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How often do you encounter this question, guys, and more importantly, are you single by choice? If so, why?

We are bringing this up because a guy on Reddit asked readers their reasons why they are not dating or why they are not in a relationship. He revealed:

I’m 10 years into being out / gay and still can’t figure out why I’ve not had any kind of (first) date or relationship.

I thought hooking up would pass the time (which I still get plenty of if I search for it), and someone would be attracted or stick if I developed my life (which I did) but this has not happened for me. I have tried dating apps but once we match basically no one seems interested in meeting (most conversations ending with a hi). I’ve also been pretty active in the gay scene e.g. gym, volunteer, clubs etc. yet nothing has come of this.

The ‘problem’ must be ‘me’ and therefore I’m making this post to try and learn from others who maybe were in a similar boat, but then did end up dating and/or in a relationship, and what you learned about yourself.

Your ideas may help me think through what is going on for me hence I ask.

We took a look at the responses on the aforementioned thread as to why some gay and bisexual men are single. One of the popular answers reads, “I really can’t make friends easily so that also means relationships are out off the table. Also, I have horrible self-confidence so I don’t like to put myself out there often/at all.”

Meanwhile, one particular guy asked the original poster (OP) of the thread whether or not he lives in a place where there is a “sufficient pool of single gay/bi men” so that dating or being in a relationship would be doable or possible? Then, he asked him if he is actively dating and whether or not OP, if he sees a guy he likes, “pursues him and see where it leads?” And lastly, the reader asked OP if he is “going after guys who are, broadly speaking, going to be interested in you?”

Further, one guy responded that he’s not in a relationship because “I don’t want to be. I love being single. I love my own company.” Read the entire thread here.

Having said all that, how do you find a boyfriend or a date, guys? What pieces of advice would you give a fellow gay man who is trying to find one?

Since OP is already putting himself out there and living an active social life, I say he really put an effort to get to know gay men and be friends with them, or at least his prospective partners. Most romantic relationships, after all, start as friendships, according to a study that you can read in full here.

Sure, when you are in love, there’s excitement, spark, and passion. The two of you create memories, go on dates, and have fun. But these things alone do not sustain relationships, friendships, and making an effort for your loved one does. Relationships are all about forming a connection, learning how to take care of each other, being there for each other, having each other’s back, going the extra mile, and making each other feel special. You become a team, but you can’t be a team if you don’t know and understand each other.

But of course, that’s just me. You may also wish to look at this article for tips. What about you, guys, what do you think? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below.   

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