(Photo Credits: Trần Long from Pexels)
Do you agree with this statement, guys? Why or why not?
We are bringing this up because we often read about this topic online, so we want to hear your stories and experiences.
For others, being gay is harder because of their life experiences. But of course, there are also other factors like culture, environment, and the law in countries that make having sex with other men illegal much less being gay. Add the society and self-acceptance to the mix and what is hard has become complicated as well.
Anyway, for this particular gay man, being gay is hard, he says and we quote, “especially if you’re not good-looking.” Further, he said, “At this point, I’d say it’s even pointless to try anything. No one is ever interested in me, only very rarely for one-time sex.”
Do you agree with what he said, guys? Why or why not?
Meanwhile, one guy talked about homophobia and how it is “killing him.” He added, “And so many of us suffer under societies that don’t accept gay people and don’t have legal protections for us. I wish I was never born.”
Another guy even moved away from his own country and “abandoned my family and friends in the pursuit of living somewhere where I can be myself.” But being away from everyone and everything he knows, he says, is lonely and scary. Read his story here.
For others, being gay or bisexual is hard, especially for those who struggled with self-acceptance like this 67-year-old man who lost his first love at age 17 because of it. He had not come into terms with his sexual orientation yet when his friend came onto him and his reaction drove them apart. It’s been 50 years, but he still regrets what happened to this day, though he is “glad that times have changed enough that some young guys will not go through what I have. It is easier to be out, it is easier to know how to make love with another man thanks to the Internet.” Finally, he advised, “So, if you find you are in love, be prepared so you don’t overreact or make a mistake.” Read his post here.
What about you, guys? Where are you from and did you also have to move to another country in order to be yourself like the guy above? Did you have to let go of the love of your life because at the time you were unable to accept your sexual orientation yet? Most importantly, what advice would you give to others who are going through these hardships right now? Share with us your thoughts and stories below!
I’m not sure if I should take part in this dialog, but then again it’s safe to assume there are plenty of other married-hidden/in/closet bisexual guys like me, so here goes: For me, it’s all about the sex, not falling in love, because the only person I’ll ever love is my wife. So to get what my dick needs, it’s a never-ending scramble, making sure to cover my bases (eg: I’m on a PC, but I’m in Chrome’s “incognito” mode and that’s only the half of it). It’s also asking tons of questions to make sure my sex partners are… Read more »
After being bi since age 13, and being married and bi for 60 years, I completely agree!
Yeah, around age 13 was when I first started…looking.
Bi since elementary school, always horny since can remember. Girls weren’t as available, so that’s what we went with until getting a chance to get p**sy in 4th grade. I like the smell and taste of women, but the availability of men. But even then it’s all about intimate friendships, as bringing home STDs from casual sex is not worth the hassle. That’s the main reason I prefer bi-guys like myself. Too many gay guys are aren’t into discretion, which is kind of ironic since so many prefer anon and one time encounters. But being bi has never been an… Read more »
Harvey: I’ve had sex with plenty of openly gay guys but have found all of them to be quite respectful of my discretion. I also encountered what you did early on – girls were always a tough egg to crack. (Me: “Is she interested in me? Oh no, I can’t tell, OMG!”) What’s more, when I get together with a guy (for the first time) and we get inside that room together and establish we’re ready for action, it’s comforting knowing his body is all mine and vice-versa. Wasn’t always the case with girls.
I found that girls weren’t interested in guys with no experience. Want to learn, get an older woman, or take a chance on a less than stellar one. Which could be a problem is they get knocked. Ooops. Gay men are a mixed bag for me. In person hasn’t been all that much of an issue, as I screen for drama, but notice online that discretion is not a selling point. The thing I notice as a bi guy is that long term relations are not as popular in the gay community as with the undercover crowd, and since anon… Read more »
I also got rejected by some girls in H.S. who detected I was inexperienced. On the other hand, as I’m in my early 60s now and prefer younger guys (20s to 40s), when the opportunity arises I actually find it very hot to get in bed with an inexperienced one hoping I’ll teach him the ropes. Of course, the trick is finding those not only willing to experiment, but who also take safe sex seriously. They’re not easy to find – especially the honest ones – but they’re out there.
You described my situation very well and very well said! Being bi and wanting to have sex with a guy is tough while staying in the closet. It is difficult to get away for a meeting. I am not looking for love but just that male to male contact so I can suck a nice cock
We’re on the same path with one small exception. I don’t consider myself “in the closet.” That phrase is extremely negative and never used by “The Community” in a positive way. (For some reason they seem to think that everyone owes it to The Community too declare their sexuality publicly.) I choose to keep my sexuality a matter of privacy where only those who need to know know. I have never and will never deny it if I am asked, but I reserve my right about who needs to know.
Overt: There’s obviously no right or wrong here (I’m not implying you were saying there was). For me, it’s not a matter of who I “choose” to let know (and that’s limited to just my male sex partners); rather, it’s a matter of who absolutely must NOT know, because if they did, my life would be in shambles.
BiMMer- I so wish I could speak with you 1:1
Right there with you 100%……..
I’m curious.. is this typical of Bi Married men? It seems so based on my own personal observations and experience. I’ve met my share of bi/married men and they are all married or bonded emotionally to a woman, not a man. It seems their need for sex with other men is strictly physical. I think this is why a lot of gay men cry foul and have some issue with bisexual men. We’re good enough to screw around with, but not quite good enough for something deeper and it feels like being used a bit. Everything seems to be on… Read more »
One is condemned to the times in which one lives. That is a truism with consequences. It is also true that one is given only one life to live, so stay alive and live it. This means taking acceptable risks which bring the promise of reward worth the risk. Also, circumstances beyond one’s control limit possibilities. All of these are truisms, by the way. I have always thought it best to strive for a life without regrets, especially when one has a reasonable opportunity to make something happen. The opportunity to do that may be very limited to do safely… Read more »
For me personally, I do not abide by labels. I’m 38 and grew up in a very Christian family with a devote mother who cried when I talked about exploring my sexuality and an ass hat father who threatened me with a few different things because he thought I was sick or something. I learned over time humans demand labels to better orient themselves, to make themselves less afraid or make it so it appears as thus. And this is more so in countries that do not allow a clear dialogue or any knowledge about sexuality due to religious or… Read more »
Being bisexual is problematic at best, particularly in a gay culture that refers to straights as “breeders,” and can be as derisive of straights and bis as some straights are of gays. While I am an atheist, the New Testament injunction about being without sin and casting the first stone holds well here, I think. The less that judgment is engaged and the more that empathy and understanding are, the better off we ALL are, IMHO.
Militant gays demand that everyone respect their sexuality, but when it comes to Bi individuals they seem to go in another direction. My guess is that certain gays are jealous of any man who would dare have sex with a woman instead of them. Prissy much?
I never have understood why those who have fought so long and hard, suffered so much for legitimacy, acceptance and peaceful coexistence (gay/lesbian folks) choose to denigrate, disrespect and deny we who are their brothers and sisters in the struggle, so to speak. I have experienced this contempt, both for the hetero “breeder” I am assumed to be and as the bisexual I am. It’s time to dump all the stereotypes, myths and prejudices, and embrace your allies boys ‘n’ girls.I have come out to some family and friends, but I’m not “all the way out” and I don’t know… Read more »
Yea, it’s ok to attack us biguys, but how dare you tell someone that dressing like woman with a full beard looks asinine, the (mostly) younger gays want to go spastic.
Not even. Getting tired of the victim types. This isn’t the 50s, and even then all one had to do was keep it under wraps. The only issue was hitting on a guy that didn’t want to be hit on, same as now. The problem is that guys that want rough trade sometimes get more than they expect. Or maybe they just have self destruction as part of their makeup. No matter, there are LBGT+ flags hanging on Federal buildings.
Get the f**k over it.
At no other time in history has it been easier to be gay, bi, or any of the LGTBQ+ individuals. Of course, acceptance is not universal. It is not present in all countries and with all individuals. Where being a member of The Community becomes unnecessarily difficult (where it is not easy to be gay or bi or any other letter) is when individuals choose to force their sexuality onto society 24/7. It’s the same as an individual pushing who the greatest sports team of all time was or who the one and only candidate that one myst vote for… Read more »
The hardest part is maintaining true dignity, moral standards and values.
I’m comfortable in my own skin and learned a long time ago ‘that others think of me is none of my business’.
You know, I’ve yet to here, any bi-man say, “I’m out or my wife knows and we’ve worked it out.” I knew of a woman; youngest sister of a past friend, the condition of their marriage was to be that as she had the incredible strength of character. Basically: “yes, I will give you/us children, yes, I need to be with another woman once and a while” he chimed in “oh, a three way with another woman, yeah, great” she corrected him, “no, ‘I’ myself, need to be with another woman from time to time.” These things are possible, I… Read more »
Another picture in this blog promoting the idea that gay guys are sad, young, light-skinned, troubled, victims of society who are all alone. Gladly upon reading post after post from A4A members in multiple blogs here, we know that’s not how we all are.
LOL. What a joke. Being part of the “alphabet community” these days, which has all the power and privileges that accompany the radical Left (which is running this country in every way) is a badge of honor. Even straight kids are joining LGBTQ clubs and organizations to fit in. What’s hard these days is being a straight, white, Christian male, because people like that are despised in every corner and it’s the only demographic that it’s not only encouraged but LEGAL to discriminate against!
Well, after centuries of LEGALLY fucking everybody else over…….burning us at the stake, lynching us, imprisoning us, mutilating and every other form of depraved savagery in the name of the GREAT WHITE LOVING GOD, the murdering “Christian” oppressors finally get a (regrettably) small taste of the “uncompromising love”. Yep, it appears History has decided it’s time for this ol’ human race to evolve a bit. Just gotta hug those Bibles and AR-15s real tight and pray God will teach all His children to love and forgive one another.
Please don’t go there. You have no right to cry oppression for what happened to others in the past. If you want to complain, complain about your own experiences, not those of the past. Like everyone else in the world, the gay community faces its own current challenges, and there are still those who treat the community poorly, and that you have the right to complain about. Here’s a bit of history for you. Nearly every group in history has been abused and oppressed by others. If you want to play the, “so and so group treated my group terribly… Read more »
a lot of that is still going on now
“Sins of the father” baby! Your collective European forefathers opened that pandora’s box. “What goes around, comes around.”
“White, Christain males” made it legal to discriminate, originally, remember? Plus, a whole host of other atrocities . . .
Should be easier than a man with a woman as 2 men are the true example of pure masculinity but then again you have the bad excuse my french bitch on hot wheels siren moms and of course being born into religion and that’s where it all starts then females with their reverse psychology for so many years sealed that unfortunate fate but we’re the real man and only a man knows what another man wants and how to do it in a way a woman can’t..we got the better and bigger mouths
I would say that it’s definitely harder than being a straight man because that is acceptable and being gay is not by quite a large portion of straight people and I didn’t start until 2012 after being widowed when my soulmate Karen heart stopped and after about 8 months of grieving and dealing with her passing I finally had my first experience with a man after being curious since high school and ow I’m a CD who absolutely loves to be wearing cute stuff and the effect that has on me but wouldn’t want it any other way
As a bisexual, the biggest obstacle I face is bigotry for the mainstream gay community, especially the younger generations who fee somehow compelled to feel morally superior. I get that here from time to time.
I am Bi but now I think i’m more gay than bi me being in the closet I love the fact of being with a man for sex not looking to fall in love Just male sex .not sure how family an friends would take it if I came out,this is the part i worry about ,when i am with a woman i need the blue pill to have sex with them but a male is no problem getting it up which is why i have not been with a woman in a long time
Being gay or bisexual now is easier than it has ever been, at least in western societies. However, those still living in the Middle East, Africa and South Pacific countries, it’s still very difficult. I think over the next few generations this will eventually subside. Different environments though can produce different challenges (religious, cultural, adolescent years for instance) that will test your self esteem and resilience as a gay or bi individual. I’m in my mid-50s. And, in my lifetime I have seen a lot of changes. The AIDs epidemic, oddly enough, pushed the whole topic of homosexuality to the… Read more »