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From time to time, I’d read these two words online and I can’t help but wonder: is there really such a thing as top privilege when it comes to gay dating, guys? And if so, what does it mean?
HuffPost, explained that the phrase “top privilege” simply means that “men who identify as tops have inherently greater privileges than do bottoms, that tops have it ‘better’ than bottoms.”
So, we scoured the internet to check what other gay men thought about this and one guy voiced out one of my questions, which is: “How or in what way would tops be privileged?”
One gay man answered, and we quote: “Supply and demand, generally there are fewer tops and more bottoms which means in a way tops have some sort of privilege.” Is this true though, guys? Based on your experience, are there really more tops than bottoms in your area?
Some of the respondents on the thread agreed that indeed, there are more bottoms than tops, but what does that mean when it comes to dating or hooking up? One guy explained, “Tops outnumber bottoms like 10-1 sometimes and it definitely makes it easier for tops to date/hookup.” Further, another man elaborated, “Supply and demand is the answer. More bottoms, tops can be picky. Same for the reverse except that doesn’t happen IRL (in real life).
Do you agree with their opinion?
Anyway, another commenter said, “In the sense that you don’t have to do much prep, yes?” He added, “Personally, I think they also can walk away satisfied while bottoms sometimes don’t.”
But not everyone thinks there’s such a thing as top privilege like this guy who said, “Lol nope. This whole ‘privilege’ thing is getting as dumb as the whole ‘shame’ thing is getting.” Though he thinks there’s an upside to this in that, according to him, “Sometimes it can be fun to take advantage of the whole perception of a top shortage to get what you want lol.”
Meanwhile, another guy said in jest, “Of course, top gets 50% discount when dating in the nearest Starbucks or KFC. They just need to show their top membership.” You can read the thread in full here.
Way back in 2018, writer Rembrandt Duran also wrote about this topic extensively. “Everything from Fleeting to poop shaming to HIV contraction rate, we start to see that we tops have a kind of privilege that our vers and bottom sisters do not have,” Duran argued. You can read more about his thoughts on this here.
Having said all that, what do you think guys? Is there really such a thing as “top privilege” when it comes to gay dating and hooking up? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below!
I think there’s merit there, unfortunately. I think that’s why many seem to have a negative view of themselves, because largely the “community” does.
I’m unsure where the ‘privilege’ part comes in… Seems that the bottoms outnumber tops everywhere. This is definitely a supply & demand issue… This doesn’t mean that all of the pleasure is reaped by the top. Let’s just drop the privilege label
You actually get more pleasure being on the bottom, which is why there are more bottoms than tops. The most sensitive spot on a mans body is up his ass not his dick. (I’ve turned out married to women marines, they loved getting screwed, but were upset they liked it so much !). But I love being on top and have a big dick, which means I get more tight sensation from every fuck as well as often hitting the inner sphincter lips with the head of my dick, which is fucking heaven! This is why fucking ass, beats pussy… Read more »
You know, as I first came out, I experimented with my own body/anus, it did nothing for me. I tried bottoming twice: once while on my back; it hurt as he was very small, second time different guy on my stomach; wasn’t bad-ok but did really nothing for me. Same guy, I sat on him/it figuring if I’m on top I might get more out of it; he enjoyed it immensely, did nothing for me, though. What I learned about me, personally, I love using my dick, I’m a natural born humper, period. Having my anus touched-even licked feels great… Read more »
Yep, licking ass is the way to any mans hole. I have fucked 8,000 hot men and I found that if you get your tongue in a guys hole, he will never stop you, if then you smoothy slip your dick into him and go real slow. NO GUY EVER STOPPED ME when I licked his hole. And even without licking a guys hole, only 1 guy ever stopped me. ONE out of 8,000! I never became a super top, until I stopped ASKING to fuck guys. I did do one thing, to give a guy a chance to stop… Read more »
Fucking hot
Spot on, Lamar. Bottoming does nothing for me either, other than hurt. I do have one playmate who is thin and long so he can have at my ass whenever he wishes. Minor pleasure for me when he’s in me, but nothing that makes me scream with delight. Topping for me is fine, but not a must either.
Ahhh the second hole…men with larger dicks def get to enjoy that. I discovered mine with a toy; been hooked ever since. Nice to see a top that acknowledges the pleasure it brings.
What a lame topic.
More discussion meant to divide gays. Here those who somehow feel superior from those they for some reason deem as inferior. Tops and Bottoms come in both varieties of Dominant and Submissive. ‘Privilege” is not a factor… unless someone thinks so in their own big head and acts as such toward others. I’ve had plenty of Tops, Bottoms too, hit me up like somehow I owe them my ass or cock. I’ve passed on getting with them.
It is all about dominance!
Superior vs Inferior!
Looking Down vs Looking Up!
Control in the Bedroom vs Lack of Control on the Street!
Plugging a Hole with a Pole!
Bottom (of what) vs Top (of what)?
Those who need vs Those who provide!
Supplicants needing Saviors!
Invincibles vs Vincibles!
Top Shelf vs Bottom Shelf!
Bar Brand vs Generic Brand!
However, much to our Chagrin and Consternation –
We all end up in a Hole or in a Depository!
HUNG TOP PRIVLEDGE
The “Privilege” is the access not the “Position”!
Yes. It’s true. I love a big dick and I will do anything to please my top.
That’s great!! Well.as long as he will also do anything to please you at the same time. But some guys do like being “used without recips” and that’s perfectly acceptable and fine as long as it’s what they want.
I think such a word as privilege needs to be left out ; all sex invites characteristics such as jealousy , gluttony , envy and so on with everyone, sexuality is very complex, and the words top or bottom constantly invite things like expectations and demands on othersand in a mature world all people have to cope with disappointment, sometimes tops ; just are tops because there can be physical problems that disallow them to bottom as well , I’m not ready to call something privileged all because there was something I wanted and didn’t get, it’s a fact of… Read more »
I’m uneducated white trash. I’m also a well hung top. So I married a bottom (28 years now) with a Ph.D from the Imperial Collage of London, who banks 500K a year in a STEM occupation and has a multi million dollar net worth. I can have anything I want (Mercedes CL coupe and ML 63 AMG) and get flown first class and put up in luxury suites, all over the planet. Santorini, Gran Canary, Kyoto, Rio, Cape Town, Havana, Milano (I go often just to shop for Missioni), Fez … I go anywhere I want in total luxury. So… Read more »
Let’s hope your partner doesn’t meet someone else whom has as much between his ears as he does between his legs; less you be out on the street
Yeah, NICE ‘fairy-tale princess life’ you have there…..
Yeah, I have incredible karma. I even have the CCR5 delta 32 mutation (only 1% of Europeans have this lifesaver) which disables the CCR5 receptor on the surface of white blood cells, blocking HIV from infecting my cells. Back when I was a young and in demand bottom, hundreds of HIV positive guys dumped pos loads up my ass. But the HIV could never take over my cells and kill me. So I get to live a long life and die of old age.
Thus, your ancestors were subject to “The Black Plague” which killed in excess of 50 million Europeans!
Those who were infected but showed no symptoms – then – showed no symptoms – when HIV became another plague – later!
All of everyone ancestors are dead….
You are quite the horn player. Doesn’t it get old to toot in your horn so much?
Yeah, I remember watching this as documentary on the PBS Ch., very interesting!
LOL
People acting all nutty,top this top that, as a man who bottoms more than i top , i have tops calling me, once they get some of my trained butt- i can tighten it up or relax it on demand, they cant get enough, as for big dick tops, you can keep it cuz you are all lazy as hell and dont know how to bang a bottom properly. Slamming it all willy nilly. As for mr. Clyde and his rich husband – you shouldnt be cheating all over town , good way to catch something and lose that gravy… Read more »
My husband and I do not play that stupid (He holds a Ph.D after all) monogamy game. It’s for losers and fools who end up with miserable lives. We are far from miserable! He even flew in a hot Japanese porn boy from Tokyo for me to fuck before ! Besides all our assets are in a family trust and California is a community property state. I also figured out how to never get a STI, by rinsing my dick with hydrogen peroxide in a straw. I fuck like crazy (before Covid I would fuck 10 guys a night at… Read more »
You aren’t to be envied; you are to be pitied.
It is a good thing there are more bottoms than tops, By the time a bottom is ready to be topped, the top could have fucked 2-3 bottoms. A top shouldn’t have to wait. Let’s face it, us bottoms are here to serve. A top especially a Big Dick Back top can have any bottom he wants, Bottoms will pay for a big Black Dick. It is just how it is. I feel lucky and privileged when I am chosen
I’m ssooo glad you raised the point you did. I was about 25yrs old, in my hometown of Minneapolis, an IBM asked me if I were even remotely into women, he wanted me to fuck his wife; showed me a pic of her naked. He offered me $500, he wanted to watch, of course, lol. I was informed by the bartender, he was a mafia figure, most likely from chi-town, they use to hide-out in Minneapolis in the 30’s-40’s. I’ve met a few men, while living in NYC wanting to “buy some time,” lol, “nah, you can’t buy this” I’ve… Read more »
Part of it is Supply and Demand. tops are in short supply so they can put a price on their cock. bottoms aren’t even a dime a dozen. You don’t see Bottoms charging. Whenever a top hits me back with $$$ I reply, I don’t charge.
I hate to say it, but it’s seeming to mostly be the black guy’s “charging” the white guys for “BBC” those who are looking for it here in Soflo., a matter of socioeconomics, the divide. I’ve never as yet, seen black guys saying, “I don’t pay.”
But a lot of Black guys make expressly clear they don’t pay in their profiles so they must be getting hit up for money, too.
I’m not seeing that, man, honestly, as here in Soflo, on this site almost every day, for the last 20yrs., of residence. I don’t and you won’t see a lot blk guys, sayin’ such. I live here, man, I can only talk about that which I know of, for sure. Repeat, “socioeconomics” plays a big part in it.
I’m from; raised in Minnesota (blue) State; lived in NYC 4yrs., (blue) State, this is my first (red) State, dude, BIG difference, socially, economically speaking.
I live in Atlanta and there’s numerous ads here of Black guys saying they don’t pay. And it’s obvious to me because I only look at ads of Black men.
“Equal Opportunity” here, ’cause you never know . . .
Atlanta’s bro’s, wow, they look better off then here in Soflo., and yes, you’re right!
I’m afraid it’s at least a bit more trifling here, to say the least, but Atlanta’s a “mecca” for ‘us’, not so much here. There’s not many to choose from here either, of my age; I have standards period and regardless.
I see Black ads saying they don’t pay all the time here in Atlanta. And the only ads I look at are Black men.
I’ll be one of those white guy in Soflo this spring looking to meet up with Black Guys who are looking just enjoy exercising their top privileged with a white bottom. I don’t pay to play.
Context, Mountaindawg, context is everything, I’m just to fuckin’ keen. I know, all too well of where I speak. And agree, with what has been said about sex, “it’s about everything but sex” there’s so much more going on, beneath the surface, i.e., spiritually, mental/psychologically about power; throw in “race?” It’s really always been this way to some degree.
Thanks Lamar. I wasn’t disagreeing with you. we all have different live experiences. There are always more to the story then it appears.
I’ve probably been fucked by around 50 Black guys. Never paid money and I’ve fucked about 500 Black guys. The thing that freaked me out, is how many want racist fantasies and just start verbal dialogue about “Fuck your N-word”. Anyway some of the best ass to suck the cum out of me has been Black guys. Especially the Black guy I fucked in Paris at the Gym Louvre, such incredible grip I’ll never forget.
I tell you, I don’t understand that either, as I concur, I’ve seen “race-play” in some of these requests-desires of black dudes . . . I’d like to call it an illness, poor self-worth, perhaps. I’ve known “white bottoms,” to specifically, look for “darker skin black men,” for the “biggest dick possible” you could call that exploitation, yeah, which only brings about more exploitation (those who are charging for sex because they know they are being exploited). Personally, I find topping another black man, he tends to be tighter. Additionally, I find topping another bro, more satisfying, on average, a… Read more »
I agree, while certainly a generalization, I find Black men have some of the grippiest, tight and satisfying asses, I have ever had the “privilege” of fucking. Now I fuck all kinds men and everyone I fuck feels good, but every now and then one will feel extra fantastic.
Ok, firstly, the context . . . of interracial sexual mixing is paramount, becaue of what should be in the past, etc., in a phrase, mental illness? I dunno why someone would want to be called that by someone not of their ethnicity. I’ve been lovers with a few Caucasian or white guys, we never-ever messed with that. I’m into healthy respectful relationships, not those with notes of societies illnesses and all that intentionally tears down.
Just when you think these articles couldn’t get more idiotic. Just wanted to use that buzz word ‘privilege’, huh?
There’s one thing for certain, HOT is always “privileged”. You don’t have to be a top to be in demand . It’s more of a perception that stands out , don’t get me wrong I can appreciate a big cock on a dude just like the rest of society ( this includes “straight” folk) but there’s no substitute for experience and yea chemistry admittedly I’ve had my share of big dick tops and they are not created equally hence I look for other equally attractive attributes ,.. starting with a true top for starters talent/experience chemistry, obviously the aesthetics deal… Read more »
Men who top do have privilege in relation to public health and HIV/STI transmission. However back to the articles. I believe most men like to experience both, depending on the guy(s) they are with and the situation. Maybe some prefer to top only, maybe that’s all they know or are conditioned to believe it’s what they should only do. The reason why it may be a minority in demand says that many men like the feeling of being penetrated and serviced for a change (gay and straight). But I believe it depends on the guys and the relationship- if it’s… Read more »
I think tops can often be more choosy, simply because there are more bottoms. And that might give them more privilege… or at least choices. Now I have to admit, I am a total bottom. I know I’m okay as the top but is a bottom I am tight, insatiable and love to please. But as a bottom it can be a little more difficult sometimes to find a top when there’s a whole bunch of those bottoms out there looking.
Am I in the minority here? I am a versatile top, which means I like to top but have one trusted buddy I let f*ck me on occasion. Beyond that, I like 50/50 give/take in bed – making out, sucking each other, maybe also rimming one another, then culminating with me on top. Otherwise, I’m really not into labels or roles and don’t view myself as “privileged.” I just like a good intense one-on-one time in bed with another guy, period. Is that odd?
Im bout to throw a “shame “ to the community yet ( a foot-to-mouth ) to myself! Truth be told we create bad habits and they die hard ! Best top I’ve been with claims to be a power btm! I came out of the closet bottom yet on top!
Not bragging! E- for Effort ! So don’t be a selfish Top or a Lazy bottom!
“ So no Tops around ? It’s your turn to shine “ aye aye !!
“You have to know how to take the D, to throw the D” # takeithowyoulikeit
I’m a top but never heard that term until now. Although I’ve experienced it. Number one prepping for sex sure is easier. Tops are at less risk of contracting HIV during sex. And tops are more likely to climax during sex. It seems homophobes in society at large respect tops more than bottoms in regards to homosexuality. Although that’s nothing to be proud of.
However I don’t boast about top privilege. I respect bottoms. I love the pleasure they give me. And I know getting fucked can’t be no easy task. I damn sure don’t wanna do it. LOL
Of course there is a top privilege – we all know it. Gays are 90% bottoms. Of the remaining 10% tops, only half a passable for sex, good looking and no micro-penises. So the competition amongst bottoms for that scarce resource is tremendous. Because of that, you will often see a very hot bottom with a rather mundane looking top.
Ahh! Somebodies got their eyes open. PREACH!
I am a topman – and it really is true. I respect all of my bottom buds, treat all well, and do not think I’m superior to anyone – but they do let me have my way. I am unusually well endowed. Eighty-five percent of dudes cannot accommodate me satisfactorily. I was wasting condoms, lube, my time, and ending up minimally satisfied or straight-up frustrated. Over a decade ago, I decided to only fuck my regs and only engage in receptive oral with everyone else. Suffice to say, I am never at a loss for company – and I am… Read more »
Eric- You must be a journalist. I noticed you wrote out “eight-five percent” to start a sentence, per AP Stylebook – LOL.
That said, as a fellow top, I agree about treating bottoms well, but I also accept that they want to be treated as inferiors because that’s part of the turn-on for them. But I never abuse that privilege.