(Photo Credits: Asier Romero from Shutterstock)
Sometimes, the truths that shape our gay lives aren’t the ones written in affirming think pieces or expressed in rainbow-colored ads. They’re found in awkward nights, painful realizations, and small lessons learned in between hookups, heartbreaks, friendships, and late-night conversations. This is what a gay man online had recently asked about: “What’s something the gay world taught you that no one wants to admit?” He added, “Let me learn from y’all.”
Many gay men shared their unfiltered reflections online, and some of the insights may resonate with us more deeply than we’d like to admit. Take a look at what some of them have to say below.
One guy responded: “There’s no better liar than a man who wants to fuck you. Top or bottom, it doesn’t matter… gay, straight or whatever, a man will shift into a whole another person just to get you.” Someone replied to him and said, “Which is why we must not trust those STD declarations. Wrap it up boys.” It’s a reminder of the importance of protecting yourself and remembering that lust can easily blur truth—especially in a world where attention is an important currency.
Another guy chimed in, “Being gay is really expensive.” From maintaining appearances to keeping up with social outings, fashion, gym memberships, apps, and events—many of us feel the pressure to spend to belong. There’s unspoken judgment, sometimes, if you don’t look or live a certain way.
In addition, several men admitted to the darker sides of the community. One said, “Gays aren’t immune to being assholes—in fact sometimes they are worse than bullies.” Another guy wrote, “Other than the few gems scattered here and there, our community is pretty shallow and broken. Maybe that comes from the collective trauma of nearly the entire world hating our existence.” These responses are raw and reflect the ongoing impact of internalized homophobia, exclusion, and trauma.
Meanwhile, there’s one powerful, introspective comment and it reads, “Gay men in general are sad, insecure, and broken by the trauma of the closet. They never really heal, so they engage in bitchy, petty behaviors to feel better about themselves. Many shroud their insecurities and broken selves behind a temporary armor of muscles.” But another user was quick to push back, reminding everyone that healing is possible: “You don’t heal unless you intentionally want to heal and grow as a person. That takes self-awareness and effort. But you aren’t permanently ‘broken’. You can absolutely live a happy, fulfilling life outside of the closet.”
Still, someone noted that the community has depth if you know where to look: “That the community can teach you a lot if you approach it with an open mind and an open heart. Some of those lessons are hard and negative—but not all are.”
Others summed it up simply: “You can’t trust anyone. Even ‘Family.'” While that might sound jaded, it comes from lived experiences that aren’t always shared openly.
Having said all that, what about you, Adam4Adam blog readers? What has the gay world taught you? What have you seen, heard, felt or experienced in the community that no one really talks about but should? Was it a hard lesson or a gentle truth? Drop your thoughts in the comments section down below!
accept yourself as God intended not as society intends… .
God doesn’t exist.
neither does common sense
Mostly anyway, true, that.
There you go, trying to force your opinion on everyone! Who made you gatekeeper of everyone’s beliefs and opinions, John?!
I bet you wouldn’t dare tell a Muslin that Allah doesn’t exist- yet Christians and God are open season for your ridicule. That’s the thing about your type, at the heart of it you’re nothing but hypocrites!
I’m not forcing you to believe anything, sugartits. I’m simply informing you of something. You’re free to believe irrational nonsense and superstition and ignore reason if you please. Be my guest.
And you’re wrong: I’ve told dozens of Muslims that Allah doesn’t exist. Before you go making blanket assumptions about people you don’t know, you might want to verify what you’re saying is actually true. But you believe in God, so I’m sure empirical evidence, reason, and the ability to form a hypothetical syllogism are all beyond your ken.
Don’t you ever get tired of being a sad, pathetic, bitter old queen?
Did my reply hit you in the feels, Timothee? Are you having the sadz because someone isn’t afraid to call out your DEEPLY seated homophobia and the concomitant belief in god that often accompanies it?
Did what I had to say punch you right in the feels, Timothee? Does it hurt when your deep-seated homophobia is called out publicly? Cope for me, boomer. Cope for me.
I’m far from a ‘boomer.’ Though I doubt you even know what generation that is. You just parrot nonsensical rhetoric and think you’ve said something devastating, while in reality the intelligent people among us are all laughing at you while you’re pompously enjoying the smell of your own gas
God indeed exists, but maybe not in the way movies or the bible tell the majority. There is something that existed before all of us. Maybe God is everything and nothing, depending on how you discern evidential fact. Perhaps it is easier to say there is no “God” because you can not comprehend beyond a one-dimensional existence, which is okay if that is your path. Perhaps you are right; perhaps you are wrong. Who cares. The gay world has taught me that there is no time to be against each other. Travel your path and be happy.
I’m sorry, the claim “maybe God is everything” is utterly worthless. Woah, bro, like … that’s so deep! I already have a word for everything. I say it’s everything – not God. The world is better off without your bong hit, kindergarten theology.
So weird that you started off your post with “God indeed exists” and then five lines later, you say “perhaps you are right; perhaps you are wrong.” Critical thinking isn’t your strong suit, is it?
You would know about being ‘utterly useless’, John. You should learn to read the room. You’re getting annihilated and ratioed, yet you keep on doubling-down. You’re just showing that you’re an insecure little know-it-all
Yep ‘utterly worthless’ describes you perfectly, John!
You have to love how you open up your post with “God indeed exists” and then only four lines later say, “Perhaps you are right; perhaps you are wrong.” Thinking isn’t exactly your strong suit is it, sugar?
The only thing I’ve ever learned is that there is no ‘gay community.’ My sexuality isn’t my entire personality. It doesn’t dictate my music, fashion, nor my political leanings. The ‘gay community’ are little more than hive-minded individuals with little to no life beyond their sexuality. These are the self-appointed gatekeepers of how to be gay. Step out of line with an original thought or opinion of your own- and beware! It’s unfortunate that the only Homophobia I’ve ever experienced has been from the ‘gay community’ itself, as well as liberal ‘gay allies.’ There are as many different ‘ways to… Read more »
The “gay community” is absolutely a thing. It’s the entire set of people who identify as gay. Being a member of the gay community doesn’t mean that your tastes and preferences have to align with those of the prevailing gay culture. You have pretty simplistic black-and-white thinking here that it would probably benefit you to reassess. Frankly, it’s bizarre that in one breath you mention “exclusive events and spaces” in a negative way (when it’s for gay people), but then mention how you go out of your way to mention “bi/straight, no gay men” on your profile. The cognitive dissonance… Read more »
So what about the ‘straight community’? Oh, that’s right, there isn’t one! Because ‘normal’ people, straight, gay, or bi, know that your sexuality doesn’t constitute a ‘community.’ Nor does their sexuality need to be ‘celebrated’, and isnt anything to be ‘proud’ of!
If you need constant validation of your sexuality by surrounding yourself with the most vapid underclass homosexuals, then go for it! As for me, I’ll pass!
Au contraire. There is a straight community. It’s the set of all people who identify as heterosexual. Why is this so hard?
And of course, I knew it wouldn’t be long before we came out with the latent – not not-so-latent – homophobia: straight people are “normal” and gay people aren’t. Just tell us that you want to barf every time you look in the mirror. It would have taken fewer syllables.
I think you need a lesson in reading comprehension. No doubt you only made it to 5th grade.
‘normal’ people, straight, gay, or bi,
Read that again, and this time pull your head out of your ass first!
It’s still giving internalized homophobia, Timothee. It’s clear that by “normal,” you mean “people that agree with Timothee.”
And I made it far enough in school to know that you don’t use an Oxford comma in a sentence like “Read that again, and this time pull your head out of your ass first!” 😉
So basically everyone who agrees with you is “normal” and everyone who disagrees isn’t. Got it. That’s not a narcissistic way of thinking at all, Timbo.
You’re the only narcissist here. So much so that you don’t even realize that you’re pointing your dirty little finger at others for exactly what you’re doing. You need to learn some serious self awareness.
Most of your type resort to calling me ‘Timmy’, when making themselves look like a fool online. So I guess you’re as ‘original’ as you are totally basic.
Not to get into the debate, but while I agree with your thinking, you have to admit that gay people have been & are treated as “less than equal” to heterosexuals.
The Community is an entire set of people who don’t agree on anything and have nothing in common. They’re LGTBQ+ when it comes to sexuality. They like and dislike men, women, homosexuals, and trans. The like and dislike twinks, bears, masculine guys, feminine guys, otters. young guys, ild guys, middle aged guys. They like and dislike kissing, sucking, swallowing, masturbating, anal topping, anal bottoming, and sides. They like and dislike high fashion, celebrities, and all genres of music. They’re Liberal, Conservative, Independent, or nothing. They religious or not The only thing that’s communal about The Community is that it’s a… Read more »
“The Community is an entire set of people who don’t agree on anything and have nothing in common.” Correct. Just like the community if women have nothing necessarily in common other than the fact that they’re all women. I’m glad you understand how set theory works.
I agree 100% Timothee. I also put “Bi/’straight’ only. No gay men” in my profile.
As a free spirited, individual thinking, not typically black, nor typically gay either; not “straight acting” but just a normally masculine gay man, multi-faceted. I’ve learned, there’s so much psychological/spiritual illness-damage caused by the hetero world at large; that the majority of the community seems to despise itself for a number of reasons-religion, etc., and pretty collectively obsessive-sexually. Which has limited a lot personal or individual growth understanding of or about life’s many aspects. I fully expect ‘us’ like other men in general, to go through fazes, but to remain in them throughout one’s life. I’ve actually said, some gay… Read more »
Of course, “The Community” exists:· It has international Global Headquarters as well as headquarters in each nation, region/state, and major metropolitan areas.It has a Charter which governs its operations and clearly shows its beliefs, including the many Gay charities it supports.It lobbies government entities at all levels promoting laws and financial programs to support Gays.It holds annual meetings of its international and state/regional locations.Its website gives clear connections to its local chapters, as well as online applications so each member can apply for membership and receive a Gay Card once approved. The website also accepts donations for its support.It has… Read more »
Right off the bat, when I first started the coming out process (way back in the Pleistocene), I found out who my TRUE friends were. Those who were homophobic straight or closeted just about immediately said, “Be friends with a queer? I’m outta here!” But those who were true friends have remained friends through all these decades. This “weeding out” was unexpectedly advantageous and, as this article is themed, a great lesson learned.
The lesson that I learned is the loyalty, among the gay guys I’ve come across. I chose to be closeted. I have sex with openly gay guys and guys who are closeted. I tell them upfront that I’m discreet. So far, I have never been outed. I treat the guys I’m involved with; with dignity and respect.
How can you have “sex with openly gay guys” and be “discreet”? That doesn’t make any sense. Either people (or most people) know you’re gay, or they don’t.
there are those who have their suspicions or an inkling, too… .
If you have either of those, you’re not discreet. Discreet means, by definition, not raising any concerns or suspicions; flying under the radar. Suspecting someone of being gay is the opposite of that.
agreed. some of us do not intentionally prosper our sexuality; It is just there and obvious and curiosity fuels the scrutiny.
I’m with Matt here. Same bi-closeted status and I’ve had plenty of amazing sex with both openly gay guys and closeted types like me. Same results and aftermath: never been outed, treat my sex partners well, they respect my secret, I respect who they are, and all’s well in the world.
Living is a closeted life sounds so … liberating. Where do I sign up? Does this package come with 2.3 children and a picket fence? Fascinating stuff.
Ha! Hey, my dick calls the shots and it works…somehow. I get my cake and eat it. (Interpretation from the closeted world: I get my cum and suck it.)
You sound like a creep.
Aww, sounds like you’re just jealous that you can’t hide your lisp and tender limp wrist, John. But trust me, being a whining, whimpering homosexual wasn’t the reason you were beaten up as a child.
Your ‘hot takes’ are getting negative ratings, while the complete strangers you’ve decided (for no good reason) to share your ‘vast insight’ with are getting support from everyone.
Maybe stop deflecting your obvious insecurities on others who have a differing opinion or way of life and do some work on yourself.
Read your reply. Thank you. We thankfully are living in a free world where we are allowed to make choices. If I decide not to disclose my sexuality, that’s my personal choice. If a gay dude chose to come out, that’s his choice. I hear gays talking about they feel liberated and free once they come out. I already feel free. Am I scare to come out? Heck no!!! If I come out, will I be bullied? Heck no!!! This is 2025. I’m not intimidated by noone on this planet and will defend myself aggressively if I have to. If… Read more »
Sexuality is innate. Sexual identities are cultural artifacts that aren’t consistent over time nor across cultures. Identity is something one learns, practices, and integrates. Identity is important to psychological development and much of the need for the ever-growing smorgasbord of sexual identities is an effort to forge positive identity in spite of a world, loudly, saying you don’t deserve it. But all of it arises from the original dichotomy of gay/straight. “Straight” is the phobia part of homophobia. It doesn’t say what you are but attempts to make clear what you aren’t. As disappointing as it may be to Straight… Read more »
I’ve learned that my homosexual needs and heterosexual needs fall within the parameters that, I need and wants friends. If the friendship works for them it works for me.
I’ve learned, particularly on this site since I’ve been on it longer than the other gay sites, that the MAJORITY of gay men are liars, beggars, thieves, prostitutes or just plain full of #@$! Makes we want to tolerate women again…
The saddest part, is how true what you are saying is. And so many of them are right here on this site.
Gays are their own worst enemy…judgy judgy…men are whores and are only looking for the next fuck or blowjob..straight and gay…and everyone thinks their shit is the flavour of the day…the sad part is that those who are about the community and work to help those who need it ..and there are lots who do…are the ones you don’t see because the scene is just overbearing with attitude…the glitter doesn’t last forever..be kinder
There are real shades of gay, just like the Kinsey Scale says. The sex is different along that scale, and there are mixtures, and men who have to somehow prove their gayness. Some graduate from that school, others don’t flunk out, rather, find themselves between the str8 and gay worlds, waffling back and forth along the scale. To those not-heteronormative, hugs. It’s different for all of us. Once you discover that being gay isn’t all about you, you can live. Others don’t want to know, or don’t care, don’t have energy, and might have fear and anxiety. Like the rubric… Read more »
Ive learned that if one questions or doesn’t toe the line, they are shunned and not allowed to sit at the table. But thats OK. I would rather sit at the table of those that are respectful and honest. Not at the table of a bunch of bitchy cunts.
Completely agree! I was threatened by anonymous Grindr profiles in 2016, when a ‘friend’ rallied every homo he could to attack me for supporting Trump. Did it change my mind, nope, I voted for the man three times. What it did do was show me quite clearly how sad and pathetic the ‘gay community’ truly is!
Because of COURSE you’re a Trump supporter. Of COURSE you did! Could have spotted that faggotry a mile away.
Because of COURSE you voted for Trump. With all the other irrational nonsense you’ve spouted on this thread, that totally tracks.
Of course you’re a liberal. You’re completely out-of-touch with reality and anything you disagree with you claim is ‘phobic’. Not an original thought in your empty little head. Good thing the adults are back in charge! MAGA
Now start saying I’m in a cult, while you simultaneously preach about how women can have a penis and men, of course, can get pregnant. There’s nothing like liberal irony to make me smile!
Appearance is all that matters for dates.
You’re either fit/muscular or you’re nobody.
Gay World taught me that you can PICK your own family. You don’t have to rely on “blood” but choose the people that mean the world to you.
Totally agree. My friends mean the world to me. They are free therapy for me when I’m down. They are fun to be around.
to assume any hookup is loaded with STDs and intestinal parasites
Lesson? Don’t spend one second of your life reacting to bitchy queens! They are not worth even the slightest notice and want to take everyone around them down to their pathetic levels of misery.
To love myself and accept who I am and to never stop being me
I find the discussion about G-d, the existence of a queer community, and then Trump on here to be nasty in tone. Unlike the other gay blogs on here, this one is more like a Trump Supporters’ hotline than a gay chat blog — which suggests the posters mostly aren’t gay. They’re far right hate bloggers that found the site and now seek to show “diversity of thought” in the gay community which, not coincidentally, divided while it enrages. As for G-d, I have no problem with that personal belief but i cannot stand the right wing evangelikkkal hypocrites who… Read more »
It taught me to love myself that I’m exactly the way I was meant to be!