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Does social media affect your dating life and if so, how?
We are bringing this up because we stumbled upon this thread on askgaybros about a couple of guys in a bar who were presumably overheard talking by the original poster (OP) about dating. The OP shared that he heard one of the guys say, “Yeah, he’s cute and we get along and all, but he has less than a thousand followers on Instagram so I don’t think I’m gonna go for him.” The other guy is said to have responded, “Oh yeah, that’s way too low!”
A few months ago, we talked about first date deal breakers but no one mentioned anything about social media at all. In fact, according to Adam4Adam readers, the kind of guys they dislike are those who are: racist, always on the cellphone while they are in the middle of a date, have poor hygiene, and body odor. They also won’t go on a second date with a guy who they have had a political disagreement and religious arguments with while others say rudeness to anyone such as the wait staff and service people is a huge no-no for them among many others.
Anyway, one of the respondents on the thread admitted that he posts “thirst trap pics on Instagram” and he sees “nothing wrong with it” but that he would never “use a social media following as a measure of someone’s worth.” Another said that he had been rejected as well for not having a Facebook account. He said that if it were for “safety thing” then he would have understood because these days, people equate not having Facebook to someone who “must be either completely fake or trying to hide something.” But he said that although he wasn’t on Facebook, he was on Twitter, Instagram, Reddit, Tumblr, Google+ etc. but still, he got shot down.
On the other hand, quite a number of them said that if you’ve been rejected because you don’t have a Snapchat, it’s not for the reason you think. The Redditors explained, “You’ve been ignored because they thought you were fake. People use Snapchat to authenticate profiles.”
That being said, I think we all have deal breakers, but is social media on your list? More importantly, how is social media changing or affecting your dating life and what are your dating rules now that we are in the social media age? Sound off in the comments section below.
This: “‘Yeah, he’s cute and we get along and all, but he has less than a thousand followers on Instagram so I don’t think I’m gonna go for him.’ The other guy is said to have responded, ‘Oh yeah, that’s way too low!'” says that these people are SHALLOW and into drama. The more followers a person has on a social media platform, the more narcissistic I shall assume them to be.
For me, it will always be about conscience, cock, and face in that order. Being a social media diva shows lack of conscience.
Interesting read there, Dave. I find it all quite bizarre that a social media presence would even enter into the qualification list for dating. Of course, I grew up before cell phones and the internet became the pervasive capitalist privacy theives they are. Back then, we actually talked face to face with others and got our impressions of them from that and not some online social media site designed to push ads and sell you things. (Nothing is free, how do people suppose they pay for that web site?) Facebook? Virtual friends are virtual bull shit in my mind and… Read more »
I hate it. I miss crusing of the old days. Now its full of liars, spammers,scammers and guys that pure damn LIE THEIR ASS OFF !!
oh yeah.. even though cruising a bar had it’s own pit falls, I found it more exciting. More like prey and predator instincts. Handkerchief in rear pocket code help to sort out what guys were looking for. Bar with back playroom or helping a guy out at the rest room though. Guess I’m now showing my age. Millennials have no clue how to have fun!
I used to love cruising. Driving through the parks, walking the woods, hanging out in the cruisy restrooms, etc. 20 years ago or more it was fairly safe. Now, if caught somewhere, you get your name in the paper, on the web, or in trouble with the law, so I no longer cruise. I don’t have much luck with social media, even A4A. Guys say they want to meet until you want to set up a time and place, then they drop off, or just plain don’t show up. Or they make an excuse, as to why they can’t make… Read more »
I think social media can make it a little harder to get a relationship off the ground these days. They can definitely cause unnecessary distractions and drama, esp when people start using social media to communicate instead of having private real-time conversations. I also consider dating apps and sites under the social media umbrella. There’s really no point in working through any problems that arise in relationships when you can just log back into the app and “erase n replace”. We literally delete each other. I”m obviously not against apps/sites at all. The internet helps a lot of us find… Read more »
No wonder I have been a hermit for a long while and it is NOT for lack of trying. I thought it was because I am too old – 62 and counting, but I can count. Don’t Instagram, Twitter or Snapchat. Using Social media to verify profiles is like watching the news to find out the weather. FUCK, just go outside. Back to topic – Social Media, in general, was a good idea but it missed its own point. It doesn’t facilitate social (face to face) interaction, reduces intimate communication, and highlights the lack of social understanding and cultural fluency… Read more »
It IS because you’re too old. Time, physiology, and gravity have all beat yur ass up. Nevermind the typical desire of having some guy just like yourself to satisfy your personal desires. Age matters to most. Just saying, I’m old, too.
Guess my several regular play buds and I have it all wrong. We’re all over 55 and have way too much fun with each other far too often, it seems. Should we stop?
Ok there’s a major issue in the dating scene if social media is a make or break aspect to get to know another guy…. psychologically unhealthy and dismay….best advice is not to go that route for dating…
It’s sad and it’s man’s weakness some men I should say, yes it’s not social media itself it’s men not able to control themselves and be respectful that’s it.
I choose love and happiness over social media anyday,if I had to choose.
I’m in my mid 50’s and easy on the eyes and not a runway model by any stretch of imagination! Before the age of smart phones and hookup apps, I was living a celibate life for about 12-13 years by choosing and happy about it too; we had no PrEP back then and I lost so many friends to AIDS, so I chose celibacy just to stay negative and lucky enough to avoid any STDs ever. I chose to stay celibate, because I hated condoms and I would lose my erections wearing them and I wouldn’t trust myself either in… Read more »
People actually date based on Instagram followers? lol! Sound like the guy with 1000 followers dodged a bullet.
How arrogant, self-absorbed and self-obsessed have some gay guys become to rate other guys based upon which social media platforms they’re on or not on? Worse, how lacking in self-esteem have many gay guys become to be so desperate as to need to seek validation and acceptance from random guys on the Internet? It’s like how middle school bullies and the “In Crowd” treat those who choose to be their willing victims.
Some guys need to learn how to treat others decently. Other guys need to grow a pair.
Nothing beats good ole face to face conversation! I enjoy chatting with guys online, however, I met my current playmate at my retail job. We would talk while he was at the store on various topics and such. Well, when he decided to make a move, it was face to face. To make this story shorter, when I got to his place and after more talk, I made an agreement that no matter what happens, I still wanted us to be friends even without “benefits”. We still have benefits. Moreover, without the in-person interactions, we probably would have never met,… Read more »
I agree with most of you guys and although I do surf the web for guys, hookups, etc, most of the time things just don’t work out with others that I chat with on the web. It’s always they can’t host, or I can’t host, or it’s too late, or to early. Or I”m too old, or your not my type, or I have to be at work, and the list goes on and on. However I met the nicest, most honest guy, and it was not through the web but face to face in a porn shop. We have… Read more »
Isnt it odd how that works out? Any of the really enduring friendships have all been had by meeting people in non sexual situations. My current best friend with benefits has been that way for 16 years, since we met at work and hit it off. We have had many ups and downs … Basically, he identifies as straight, i was his first guy, as far as i know i am his only guy, and when he is present, he’s everything. When he is distant, he’s the one who pulls back, ghosting me for up to a few months, while… Read more »
That is so true: online interaction removes certain things such as body language, demeanor, inflection etc that when taken cumulatively make one either attracted or not to the other. Hence online interaction is less likely successful, or very fleeting. It is very challenging to find someone through it.
As far as the age thing, you can and do experience short-comings from both young-older alike. I’m mostly interested in men within my own age-group-regardless of race… I find it rather shocking, a large percentage of these men, cannot/will not fully engage verbally. They cannot express themselves, you can’t get them to write more than a sentence at a time. I can’t imagine, being face to face with these men, where you have to pry the conversation from them; strong-silent isn’t really that attractive, lmao, but puzzling-creepy as all hell! I love being my age of late 50’s, just want… Read more »
I don’t know why people have to be racist. Sure people have their preferences, but hatred, and being biased isn’t necessary at all. I know of several people that make racist statements all the time and it’s completely unwarranted. Maybe I feel so strong against racism as my BF is black and I am white. But with either of us it’s not a sexual thing, as so many white guys love the challenge of having sex with a black person or vice versa. We just really like each other for whom we are, which I don’t feel has anything to… Read more »
Ive mastered this internet dating thing, I get laid all the time, constant profile viewers from all over the world, And I found out its all about the smiles, Ive been like 1st on the most popular page for years. It probably helps that i have the most beautiful D & A on a4a.. im just me, a hott little sexy slut… I get the cutest comments all the time, butt We know what I really want, Another Prostate Orgasm….
Crickets.
Enjoy them while you have them …
Read a book. Yes, they are for more than just decoration. (Thats your job, being Decor)
The Mirror Effect: how celebrity narcissism is seducing America
By Dr. Drew Pinsky
That’s all, i hope you didn’t find this comment TLDR.