Thanks to Dave for letting me guest write this post. It’s actually more of a confessional of sorts, though I’m hardly coming out of the closet. As I told him, I’m probably not your typical Adam4Adam user, but I am a longtime A4A user – probably over 15 years. And I’ve met many guys via A4A and had some fantastic sexual experiences. Being married (to my wife) and deeply hidden in the closet obviously limits my ability to meet guys, and when I do they’re usually one-offs. But most are great and one night not too long ago, I got to wondering just how many different guys I’ve been with and how many total experiences I’ve had since my first one.
Having been sexually active with men for over 30 years, I started my “calculator” a couple of years ago by trying to revisit how many business trips I’ve taken over the years and all those opportunities I got to host in my hotel rooms. When at home, I would have to rely on being invited over. Then about 8 years ago, I got up the nerve to host at my home while my wife was at work and I was working in my home office. So I estimated that for my first 20 years, I would get lucky about eight times a year, give or take, and more often than not with different guys most times (occasional repeats). Then, since I started hosting, I was able to up that count to about once a month.
Add it all up and I’ve had between 275 and 300 different gay sexual experiences with over 200 different guys. The experiences varied from light kissing and j/o to intense grinding, oral and fucking to threesomes and groups. I “count” any time I’ve gotten naked and intimate with someone and hard-ons and milky liquids were the outcomes. I occasionally chat about this with guys I meet online and depending on their ages, some are stunned, some are “ho-hum” and some give their own numbers that make mine look tiny. Personally, I look at it two ways: I’m getting what I need outside of my marriage and I always take super-safe sex very seriously and “vet” out anyone I’m considering meeting very thoroughly.
So hopefully this blog will generate some discussion – but what should that discussion center on? Who also does the math? What the volume (or lack thereof) of guys we’ve been with means to each of us? Who may lay claim to most guys met vs. fewest?
For me, I’ve sometimes taken heat from some I’ve chatted with on A4A or other outlets because I’m in it solely for the sex. I have a loving wife and a nice and happy hetero family life that I very meticulously keep separate from this life of mine. This life is for the sex, period, and I’m not seeking a boyfriend. So when I think about those numbers, I find them both hot and horrifying, but since I’m so safe in bed, thankfully the hot part overrides the horrifying part.
Whether gay, bi, or bi-married like me, how do you all feel about it? Have you ever done your math?