(Photo Credits: Ketut Subiyanto from Pexels)
Thanks to Dave for letting me guest write this post. It’s actually more of a confessional of sorts, though I’m hardly coming out of the closet. As I told him, I’m probably not your typical Adam4Adam user, but I am a longtime A4A user – probably over 15 years. And I’ve met many guys via A4A and had some fantastic sexual experiences. Being married (to my wife) and deeply hidden in the closet obviously limits my ability to meet guys, and when I do they’re usually one-offs. But most are great and one night not too long ago, I got to wondering just how many different guys I’ve been with and how many total experiences I’ve had since my first one.
Having been sexually active with men for over 30 years, I started my “calculator” a couple of years ago by trying to revisit how many business trips I’ve taken over the years and all those opportunities I got to host in my hotel rooms. When at home, I would have to rely on being invited over. Then about 8 years ago, I got up the nerve to host at my home while my wife was at work and I was working in my home office. So I estimated that for my first 20 years, I would get lucky about eight times a year, give or take, and more often than not with different guys most times (occasional repeats). Then, since I started hosting, I was able to up that count to about once a month.
Add it all up and I’ve had between 275 and 300 different gay sexual experiences with over 200 different guys. The experiences varied from light kissing and j/o to intense grinding, oral and fucking to threesomes and groups. I “count” any time I’ve gotten naked and intimate with someone and hard-ons and milky liquids were the outcomes. I occasionally chat about this with guys I meet online and depending on their ages, some are stunned, some are “ho-hum” and some give their own numbers that make mine look tiny. Personally, I look at it two ways: I’m getting what I need outside of my marriage and I always take super-safe sex very seriously and “vet” out anyone I’m considering meeting very thoroughly.
So hopefully this blog will generate some discussion – but what should that discussion center on? Who also does the math? What the volume (or lack thereof) of guys we’ve been with means to each of us? Who may lay claim to most guys met vs. fewest?
For me, I’ve sometimes taken heat from some I’ve chatted with on A4A or other outlets because I’m in it solely for the sex. I have a loving wife and a nice and happy hetero family life that I very meticulously keep separate from this life of mine. This life is for the sex, period, and I’m not seeking a boyfriend. So when I think about those numbers, I find them both hot and horrifying, but since I’m so safe in bed, thankfully the hot part overrides the horrifying part.
Whether gay, bi, or bi-married like me, how do you all feel about it? Have you ever done your math?
The either and I are in the same boat. Married to a woman and keep this part of my life totally separate! I have found Success on A4A . I recently counted how many times I bottomed. Which I seek on A4A. Right now in 9 years I have bottomed for 30+ guys. If I count who I suck, that is probably closer to 60. I thought it was a lot for someone who has to be on the down low. But I see there are all kinds into this!
Let me write this…
Mae West once quipped: “keep a diary and someday, it will keep you.”
Stalin once quipped: “The Death Of An Individual Is Unfortunate; The Death Of a Million Is a Statistic.”
Hence, your conquests are statistical at best?
Hence, the memory of whom you had keeps you nourished and makes you significant?
Wow. I relate to this so we’ll.
I stopped counting after eleventybillion.
Funny, I stopped counting after eleventybillion too, tho of course I still remember all their names…
When I first began to count…
I used an Abacus…but all those beads became countless!
Then,
I used my computer…but, I just couldn’t remember to sign on often enough!
Then,
I decided to count my “Pubic Hairs,” and alas, I found correlation!
HAHAHA!
No names necessary if you call them all daddy.
I like repeat offenders…
No names necessary if you call them all “Rich, Older Men.”
folks are startin to call me daddy when in the process
I gave up counting 20 yrs ago. Was over 400+ then. Now I am definitely eleventybillionone!
Lost my virginity at 19, and just turned 39. I used to keep an exact running count, but stopped long ago. I’d guess the number was somewhere between 200 and 300 now. Do I consider them “conquests”? Never. But sometimes I do flatter myself by thinking about how a completely average-looking guy like myself could have been with so many guys. But then again, when I stop to think about it, it probably has less to do with how attractive you you and more about “standards” and how often you’re willing to slum it.
For me it’s not about “attractive”. After all most guys are as attractive as most other guys. The guys who are “pretty” or “stunning” are few and very often are difficult to deal with. Often, ones who are far from stunning are tremendous men of quality.
Indeed.
I’ve had sex with around 8,000 guys. But before you think I’m “easy” just know that I turned down 20,000 guys. Even as late as when I was 50 years old, guys would still offer me money to have sex with them at bathhouses. The funny thing is I could care less about money then, as I had 3 million dollars already. Now with great investments in real estate and stock I have over 10 million. When I came out in 1974 I was offered as much a $500 ($2,300 in todays money) to have sex with guys, But I… Read more »
I was offered $500 to dive naked in a guys pool so that he could have a picture of me diving naked.
Seems excessive these days, since anyone can google for a picture of that…..
I connect with people (men). Fortunately, I’ve established ongoing relationships lasting years with a good number of them. None of them are “conquests” or something I’ve tabulated over almost two decades. I value the time, experiences and pleasures I have even when the meetings were one-offs and/or didn’t result in spectacular moanings or toe curlings.
“Do you count your sexual ‘conquests?” It’s no wonder so many gay men say “I just can’t find a good man. I don’t understand why I’m alone.”
I’m also a married deeply closeted man. I’m 65 and prefer gay sex over straight for the past 25 years. It started when I had days off in the middle of the week. I discovered adult video stores and glory holes. I first sucked cock at age 14 and loved it but of course didn’t want to be found out as gay. The danger and anonymity of video stores was exciting. At first I’d just stroke watching gay porn which led to letting other guys suck me leading to me sucking other guys. I first bottomed at age 44 and… Read more »
I’ve counted as a way to keep my addiction in check. Every Jan 1, i start but by May Im in the 300+ range and thats just 5 months! So for the rest of the year i slow down considerably. Counting is a good deterrent for me for most of the year but its a cycle so…
No judgement here, but 300 in 5 months is 2 a day. Where do you find them all or the time????
usually it’s going to parks and theaters, anyone who frequents those often can rack up numbers VERY QUICKLY. I dont even go to sex parties anymore, because the sex is so gratuitous in cruising spots.
No judgement is not a good thing… it leads to filthy vagrant camps and human poop on the sidewalk. Reasonable judgement is necessary for a functioning society.
Not sure where you come from but I don’t know any one who shits on the side walk.
Eric:
Their conquests are all within their vivid imagination?
It is a form of “Gay Dementia” where you create your own fantasies without realities.
Calling bullshit.
Hey I think sex with men is way more satisfying than playing golf and plenty of guys devote lots of time to that. A ball in a hole in the ground compared to an orgasm in a tight fleshy fuck hole? NO COMPARISON !
And so are you not giving a shit who f*ck and especially if you were the type that doesn’t use condoms is an on prep probably been with multiple people that have STDs & otherwise ….so you’re just spreading it around like a f*cking petri dish
I spread nothing but joy…. Since I have the Delta 32 mutation and cannot be infected with HIV, I cannot spread it. I also figured out how to not get STD’s while being a BB top, so I don’t spread those either. I’ve screwed thousands of guys since 1988 (The last time I got an STD) and been STD free !
Before the internet I use to cruise a local park. One day I decided to actually make a list. At that time my list topped 140 after about 5 years. There were another dozen or so I met the old fashioned way; in a bar. The park, or a bathhouse adds a level of excited anticipation that still makes them more fun. Now that the ‘net is here to help, and I got over the fear of book stores and a bathhouse, I’m comfortable to say I’m in the 300+ range. I’ve gotten into a mode of almost needing another… Read more »
The windmills in Golden Gate Park or Balboa Park in San Diego. I never got arrested for any of my sexcapades, but I did get caught a few times. But they would prefer have sex with me than arrest me…. Like the time I screwed 2 security guards at the Emporium department store. Good memories for my old age !
I’m average as far as the number of partners, but if we’re counting the number of encounters, it’s well into 4 digits!
Yes, I have a log
Same. I figure it’ll come in handy if I ever need to trackdown my last few partners if something were to happen to me.
194 different men over 24 years. Some were relationships, some were fuck buddies, some were hook ups. I kept track in more of a CDC way.
A year or so after I became sexually active, I had an embarrassing conversation on a BBS. Embarrassing because I realized part way through that the guy I was flirting with was the same one I’d had sex with the night before. I just hadn’t remembered the handle he was using. That’s when I started keeping track. The log has proven to be really useful since then, especially for figuring out who I might have contracted an STD from (or given it to), and for accurately answering the questionnaires the health department presents when I go in for testing. About… Read more »
Did I fuck you?
Wow, this post made me feel so much better. To know I’m not alone. I’m 33, married to a woman for 8 years. I too am a closeted bi guy on a4a for male on male sexual encounters. I started when I was 19. So in 14 years I’ve bottomed with 26 guys and played (anything other than sex) with another 25 guys. I play super safe and never mix personal/hetero life with this one. Not sure why, but I keep a hidden list of my hook ups and don’t see myself stopping that tracking.
It’s just great that he says he’s safe and thoroughly vets men he has sex with. Hopefully that’s true.
Calling sex with men sexual conquests is perfect because psychotherapists have called it that in regards to gay sex. We conquer men and conquer masculinity through sex. We conquer an attractive man by dominating him and/or submitting to him.
Kay- Having written the blog, I can tell you a couple of things of where my mind was at: First, yes, I believe I’m as safe as can be and “vet” like crazy. Most of all, I can’t begin to tell you how many guys I’ve instantly said “adios” to when they’ve responded to my question, “do you ever fuck without condoms?” with anything but an emphatic “NO.” Second, I maybe should not have used the word “conquests.” As I mentioned, when I think about the numbers and how they’ve added up, it’s a pretty scary thing on the one… Read more »
it works both ways,, you conquer them, they in turn conquer you,,win, win~
i guest I have an addiction. Am almost always hungry for a load to swallow. My attraction to dick started long before I even heard the term gay. As I child of 8 or 9 wanted dicks in my mouth and had most of the neighborhood in my mouth. When I was 13 I seduced a 19 year old and sucked him off and he came then he jacked me off. It was my first ejaculation. That summer meet a guy in his 40’s who would fuck me regularly. Being in a smaller rural city, rest rooms and glory holes… Read more »
I’ve Written Them Down On Paper, The Very Few Members Of A4A I’ve Had Sexual Encounters With I̶n̶ ̶M̶y̶ ̶N̶e̶c̶k̶ ̶O̶f̶ ̶T̶h̶e̶ ̶W̶o̶o̶d̶s̶ G-Town,N.C.,99.5% Of Them Have Been Total Disappointments! 🙁
I’m gay, 40 and have been single for about 10 years. In that time, I guess that I’ve been with about 250 different men. Very few repeats which I count as 1.
How does 1 answer this? If you give a high #, “you’re easy”. If you give a low #, “are you even having sex?”.
Yet, if you don’t, “what are you hiding?”.
I used to keep a running list in my mind the first year or so when I first started having sexual relations with men. I started out with a lot but very limited. Now I am more adventurous and a bit on the kinky side. I have done it all except for being fucked. I am also in the closet. In the last ten years or so I have tended to be more with regulars but still a few a year I only have met once. I’d say at last count it was a few hundred and that was maybe… Read more »
Does NO orgasm count?
Does “NO” Orgasm count? times but I have always felt like “If I didn’t cum, it don’t count”, or incomplete. It didn’t matter how many times the other person popped (I’d get 0), or if I popped more than once within the same day(I’d get 1). So if I got naked, had some kinda sex, If I never came (out of 500), I guess my count would be zero or 500 incompletes. I of my best times was with a friend that would just show up from time to time by surprise. She came by 6 times, we fucked for… Read more »
Sheba- I guest-wrote this blog primarily to see how others would react and whereabouts I “stand” in the mix. My intent was, there really are no “rules” per se. I just wanted to see if I wasn’t the only one with a sex scorecard, and I see I’m far from it. So as for your “no orgasm” question, personally I count any time I get naked and sexual with a guy, orgasm or not, fuck or not. To me, it’s sex once the clothes come off.
I’m a closeted bi married male so this post mimicks my situation as well. I’ve always had bi feelings but didn’t act out until I met a sailor off of Prodigy (think of pre-AOL internet). I was in the Army in Hawaii at the time just turned 31 (I’m 60 now). He sucked me off in my car one morning before work. I then had other similar meetings until I left the island but I didn’t suck cock or experience anal until a year or so later. I’m a top and I’ve never bottomed. Since I was closeted I had… Read more »
While I do not intentionally keep a running tab of my partners, technically, I do. I write their names and telephone numbers in the datebooks I buy annually. I do this to stay in touch for future playdates. I do attach an asterisk, several asterisks, or downward-facing arrows next to some names. I am unusually well endowed and crave fellatio; I have a multitude of suitors and attract others regularly. Some years ago, my Internist asked me how many partners I’d had during the past six months. I pondered…. He was visibly shocked when I truthfully replied, “One hundred” —… Read more »
I’ve run a gloryhole for about 30 years. I sick about 3-5 cocks a week. At least one of them fucks me. I’ve had sex with well over 6,000 men. I’m a whore and I love it. If I had a dime…
I started counting from my first sex contacts in 1974. Kept a detailed list till about 1980 when I got to San Francisco and the sex just got too wild and abundant to keep track. I would have sex with 6-10 guys per night at the 8th and Howard bathhouse or 333 Ritch St. bathhouse. So I know all the first 100 guys I had sex with, but the next 8,000 I just have random memories.
Being a closet bi guy that is married to female, I can relate. Wife and I are swingers, have been for over 25 yrs. There were nights and or weekend parties that wore us out. 3-5 per night.10-15 in a weekend. Crazy thing is wife is Bi but is totally against men being Bi. Go figure. Discovered a gloryhole 22 yrs ago. Been to them 3-4 times a week back Los Angeles. Guys sucking me dry make my knees weak. After great thought roughly 400 women and about 100 men. I need to level those numbers out.
In the past nine years I’m probably close to 100 guys. All of them are married or widowed guys. Just a few gay guys. I lead a straight life and love my wife dearly. I’m just doing it for sex.
Yes I keep a record with dates and what I did. 56 in 11 years
I did this a few years ago. At that time I was 350 guys and over 1,000 to 1,500 sexual experiences.this was when I was young I had a regular guy and 3 to 5 times a week then one time hook ups. 7 different guys one 4th oh July. It was sex, not into kissing here.
I like this post. I have done some counting and thought I was weird…but there is something erotic about it. Turns me on. Here’s to tracking our fun!
I’m also married (to a woman) but have come to enjoy gay sex much more than straight sex. My first time with a guy was when I was 18 and a guy sucked me off in a video booth at the local adult bookstore. It wasn’t until I was 34 that I sucked my first cock, and that was 24 years ago. In all that time, I’ve sucked off 64 different guys, but a dozen or so were repeat customers. Found out I like getting fucked a few years ago, but I don’t do much of that. I sometimes laugh… Read more »
This hit a nerve. I’ve been married to a woman for 40 years and had my 1st sexual exsperience with another guy after I turned 40. The internet helped. For me it’s the sex only. I have 7 guys I would consider regulars that when I’m in their area I can always count on a hookup. Then I have random hookups as well. As far as counting I would have no idea. For me it’s weekly hookups. Mostly oral only but occasionally it’s a top or bottom but, only safe. As far as counting conservative I’d say 40 a year… Read more »
Xander- Much of what you said resonates with me. Main differences are, I’m probably about 5-10 years younger than you and I lost my M-M virginity before I got married – in my late teens. I agree with you that the “counts” sound bad. I remember when I was in my teens and first heard about gay guys’ penchant for being promiscuous and sleeping with dozens or hundreds of men. I was appalled back then, but here I am, now over 60, married long time, family, etc. and I’ve done just that. I overcome it in a couple of ways:… Read more »
I started sucking cocks when I was 13. I enjoy sucking guys dicks and when I was young I did count how many boys I seduced and sucked. By age 28 my count was 53. I never could remember how many times I sucked each one. Had to be Hundred of times…since we sucked every day we were together. I quit counting a long time ago
Once or twice over the years, i’ve tried to keep a running total of how many cocks I suck in a given year. Haven’t always been successful, but it is interesting to have an idea about how many times I’ve had the privilege.
So as I see that Gay men on this blog all live up to the name of a whore & not getting paid for it like that’s any compliment and just slumming around like a f*cking petri dishes sharing your fluids and all your other disgusting vile ways
Vile is being in some brain dead religious cult pining for some phony deity that DOES NOT EXIST ! At least sodomy is….. REAL and very enjoyable. Billions of years of evolution lead to us being able to fuck each other and I for one trust billions of years of evolution over some irrational dumb cults a scant couple thousand years old.
I sucked my first dick at age 14. That was in 1968. I kept a careful count of all my sexual experiences for the first few years. I lost count before I got to a couple of hundred. I would guess that after 52 years the number must be in the thousands. I have only slowed down because hot guys — the ones that are “my type” — aren’t generally interested in guys over 40, let alone over 60. I have been told I look about 15 years younger than my true age, so I still find a lot of… Read more »
Yeah, when I was in my 40’s I would actually have a line of 3-4 guys waiting for their turn for me to screw them at the bathhouse ! Now that I’m 65 I have to make a few adjustments to keep interest going in me. I do a “WHITE TRASH” persona. I wear baggy Dickies with a white stained and ripped wife beater tank top. I work out and have a good muscular shape, but my skin is getting slack so the costume hides that ! I just pull my dick out of the pants and get lots of… Read more »
If I am the one on my knees, is it my conquest? Or is it the other guy’s conquest? ;-). As others have posted, I am an outwardly-straight, married guy, meeting with guys on the DL. I’m new to the a4a community, but I have met guys through other sites over the years. I used to keep a count, but stopped counting after 20 or so.
Personally l wish l could say “just one” but that’s unrealistic. For starters l can’t count that high so no l don’t keep score.
Holy Moly, Wow, how does one begin? I became Bi before the word was used among sexuality! (after cuming the first time by being molested by an older man,) I would say in the 55 years, being a Bottom 10 tens, being a top 1100 +, masturbation 4000+, receiving oral 2000 or so, giving oral 75 give or take a few. , Very picky and safe. call me crazy, but I always voided men that were not like myself and my type, I’ve always been 5’11. 170lbs-235 at 65 years of age, Athletic fit, baseball/softball groups, , golf, water/snow skiing,… Read more »
I first had sex with a male at age 13. I first had sex with an adult man at age 15, which I count as the start of cruising. Once I discovered that in my area, men were available at parks, bathrooms, adult bookstores and adult theaters, I had sex with men, usually more than one, nearly every day. No one turned away a good looking teenaged boy without ID and no man inside turned me down. Once I became an adult, I tried backrooms (the legal age in my state was 18 back then.) And in my early 20’s… Read more »
For me sex is like money…. More is way better than less….
I have always kept count. In 40 year now including today I’ve been fucked in my ass 3,687 times. My throat about the same. I’ve fucked 267 women often. Seems I can’t get enough.. My ass is like a good pussy. Hope to keep fucking for long time but getting older.
Wow, interesting question, hmm, no, lmao! I was never that immature, coming out at somewhere between 19 & 20, a good 6 months or so after getting my first apt. I was too busy learning ‘me’ and what guys were really like period intimately I guess, let alone sexually; while simultaneously making lots of new friends. I just never thought of keeping track, besides most of the guys I brought home or went to theirs; we made-out, cuddled mostly, dry-humped even, lol. I just wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing, I was mostly, admittedly too insecure… Read more »
Married guy here as well and been hooking up last 12 years or so and would say my number is betweeen50-75
I was keeping a count when I first started 11 years ago at 46. I lost count around 150 guys! I would guess i have been with over 400 men now and adding more! I just started bottoming about 5 years ago and have been fucked by more than 100 guys since! I really related to the author of this blog!!
I’ve never kept count although I do when I go to the by gay men’s club keep count of how many I interact with each session. I love to suck cock and have a guy use my mouth love it even more when there’s more than one. One time I was fortunate enough to suck 30 cocks some of them more than once so that’s 30 could be one guy two or three times. That was an exceptionally high number with the norm being 6 to 10 if I’m fortunate. Would love to find a regular couple of guys to… Read more »
I guess when I first started hooking up with guys more often I kind of kept a mental tally and by favoriting them on hookup apps I could better keep track if them somewhat better. I ended up losing track though, because there were many quickies and backyard/garage blowjobs given that I’d lost track of. None of these were less meaningful but I had just realized it wasnt the amount of guys I could get to give me their cock but the quality of these experiences. Some stand out more than others because of location, like getting facefucked by a… Read more »
[…] guys! One of our A4A blog readers, the one who wrote the article titled, “Do You Count Your Sexual Conquests?” has another question for you. He asked, […]
I lost count 15 years ago, LOL