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As the years have passed, more and more bisexual men and women have become more comfortable with who they are. That said, there are still a lot of people who don’t understand and may unintentionally end up hurting the feelings of their bisexual friends.
So you avoid getting into an embarrassing situation like this, here are five things you definitely shouldn’t say to bisexuals.
1. Do you prefer men or women?
We should all know by now that sexual attraction isn’t something you can neatly quantify into numbers and percentages. A person isn’t 48 percent attracted to men and 52 percent attracted to women. There are times when bisexual people find themselves more attracted to men, and sometimes they find themselves more attracted to women. Asking this question makes it seem like you’re just waiting for them to make up their minds.
2. When’s the last time you had sex/dated a man/woman?
When you ask this question, you make it sound like bisexual people need to be dating or having sex with multiple partners of different genders just to somehow prove their bisexuality. That simply isn’t the case. Even if you’re only actively dating/having sex with one gender, it doesn’t mean that you aren’t bisexual.
3. You can’t be bisexual because you’re in a relationship with a man/a woman.
Think about how this question sounds. Just because they’re in a relationship with one gender doesn’t mean they’re no longer attracted to other genders. It’s because they’re in a monogamous relationship and they’re respecting that commitment that they’re not acting on it. Saying this to a bisexual person makes you sound like you expect them to stray at any moment.
4. The bisexual I dated cheated on me.
No doubt about it, getting cheated on hurts. It sucks that you experienced this with a bisexual person. But in the same way that gay people shouldn’t be generalized, bisexual people shouldn’t be subjected to that stereotype as well. Cheaters are present in every sexual orientation, it’s not something that only bisexuals do. And just like we said in number three, there are so many bisexuals in committed and monogamous relationships.
5. Bisexuality was just a phase for me.
Sexuality is an ongoing journey and if bisexuality was just a phase for you, then nobody should invalidate that journey. But by that same measure, you shouldn’t discount bisexuals who have discovered that this isn’t a phase for them at all.
Bisexual Adam4Adam readers, is there anything else you wish people wouldn’t say to you? Tell us all about it in the comments section below!
Thank you – that was an amazing brief article. I’m a gay person who often find myself in a relationship with a bisexual man. But something I notice is that the bisexual guys I’ve been with often like me ’cause I’m a feminine gay guy. And they all talk about they like trans women, and I seem to be close enough, so they hang out with me for the time being. They each have or had girlfriends. It’s so hard to meet a gay male who is into me ’cause I’m feminine, but the bisexual males flock to me. Interesting.
I think I should apologize. I have been guilty of Number 5 for years. I always joked that I was on the “Bi, Now, Gay Later” plan. I never intended it to imply that others were just in denial about being gay. That was true for my journey as I was much more able to come to terms with being bi than admitting to myself that I was gay. Eventually I realized who I really am, but I owe a HUGE apology to anyone who may have heard me saying that if they thought I was trying to apply it… Read more »
Im gay but a female friend of mine likes getting shagged with my big dick and she will say “You can’t be gay because you really know how to fuck a woman good.” Being able to perform and being attracted to it are two quite different things.
That is so cool that you give your friend some of that penis just to pleasure her…
friends shouldnt let friends sleep alone. Wish more chicks would sacrifice their pussy the same way…. oh I am only 33% gay and 66 % str8 or just 100% bi just for fun!
Saying “You are disgusting (sometimes “jokingly”) because you actively currently do both men and women” is disgusting to me. I will also say these two which are almost the same used to disgust me a lot more in the past “You’re just saying you’re Bi because you’re afraid of coming out as Gay” and it’s cousin “You’re not really Bi you’re a straight guy acting Gay”. My Brother and I both came out as Bi Men and it is definitely a different experience from the other “labels” in the LGBTQAS spectrum.
I’m not bi, but people who say things like that are secretly jealous that you have twice the opportunities we monosexuals have.
Thank you very much for touching on this subject A4A !
Pleasure!
Dave, I’ve always been attracted to both genders since a male class mate introduced me to oral sex at 13. I am not offended by statements made in your article.I do sometimes wish I was only attracted to one gender or the other but since I am not, why not just embrace it and take advantage of the opportunity. I am certain that more men have attraction to other men than are willing to admit. in conclusion, there have ALWAYS been Gays in the Military since the Spartans, Romans, and the Sacred Band of Thebes,
If they get offended, tell them to slap their parents for raising a cry baby pussy
Never trust a bisexual
@Pop Why? It seems you are just jealous of the fact that we bisexuals can truly appreciate the beauty of both genders and the pleasures both are capable of sharing. Unlike you.
I’m not bi, I’m gay, but the guys I had the most repeat encounters with were bi. They were clear on the few limits, and open and enthusiastic about everything that we did. One in particular had a girlfriend, so we didn’t get serious, but we were great friends. When things were shaky, I had his ear. They moved, supposedly saved to get married, but she spent it in drugs and that ended. I felt bad he found the wrong girl. Another bi dude had his girl blow the savings on drugs too. I wonder if part of bi is… Read more »
Prohibiting inquiry is just more religious b_llshit!
Religion was mentioned where in the article?
I really appreciate this article, and I think number 5 hits the nail on the head. It is very possible that some people experienced bisexuality as a phase, but just because they did does not mean that all people experience it that way. It’s disconcerting that so many heterosexual people still believe homosexuality doesn’t and shouldn’t exist, and yet at the same time you have some homosexuals imparting similar beliefs about bisexuals. Thank you for bringing this awareness, and ultimately affirming the experience off bisexuality.
Who, with any sense of good social behavior, would ask anyone these questions? Especially, since they all seem slanted toward a situation where the person stating them didn’t know the person they were speaking with. They’re all intrusive and insensitive.
The so called “Community” demands to be respected. It demands the acceptance of diversity and inclusion. The behavior of too many of its members, however, is just the opposite.These questions are another example of how certain LGTBQwhatever individuals shoot the “Community” in the foot.
As a bisexual myself, that entire article is horseshit. Who comes up with this nonsense?
I have had “straight” relationships before, even when I knew Ii was attracted to guys. To this day, I prefer guys, but a beautiful woman will always turn my head!
Don’t tell other people what they can or cannot say. It’s not etiquette, it’s fascistic.
You’re really Gay you are just saying you are bi! You will admit it someday!
I think a lot of people think bisexuals are closeted gay men or women. Within 5 min I can think a guy is hot and then think a woman is hot. There are times I fall 100% into men, but then I’m all in for women and times it’s both. Trust me I would like to know the psychology because it’s confusing. I feel inside I’m a lot like Ron Swanson if you know who that is.
Thank you so much for posting this. People act like bisexuals don’t exist and were just some confused freaks…
I agree Wayne. I’m openly heterosexual and a closeted homosexual, married to my wife over 30 years, kids, the whole 9 yards, and neither they nor anyone in my daily life know I’m carrying on my homosexual life on the side. While there are obviously many of us out there who I.D. as bi, we do so for an assortment of reasons. I get incredible satisfaction with men in bed, but I have my whole daily life invested in the hetero lifestyle and never shall these two worlds meet. As for Dave’s 5 questions, I guess since I’m so deeply… Read more »
Good for you and keep them guessing
I consider 1 and 2 innocent questions. How else can we in the LGBT+ community expect anyone to understand us leaving them in a fog to form their own opinions if we aren’t willing to answer those and other questions they may grapple with, and share our stories? We now live in a politically correct world that seems to make everything taboo for fear of hurting someone’s feelings. 3, 4 and 5 are opinions expressed by those who haven’t got a clue. There are three more that have been said to me; “You’re greedy!”, “You’re confused and need to make… Read more »
“Oh just admit you’re gay.”
LOVED the topic about Bisexuals, well stated with every statement. The Bisexual community is misunderstood because we are a complex being in tune with both the masculine and feminine sides of ourselves. We truly love both genders! I am Bisexual, married to a woman, and out to her. LONG STORY short, my wife knows I am a better husband and father when this other half of me is fulfilled. I have a boyfriend and like my wife, he knows everything. It is all about acceptance, COMMUNICATION and HONESTY!
I’m bi, and I don’t have these sort of judgements imposed on me by my numerous gay friends.
But social media seems to dehumanize people, and remove who we actually are.
They know me as I am, and are not just lovers, but friends I’m happy to do things with outside of the bedroom.
Sometimes I dream of guys when I sleep, sometimes girls. Yeah, hot dreams.
Does a gay guy do that?
THANK YOU!!! I hate having my bisexuality under microscope then people getting mad at my reaction! Just shut up and mind your business and figure out your failed relationships
More dos and don’ts? Just what this community needs! Here’s the thing: people who aren’t jerks usually know what’s appropriate or “PC”, and people who are jerks certainly won’t be swayed by a completely random list of admonishments. As a completely open bi guy, I never really took offense to any of these types of questions or ideas, and I actually think some of them are totally “okay”. Outside of #1 and #2, I’ve never even been asked most of these. I think #2 is a totally fair question for potential partner (female or male) to ask, and I always… Read more »
I don’t want anybody, period, who’s presently in a relationship; that goes for bi’s, too. So, if there is a sexual situation shaping-up; my question is, “are you presently single or involved?” I find it hard to believe anyone would ask those kinds of questions mentioned.
I am a bi-sexual guy. I was married to a bi-sexual woman and we raised 2 sons together. I only came out as bi some time after we were married, when I realized that my attraction to men was more than a passing phase. I have found gay men to be a lot more accepting of people as bi, than gay women are. So there’s that.