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Adam4Adam gay readers, have you ever had sex with a woman before? If so, did the experience turn you straight?
We are bringing this up because Dr. Joe Kort, a sex therapist based in Michigan, has sparked a massive online debate due to the controversial remarks he made on one of his Tiktok videos.
Dr. Kort said that straight men who have sex with men are not gay. He said, “When straight men have sex with men, it’s not a gay thing, it’s a guy thing.”
He added, “What I mean is, in general men have more transactional sex with one another, in general women don’t. So when men have objectified sex where it’s just about the act, it’s just about getting off, people man-shame him.”
Further, Dr. Kort explained, “When straight men have sex with men, they’re still straight, it doesn’t erase heterosexuality any more than when gay men have sex with women. They’re still gay. It doesn’t erase their homosexuality.”
@drjoekort When #straight #men sleep with men it’s a #gay thing not a guy thing. #lgbtq #sexuality #sexualfluidity
♬ Sugarcrash! – ElyOtto
In a separate video, Dr. Kort cited reasons why straight men have sex with men. First, he clarified that he is a gay man attracted to men and so he had sex with men. Straight men, however, are not “attracted to the man, they’re attracted to the sex act with a man.”
He then explained:
We have a sexual orientation that’s to whom we’re attracted to: male, female, both, neither, a blend of both. But then we also have an erotic orientation, the things that get us off, the things that bring us to orgasm, and our culture thinks that they should be the same and they should match and they don’t.
Often, people’s sexual interests and their erotic interests don’t line up but it doesn’t mean they’re any less the orientation or the identity that they say they are. So let’s end this bullshit and understand that straight men can be fluid and they can have sex with men.
Of course, viewers’ reactions vary, from: “Are you kidding, this is a joke, right?!” to people asking him to “just come out, bro.”
Dr. Kort is, in fact, openly gay and married under Reform Judaism to a guy named Mike since the year 2000. The couple then legally married in 2005 in Massachusetts. He also shared on his Tiktok video that he came out in 1977 when he was only 14 years old.
According to his website, Dr. Kort is “a leading expert on sex and relationships” and his specialty is male sexual fluidity. He specializes in the following as well: “Out-of-Control Sexual Behaviors (OCSB)/sex addiction; Relationship Problems and Marital Conflict; Sex Therapy and Sexual Identity Concerns; Depression; Anxiety; and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.”
Anyway, some say that a guy who had sex with a man is only gay if he wanted to or desire to do it with a guy again. While some netizens, on the other hand, think that men who have sex with men are, without a doubt, gay.
But never mind what other people think, guys. What do you think? Do you think that men can have gay sex and still be 100 percent straight? Do you perhaps agree with Dr. Joe Kort? Why or why not? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below!
Sexuality is complicated. No, I do not think that just because a man sleeps with another man that he’s gay, or even bi. He may have wanted a one time experience to satisfy curiosity. Maybe he has a buddy he trusts and they can get each other off without any strings. I could go f*ck a woman tomorrow, and that wouldn’t make me any less gay.
Yeah but would you be sexually aroused by it? No. If so then that would make you bi. Therefore I a man enjoys having sex with a man that means he’s gay.
Isn’t it possible to just enjoy sex and it doesn’t really matter with whom you have it?
Our society is just too hung up on labels!
Are you even for real? Your comment doesn’t even make sense.
I agree with Dr. Kort. Think about it; If a straight man has sex with a transgender woman, does that make him transgender?
No it makes him gay cause he’s sleeping with a male who just has feminine features.
Transgender women are not males, you idiot. They’re women.
A transgender is an immature, delusional male mental patient with the mental state of a 13year old ignorant female/girl who cannot cope with the male lifestyle.
My trans friend is a highly sought after ICU nurse specialist and in no way shape or form does she fit your description.
That’s like asking if you have sex with a different race, does that make you that race?
To southernboisb . . . That’s exactly my point!
Don’t even bring gender into this. Sexual orientation and gender are two completely different things, and comparing them for the sake of this conversation would just unnecessarily confuse the matter.
Sorry John, comparisons are often used to make a valid point. The only confusions in this conversation are the unproven notions expressed by unlearned queens who’s opinions are the only ones that matters . . . especially to them, and only them! I stand by my comment.
We are who we are. And we enjoy things in life we like. I have enjoyed sex with a few straight men in my life. I am still friends with both them and their wives. We all like to explore things in life and as along as both are consenting and can enjoy life why not.
Then you had sex with a few bisexual men in your life. Not straight
Ive been saying the same thing for years
This article seems to want to push everyone completely one way or the other. Have we given up on the description “bisexual” ?
Chyyyyyyle I’m gay and I don’t fully understand.
But I do know that where humans are concerned everything is not as black and white as we think. In general there are a lot of variations of grays in human behavior and this includes their sexual behavior.
This article makes the simplest thing overly complicated. Here’s my take from a life of all of the above – from a young age with friends who experimented with me, but decided they truly preferred women, to guys today who are many forms of sexualities – truly hetero, in the middle/bi/fluid to truly 100% gay. if it’s a one time thing – ‘experimenting’ and the guy truly did not like sex with a guy, then yes he is truly hetero, lets say a Kinsey 0 if the guy LIKED having sex with a guy, a little, but much prefers sex… Read more »
Nah if he experimented then that means he has an attraction for men, so is therefore gay or bisexual. Not straight. Maybe he told you he didn’t like it with you but surely he still out “experimenting” with other men and likes it with some of them. It’s like if a new restaurant opens in town and you decide to try it out. You’re probably not gonna just go once and let that determine whether you like it or not. You’re gonna experiment with a few different dishes until you like one and then gonna keep going back. When people… Read more »
Daniel, I see the wisdom that you are sharing even if no one else does. It’s like if a man is hit by a city bus and survives, he’ll step in front of a train to further satisfy his curiosity!
TRUE!!!
You’re too wise and the weak among us refuse to accept reality… don’t waste your valuable time trying to educate them. It will just bring hate towards you. PEACE
Well said!
Oh my! This is soooo me! I don’t know if this guy has any sort of credibility but he definitely describes who I am.
There’s a word for you: gay (or possibly bi). You’re welcome.
Well, there are plenty of gay guys who have sex with women, who have had children with women, but who still self-identify as gay. That’s been going on for centuries. So why should straight men having sex with other men be so mysterious??!?
That’s different. I have zero sexual interest in women but would also go through the agony of doing so only in order to have a child. A man having sex with a man would be for pleasure so that does determines his sexual orientation
????? Are you saying the only reason straight men have sex with women is to have children? Where’s the pleasure in that? I guess then that all men are gay, right?
Yes, I agree with this guy. Our sexuaiity (or sexual identidy) does not prescribe solely nor limit our thoughts and curiosities about the world. As a fetishist, I’ve had to reckon with my various unusual cravings and propensities since my late teens. That’s when I accepted that my sexual activities may involve doing things with my penis other than sliding it in and out of a vagina. When I found myself getting hard from seeing images of naked females in bondage was when the President’s Commission to Investigate the Pornography Industry was busy at work! I remember thinking to myself… Read more »
I been saying that for years and years. I live a straight lifestyle. 100% of my true friends are straight. Gay guys have told me that they have sucked off some of my friends. They tell me in confident knowing I can’t afford to disclose their secrets. They don’t have long affairs, just a quick fix to get off with no kissing and no type of intimacy at all. I must admit that this behavior is rare but it does happen and it doesn’t mean that the straight guy is gay.
Sorry buy your straight friends aren’t straight and if you’re on this site neither are you. Drop the act.
Wow, you’re incredibly close-minded and judgmental. Have you ever once considered that different people have had different experiences from yours that shape their outlook and led them to a different conclusion?
Daniel – it’s great that you responded to several of these. I’m not looking to pick a battle with you but you come to some pretty rash conclusions based on these 2- 3-sentence write-ups. We’re all different. I have my own quirks being married to my wife over 30 years but having had sex with many different guys all discreet and all while maintaining my daily hetero life just like any other hetero married man – all completely on the down-low and safe. It’s a bodily need I have, nothing more than that. I don’t love any men and it’s… Read more »
Bi, or ‘tendencies’, pure and simple, without all the spinning.
Why not just admit you’re bi and keep that knowledge to yourself. Quit worrying about society and keep them out of your business. People treat you in a certain way once they know your business.
Very enlightening and given that I am more into the actual act of sex and not necessarily the gender of my Partner I can relate to the point being made. Not saying it’s that way for everyone, but this clearly describes me.
So you’re bisexual
Why does it HAVE to mean he’s anything? Is it really so hard to fathom the idea of NOT slapping a label on everything sexual? SPOILER ALERT: for some people, IT’S JUST SEX.
He has to be something because words have meanings. This thing I’m typing on a computer. When I call it a computer, is your first reaction to object and ask “Why do you have to call it anything?!?!?” Yes, it does. It’s not a chair, it’s not a Volvo. It’s a computer.
Everyone should leave Daniel alone. We are fortunate to have him share his misguided, misinformed, wisdom with us showing how closed minded and ignorant some in the community can be. We must all agree with him or he won’t be our friend! What a shame that would be!
Because calling someone who has sex with both men and women bisexual is so extraordinarily “misguided and misinformed.” Go choke on a dick.
Ouch! You’re right John . . .they could be pansexual! Why not let the so called bisexuals decide for themselves what they are, and who they lay with!?
Wow! That makes sense. When he made that analogy that if a gay man has sex with a woman that doesn’t make him straight. So I agree a straight man having sex with another man doesn’t make him gay. Never looked at it like that. Is there a term for straight men who have sex with men. Makes me think of when Tank said a man has to suck a dick at least 3 times before he knows if he’s gay. LOL So should we rethink bisexuality or so called “DL” men? Where is the line between just wanting to… Read more »
It depends.. if the gay guy enjoys having sex with women then yes that makes him bisexual. If he just does the deed to have a baby, then possibly no, he is still just gay. “Straight” men who have sex with men for pleasure are therefore bisexual. Now if a Straight man engages in sex with a man for any reason besides sexual pleasure, like for money or dr**s, then possibly he’s not actually gay and just doing it for other benefits. But even those types are kinky minded and probably enjoying the sex as well even though they say… Read more »
What the f***? Where did you get your degree?
First off gay men who have sex with women were forced to do so to hide who they really are because of the extreme criticism and verbal, even physical abuse people were towards the LGBT going way back into the 1900s maybe even farther back than that. If society were more accepting as they are today, gay men WILL NOT have sex with a woman period. Straight men on the otherhand has not been harassed or physically harmed for being “straight” for that WAS and still IS acceptable and highly favored by society. So for a supposedly straight guy who… Read more »
Yeah the article is considering romantic feelings too much. Sexual orientation just pertains to which gender you’re SEXUALLY attracted to. Whether you have the ability to feel human emotions or not is a whole nother issue…
Depends what you mean by “sex.” If the straight guy sits back and gets serviced, he could still be straight (he might be a narcist, or in jail, or needs cash, etc.) If he’s sucking dick,etc, he’s probably gay or bi.
Lol I’ll let the amount of dislikes speak for themselves
I gave you a thumbs-up, ’cause these dynamics are valid. Sometimes it’s clearly just about a warm body for some guys, regardless.
Why can he just be bisexual, like both men and women ?
That’s basically what it is
I personally think that people are WAY too worried about labels. Labels only serve to divide us into “us” and “them” which allows for the people in power to distract us from the fact that they are actually selling out nation to the highest bidder and no longer serve the constituents that elect them, but rather the donors who fund them.
Sad but true…
I too believe that straight men when they have sex with a gay person are acting on their inner curiosities and feelings. I think straight men for the most part know the expression “ another man knows what turns a man on.” I love having sex with straight men that remain in the top role.
Sorry but once they’re beyond the first encounter it’s no longer a curiosity, it’s a gay fetish. You’re having sex with gays.
That’s nothing new. Yes, there are straight men who like having sex with other men and it doesn’t mean they’re bi. The problem are the words “straight,” “bi,” and “gay.” While it places everyone into a nice box and incorporates all types of political ramifications, sexuality is fluid. A former fuck buddy loved dick and dildos up his butt, but he had no desire to suck my dick and definitely wasn’t into kissing and cuddling. I’m not crazy about having my dick sucked so it worked out. His girlfriend tried to use a strap-on and the dildos on him, but… Read more »
Just cause he didn’t like your dick don’t mean he ain’t out sucking other dicks. I bet his bisexual self is
Say that louder… LOL
Wow, finally someone who publicly understands me, my point of view and my sexual objectives. I’m semi happily married to a women, l have grown kids outside of the house. While l truly love my wife she has totally ruined my sexual attraction to her. I stopped fucking her years ago. In response my physical needs are now met outside the house. I truly enjoy sex. I equally enjoy it with women, with men and with trans, l especially enjoy sex with FTMs, in my world they are the Wonka golden ticket! I’m not hung up on tiles, names or… Read more »
If I had to label you I’d say you’re bisexual
I’m pretty sure he wasn’t asking “your” opinion!
Yes your far from alone in your observation, Daniel seems to freely offer lots of unsolicited opinions to almost everyone’s post.
Agreed.
Daniel is obviously a miserable f*cking troll.
Thank god…I’m not 100% gay
I can definitely get where he’s coming from and can’t really disagree. For some guys it’s always going to be about getting off first and foremost regardless of how they may identify. (A matter of opportunity I suppose)
What does it mean to be a “straight guy”? If a guy acts straight, is he a straight guy? If he looks straight is he straight a guy? If he presents himself as a straight guy, is he straight? If he dates, has sex with, and/or marries a woman, is he a straight guy? If he fathers children, is he a straight guy? A man who has sex with another man is not straight. Whether it was one time in his life or many times. He can act, look, and present himself as straight, but he’s actually somewhere on the… Read more »
Yup, They’re what psychologists would call DELUSIONAL
Well if that’s true then I guess a bunch of us who don’t want to be used like that by straight men are going to be single for a long time. I’m a guy who likes other guys, I have wants and I have feelings. I don’t respect straight guys who prey on gay men like that when it’s very hard enough as it is to find a guy to get to know. I’m at that stage in my life where I won’t allow guys to take advantage of my sexual preference like that. If you can’t respect us because… Read more »
Agreed, however, men who “prey” on men are not straight. Let’s call it what it is
TIP JAR!!! You’re so right!
But I’m gay and I don’t have sex with women. So I can only assume that “gays” who have sex with women are actually bisexual. Therefore “straight” men who have sex with men are either gay or bisexual. Just because you have a past that resulted in you suppressing your feelings or worse, unable to feel emotions or express love, doesn’t mean you’re not gay or not straight. There are plenty of straight men who only see women as sex objects, and plenty of gay men who only see men as sex objects. This doesn’t mean they’re not gay or… Read more »
Sounds Logical!
There’s a YouTube out there, he likes to wear suits of money and there’s a sign that says TAKE WHAT YOU NEED! There are Timmons of people, many whom appear rich, who grab handfuls of dollars off this guys suit… the last one I saw was annoying because he kept saying TAKE WHAT YOU NEED, and obviously these people didn’t need his spare change (some did) a homeless man takes a few dollars so he can buy food for his dog… okay, so what’s my point? -: people are greedy, and I’m sure men are greedy and yes, I know… Read more »
Stop with this bullshit programming and brainwashing and trying to normalize our lifestye.
Yes if you have sex with a male you are in fact gay. So sick of the extreme liberal leftist bullshit
How did this turn political?? Weird….
im so against the community’s stupidity that im about to ”turn straight”
Sometimes I feel like that too, lmao!
bye
This is just an attempt to have more straight men targeted and preyed upon. The gay community is obsessed with seducing and turning straight men.
Right.. Even though men who have sex with men ARE NOT STRAIGHT
I agree with the doctor. I know that sometimes situations arise when sexual energy meets trust meets opportunity, and things happen, either spontaneously or by plan. I think the biggest controversy for him originates from that obnoxious group of gay people that insists they can “turn” any straight man “gay”. That same thinking, in reverse, caused centuries of grief, as though orientation were a whimsical choice. The biggest irony and hypocrisy among the shamers who chastise the experimenter, is that they as though he changed and can’t change back. He actually didn’t change. I have experienced the situation where friends,… Read more »
I’m surprised Daniel didn’t respond to your intelligent, well thought opinion with his own misguided assumption’s! I totally agree with you.
I think straight me who have sex with men cover the entire range from wanting to have sex with men to just wanting to get off.
There’s no need to put these men in one group or the other
Really? Really?? These sugar coating times these days are stupid. Either accept being gay or bi in your own head, or go back and hide in your imaginary closet.
Gay is a label. Sexual attraction is a behavioral trait. At what juncture does a behavioral trait warrant a label?
A man can desire sex with other men 100% of the time, yet still not identify with the label. This fact is as old as the concept of gay acting straight men and straight acting gay men.
One’s identity is never that neat and perfect.
Yeah but having sex with another man makes you, by definition, gay
You know what uses “labels”? Science.
Science says that if you enjoy sex with the same gender, you are bi or gay but not straight.
Just like science says that just because a man gets cosmetic surgery that mutilates his dick, that doesn’t make him a woman.
Snowflakes need to stop this BS about labels not existing. Feelings don’t win over science.
The Doctor is just describing what we in the psychology and counselling profession have been doing for years. Many of us agree we should never have called it “sexual orientation.” It caused people to think it has to do with sex. If someone confused about their orientation comes in for therapy we spend less time talking about their sex acts and more about their relationships. We perhaps, should have called it relationship orientation. Most people match in both their gender attraction for falling in love and desire to abide in a long term relationship and the same gender for sexual… Read more »
Actually, why are you just talking about men? I would have an all-inclusive debate since you are trying to make this a universal belief.
Consider the longstanding evidence of men in the military during WWII who had sex with each other while confined to their boats and barracks, but married females when they returned home. Of course, some of them might have secretly been gay. But for the most part they were straight and just engaged in sex with their military brothers out of need and convenience.
I am closeted married to woman here. My take on this is similar to how I feel about sex with men. However, I’ve accepted personally I’m bi sexual. For me I’m attracted to men who look good enough for me to get hard and cum to. Same thing for me goes for women I look at. The one aspect that gets blurry is if you become close with that person. To me I’m into close intimate relationships w women, but sexually a naked attractive man or woman is going to make me horny for sex. I feel that makes me… Read more »
It’s All about reliance and repetitive Sexual behavior. In a perfect world, every individual would be provided sexual fluidity without Labeling, but Laws,social constraints and adherence to the evolutionary perceptions of tradition, are powerful sociatial impactors.If an individual labeled “HETEROSEXUAL” indulges in a once or twice annual sexual exploration labeled “HOMOSEXUAL”, then this should be regarded as Sexual exploration without an adjustment to sexual identity but when this activity is increased and continuous,then adjustments regarding Sexual Identity should be seriously considered! Please bear in mind that our society contains many individuals who claim to be Homosexual as a means to… Read more »
Why do gay men have such difficulty accepting the fact there are bisexual males?
He just might have something there. Niece # 1, is the result of her father and my sister’s marriage as her father is totally gay; tried to be straight, one would imagine he was thinking of a man during the sex/love-making, that created created a child? Well, this is just one of many dynamics, in the act of sex, and ‘why’ a man chooses whom or which gender to have sex with. We humans are so very complex, sexually, it maybe impossible to pin-point all of the existing dynamics of human sexuality. It’s up to all individual humans to be… Read more »
If a guy is having sex with you, he’s as gay as he needs to be at that moment. If you fall in love with him then his orientation might matter. One day I’m hot for cock, the next pussy. I’ve had crushes on guys but been in love with lots of women. I finally stopped labeling myself and I’m the better for it. Others want to judge, that’s on them.
Yes I do believe that you can be straight and have sex with men. What do you think happens in prisons? Heterosexuality and homosexuality are more about romantic feelings and the desire to be in a relationship with either the same or opposite sex (or both..not trying to erase bisexuals) than the sex act itself which for many men can exist separate from emotional entanglement. Men have equipment and drives that operate apart from any notions of gay or straight…ya rub it and it feels good or as comedian Lenny Bruce once noted “Men can fuck mud.” This does not… Read more »
Oh give it up already!!! How hard and long are you going to try and beat that long dead horse? All your categories are nothing more than homophobia and an attempt to deny, partition, project, disassociate, etc. You won’t find these categories across cultures and times. It’s a cultural artifact based on denial and projection. YOU AREN’T A DIFFERENT SPECIES BECAUSE OF WHO YOU FUCK!
This “transactional” argument is ludicrous on its face. But it is also easy to refute with basic reasoning. If the sex really were purely “transactional” — that is, the guy really only just wants to get off and doesn’t care who he does it with — then that guy wouldn’t care about appearance, and I’d be willing to bet that that is almost never the case. They desire sex with that guy because they are sexually attracted to *that* guy and that makes them either gay or bisexual. And even in those rare cases where sex might be purely transactional,… Read more »
If a man has sex with another man he is not hetero. Look up the definition of homosexual. Plain and simple. I hate labels as much as the next guy, but come the fuck on!!
I’m not gay, just genital specific.
All throughout my formative years I dated and slept with many women and was actually known to be a bit of THE stud during my years in hi school in America. My 18th birthday ended with me bedding the 65 year old mother of a guest and had also slept countless times with the 42 year old mother of another girl I was banging on a regular basis. There were many others and I can’t possibly remember all of them ,some sluts and some debutantes.I can say one thing for sure about every single one and that’s that I never… Read more »
Sadly, I agree with Dr. Kort. I was involved with someone that I suspected really wasn’t gay but was opportunistic regarding sex. (Dr. Kort calls this “transactional sex”.) When the relationship ended, it was emotionally wrenching for me and he came across as cool and detached. He wanted the relationship to move to a threesome situation so he could have the live sex experience of watching me have sex with someone else. It’s the visual that accompanies sex that some men enjoy. One on one, he enjoyed the sex as I made him reach an orgasm but that wasn’t really… Read more »
I could not agree more that much sex between guys is more a “guy thing than anything” I think it’s wrong for gay or straight guys to try to tell each other what is most definitely rooted in preference and a whole lot of confusion