. at first I was a sucker falling in love and getting hurt but I learned to just enjoy the sex… this one guy had a beautiful 10 inches and thick…he fucked me almost ever day for a 2 year period.. said he as also fucking his wife ever day…
Hell yes… Go for the fun of it. I like the idea of “If it feels good, Then Do It! ” Just save some for me and do NOT bring in any disease.
Too many questions:
*”Married to” who? Another man? Or a woman?
*Does the “married to” man or woman approve or disapprove of a third (or more) party?
*Does “Date” mean a situation like dinner and a movie with or without sex? Or are we just talking a discreet hookup?
For me, if the married relationship is an open one where sex friends are allowed, fine. If not, I stay away.
According to Tom Leykis, Dating = Porking
No, I’m perfectly happy to be his side piece, dating means commitment and that’s not me
Hook Up or Meet up yes definitely. A steady relationship maybe? After a while I would say after six weeks to three months, I would say What gives?
Only if his partner knew.
Keep it realistic and keep expectations in check if it’s to go for a long period of time. Make sure he’s a FWB or FB. If he’s married to a woman then you will always be second fiddle. Bi or gay and married/involved in a serious, emotionally attached relationship already, all you will ever be is a piece of a** and a good friend. If you don’t keep your emotions in check then you are pretty much guaranteed for some hurt. I have had a few involvements with married bi men. They all ended in hurt and disappointment because I… Read more »