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How many exes do you have, guys, and are you still friends with them? Why or why not?
We are bringing this up because someone on Reddit talked about this topic wherein the original poster (OP) said, “Is it true a lot of gay men stay friends with their exes? I hear (about) this a lot and I personally can’t believe why someone would do that. But is that even true?”
Anyway, some gay men weighed in on the topic and one of them in particular said:
<blockquote>It really depends on how the relationship ended. Lots of straight people are friends with their exes / ex-husbands and wives. It has nothing to do with being gay or not. <br><br>
If you both are mature people and come to closure oftentimes it’s reasonable to stay friends. </blockquote><br><br>
One guy responded: “I think it happens a lot more with gay guys as social circles tend to overlap far, far more. Even if you don’t want to see an ex, they often pop up anyways.”
Meanwhile, another guy said, “My ex is one of my best friends. I find it weird to cut ties with someone you’ve spend so much significant time in your life just because the type of relationship isn’t right anymore?” He explained, “Unless they’ve hurt you or done you dirty, if the breakup happens for something else, why not?”
On the other hand, another guy responded, “I couldn’t stay friends with my ex because I got jealous every time I saw him with another guy or when he went out to places without me.” He added, “It was just best to block him and eventually forget about him. For me, staying friends with him was like using a band aid, when what I really needed was heart surgery.”
Having said all that, a study found that yes, LGBTQ people are more likely to “have a current friendship” with their ex as compared to straight individuals. In addition, they are “also reported having more of these friendships, on average and across their lifetimes than their heterosexual counterparts.”
As to why this is the case, the study, discussed in detail in a paper titled Personal Relationships, revealed that LBGTQ people “place a unique degree of importance on retaining the emotional support, advice, trust, and shared memories of their ex-partners.” This is perhaps the reason why they are also “more likely to go out of their way to maintain a relationship with an ex-partner than were their heterosexual counterparts.” Read the study in full here.
Anyway, do you agree with the study guys? Are you more inclined to stay friends with your exes? Why or why not? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below!
This is far from a gay alone issue. And I’d agree it truly depends on the reasons for the break up. But simply put, I think it’s unhealthy to want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you! That said, if l thought you were great we’d still be together and l kinda figure they probably feel the same way. For the most part l have very amicable relationships with my ex-lovers, but I’d much rather remember what we had versus trying to create something that in all likelihood is in a dismal failure waiting to (Re)happen.… Read more »
So true, Fatdaddy, so true! In my experience, it’s best to cut the cord when the romance is over. Saves a lot of time and helps preserve one’s mental health. Just move on.
The question is biased toward individuals looking to date and find that one guy for an LTR, most likely with an agreement for monogamy. A heterosexual construction, but really a minority when it comes to gay men. Gay men, as a whole, are more fluid when it comes to relationships, many escaping them completely into lives committed to being single with hookups. Some choosing concurrent FWBs. Some seeking LTRs. “Should you stay friends with an ex?” Of course. That’s what mature, mentally healthy individuals do. But it assumes the relationship ended positively; there was no lying, or misrepresentation, or cheating,… Read more »
If the relationship was logical, why not? Relationships are not everlasting. Things tend to run their logical course, and when they do, things either change or end. So be it. A friendship should be inherent in a relationship, but sometimes the relationship is amensalistic and is formed for the wrong reason(s)? Be that as it may, they may stay friends or become friends after the relationship terminates? Sometimes, things happen for a reason, and that reason should be recognized and allowed to suffice? Humans can do much to form a healthy relationship and maintain a friendship long after the relationship… Read more »
I think that depends on the reasons you became a monogamous couple in the first place; how well rounded and mature you both were/are; if you were able to grow together. My ex and I split because he has been an alcoholic since 14yrs., old. That’s very significant because I realized, finally, his emotional maturity was lacking, funny, what you learn once you cohabitate, I was duped. I only found out because the day we were to move-in together, he was released from jail for his 2nd DWI, he was under house arrest, I endured it for 10 1/2 months… Read more »
no that is why they are your ex, if you are friends after you break up, that means you were too lazy to put forth the effort to make it work.
That’s an interesting perspective.
It’s definitely NOT a “gay” thing. Anyone can choose to remain friends with their ex if they ended the relationship on a good note. Sometimes ending the relationship is about being able to step back and having the difficult discussion about the direction that things are going. I find that more often than not, gay people jump into romantic relationships just because the sex is good and they don’t really know the other person well enough to determine if they’re aligned in their individual relationship needs. I had a hot and steamy “relationship” that lasted about 8 months or so.… Read more »
Friendly and civil yes. My last break up was civilish, but my ex wanted to remain fuck buddies. I told him I’d love to quit my job and keep the health benefits but it doesn’t work that way. Full disclosure: I did consider it. We were together 5 years and the sex was ROCK OUT amazing the whole time, and truthfully, it was probably what kept us together or the last year of the relationship. It was out of bed it just did not work. We’re still friends and he spent the first 16 years after the break up trying… Read more »
Absolutely not.
Once we break up, we are broke up and that ends all communication on that level.
We can be kewl, but we will never be friends.
And to add, I won’t date anyone who is still friends with their ex.
In my opinion, if the relationship did not work out, it depends on how mature you two are and whether you are really ready to let go of the relationship. I find it best to just let go of everything, no sex and no connection. Sometimes, you can send the wrong message, especially if the relationship was a depended or co-depended one. People hold on for various reasons and sometimes it is not love; it is based on a need. And I find that more gay and bi-sexual hold on to relationship with benefits verses straight relationship.