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Survey: Are You the Marrying Kind?

(Photo Credits: Johnny Edgardo Guzman from Pexels)

Are you the eternal bachelor or are you the marrying type, guys? 

We are asking because we stumbled upon Vulture’s interview with the 80-year-old openly gay director Joel Schumacher where he revealed that he’s had about 10,000 or 20,000 partners already, “but that is not unusual,” Schumacher added. Schumacher, by the way, is the director behind the films: St. Elmo’s Fire (1985), The Lost Boys (1987), Flatliners (1990), The Client (1994),  A Time to Kill (1996),  Batman Forever (1995), Batman & Robin (1997), Phone Booth (2002), The Phantom of the Opera (2004), to name a few.

Schumacher went on to describe a time of his life where, and we quote:

There was an adventure going on, and sex would be the cherry on that sundae. Now, a lot of gay people are getting married, they’re adopting, or they’re having children. There wasn’t any of that when I was young. If you went into a gay bar and there were 200 men in there, and you said, “Okay, who wants to have a little house with a white picket fence, and a dog, and a child, raise your hands,” or “Who wants to get laid tonight?” The concept of a lovely suburban life or raising children was not a high concept.

But no, he doesn’t think it’s strange that gay men wanted to get married and have kids of their own because “AIDS had changed a lot,” he said. Schumacher further explained, “We all had to look at sex, not only as it could kill you, but how reckless we had become as a culture.” Read the interesting interview in full here.

Personally, I think that it could also be because same-sex marriage was not legal yet at the time so why would one want something that was not an option to begin with? But indeed, times have changed. In fact, a study revealed that the bias against the LGBT community has declined significantly in the US these days as well as in some countries although homophobia and transphobia remain strong in many others. Or maybe, it’s that regardless of LGBT acceptance and legalization of same-sex marriage, there really are just some people who are simply, you know, not the marriageable kind. And that is fine, too, if that’s what makes them happy but that’s just me.  

Anyway, going back to the question at hand, are you the eternal bachelor or are you the marrying type? Also, how many guys did you sleep with so far? We already said this before here on the A4A blog but we’ll say it again: Whatever a person’s number is, what matters is they practice safe sex and that they had not hurt or forced anyone to bed—themselves or the other party.

Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below, guys, and don’t forget to answer our survey while you’re at it! 


There are 31 comments

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  1. Hunter0500

    I’m interested having long term relationships with the guys in my life, but not one that meets the traditional (perhaps heterosexual) definition including emotional and sexual monogamy. For the most part, they prefer the same. A couple of them seek long term/forever monogamy, but they admit in the world of gay men such relationships are highly rare.

    • aLEX

      I agree that gay men in monogamous relationships/marriages is rare. At the same time, I think we’re here because the gay community had to go through an evolution: some men marrying women to hide who we were, or just may not knowing who they were, or only sleeping with men and not getting into a relationship because, not that many years ago, you couldn’t be in an open relationship with a man without getting exiled from your family or whatever else. We had to go through the evolution of gay pride and being open about who we were so that the next generations could have the freedoms others before them didn’t. Statistically, many marriages may fail. But just because the odds are against you, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try or fight – ask a cancer survivor. Ask them what if they took someone’s word about the odds being against them. The gay community and openness around the world is still evolving. I think each person has to examine reasons marriages fail – which are all very different and extremely individualized situations – for themselves.

  2. steamaff

    The no fault divorce makes marriage meaningless in California. I married once (a woman) who then fled a few months later. Why would anyone enter into that legal morass these days? Never again for me. 70 and happily single.

  3. Steven

    Marriage as romance is a relatively new rich country concept. I fought for marriage equality, beginning in 1998, chiefly so lgbt would be equal citizens. We fought BOTH parties over DOMA. It didn’t matter to me much as a personal choice. Now it might.

    I’m older. But not old enough to receive Medicare benefits.

    I would not jeopardize my current medical benefits by getting married. Losing reliable medical access threatens my security and survival —marriage is all about security and commitment. Polar opposite.

    I am not alone. When we finally wake up and establish universal healthcare coverage, those worries will be forgotten. Change can’t come soon enough.

    Partner? Sure. Marriage? Depends.

  4. Bill

    don’t bet on the universal health care.. first of all it’s not going to happen and if it did you would wish it had not happened.. Just name one thing that the government does well.. No not even the Military his done well, they paid 500 collars for a hammer, remember. and you want them in charge of your healthcare…

    Yes I was married at one time, to a woman, it ended badly. I was almost destroyed by the divorce.. 50% of all first marriages end in divorce, 75% of all 2nd marriages end in divorce, and that’s between a man and a woman… so tell me, if your reasonably happy why would you want to take a chance. All the odds are stacked against you..

    • Scott

      I hate to ruin a great rant, but I’ve had military insurance, aka Tricare, most of my life. It’s wonderful. I paid $25 for a $50,000 spine surgery (that I waited a whole 7 days to get) and didn’t pay a single cent for 6 months of physical therapy. I didn’t need a consult to see behavioral for my ADHD meds. All but 2 of my meds are free, and that’s only because the army hospital doesn’t carry them in the formulary here. When a local hospital tried to charge two copays for the same procedure, never sent a bill and sent it to collections within 48 hrs of being released from the hospital, TriCare sued the hospital on my behalf… to where I owed zero and the hospital owed a huge ass fine. The military might spend on some silly things and you have to sometimes jump through a few hoops, but they don’t play when it comes to providing quality healthcare. FTR I’ve also had no insurance and private insurance… you want to talk about a joke… having private, civilian insurance and being charged a $1600/month copay on the same meds that now have a $24/month copay… And we pay $70/person quarterly not monthly… You can pay several hundreds of $$ a month if you want but i’d MUCH rather have TriCare than the previous insurance or no insurance at all…

      Those stats can be deceiving as they are forecasts that include ALL marriages not just the first (only 2% of all straight married couples divorce per year) and something like 33-42% of all straight marriages will likely end in divorce or permanent separation.

      The stats for gay marriage: 1% ended in divorce in 2018 (e.g. 1/2 the rate for straight people) so it’s forecasted that 16.5% – 21% of all same sex marriages would end…. with lesbians being 2x more likely to end a marriage than gay men.

  5. James

    I am older and as such collect Medicare. I was married for over thirty years when I lost my wife to cancer. Two years after she passed, I began to explore my true sexuality. I have had two partners….one live in and the other, at a distance. I have lived alone for about four years now. At times my life is lonely. At other times, I appreciate my space. I hope to find a FWB but a friend that would eventually develop into more. Your thoughts please.

  6. Jeffrey

    It would be interesting to know the age of those that reply. I think it is going to make a difference in this survey.

    The young have a full life ahead and in the gay community one man may not be enough.

    Middle age men might be ready to settle and be thinking of the time when age is a factor and getting ass/ dick will be harder.

    The old already had their fun. They might be ready to find someone to share retirement with.

    I enjoy playing. As long as I can do that one man and two holes is not enough.

  7. CocoDrilo

    Nah! Tired of being cheated on (they cheated on me here, with this website!), specially with smartphones and apps?. I can’t get to spend quality time with guys because they all are glued to their freaking smartphones all the time, in public and at home. I don’t believe in monogamy anyway and if I want to sleep around I prefer to be single for that. I have very close friends and family, and good fuck buddies, and they make me company, keep me happy and take care of me all of the time, so….

  8. Geo

    Polyamorous and with my forever guy. For the vast majority of my life (in which I’m only 30) I didn’t think I’d ever get married. It’s more of a “I don’t plan on getting married,“ rather than “I plan to not get married.”
    I am with someone that’s chased me for nearly a decade. The insane thought of getting married never crossed my mind until about a year after we started dating. Even though I am polyamorous, and continue to actively date others, marriage could happen with him. It’s definitely not going to be forced and by no means a necessity. We have a house together, and there’s nothing that would be a reason to absolutely get married.

  9. Nathan

    Nathan Writes:

    Why marry “The Cow” when you can get “The Milk” free?

    There is, always, an abundance of free milk. Why take the cow from the pasture?

    Leave the cow where it belongs.

    It is a shorter walk from the cow to the house than the walk from the lawyer’s office to the courthouse.

    Cows belong where they graze; milk belongs to humans who know how to milk it.

  10. Just a poster.

    Hey I would never again get married legally. I got into a heterosexual (wife) marriage that I can’t afford to get out of. Sure I have a house, car, grown kids and everything, but I have no affection for her at all anymore, and wonder if I ever did. I am basically gay, (always have been), but I married out of loneliness, and the want to get out of my past current conditions back many years ago. No way would I even marry a guy as it puts all the finances together, assets, and when one doesn’t hit it off, or drift apart, your stuck. Divorce can be very costly. Easy though to get hitched though. Plus the event of moving and finding someone to put up with me. Basically I would prefer to either live on my own or a roommate. If he and I didn’t work out, well, if the place was in my name, I can just say good by, with no strings attached. I’m sure it wouldn’t be that easy, but at least legally, I wouldn’t be hitched up for life, without a year of lawyers, expenses, and tons of paperwork.

  11. Walter Rivera

    So people’s definition of marriage now days is to run outside the relationship and have sex because your partner and you both are bored with each other are ok with you both screwing whoever… A true marriage takes work and lets face it, most gays only put work in finding a hook up, getting high, or causing drama.. I am in my second marriage because my first husband passed away. I was lucky to find love again let alone get married again.. Most of you just want to be a bunch of hoes..

  12. Jose

    I am currently married to a woman, and everything is fine for now. (I’m bi) I don’t know what the future will bring. I like to thing that I’m a LTR guy. Would love to enjoy single life for a while, since I’ve been married for 20 years, but eventually would settle for a monogamous ltr….‍♂️‍♂️

  13. Ben

    I am on a break after being in a 5 year relationship. Since I’m in year 21 of said break, not sure it’s a break anymore? I dream of a duplex with a white picketed fence, and a husband who is an orphaned, only-child CEO who travels a lot and doesn’t ask a lot of questions. Because of this, I make it very clear in all my interactions that I am NOT looking for a boyfriend. Short answer: No.

  14. Alex

    I’m definitely the marrying type. I don’t hold it against myself, any longer, not being where I want to be in life, relationship-wise, nor do I tell myself x number of sexual partners is too many. I’m having my fun while waiting for Mr. Right. I’m open to kids, while I would love to raise a child, too. Ultimately, though I can accept if it doesn’t happen, marriage is an absolute desire for me. One man, just for me and me for him only, till death do us part.

  15. ALEX

    I’m just about 30 and I know I’m ready to settle down with my equal. Age aside, I think every individual has their individual reason for settling down or not.

  16. Marco

    I’m about to turn 50 in a couple of months, and although many friends think I’m mid-late 30’s, I am not quite sure I would have a match with someone in that age range, or when I myself was 30-something, unless we shared similar life lessons, which typically come with age.
    It is only at this point in my life where I have met guys around my age with mutual self confidence, a career, are comfortable with their life choices and also still look great. I didn’t find that in my 30’s.
    So its only now that I finally feel ready for love and want to settle down with someone that also shares my feelings about being a “couple”. That sad feeling of when the loving ends at sunrise and I’m left to have breakfast all alone with just the company of the morning TV shows is no longer welcomed in my life.
    I’ve passed up a few great guys who shared my present feelings, but unfortunately I just didn’t feel this way back then. I genuinely wish I could find them again but perhaps there is that ‘right-for-me” someone out there waiting to make a connection just with me. Notice I didn’t say “perfect someone” because it took me this many years to accept the fact that “perfect” is not real…imperfection is way better…..it keeps things from getting dull. 🙂

  17. Jim

    One is condemned to the times in which one lives, so yes, the age of the responder here must make a difference. In the case of the older guys, they never had the opportunity to consider having a same sex marriage and what it might entail when they were young with a lifetime ahead of them, so what they might have done then is not necessarily what they might have done in their prime, or what they might choose now in the autumn of their lives. The young have all their choices open, truly something any of the older generations did not; may they choose wisely for what they decide they want. For the guys in their prime, they have their choices of maturity, with younger, with contemporaries, with older, with all of whom they would have some overlapping life experiences in common. However, the uncertainty of the aging process and the toll of the longevity genes they inherited make the choices a gamble: live for today or live today for tomorrow. The worst part of aging is that the Reaper picks off one’s long time friends, one by one, until one emotionally realizes the day will come when one is quite alone, unless one is fine with that. There is no easy nor single answer to this, the conundrum of life!

    • Nathan

      JIM:

      The “Grim Reaper” comes when he does; it isn’t, always, about longevity.

      Perhaps, you never saw war? I did, and the young die just as expeditiously as the old; the young fall harder, the older fall quietly.

      Age isn’t a condemnation; it is cellular as some cells are programmed to die while others wear out through the plethora of chemical reaction they make, day in and day out.

      While, we-the-old-did not have the opportunities to marry as the younger do, we did not have the pressures of “being told what are the right things to do.”

      I spent 35+ in the Military and I saw more young fall right-in-front-of-me-than you will ever imagine and war, as one of the “Four Men Of The Apocalypse” ride together, then as now.

  18. Daniel

    i believe you can love any man you want to. but you don’t have to merry them, to be happy. i don’t want to merry anyone. i don’t believe in it at all. just let your partner know right up front. other wise you both get hurt bad.

  19. Scott

    The question posed is whether you’re the marrying kind or not. It could just as easily be posed to a heterosexual, as it is being posed here to those of us who may want a same sex marriage. Regardless of someone’s sexuality, they may or may not be the marrying kind. The right that was fought to allow same sex marriage was not fought to force all gay people to run out and get married. It was fought to give us the same rights as our Hetero brothers and sisters. Now that we have that right, those of us who may be the marrying kind can figure out on our own how we want to operate within our marriages, as we are not constrained by the Heteronormative constraints of marriage. How two parties want to operate within the context of their marriage is their business, and not for our judgement or criticism.

    • tek

      Most of the guys on here should write comedy routines revolving only around nonsense and wanting all the sex and maybe just a little commitment. Why fight for eqaulity with the “hetero” if you don’t want to be “hetero-normative”? Just to fight the fight and force your views on everyone.. cool. Just bake the cake I guess, but we don’t really want the cake.

      We make up probably less than 10% of the population and everyone acts like we should rule the games while at the same time acting like petulant children with no impulse control.

  20. R

    Know some couples who moved to Las Vegas in the last few years and have been together for 15, 25 and 29 yrs and longer respectively and are all nice guys and committed to each other. One thing about Las Vegas in finding just someone either as a FB or for dating leading to LT commitment is that this is a very transient town and people work all kinds of different shifts, more so than elsewhere which make meeting men or other str8 friends difficult. Single in Las Vegas for a very long time with no regrets.

    @Jim well said, but the “Reaper’ can come anytime for anyone. So live each day well and be in the moment now, not looking to the past or future

  21. Troy Lynch

    We dominate in fields which creativity is the driving force; we were over represented among those who explored the world; we were among the first to die from many exotic diseases: our creativity leads not only ourselves to innovation but allows others to be innovative. We are the canary-in-the-coal-mine of Humanity and the inventors who find ways to survive in the coal mine. We take risks that haven’t been best made with children and a mortgage, but perhaps children and a mortgage are a risk at this juncture. When space exploration gets underway our ability to satisfy our sexual nature without producing offspring on those long voyages is going to be an asset. BTW: human beings are not monogamous and treating women as property for the last 8000 yeas has had only a slight effect on their behaviour, but if women have reasonable expectation that they won’t get caught or penalized they have sex outside a relationship at the same rates of men (around 84%). Please, stop fooling yourselves: so called “serial monogamy” is a euphemism for polygamy.

  22. Lamar

    Lets put it like this: I prefer ‘he & I’ to get use to and look forward to each other, I would prefer ‘us’ to trust each other, to devote or declare our selves to each other in love, yet, give each other our space, too. Living as in “together,” I dunno…

  23. jim Leger

    I would like to fine the right one it hard when you are upper body amptee (missing a shoulder and arm) I have met few guys they after days.


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