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Are you out to your parents and family already, guys? If so, how did you come out to them? Lastly, are your parents homophobic?
We are bringing this up because of this viral tweet that reads:
10 years ago, my dad left highlighted bible passages on the kitchen table for me to find re: abomination, hellfire, “you shall not lie with a man,” etc.
Today, he drove my partner to work early this morning because it was raining and he didn’t want him to get wet.
The tweet naturally gained attention, not to mention that its readers were left teary-eyed. In addition, some of the netizens took the opportunity to share their own story. One of them shared:
My 92-year-old evangelical mother has experienced a similar epiphany. She now acknowledges how hard I tried to comply with the ‘clobber passages’ found in the bible (and how poorly that worked out for me), versus how good my life is now, 15 years into a same-sex marriage.
Meanwhile, another netizen revealed, and we quote, “My mother refused to go to my wedding when I married my wife 3 years ago (in May). Today she’s making her dinner. 😭”
Lastly, another guy shared, “When my mom told my dad I came out (because I couldn’t tell him) his reaction was ‘Can’t people change?’ He added, “Now when we visit my parents, he always hugs my husband first.”
Indeed, people can change, but I’m betting that the father didn’t think it would be he himself who would change and not his son. And he’s certainly not alone in that regard, in fact, another parent responded to the thread:
10 years ago I would have forced my gender-fluid son into a Christian reprogramming program. Now I am so so thankful for the beautiful soul and compassionate spirit he is, in spite of his parents. Maybe one day he’ll ask me to drive his partner to work. I’m glad for you.
Unfortunately, it takes several decades for some people to turn around, like this respondent’s father, but it’s as they say, it’s better late than never.
When I came out, Dad said ‘You can be gay or part of the family, but not both.’ I was cut out of the family for thirty-two years! Three years ago, he invited my husband & I to Thanksgiving! Now, he spends more time with my husband than me. Why did we waste 32 years?
Having said all that, what about you, guys? What’s your story? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below!
Allow me to tell all of you a true story about “Homophobic Parents”: When I was in a Catholic grammar school, a fellow classmate’s parents approached me to say…”Our Son Will Never Grow Up Like You!” I was 13 years of age. Years later, I had the misfortune of running into my former classmate’s parents. They looked weary, nondescript and quite frankly, pathetic. I said to them, “I heard about your son and that he had succumbed to Aids.” “You both remember what you told me when I was 13?” They just looked and already knew what would be forthcoming”… Read more »
That is incredibly fucked up. Yeah, they suck for what they said. But they lost a kid. Isn’t that punishment enough? Learn to take the high road.
I did take the high road!
I visit their son’s grave and I tend it. Unfortunately, when I was 13, they wanted to teach me a lesson. The mother spit in my face; I simply returned the gesture.
Read The Bible: “An Eye For An Eye; A Tooth For a Tooth.” I simply refused to “Turn-The-Other-Cheek”!
Years later, I taught them a lesson which they took to their individual graves. In the end, we both were taught a lesson.
Some people have no sympathy their anger is much too powerful even after years
Even after what I said to them, years later, neither one of them said “I’m Sorry.”
He’s entitled to his rage. The cruelty that adults impose on children scars them well into old age. You aren’t entitled to judge him.
Agreed. It was mean-spirited and spiteful. It makes Kasper there no better than those parents.
Just saw your user name is Kasper – the FRIENDLY Ghost. Who doesn’t love an ironic nickname…..
I;m not sure what you mean by he didn’t grow up to be like you? You were both gay right? Isn’t that what they menat?
It is what the parents did not want their son to grow up like me to be. Neither one of us knew what “Gay” was at our age but it was already there just not named.
Because the parents refuse to see within their son, they chose to see what they thought was already in me. They were both blind and deaf by choice.
Ahh okay. I thought you meant because he died of HIV/AIDS ad you didn’t. They were blind, deaf and BIGOTED.
I felt/feel for you, because that comment as a child, really stung the shit out of you, however, all of these years later, it obviously ‘still’ did! To the point you could not see your way to be bigger than they are . . . NEVER EVER kick someone when they’re in that much pain! They are dealing with the pain of the loss of a child (before his natural time to die, too young) you and I will never-ever know that level of pain, man; not to mention, yes, the guilt of the ultimate pain they gave their child;… Read more »
I am not without sin!
They were so vindicative that what they did was deliberate. I saw it as it was and I reacted as I did. Forgiveness has to be justified and what they did to me, at 13, was not justified.
I do not apologize for what I did. If I receive punishment, I’ll get it from God not mankind.
Hey, man, I agree to a degree, they were more than likely fearful for what they knew it meant for their son to be gay . . . They were full grown adults, you were just a child; they were wrong in their words, just as you were as an adult, you were both wrong. It’s nice that you at least acknowledge God. No need for punishment here, man, you’ve been doing that to yourself. Had you forgiven them, in your adult stage, it wouldn’t be, obviously, still painful, forgiveness, is for you, and peace of mind, healing, not so… Read more »
Lamar: They chastised me, right outside the church, in front and hearing distance of dozens of parents and their respective children who were my classmates. They wanted an audience so they could chastise me and exonerate their son. They were loud and forceful. They made their point and their point was the very first time anyone brought it to my attention and to humanity – that, perhaps, I was a bit different, soiled? tainted? or deviant? It got back to my parents who were, obviously, taken-back by such deliberate rhetoric. We and they were Roman Catholics and any illusion to… Read more »
Now, well, there it is, “Roman Catholicism” no wonder; some of the most evil, twisted, corrupt people I’ve ever met, frankly. I get ‘why’ you responded the way you did, they really tried to damn near destroy you as a child. This new revelation, wow, nasty as can be, you really know the pain of absolute hate then…, as I do for a different reason but for complete ignorance all the same. Let me say this, that I love the fact you do tend to/visit his grave; there’s something in that gesture, like allies, love for his friendship, etc., pretty… Read more »
I hate no one or am I angry towards any one.
Forgiveness is the domain of God.
Forgetfulness is the choice of a Human Being.
I appreciated your response.
The ‘ultimate’ forgiveness, indeed is, so you’re correct. However, weren’t we humans created in that image of our “Creator?”
“Thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven”
“Hate the sin, not the sinner”
To answer this Blog’s Question .
Some parents will accept their child’s Homosexuality;
Some parents will not accept their child’s Homosexuality;
Some parents will disavow their child’s Homosexuality…as long as it is not manifested…in any manner or form;
The rest of the parents will learn that it will be better to learn how to deal with their child’s homosexuality and come to realize…that at-the-end-of-the-day, the child is still theirs because they brought the child into the world…and only death frees a parent/parents from responsibility and duty.
. . . You’ve, although creatively, said nothing. . .
Generalizing about Roman Catholicism (which has both a history of being sordid and also one of social justice) doesn’t get you off the hook for calling out this guy in your previous posts.
What, on earth, are you talking about, man?
I wanted my mom to embrace my lifestyle and choice of partner, but her evangelical Christian upbringing and southern and rural collection of proudly-redneck relatives, many only a generation removed from proud members of a social club popular in those parts, whose customs included flowing white costumes and pointy hats on certain special occasions, drove intolerance and inflexibility of thought so deeply it was almost hardwired, and without the social independence to break with her extended family on this subject, she conceals her true feelings from me while she pretends to be tolerant and supportive, a fiction that I pretend… Read more »
Sadly, even today, The Community refuses to acknowledge that there are many Christian groups that accept Gays because Jesus’ teachings make them do so.
My grandfather was married to my grandmother for 40+ years. He died of AIDS and he admitted that he was playing around with men when he was doing his tour in WWII and continued playing with men throughout the rest of their marriage. It became a family secret and when I was growing up everyone talked endless crap about how he was disgusting. So considering that background, I expected my entire family to disown me, which they did. My mother took a few years, but she’s slowly getting used to it. I think change is hard period.
A Leopard cannot change its spots
People can and sometimes do – if they choose? Hence, acceptance should be voluntary and that alleviates the resentments caused by forcing people to accept what they choose not.
Can’t always take it personally! You will never survive. You do what you can in ways that will show people that we all “Sit on the toilet in the mornings” and “Pee” before bed.”
People have to recognize that we are much more alike than we are different. Ego falsely deludes people into thinking that they are superior.
I think MOST parent come around in the end. And the ones that don’t aren’t worth having around.
Agreed. Anyone who can’t deal with you for who you are, has no business being in your life. That includes family. Just because you’re related, doesn’t mean you have to like them or deal with their negativity. It’s your life. Live it.
Most people/parents that are surprised about this they’re just acting human a lot of people don’t like shock or surprises they have to stand back and think about it first and then use their best judgement. If they’re smart, they usually use good judgement instead of negative. That’s why I really don’t like the term homophobic because people are usually not afraid they’re just shocked and don’t know how to deal with it phobia is an acute fear of something blatantly missed used big time by our society.
I am happy for all of those whose parents accepted them and loved them and their partners in the end. I was not so lucky. Being an Ashkenatzii – eastern European Jewish man – being gay was almost the ultimate in going to hell. I came out to my family when I was 32yo and was immediately disowned. I was not even told when my father passed away nor when my mother passed away. I was told after the fact years later. When I have been asked by some “What would you tell a parent who son or daughter is… Read more »
It is great to see a blog article that brings its own sunshine to Gays! Not the usual gloom, doom, and “woe is us.”
Yes, homophobic parents … and family and friends … can and DO … change their beliefs. They just need to meet Gays who break their perception about who Gays are. Most Gays are not the stereotype (fem, flamboyant, fluffy guys having unprotected sex with everyone) portrayed in media and entertainment for decades.
Wow, my mother once said, “those white people will do anything.” Like only white guys are gay, lmao! I was never totally rejected by any family member, but not totally excepted at first either. I think my brothers and sisters knew, I think as time went on, they came to terms with it, met and actually hung-out with some of my friends when I was young 20’s. My friends and I actually took my mother out to a gay bar, and we all danced and had a great time! But the ‘way’ they found out is because I use to… Read more »
From my experience it took years for them to lighten up come to terms and still kept it taboo. There will always be a gay remark when mad or a gay joke during family gatherings.
To be brutally honest any parents who don’t come around eventually aren’t worth having anyway.
My friend Daniel committed suicide after his parents rejected him when he came out which was two weeks after he came out to me.
They wanted him to move and attend a reprogramming camp or be banished from the family forever.
Parents need to chill out with there children or don’t have any.
Learn to love.
Love you Daniel