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Does anal sex hurt? Some swear it feels amazing; others say it’s painful, awkward, or just not for them. Is the pleasure real, or is there pressure to pretend you like it? Does prep make a huge difference? Is it about relaxation, trust, and technique? Or is it simply not for everyone?
A candid post circulating online prompted a flurry of comments. It reads, “I’m convinced y’all are lying about anal sex.” He added:
That shit fucking HURTS. No matter the size or shape, it’s literally painful. Either most people are lying about this, or their holes are the size of fucking Africa.
And I hate that penetration/sex feels like a requirement in order to be gay, because I don’t see myself ever coming around to it.
I had a guy who I literally had to tell every time he hit me up that I was only interested in oral, and he kept trying to convince me to do anal. I kept telling him that it wasn’t going to work, but I don’t know if he thinks that I’m just joking or trying to be cute or what. Mind you, he’s tried to stick it in 3 times, and every time it was never a success, yet he STILL persists?
But yeah, this is the biggest lie of a fucking century, I’m convinced.
One common response emphasized that experience varies widely from person to person. As one commenter explained, “It’s not like that, anal sex is extremely subjective, you might have a different physiology, which causes you to feel more pain, most gay men just ignore the pain because at one point it does feel good, I agree it is not for everyone and it really needs mental effort to actually enjoy it, but we’re not lying.”
Another gay man pointed to preparation as a crucial factor: “It’s a muscle. It needs loosening up before activity, like any muscle. Luckily, in this case, the prep is a big part of the fun, hopefully for both the bottom and the top.” Many men in the thread agreed that patience, relaxation, and foreplay significantly affect comfort. Rushing the process, especially under pressure, often leads to negative experiences, as in the case of OP.
In addition, someone said, “I think there are a lot of young guys who have only watched porn and attempt to just shove it in with zero prep. Like for someone who’s very experienced, a bit of tongue action on my hole is enough to get a dick in there, but for a new guy, that’s definitely not the case.” Many commenters agreed that pornography can create unrealistic expectations about how quickly or easily penetration should happen. Real-life anal sex, they argue, requires communication and attentiveness.
Still, not everyone believes persistence is the answer. One man shared how his own preferences changed over time: “Subjective. This, all day. I used to like it, not love it. But now I can’t stand it, and have become a side. I’ll top very occasionally, but I won’t bottom.” The rise of the term side — describing gay men who prefer sexual activities other than penetration — reflects a shift in how gay men define intimacy. For many, pleasure isn’t limited to one act.
Meanwhile, others emphasized that anal sex simply isn’t mandatory. One comment reads, “Perhaps receiving anal is not for you. For others, it can feel so great it’s euphoric (even without any chems).” Another added, “Nah anal does feel good it just takes patience and relaxation to get there. That said it’s perfectly valid to not want to do anal sex, it’s not the be all end all of fucking lol it’s definitely overrated imo.”
Of course, some commenters approached the situation with humor, like this guy who replied, “Maybe you’re just a top lol. Have you ever fucked a guy?” While lighthearted, the question touches on a deeper point: sexual roles are fluid. A man who dislikes bottoming may find satisfaction in topping, or may discover he is a side after all.
Perhaps the most troubling part of the original post isn’t the pain itself but the partner who kept pushing boundaries. Repeatedly attempting penetration after a clear refusal raises issues of respect and consent. Many readers stressed that no sexual act should feel obligatory and that pressuring someone to “come around” undermines trust.
Having said all that, what do you think, Adam4Adam blog readers? Were you ever pressured to engage in anything sexual that didn’t feel right for you? Does anal sex hurt for you? Was it painful at first and better later, or never enjoyable at all? Is anal sex not your thing? Do partners respect your boundaries when you say no? Is there too much emphasis on penetration in gay culture? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section down below!
Hurt? No, Hurt/Feels So Good? Yes!!!
Does bottoming hurt? Yes and no. For most bttms probably no all the time. Haha. I am a vers top and it really depends on if the top guy knows what he’s doing or if he even cares how the bottom feels. As a top, there were times I went rogue and ignored the bottom plead for more lube or to change position, or to stop. For the most part I condone to their pleading because I truly don’t want to hurt anyone. I have experienced that when I used to bttm. It hurts and a few guys wouldn’t stop… Read more »
For me, it all depends on the Top. If he takes his time, works my hole some with fingers and tongue, then I become very receptive to penetration. If he knows what he’s doing and doesn’t just pound away, but is patient and starts slowly, then as my hole becomes more accustomed to his cock and motion, can speed up his thrusting, creating a very pleasant and enjoyable experience.
You are absolutely right. Never been painful with Big Black Men, but had to stop small guys because it hurt. So 5″ or less, never. 6″ maybe, 7″- 8″ -9″ Ideal. DDD – double digit dick, Maybe.
When not done correctly or if you have a really bad top than yes, anal hurts the entire time.
However, It will almost always hurt at the very beginning as your body stretches past what it is used to. But if your top is good and allows your body to adjust, than it can become one of the best feelings you have ever experienced. And if you have a sensitive prostate area, it can be mind blowing.
Just take your time to be relaxed both before you begin and during. Patience is key.
Just relax and let it go. It stretches like an pussy. There’s a power and supremacy that always brings me thru when I’m taking on huge dicks I just had a Nordic slice rail my ass two nights ago. That dick was huge like an Cucumber!
You are so Right. A very long time ago I hooked up with this man. I was 19 5ft 9 139. He was 6, 3 210 most importantly his cock was a monster. He was my 3rd I remember it being terrible and his not wanting. I was on my stomach and ge on top of me when he whispered in my ear to bear down on it like I was going to poop it out. Then he said relax. The next thing I knew that thing was moving in me like escrow had just come in. It was a… Read more »
Oral is the Best! But anal is good, too, if it’s done right and I like the guy. But I do love to rim. It seems to me that every guy who is new to Gay thinks he has to be fucked in the ass. Probably the result of too much porn watching.
Yes it hurts my first time and it still hurts today because I don’t get that much
For what it is worth, the very first time I bottomed, years ago, I accidentally found out the critical secret for anal sex is in understanding that the body has reflexes and certain structures, and that paying attention makes a critical difference. The fact that some guys tell you, that they feel like they are having a bowel movement, is the biggest reminder that reflex is involved. Here is the explanation, as short as possible. The first cause of problems is, fear of an accident. To prevent that, the bottom needs to have a relaxing, thorough BM within a few… Read more »
It hurts. Men who top just seem conditioned to cause pain for their pleasure. Tops don’t seem to care btms. Just like straight men are with women. It’s all about their pleasure.
Hurts so good!
I would really like to know the real answers to the questions proposed in this blog. As a Top, I wondered moreso what is the true pleasure and orgasmic pleasure the guys really experienced when they get fucked.as the blog questions proposed: “Does anal sex hurt? Some swear it feels amazing… Is the pleasure real, or is there pressure to pretend you like it? I am curious to know if such pleasure and orgasms is derived from it? Maybe it’s it’s a lesson or tutoring I could be get from someone authentic.
Agreed that the questions here need some attention: ‘Rimming” “Fisting” “Anal”. The focus in the Blog seems to be on hookups and “once and done” sexual encounters. Guys you connect with online …. with no repeat meetings. Guys picked up in clubs … with no repeat meetings. That’s good when that’s what the participants want. Do what works. But there’s more to Gay men than club pickups and online hookups and cruising stores and parks to snag “the next load.”. For those that are into that, GREAT! Really. Enjoy. But really, the most excellent thing about men and sex is… Read more »
I tried it in my younger days,yes,it does,but I think it’s the size too,if the top guy cock is long,fat or its head is plum shaped,most likely it will.It also depends on the bottom man,some can take dick,some cannot.Much love to all the bottom men, especially the ones still hiding,you guys are the best!
Then one’s still hiding, You mean those of us that in the closet ? Lol”
My first time to bottom, I was not even expecting it to happen. I was in a ABS video booth just looking for oral fun. He just went in and I wasn’t lubed or anything. In the following years, I did enjoy the feel of cock entering me, when I’ve prepared for it.
I bottom and top equally. I’ve mostly have had very pain-free and amazing experiences bottoming only a few painful ones and that’s because the top didn’t take the time and start off easy. Just shoved it in and started pounding…very selfish.
Start off with rimming and fingering. Use plenty of lube. Coconut oil is the best.
Flip fucking sessions were always the best.
Bottoming hurt the first several times I tried it. The FWBs who did it were patient and were average length and girth so that wasn’t the issue. It was a matter of sufficient lube and my learning to accommodate them. Beyond that, it gives me not much more pleasure than a good shit. Feels OK, but there’s no “oh wow!”, orgasm, or screaming with pleasure. And if the Top goes too long with thrusting, I develop an intense need to piss. I do it because my FWBs enjoy Topping. Helping them get to great orgasms is worth it. Of course,… Read more »
As a well-hung top, I have the empathy not to just plow right into an ass with no reguard for the pain I am causing. It’s pretty simple to get him well-lubed and work a dildo into him for a few minutes before going it. I have no idea why people think this is some kind of mystery!
A dildo…..??? No well hung man is using an dildo to open an ass. That’s bullshit. Some of you people give yaself away. Geez A talented top will ease his way into an ass
You do you and let me be me. I go to great lengths to not hurt my bottoms so they will want to return for more in the future
Thank you Sir, may I have ANOTHER ~~~~ and ANOTHER :)!!!! LOLOL
Having dated a very well hung Guy I wish they all considered that approach but they Don’t. Was introduced to a Guy who was new in town and we hit off and hooked up. First couple dates were fine and he came across as a patient, considerate Top not too pushy even though you questioned whether he was content with how you handled his 10×7 monster. He liked mutual oral, loved to rim and said anal was optional because he found most Bottoms really couldn’t handle Him. One day he came over after work in a pissed off mood (Attorney,… Read more »
That is a question you really should be asking straight women. I say that because there are so many more straight women taking it up the ass than gay men. It’s a simple issue of math.
I agree, I’ve been with plenty women that likes to take it in the ass, and most enjoy it and they actually cum harder I’ve been told by several women, more and more women are doing it these days, most of them won’t ask for it at first, afraid of what a guy may think of them, so I mostly initiate it , then it on from there,
Not if you use PLENTY of LUBE and the top knows what the hell to do to HELP it be pleasurable instead of a “PAIN IN THE ASS”!!!! LOLOLOL 🙂
The first time I bottomed it was horrible and really painful. He was pounding me all over the bed and I even slid off it at one time and went to the floor. The second time we did it in the woods along the river. The guy was hot and it felt good after some initial pain. I have had mostly good experiences sine then. I think it is because I am picky on dick size to fuck me and the guys that now do me I am eager to have there dick in me. I prefer thinner to average… Read more »
It really depends does it not being a bottom myself i have to say it really depends on the prep and the top just sticking it in and go whole hog of course it will hurt in less you so loose it won’t matter but good prep and a good top it’s amazing really amazing but it really comes down to both partner if it’s amazing or terrible
I prefer tops that are average size, it might hurt at first, but it goes away pretty fast. After that it’s 100% pleasure.
It took about 4 pushes, poppers & his tongue lickin my hole before the was able to penetrate me. But once he was in. It was a great feeling both physical & most important for me mentally. We were making love ❤️
Thank you Scott for your love
I am all bottom and I have experienced a full spectrum of feelings while fucking. There have been times when it was only painful. Typically it hurts a bit and then after a moment, the pain is replaced by a wonderful pleasure.
I have no doubt that proper preparation, relaxation and patience of the top are major factors. I have found that a little prelude in my ass helps a lot.
Anal sex. It’s not fun. nor is it easy to do. You have to be careful and know what you are doing because inside your ass are paper thin walls that can be torn easy. For first time anal peple, I recommend using a dildo first to open the ass up and then having a real person’s dick in the ass. Everyone’s dick varies by size. For me, I can take a 12.5 inch one by 1.3 inch round dick up my ass (and down my throat) like nothing. But dicks over 14 inches long by 3 inches round is… Read more »
WOW dude – where the HELL do you live that the AVERAGE DICK is 12.5 and there are DUDES walking around with 14″s HANGING!?!?? 🙂 CALL the moving VANS – there’s gonna be an INVASION soon!!!! LOLOLOLOL 🙂
I’m a top/vers but have had a fair bit of experience taking it up the ass over the years. Sometimes it’s hurt but many times it’s felt great. One time stands out though: When I was 18 and a virgin and hungry for basically everything guys would do in bed, after some initial mutual cocksucking, I laid face down on my mentor’s bed, legs spread. He lubed up my ass thorough. Knowing I was a virgin, he then proceeded to slide his cock inside me verrrrry slowly. Me, the naive 18-year-old, got restless, thinking “aw c’mon already, shove it all… Read more »
I’m gentle, period, except for foreplay; fucking/making love, is about the one giving his ass to you, as a top. I know when I first came out and tried bottoming twice: the first guy, with my legs/feet over his shoulders; was very small it felt like a pencil, hurt like hell! The second time, his was like a 6-7 inch, this time, I lay prostate, it didn’t hurt as much but did nothing for me, so I never tried it anymore, ever. One of my best buds, may he be resting in peace; I could not believe my eyes, what… Read more »
I’m verse and I don’t get in a vibe to bottom much so sometimes it does. Very uncomfortable with someone when their use to pussy more than ass. They don’t understand 1, ass doesn’t usually “self lube,” and 2, unless the person is a power bottom or very loose, you can’t always just get in and pound away porn style.
First of all…. you have to want it. If you don’t want to have anal sex, it will hurt and it will not be enjoyable. You have to have trust in the top and for him to go slow and stop if you tell him to. You have to be able to relax your sphincter to let the guy penetrate you. You have to breathe as you let him in. AND you have to use lube. Your ass does not self-lubricate; no matter what you see on gay porn. All those guy get “warmed up” before they get fucked on… Read more »
A little at first. Absolutely heaven once in.
Start with lots of lube, and fyi, spit is NOT lube.
Spit is fine as lube for guys who are into that.
For the record, not one of them.
WOW, what is IN your SPIT DUDE?!? Is it SILICONE or WATER BASED?!?!? LOLOLOL 🙂
Intolerance much dude?
Not MUCH AT ALL, Overt!!! 🙂
Agreed. As a bottom, I hate spit as lube, but in the days when I did top more, I dated a guy that was just like Blanche (slut, different guy every 37 minutes) and his loose ass loved spit.
disavowing anal sex = disavowing pain & discomfort.
Does anal sex hurt? Yes… when not done well. It’s a process. Ease into it… it’s an anus…not a punching bag. Done well, anal is amazing.
When not done properly it can hurt, but when done right it feels amazing!! If the top loosens up the ass with fingers and/or toys it definitely helps. Also, there needs to be communication – the bottom should let the top know if he’s going to fast or if it’s just right. And the top should also look for physical cues from the bottom like facial expressions or flinching. Take it at the pace that’s right for the bottom in the beginning then work yourselves up to pounding that ass!! For me personally, it hurts if he’s bigger than about… Read more »
I have never bottomed out of fear of the pain- would love to try.
Never TOO late to try as LONG as you stay on this side of the ground BUDDY!!!! 🙂 Times’ A wasting tho – HOPE it’ll be SOON for ya 🙂
If a huge amount of guys did not prefer of any size, TOPS? Then WHY have the majority of those looking for guys on A4A, “BOTTOMS???”
Bottoming is less work/expectation.
There is more sexual pleasure in being prostate stimulated.
There is a surveying projecting that based upon testosterone and estrogen levels varying, higher estrogen gives a greater propensity desire to bottom, hormnonally..
Well I must have a lot of estrogen then because I absolutely adore bottoming
Sometimes!!!
I’ve written several books on this/gay sex-intimacy from teaching thousands of men in workshops for over 20+ years. The first thing we do in workshops is I teach what you’re trying to achieve and how the body works. Most of the thousands of gay men I’ve taught have never seen the physical diagrams of the male body/sexual organs and internals (women due to menstruation/pregnancy are taught by women or l learn. Men don’t because the teaching, exploration, etc. is misnomered as “gay” rather than health and healthy sex related. So hetero men avoid it and therefore overlook teaching it to… Read more »
Thanks for your educational efforts, but yours isn’t the only pleasure context. In my case, I’m mostly a top; I like to work bottoms open and know exactly where to hit THEIR gland. My anatomy is different. I assgasm with larger, plum-headed cock. Smaller are fun and fine, bot it’s the intense sensation of being thoroughly pumped– with glandular stimulation– that provides the orgasm. YMMV. I always experience initial entry pain, but it melts.
There are people who debate air and water to assert themselves…………
I’m sure it hurts, the pressure on the prostate is very uncomfortable.
For me, it is the most pleasure that I get from gay sex. Yes there are lots more of things to do, and I enjoy a lot of them. So, here is what I experience as a mature man, who at one time was mostly a top. Not bragging, but I’m hung. Lots of times when I wanted to bottom for a guy, when I took my pants off, he’s say, “No, I want you to fuck me with that big cock!” Sure, I’d be somewhat disappointed if I was expected to be penetrated, but being a top is amazing… Read more »
I don’t know if it’s my physiology or my psychology or just dumb luck but I have always loved bottoming and it has always felt like the most natural thing in the world. The last time I bottomed a week ago a guy invited me over to his house. He had room all set up including a sex swing, which is something I absolutely love. I was in that and after some kissing and sucking of his cock he moved up his cock and could slide it right in without any hesitation. It was a really amazing really long fuck… Read more »
Remember that kid in high school who would skip and dance around at their abilities at trigonometry? And have to tell us all how easy it was for him? A lot?…………..
Okay that was pretty funny. Sorry if it sounded at all that way it’s just I guess I’m lucky because I know a lot of people who really have to take their time to get used to every encounter and it’s never been an issue with me.
I just knew I wanted to be a bottom, and before I ever got fucked, I knew I was going to like it, the first time I got fucked I came like crazy hands free, I have never had a desire to top, I truly enjoy the feeling of a man dick up my ass, no toys, it the idea of being stuffed with dick that gets me off
….and his bestie who was in all of the musical theater and a bit flamboyant….even in elementary school.
Based on my research, my theory as to why a higher percentage of men find anal sex, at this particular moment in the early part of the 21st century, painful is due to several things: gay porn depicts anal sex as something where being a good top means pounding away at a bottom from go until climax.. What may look good visually on screen doesn’t mean it will feel good in real life. These kins of presentations are where a góod number of tops take their cues never considering that what is on screen has been edited. I feel that… Read more »
According to the ABMS—Alpha/Beta Mating Survey, from Keith Swain, a psychologist who has done thousands of these surveys of men who have sex with men, it has to do with testosterone/estrogen levels in men–which correlates to penis size/length-girth and sexual-emotional arousal and desires based upon hormones.
https://www.amazon.com/Good-Men-Finding-Keeping-Being-ebook/dp/B00I0ZYBFC/ref=books_amazonstores_desktop_mfs_aufs_ap_sc_dsk_0
It depends on the size of his penis I suppose. I’ve had smaller ones that I couldn’t feel and bigger ones that filled me up. None of them hurt. I’ve had from three inches, up seven inches. The guy with the bigger cock was gentle and took his time. A tiny bit of pain initially, but that quickly subsided and turned to pleasure. I will say however, the bigger he is and the more aggressive, the more enjoyment I get.
As someone who prefers to Bottom after years of being Vers, it really comes down to how responsive is the Top. I have been gifted some would say with a Michael Boston type of booty…..meaty cakes, tight pink hole deep in the canyon. Most Dudes like to finger it just to check it out and pretty much always want to rim. I do get aroused being fingered by a masculine dude and I have learned to enjoy aggressive tongue action by a determined Top. Dated one Guy for several years who was a very skilled Top, nice 8.5 thick inches… Read more »
My only time getting topped was very early into my exploration and he was drunk and very impatient. I’m not going to lie, I felt like I was going to shit myself and I did NOT want that to go down. I’ve let girls finger me, and I’ve borrowed my wife’s vibe and done myself and I’ve loved it! Came almost instantly from hitting the prostate, I assume. When topping, I like to take my time and really work it so he, or she, almost swallow my cock when I slide it down to the brown button.