Over the past year or so, threesomes, polycules, and throuples have become familiar and even accepted in the consciousness of the general public. Of course, gay men and the LGBTQ community have been part of the movement that has been opening minds of the public to these arrangements. Just some of the notable people who have opened up about this include Ezra Miller and RuPaul’s Drag Race alum Derrick Barry.
Of course, just because fellow gay people have been leading this particular movement doesn’t mean every one of us knows what to do if ever we are curious about having a threesome.
If you’re curious about having a threesome and your partner is open to experiencing it with you, these are five things to keep in mind before you jump into bed for a menage a trois.
1. Talk to your partner about boundaries
Communicating with your partner and finding out just how far the two of you are willing to go is really important, especially since it’s going to be your first time including a third person in your sex life. Will your first threesome involve anal sex? Or are both of you comfortable only with blow jobs? Will the third guy stay the night after the threesome? Or will he have to hoof it as soon as the sex is done? Making sure both you and your partner are on the same page on things like this will help make the threesome proceed smoothly.
2. Keep your sexual positions in mind when picking the third guy
Unless double penetration is on the table, you and your partner have to be mindful of which sexual position the third person prefers. If one of you tops exclusively and the other only bottoms, a versatile guy would probably be the best pick. Imagine how much more difficult it would be if there was only one top and two bottoms, especially if penetrative sex is going to happen.
3. Make sure the third person is on the same page as the two of you
This is a threesome, so it’s not just you and your partner who have to agree on things. The person you’re bringing into the bedroom has to know that this is your first threesome, so he has a chance to back out if he doesn’t want that pressure. Be sure to let him know the boundaries you’ve set with your partner so he doesn’t end up stepping over them.
4. Be prepared to stop at any moment during the threesome
A threesome can be an intense experience and one or both of you may feel overwhelmed by it once it is happening. If one of you discover that this really isn’t something you’re into, that has to be respected. Also, make sure that the third person knows about this as well so that there is no anger or annoyance when the action suddenly stops.
5. If this ends up being your first and last threesome, learn to accept it
You may end up liking the experience, but if your partner ends up not wanting to do that ever again, this is something that you have to accept. Don’t go out there looking for it with other people. The reason why the two of your partners is because you trust each other enough to talk about this and respect each other’s decisions.
To our Adam4Adam blog readers who have participated in a threesome, are there any other tips that you can share? Tell us all about it in the comments section below!
Major must:
6. The 3rd guy should NEVER be totally new. At least one of the other two and he should have already played together before the three meet.
I totally agree. guys always ask if i have a 3rd and I say I need a test drive first. One reason is my regular bud(s) trust my judgement and I want to keep that trust. Secondly, and I bet this is the case in many 3somes and group meetings, that when it comes time many guys get cold feet and flake. Test drive first, so you don’t get a lemon. P.S. Like the blog said- you need an agreement with partners and buds about multi partner fun especially extracurricular sex. I also find many bi guys are looking for… Read more »
What a rotten message to send out. It’s one thing for single guys to mess around, but for couples to cheat on each other, with each other, it’s just stupid. Both are risking their health and relationship. Dr. Drew always said, in his experience, couples that start experimenting so are experiencing a relationship breakdown and will eventually break up. And what exactly is being offered the single guy? Two guys who are emotionally unavailable, and a power imbalance to boot. Sex with multiple partners is dangerous, too much can go wrong. And for our public image as a community, we… Read more »
And I know both gay and hetro couples who threesomes actually help the relationship. Sorry if I don’t put a lot of stock into “celebrity” doctors, what are his credentials again?
Judge much? There are many ignorant and contradictory “statements” in your comment which makes it just plain laughable. Bottom line…what goes on privately, behind closed doors, between consenting adults is no one’s business but their own. Grow up!
How does passing judgment on someone’s sexual preferences from someone claiming to be part of this community assist in promoting a positive public image of said community – one that was founded on the basis of sexual preferences that deviated from the status quo? It’s hypocritical to expect the broader community to accept LGBTQ+ individuals as equal members when we are unable to accept our own when there is a difference of opinion. I hope whatever aspects of your life that have worked you into a frenzy to write such a tone-deaf post full of ignorant advice, sweeping generalizations with… Read more »
I’m thinking Friar i single and can’t figure out why.
As someone who has been in threesomes, I know I stress the importance of hygiene. Sure, a man wants to smell like a man but to me, I like it when someone smells shower fresh(besides, you can have a lot of fun with “3 men in a tub”). Seriously, too much cologne/aftershave and too little use of soap is, for me, a turn of no matter how hot the guys are.
Interesting, thanks for sharing, Wayne. How do you feel about anal douching?
As a 95% bottom, I feel it an obligation to thoroughly clean. I am very subconscious about it. I don’t like a smelly butt nor do I like a man coming to the party with body odor. If he sweats by my provocation, then that’s on me, please. I deserve a clean encounter, also. It’s respectful to you and your mate. I will offer a shower to him. Yeah, that’s a deal breaker. Thank s and you’re welcome.
Step 1: Make sure none of them are on drugs.
That was easy…….
My bi wife and I have enjoyed a number of wonderful threesomes with bi gentlemen over the years. I agree with all the advice given here. You should always have a very honest and detailed discussion of everyone’s likes and dislikes well before the clothing starts flying off. Once everyone knows the go and no go zones it tends to make for a much more relaxed encounter. First encounter are already nerve-wracking for many so we like to have a nice dinner and a drink or two while everyone relaxes and gets comfortable with each other. If any of the… Read more »
Totally agree with MAP!
I’m on board about boundaries. I was in a threesome with a married couple who I’d met off craigslist a long time ago. I had a lot of fun with both and them with me until I started kissing the one I was more attracted to. His partner became really upset and literally shouted at us “No kissing!”. I felt like crap about it but then again I had no way of knowing since it wasn’t made clear to me in the beginning what was acceptable and what wasn’t. We all calmed down and continued to play and then I… Read more »
Lol, the trials and tribulations of two guys trying to play house. I’m starting to believe some gay men actually do have female minds. Monogamy is a joke between two guys. I come across guys identified as married on adam and I’m thinking I could be essentially fucking up a traditional nuclear family, wifey, the two point three children, Rover and the deception is finally upended by pronouns and oh the shock, a guy living with another guy is bored and stepping out on his sig. other. If two “married” guys need a third to keep their relationship together it’s… Read more »
I find your reply narrow minded and amusing. I’m actually friends with a married couple who love each other very much, in fact have been married for over 15 years. They enjoy the occasional including of another man into their bed. It’s certainly not uncommon for couples gay or straight to include another male or female into their sexual routine. It doesn’t mean their relationship is over not that it isn’t a possiblilty or can’t happen either. Whatever floats people’s boats. I’m not one to judge. As far as the married couple I had sex with they have been doing… Read more »
My main advice: Enjoy it!!! nothing like one man doing one thing to you and another doing something else, at the same time. very hot and fun. Make sure though they both want it as the other can get jealous. And usually one does want it more than the other or are more into the other guy than the partner. I have thoroughly enjoyed all the ones I had.
Threesome’s are dangerous,foolish and stupid! Should have stayed single you know you were a whore. Some much diseases going around.
Such bitter judgement.
Ever hear of condoms??
Never heard of her.
Oh my god, this is like a conversation with hand-wringing spinsters. Does anybody go out and fuck anymore? How a guy can be a gay male and NOT had a spontaneous threeway is beyond me. Set rules for setting up a threesum? Ya got to be kidding.
Divide people you know into heteronormative and not. Some are gay/bi like you. Then divide the groups into monogamous and not. You’re in one of these groups. A threesome is adventurous for the monogamous group, and not for for the non-monogamous group. Everyone falls into one of those four categories, and thinking like someone in another category takes trust and boundaries.
Committed partnerships are often monogamous but monogamy isn’t required. Conversation and relationship/partnership boundaries are mandatory if trust is to be maintained.
Never had a problem with 3-ways. I sit on the face of one while the other sucks my cock. Switch and repeat. Alway a good time
To those who want to judge, no one is forcing you to do anything, somethings not for you? fine. Personal experience with my partner has made me think 3-somes either work really well or not at all. Sometimes the 3rd guy is more into one of you than the other and that does not make for a good situation and although you and your partner may have parameters, you can’t always be sure of why the 3rd person is there. Also remember this is real life and not a porn flick. In a way, for it to work well, you… Read more »
An article about 3ways, aimed towards couples, on a hookup site. Interesting concept. How about… Top 5 things to watch out for when joining a couple for sex.
one hardon, one limp dick
somebody is just “watching”
“we’ll be right back”
“Are you close?”
“this never happens when we are alone”
Basic advice, be really attracted to both of them or forget it. Keep in mind you are going to be the topic of several conversations. between the couple & the couple’s 27 closest friends
JADED advice for your FIRST threesome, but all comments were good history lessons… People tend to be more passionate at complaining. What ruins a threesome is starvation.. for attention. If ya wanna know what sabotages a 3-way, it’s too much guess-work and the wrong amount of concern for others’ feelings. Too much is not enough sometimes, and that’s when someone gets all tangled up in the couples’ drama. This article is exactly what it says it is. Quite refreshing to read. I’m printing out a list to bring to the next manage-a-trois. Long term 3-ways are like starting a rock… Read more »
It is important that the threesome not be with a stranger. The last threesome I was in was terrible. One of the guys who said he was a top was a bottom (I think). He had a tiny cock and had ED. He was a spectator, nothing more. I could not wait for it to end.
[…] of something sexual that you wish to do at least once in your life? Like role-playing, having a threesome, or why not try to use a sex toy or two alone or with your partner? Is there an item or two on your […]