(Photo Credits: VladOrlov from Shutterstock)
Hey, guys! How long should a normal hookup take and more importantly, do you see your hookups/FWBs again or is it just a one-time thing?
Anyway, whether a hookup lasts for a few minutes or a few hours, we might only be in each other’s company for a short period, we may or may not see them again depending on the arrangement, but that doesn’t mean there are no unwritten rules. For this guy on Reddit, there are a few things one must remember specially when they’re the ones hosting their hookups. See below:
A love note to hosting 20something guys
First of all, you’re killing it ok. To be able to host in this economy…bravo.
But can I please offer some pointers; this is done out of love.
- Have a clean hand towel, or any other small towel, by the bed. This is your designated sex towel, don’t use it to Windex the countertop. Bonus if you have wet/baby wipes.
- Please offer me a glass of water.
- Please have a clean surface where I can put my clothing. I don’t want to have them on the floor.
- Not having lube is fine as I carry a small packet with me. But you should have some as well.
- It’s a good idea to remove your duvet/comforter from your bed before we fuck.
- If you have Spotify on to drown out any noise, it doesn’t have to be so loud. I still want to hear you moan.
- You should have hand soap and hand towel in your bathroom. We are 3.5 years into COVID now. Body wash and paper towels will do the job, but I’m just saying.
- You should offer me to shower at your place and offer me a clean towel as well. I drive so it’s not a big deal to shower at home. But it’s polite to offer.
Remember…killing it. xoxo, traveling top.
Do you agree with the rules that he suggested, guys? If not, what do you think are the rules that must be included in that list? What about the ones listed below?
- Consent is Key: Always ensure that all parties involved are consenting and comfortable with the situation. Communicate openly about boundaries and intentions.
- Communication: Be clear about your expectations and desires. Discuss any preferences, limits, or specific activities beforehand to avoid misunderstandings.
- Respect Boundaries: Respect the boundaries set by everyone involved. If someone expresses discomfort or changes their mind, be responsive and respectful.
- Safe Practices: Prioritize safe sex by using protection to prevent sexually transmitted infections (STIs).
- Honesty: Be honest about your intentions and avoid leading anyone on. If it’s a one-time encounter, communicate that clearly.
- Hygiene: Take care of personal hygiene to ensure a comfortable and enjoyable experience for all parties.
- Privacy: Respect the privacy of others involved. Avoid sharing personal information or details about the encounter without consent.
- Aftercare: Check in with your partner(s) afterward, especially if it was an intense encounter. Ensure everyone is comfortable and on the same page.
As for other gay men on the thread, the comments section was a riot. Some think that OP is too demanding for coming up with the list, One of them even said, “You sound like hard work. You’re going round to fuck and leave. It’s not your hotel.”
However, one guy underscored the importance of said rules, he shared, “To all the people concerned with the ‘have a clean spot for me to put my clothes’ point, let me just say, my last hookup didn’t have a clean spot, and so I left my clothes on the floor.” He added, “Where his dog pissed all over them while we were doing our business.”
In conclusion, navigating the realm of hooking up involves a delicate balance of communication, respect, and consent. Establishing clear boundaries and expectations upfront ensures that both parties feel comfortable and can enjoy the experience. Remember, open communication and mutual respect form the foundation of a positive and consensual hookup, creating a more enjoyable and fulfilling encounter for everyone involved.
Making sure hookups (usually first-time connections) go right, takes only simple discussion and planning. Success comes into the forms of great sex … or determining the meeting should not take place on the front end. When a guy hits me up I hit him up, I’ll open with general discussion “Have seen you on A4A for a while” or “any plans for today?” or “thanks for having a great profile.” From there, the conversation quickly goes to their profile. I check a guy’s profile before I even respond to his salutation or me hitting him up. If his profile is… Read more »
I could’ve written a very similar piece. I’ve been on a4a for over 20 years now and all you laid out here applies to me. I feel like I’ve developed a 6th sense of sniffing out the good from the bad players. For instance, I move along when I see in profiles any of the following: “bareback” or “depends” in the sexual practice section; “into mild or wild”; a lack of details overall; few or no pix; nasty comments, etc. And as you said, those lacking patience to exchange some messages before meeting are not for me either. What’s more,… Read more »
Love the guys (I have other labels for them, but will remain a gentleman) who put their age, height, weight in the profile and stop. And then text that says “if you have any questions, just ask.” A profile makes it so others don’t need to ask you basic questions about who you are, what you have to offer and what you seek. Not a big deal to fill in most of the blanks. Put in a line of text, but NOT “if you have any questions, just ask.” Something like at minimum “looking for fun/safe sex.” A guy who… Read more »
Fully agreed. It’s like, is it so difficult to fill all that in? C’mon! And yes, it says a lot about a guy if he only fills in a few lines. Also raises a warning flag that he probably has a lot he does NOT want you to know. And most of all, I want to know his “sexual practice” because I move right along to the next one and away from those who put “bareback” in there or “depends.”
When one of my regulars needs head, I get a message requesting my services. I go, get in my knees, work for the load, swallow and leave. Communication is key.
Compatability is essential!!! The first few minutes when meeting someone for a hookup usually dictate how things are going to go. Firstly, I focus on their facial expression. A warm gentle smile always work for me. Masculinity, personal hygiene, and conversational skills are next in that order.
As always you speak words to power…I agree and his swagger, his appeal, him smelling good, the whole vibe and chemistry are a big points with me. His masculinity and Im looking at his azz non stop. But if the vibe & chemistry is right…well it’s what it’s man.
In a world where health is paramount, maintaining good personal hygiene is more important than ever. It’s no secret that hygiene for a man is a big deal. It could be argued that hygiene is an issue that could make or break a dating connection if not executed properly. The following are things that need attention in the hygiene department before having sex. Oral Care – Bad breath can be an immediate turn-off and could result in an immediate disconnect. Foot Care – Some men are very attracted to a person with beautiful feet. Body Odor – I understand that… Read more »
Not a fan of colognes or sprays. Guys should never spray cologne on their bodies; they should give a pump of two in the air up and in front of them and walk through it as it falls. Even bodywashes often have too much going on. No “Ocean Breeze” scent has ever smelled like any ocean I’ve been near. Spring Rain? Usually smells like soap and flowers. I like a guy who has essentially no smell other than a slight muskiness. Sure, he’ll begin to smell sweaty as we have sex; that’s a good outcome! Grooming … I like guys… Read more »
Between Hunter0500 and Tom, yeah, that! I agree with both of you. I don’t like a lot of scent other than a natural scent, mostly, I don’t care for manscaping, give me a naturally beautifully hairy man any day. I love large feet and hands and when they’re hairy. . . facial hair goes a long way with me, too. Perhaps I’m more attracted to sapiosexual types, love a good conversation; you cannot or not willing, I’m not willing, period. I wanna know something of you besides biblically, lmao! Many people here in So. Flo., cannot have conversations, just sex,… Read more »
Word of the Day “sapiosexual” – “finding intelligence sexually attractive or arousing.”
I like smart guys who can converse, but I don’t get turned on by them. “Hunter0500 Jr.” isn’t choosy either. He’s all about feelings.
Hunter, I like smart guys who can converse with everyone. I’ve come across smart guys who tend to use their intelligence to try to impress other people. They usually have a large vocabulary and purposely use unique words so that people can think they’re smart. They need that to boast their ego. People like that sometimes are boring in and out of bed.
Yeah, true, but that’s not me, I’m too earthy, obviously. So, I meet those that are not ego-driven, you’re referring to; those who are bragging-showing off their formal educations, not, natural intelligence.
There was an article in my newsfeed this week. About people who sound intelligent vs. those who really are. And how to tell the difference.
Those who aren’t speak with urgency, emotion, and excitement. They use large, uncommon words (like disingenuous or homogeneous or disenfranchised, etc.). They think that no one will challenge them.
Those who are speak at a moderate pace, using clear, common words. They converse with those listening as they speak.
BINGO, I ‘ve always said (1) real intelligent people, actually, know who they’re speaking to; meeting them where they are.
(2) Someone who speaks plain English reaches a broader group in speaking, this is what I readily noticed about Opha, as well-read as she is; she doesn’t speak over her audience but to them.
I agree 100% You nailed it brother!!!
Totally agree
Unspoken rules and etiquettes? Taking a damn shower before showing up at someone house!! lol
P.S:
Or when you arrive.
I like freshly showered too. That said, I have been asked by multiple partners to NOT shower right before we meet as they prefer a ‘natural scent’. Or if coming after work etc, they are always welcome to shower at my place. So I propose some exceptions to that rule based on individual tastes/preferences 😉 Again, it comes down to communication.
I do get your point. I’ve even been there myself when it comes to the natural body scent. Especially those that just come home for work. But there was this one dude that I met that smelled so bad I actually got sick. For me, there is a clear difference between the smell of masculinity and the smell of WTF! lol So I would say unless otherwise specified, please take a shower.
Agreed. It’s like the rule “better overdress than underdress” (well, except in certain occasions hehe). I am quite sensitive to scents and have had to (politely) cut a couple of encounters short, so I get it.
Good topic and summary: communication, respect & consent. I’ve always found the sex to be much better if we got to know our intos and boundaries before jumping into action. And even if it’s a one-time hookup, treat your partner as a human being. That can still involve rough, dom/sub, kinky sex (if both are into it). You can make a new friend… and it’s a small gay world so the word goes around. 🙂
If your goal is a BF you should not be hooking up. Casual. Hook up.
There is a modicum of truth to what you wrote…
but –
sometimes…
what began as a “Casual Hook Up” blossoms into a “Boyfriend…
and
eventually, a “Partner”!
Wouldn’t that be lovely? I tend to assume that, but having such hopes dashed every time makes it worse. And the ones who pretend to be what you need, but in exhange for money are the worst.
So true Kasper or end up being good friends. I experienced that and the friendships I gained are still going strong!!!!
Marcus:
Even when you disagree, you are never disagreeable!
An admirable trait so sorely lacking within these Blogs.
Agreed. The “one time only hookup” frame of mind has guys dismissed after a single use. Often, for no or only one minor shortcoming(s).
Was at a wedding a few months ago where the grooms had actually met on a dating site. Hooked up after some “very” (they admitted) brief chatting. After the hookup, they knew they were “hooked.” Married about a year later. It does happen, but it’s a rarity.
How about not getting lost and following directions? That seems to be a big problem. Also, be on time. No one wants to wait around for you because you’re too lazy to get up and underestimate traffic. You should already be washed, and your mouth should be clean.
Wow, douchy much? Are you Kasper’s alternate profile? You know there are such things as car wrecks in which you get stuck in traffic and can’t move, trains that stop in crossings, and several other things. As long as you communicate with your hookup, who the fuck cares?
Communication
If they only respond with one short sentence or one word… I’m not really going to get *The Fizz* of desire.
Personally,…I need to have some sense that the Man has read my profile…
I very very clearly state what I like and what I don’t like, and what I am looking for in a casual hookup.
…I get the feeling maybe single digit percentage of Men actually read profiles..
Since A4A “upgraded” the mobile app, profiles can only be seen once you have clicked on a guy’s picture and then know to scroll down. There’s no guidance for that anywhere on the app. A “Profile” link (like the “Wall” or “Chat” links by guys’ profile pics) would be simple to add and would direct members to other members’ profiles. I get hit up 2-5 times per week by guys (mostly scammers) who selected the “Chat” link by my pic without any clue there’s a profile.
Interesting…I never use mobile versions of any of the apps I have joined…after a few brief exchanges with a guy he’ll ask to see pictures of me (or respond rudely that I have no pictures on my profile after asking him for up-to-date pictures) and, I have to direct the interested party to the “Desktop” version.
It seems silly to have a Desktop version that runs so smoothly, and a mobile version feeling so clunky, and useless.
Please shower, smell good, prep if you know you are going to bttm… Thanks.
Another one I think is important is communicating if you can’t make it or will be running late. No one like waiting on you if you had a change in plans. That’s just common decency.
That’d be something called “Common Sense”. School systems and a certain Political Party don’t promote that anymore. They promote how everyone is “special” and “entitled” so no one has to consider anyone else. Being a “team player” aka thoughtful of others, polite, considerate, etc. is of no consideration.
If only there was etiquette. Hooking-up is an excuse for totally selfish behavior, and utter lack of consideration. One who uses the other assumes the other is only using them, and they both lose. It is demeaning to both parties. What really bugs me is how, especially older men, act as if they are entitled to easy access to any man for “playtime.”
Agreed. But aso if both parties agree to a hookup, that’s their choice. Some will learn; some will drive doing it (and themselves) into the ground,
LOLOLOLOLOL!!! What in the actual fuck?? If two, or more, consenting adults want to hook up for a fuck, who cares? Do you really have nothing better to do with your time other than to come here, troll comments, and be the fucking douche known as Father Hennepin?
Oh, and the all too frequent… “I don’t want to post any pictures to my profile because I want to be discreet.”.
Really??
Your wife, family members or coworker are cruising gay hookup sites?
Not even PRIVATE PICS you could unlock?
Or… “I can’t take any pictures of my dick to show you, but I promise you will like it!”.
No.
Been there done that, and no.
No, I did not like it.
Mucked out corral, trimmed nails (hand/feet), trimmed/well groomed and honesty about what’s wanted. And absolutely no METHHEADS, don’t lie about it, can tell on meeting or by profile.
Love the “mucked out corral”. 🙂
I have a lot of information in my profile and pictures.If in the exchanges of 3 emails or text, I do not get a name (any name) I write them off. If they ask what am I into, they have not read my profile.I write them off. Before we meet, I pretty much tell them who I am and what I enjoy. If I kind of get the same in return. We have a good chance of having a lot of FUN. I would think that is what we all want out of a hookup!! FUN!!
As a sub, and typically host of the meet up, I find that the men I meet with tend to be Dominant and like being taken care of and I enjoy doing just that. Most of the details, such as showering, scents and what will make it a great first “hook-up” for both of us, have been discussed before an invite is extended. When my guest arrives, I welcome them to my home and offer a beverage. If they want water or a soda or even a beer, I always provide an unopened bottle so that they have no worry… Read more »
Agree with the comments here.
I think there is one big miss though…..
…..I never give a complete stranger my address or phone number. I always insist on meeting in public to check each other out. This is as simple as meeting at a corner near the host. Your gut instinct is going to tell you whether the person is safe or not. Also gives you a chance to verify that his picture (either on the site or sent to you) is accurate or not, cursory check for other parameters e.g hygiene, height, weight, age
No matter if you are host or guest it is NEVER acceptable to be on the phone. Turn it off and put it away. We can take breaks to check messages later, but it is incredibly rude to keep cruising online once we have connected. You cannot use my internet to look for my replacement, so if you aren’t satisfied you have to go home and start looking again. The second time we connect I’ll more than likely offer you a shower. The first time we connect it’s a trick: show up ON TIME, showered and ready to play and… Read more »
The number one violation I experience with most hook ups is foul BREATH!!! Most men are just not conscious of their breath. Before hooking up, please do the following: 1) Gargle your mouth with alcohol-based mouthwash, 2) chew some minty gum, and if you really want to make sure you won’t offend, then 3) carry a shot of vodka or some other non-liqueur shot with you and take a swig prior to engaging. Let’s get the breath right before we go hooking up.