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Hey, guys! An Adam4Adam member and blog reader wrote to us saying he wanted to know more about “same-sex dalliances” because he’s never heard of the word up until he read the story yesterday about Marlon Brando and Richard Pryor having a dalliance. Also, he wants to know how it is any different from bisexuality and ultimately he, of course, wants to hear your thoughts about “same-sex dalliances.”
The aforementioned Brando-Pryor dalliance by the way was confirmed by Pryor’s widow. She said that Pryor—a multi-awarded American stand-up comedian and actor who passed away in 2005—was not ashamed of his “dalliance” with actor Marlon Brando and a transgender woman. There’s a documentary about him released recently titled, ‘I Am Richard Pryor.’
The Brando-Pryor story reignited the long-standing interest of our A4A reader regarding straight men sleeping with other men. He explained that his curiosity stemmed from his real-life observations wherein some of the straight guys he grew up with were players who had “lots of girls” and yet he would hear that “they had been with this specific gay guy.” He doesn’t “think they are bisexual at all” because he knows “they prefer women” but that now he’s got a word to describe it—dalliance.
That being said, dalliance is defined as “a sexual relationship that is not lasting or serious” and is mostly associated with the words “fun,” “flirting,” “casual,” and “brief.”
As for bisexuality, well, there are a lot of definitions out there so we’ll settle for the shorter one that is from the Bisexual Resource Center (BRC), USA. According to BRC, they “use bisexual as an umbrella term for people who recognize and honor their potential for sexual and emotional attraction to more than one gender.”
Anyway, according to an article, researches and surveys back these definitions because respondents of multiple studies on straight men who had same-sex dalliances explained that for them their experiences were and we quote:
- “often only a physical attraction when it comes to men.” That some of them aren’t “drawn toward male bodies as much as they are on female”
- others say “they’re only interested in penises”
- one said he could “barely hug a man” but that he does have a “healthy sexual imagination and wonder about other things in the sexual realm” that he’s never done before so sometimes he gets “naughty and explore.”
- “mostly out of sexual frustration but also experimenting.”
Moreover, a research’s findings—wherein its 100 respondents where straight men seeking same-sex dalliances online—revealed that the respondents’ interest in men is “purely or mainly sexual, not romantic or emotional.” Which pretty much explains why it is called a dalliance, I think. But never mind me, what do you think?
In addition, we’d love to hear from Adam4Adam readers who had dalliances with straight men. And also, we want to hear from our straight curious Adam4Adam members: why do you engage in same-sex dalliances and care to share with us your stories?
Lastly, if you have blog post ideas that you’d like us to write about, please don’t hesitate to email us at [email protected] about it.
Happy weekend, everyone!
Here’s the reality: human beings have the capacity to have sex with either gender and for said sex to be exciting and fulfilling. Full stop. When we label sex as straight or LGBTQ we are being judgmental and trying to put everyone into a closet where we think they belong. I know several straight guys that like occasional sex with men, but they do not see that as gay sex or even that they are bisexual. Stop the judgment. Have sex with whomever you want to be with. Enjoy it. Stop trying to pigeonhole people by judging them. Imagine not… Read more »
I agree with Matt, I don’t think there are any (or maybe very few) perfectly straight or perfectly gay guys or women. I also say enjoy sex with whom ever you wish as long as both people are consenting adults. My BF and I have sex with others as well, and we both accept it. As a matter of fact we even tell each other about our experiences. I agree though most guys just hook up for the thrill of getting off. I guess though I am somewhat different as my BF and I enjoy cuddling, kissing, and making out… Read more »
I think it varies from person to person. I’m bisexual and I have both good encounters with men and women. Both parties have their good quality and if you prefer one over the other, to each is own.
I think most of these “straight” men are a bit bi or maybe they just want to experiment but keep this on the dl, but because of social pressure they don’t want to come out of the closet. Straight men like them has a lot to lose especially if married with women with children. The taboo would be too much to bare in those situations if it gets revealed. Sadly because of discrimination against LBGTQ, he might lose his job or promotion because of his experiments with guys or trans women.
I am a gay man who has sex mainly with married (to women) men. This practice started as the exploration of a fantasy (straight men, the forbidden fruit, no pun intended), but then developed into a choice. My work schedule is such that having a fuck buddy is preferable to dating, and married men make good fuck buddies. They are interested in sex, not romance; they are curious about exploring sexual acts that they can’t explore with their wives; and their time is limited, so the focus is directly on getting off. I don’t try to define or understand their… Read more »
Ah Greg if you were only near me!
Same M.O. here Greg.
I think trendy gay men would be far-better served by examining their compulsion for using terms like , . . . err, . . . um, . . . . “dalliance”.
Thank you for this definition. I have labeled myself bisexual. I am married to a woman. I have a strong sexual attraction to men, but have no desire to be in a relationship with a man.
It seems like I fit the dalliance definition more than bisexual.
Darrell, I agree with you 100%. You described me to a tee. I have never been on a date with a man and have no desire too. Never held a man’s hand and have no desire too. I can’t imagine being married to a dude. Waking up in the morning in bed with another hairy ass-stratching man gross me out. I’m not even sure I could get along with a live-in dude. That Richard Pryor/ Marlon Brando thing was probably just wild explosive oral and ass-fucking sex. I’m sure drugs played a huge role during their encounters. I can imagine… Read more »
this is very interesting. i’ve never heard of a dilliance. i have a close friend who sounds exactly like this. he told me once he would marry me. i guess he’s probably already taken. my soul is destroyed.
I had experiences like that with guys who identified themselves as straight. One more recently identified himself as straight with a curve in his path every now and then. He was married and loved sucking dick and being sucked and he believed that guys give the best blowjobs. It seemed that he wasn’t as interested in my body or appearance even though he thought I was handsome but he was mainly just interested in my dick and he just couldn’t get enough of it. He was handsome, very masculine and a very muscular bodybuilder who just wanted something different sexually… Read more »
Well I enjoy sex with men, but have yet to form an intimate bond with a man that has led to sex. Soooo, what does that make me? I don’t know.
There are so many guys that love to suck a cock, get sucked, or even fuck each other just to get off, but when it comes to kissing and cuddling up with a guy, well, it’s like “I don’t kiss and cuddle”. So many married bi guys can’t bring themselves to emotionally get into another man, but just need to get their “rocks off” as they don’t feel satisfied at home. When it comes to “making out” with another man, well it feels too much like cheating on their wife or girlfriend. Personally I like making out with another guy,… Read more »
I’m married to a woman, and I love to kiss and cuddle during (and before) sex. I love making out with a guy, and believe that the journey is better than the arrival. I love the whole build up, from the first flirt to the close embrace, the feel of our bodies and lips pressed together, the lust and desire building up, and the slow teasing of erotic foreplay. Sure, sometimes a quickie can be hot, but give me a “longy” anytime!
I love how we are re-inventing the Kinsey research, imperfectly, -70 years later-. It’s funny to watch people twist themselves into knots trying to apply their social ideology to the real world. Redefining bisexuals, as a good example. I like men and women. Only. No other made up genders. I guess I am not bisexual anymore, since that word has been sacrificed on the alter of social justice and inclusion. Or calling someone that is “physically attracted to men” “straight, but has dalliances”. (L.O.motherfucking.L.) Honey, that is called being gay. Or Bi. But not straight. Hard stop. Or trying to… Read more »
Say there, Edward, when you wrote that and hit the “send” button did you know you were going to win the internet for it? Well, you did win the internet today as far as I’m concerned. I have to completely agree with you and I applaud you for your efforts to point out how utterly bizarre and senseless identity politics are. Now, if we could only get more people to actually think before they vote and not just cast their ballot for whomever the “crowd” seems to be going with….
Exactly. Kinsey’s research had this all nailed down in the 1950s. But the millennials are clueless…as they are with so many things. It was the research by Kinsey, as well as Masters and Johnson, that paved the way for gays and bis to no longer be considered “mentally ill.” It was the research on the ’50s that paved the way for gay liberation in the ’60s and ’70s, of which I was a part.
Not labeling anyone would be a morass of confusion. No. Society must have structures. People have to be able to have some expectations of others. You can’t just ask anyone if they want to go to bed with you. You need signals of some kind that show possible receptivity, hence gender-oriented clothing and behaviors, etc. Some straight men signal to me that they would sleep with a guy, but they have to fall in love first. If they never meet that guy, they stay straight. I see many straight guys online seeking a “buddy” who will likely be their companion,… Read more »
I think the whole point here is that one’s sexuality (like religion) is a personal thing. It is something that one has to reconcile within themselves. I have been with men and women, but no one put a gun to my head for either situation. I wasn’t trying to “prove a point” or none of the other nonsense we’ve tried to hang on each other generation after generation. I honestly have just never cared who (or what) someone else has in their bed. I just don’t give a fuck (pun fully intended). I guess I’m seconding what Matt posted here… Read more »
I didn’t read previous responses before writing mine. My story is this, I grew up at a time and a place and in a family where if I openly loved another boy/man the consequences would be pretty severe. Secretly loving another wasn’t possible either. long story short, I married, had kids but the feelings never left. About 5 years ago I decided to see what I was missing. I love my wife, my kids and my life, but have to wonder how my life would have been different if I took this step earlier.
Wish you were my neighbor!
The ancient world (Greeks, Romans) didn’t distinguish sexuality particularly on the sex of one’s partners, casual or not. They distinguished between what we now call “tops” and “bottoms”. The receiver, the bottom, especially if he was grown (late teens on, basically) was looked down on as not being a real man, being too feminine, etc. The top was regarded as a man, masculine, worthy of respect, no matter what sex he preferred. Now, we attempt to categorize on the basis of what sex one prefers, rather than what position, so to speak. Which is better, more accurate, more useful? I… Read more »
I am a married man that loves my wife very much. But I love to suck a mans cock from time to time. That being said I don’t have to be attracted to them it’s just sex. My wife knows about this and is fine with it she has had sex with other men and says the same thing its just sex.to me the first time was to satisfy a itch of what it would be like to do something to a guy that brings us so much pleasure. And once I did it I found I like giving head… Read more »
Wow, one more definition to ponder, so I can decide if I fit it. Really, is it necessary to put labels on everything? I”m simply a guy who enjoys sex with both genders and generally i’m more concerned about finding someone to enjoy it with rather than sit around and worry about what I am.
I leave the bisexuality to the believers. I don’t believe on bisexuality. All the bi-sexuals I know they ARE gay. They do sex with opposite sex because society. Family. Religion or because their self esteem is LOW. “Bisexuals” can ne the most romantic..the most relationship oriented, the most sexual. But you always have to settle for less.
I feel like we live in a world where men married (to a woman) having any kind of sex with men have to justify being “straight” to satisfy some societal norm. We make all these new words, but at the same time adding connotations to pre-existing words. Retracing the etymological definition of the word “homosexual,” is a sexual attraction to the same sex. This technically has nothing to do with romantic or sensual attraction to same-sex. I identify as homosexual, albeit I would totally be romantic and sensual with a woman, however, cross the line at having sex with her.… Read more »
This is interesting. Sexuality is a continuous spectrum, in my opinion. Like a spectrum, there may be different named colors, but the wavelengths that resonate the colors don’t stop and start. Many folks are satisfied with the center of the bell curve, many aren’t
I once long ago heard a very ancient quote, “women are for kids and men are for love” from the gladiators/warriors of the day, back then. Which meant, same-sex fornication among men, was rampant/common and excepted, may have served as a bonding-act, even. Especially, among the older warriors with the training of younger soldiers; a kind of father-son relationships. Defining a situation is one thing, and a label, is another.
Sometimes guys just want to get their rocks off. A mouth is a mouth, a hole is a hole. The labels aren’t always important.
“Dalliance” … It sounds naughty. It sounds dramatic. It sounds provacative. Far from it, actually. Think of it as “frivolity.”
Of course it’s a word a 100% gay guys would use when describing man sex by “straight” guy.s The “straight” guys, of course, are anything but 100% straight. The horse here is long dead.
It’s just one of the kinds of things militant gays do to keep.the division between them and everyone else alive.
I”m a “bisexual” of the kind many gay guys think doesn’t exist – I am romantically and sexually interested in women, spend most of my sexual/mental energy on them, but am almost equally sexually attracted to men – cocks, to be exact. I have little interest in fucking a man’s asshole. Maybe as much as the penis’s form itself and the idea of it being inside me, it’s the excitement from the taboo of having sex as a bottom that I get off on. Hard to describe the difference between penetrating and being penetrated, and I don’t care what we,… Read more »
I very much relate to this. All the way through the last few sentences.
I think that if you have any kind of sex with a person of the same gender…then you are bisexual. Sex my not be completely black or white…but having sex with same sex partners as well as opposite sex partners qualifies as bisexual. A dalliance is just that…a dalliance or sex for sex sake. I feel that a truly 100 percent straight mans would never have a dalliance with another man.
not sure where I would fit in… I was raped {seduced} repeatedly from age 7 to 12 years old.. when I became a teenager I realized what was happening to me. I forced myself to be straight. I am extremely attracted to men, yes I do not get any gratification or completion from sex with a man. I am not sexually attracted to a woman at all….yet when I have sex with a woman I am totally satisfied…
There are too many “straight” fetishizing gay men with an inferiority complex. Remove them, and trust me, all of this confusing, convoluted bullshit would come to an end. Lies breed more lies. People are redefining themselves in relation to the lies other people told about themselves and they bought into the shit.
Sorry…the desire for a “str8 guy” is part of übergay sexuality…always had been, always will be. Try learning some history.
I will add one thing to my statement above, especially after reading the pejorative comments about “militant gays” and “identity politics.”
While I may have sexual encounters with married fuck buddies, I don’t tolerate guys who have man-on-man sex and then proceed to be homophobic in their actions, remarks, or support for political candidates.
My own self-respect is more important than sex. The old saying is true, “Friends don’t let friends date Republicans.”
But how do you know they aren’t precisely the type to go out and sabotage you on a socially and politically while wanting to fuck you “discreetly” if it’s not a real relationship? Even fuck buddies perpetrate. This is why it’s best to avoid those quasi “st8” (and certain bi identified) dudes altogether. They rub me the wrong way. Frankly I find sexual “curiosity” to be more insecurity than anything. The vast majority of the time, these dudes are a on psychologically unhealthy mission of “getting the undesirable thing out of their system”.
Im in the closet again because my mom found out about my gay life im not married to a woman because im Jewish and have not been able to find a Jewish Girlfriend to marry in my community if the mother is Jewish so are the children not so with me if i marry a nonJewish woman its complicated so i have gay sex
I call myself bisexual but I am only attracted to women and think all men are ugly. but the second I see a penis I want it in me. I would let a couple guys I just met fuck me and think nothing of it but if one of them wanted to hold my hand or kiss me it would be so horrible I would probably need years of therapy. I know it sounds odd but it’s just the way it is. plus I think it is more natural for people to be bisexual than it is to be straight… Read more »
Sexuality is innate… identities are learned, acquired, capricious, and arbitrary. The need to categorize, partition, deny, and project are just the tired old remnants of homophobia. One doesn’t really acquire a different “specieshood” from not being “one of them.”
I have had dalliances with quite of few of straight men. I’m in one now that tells me that he has no interest in men whatso ever, but when we are together it doesn’t feel the same. I’m the only guy that he has ever and will ever have sex with…I am also seeking another straight guy with similar out come. Neither knows of the other. Both live in different cities. Sure is fun though
I agree with whomever above stated that very few are 100% at either end of the male/female spectrum exclusively. Whether it is a single dalliance or repeating ones, I believe that virtually every person entertains the idea of doing something sexually with his/her own gender, no matter if it be subtle or bold. The married straight-maybe-bi men that I´ve had contact with were mostly not getting what they needed at home. Some wives would not do things that the man wanted, like blow jobs or anal sex. Some still enjoyed sex with their wives but didn´t have it often. One… Read more »
While the rest of the world is working so hard to undo the culturally derived notions of Race as an underlying biological reality why are you working so hard on this end of things to create more divisive pigeon holes and false categories to stuff people into?!! What makes your dick hard at any one moment doesn’t define you as a person any more than the color of your skin. Stop it already!!!
I am married and my wife does not know. I have tried to stop but can not. I hate that I cheat but I can’t stop. The urge goes away for a while then comes roaring back. It used to go years between, then months now it’s weeks LOL I have had like 5 A4A profiles and killed them after feeling guilty after dalliances’. (I wish you would allow recovery) Now I seek out other BiMM like me since we have the same risk of being caught and other things in common. It’s all sexual, like masturbating with his body.… Read more »
DJM, contact me.
Everyone seems so upset with labels. Not just here, but everywhere. Personally, I find the overreaction positively hilarious when people get their panties in a bunch over it. Here’s the thing with labels: they are fine as long as YOU are labeling YOURSELF, and expect that other people respect your label. They don’t have to be some LIMITING prison, they can be DEFINING, and that’s perfectly OK. If an otherwise straight guy sucks a dick once or twice, so what? He can still call himself straight, just a bit curious. If he continues to do this over and over however,… Read more »
I definitely lean more gay than straight by quite a margin but consider myself bisexual. I’ve been with a lot of bi and so-called straight men who are in sexless marriages – seems to me they are much more willing to participate in some good ol’ playtime than a lot of gay men I know. Sexual participation with someone gets a lot of nonsense flap back in America – so uptight and judgmental. Bisexual guys get a bad rap because people think they are capable of getting sex with more people – at the end of the day they are… Read more »