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Hooking up at 40 and beyond might seem like a challenge for some, but for others, it’s as fun as ever. If you’re a regular in the hookup scene, what’s your secret? Apart from, you know, searching for hookups on Adam4Adam.
A gay man over at r/askgaybros asked: “40+yrs gaybros that have regular hookups, what’s your secret?” He added:
I came out in my early/mid 30s and now I’m in my late 30s (grew up hardcore Mormon). I feel like I missed out on my younger hoe phase. Kinda going through hoe phase right now since I lost some weight and got some muscles and better at dressing myself. I’m kind of afraid it’ll be short lived as I get into my 40s+.
Is staying in shape, skin care, and dressing well going to be good enough to keep getting interest from other men as I get into my 40s, 50s, 60s+? Or do you all have good flirting skills? What is it that keeps men coming to you as you age? Thanks!
Some users have shared insights on how they maintain their sex life and connections as they age. Let’s explore what works for many gay men and might work for you too.
- Find gay and bisexual men in your own age bracket – a common suggestion is to stick to your own age group. “Hook up with others in the same age group, who aren’t Instagram models,” shared one responder. This tip emphasizes managing expectations and finding people who are on the same page. Chasing after younger, social media-influenced types can lead to frustration. Instead, connecting with those who share similar experiences can lead to more fulfilling encounters.
- Be a top who can host (and physically fit) – being a top with the ability to host is another major asset. “Be a top who can host in a central-ish location. Facial hair helps; young guys like that. Put out an aura of emotionally safe but physically dangerous,” suggests another gay man. The ability to provide a safe, welcoming environment to hookup or socialize while also maintaining an edge of excitement is key to keeping the hookups coming.
- Having good hygiene and initiative – cleanliness and effort go a long way, regardless of age. “Be friendly, take initiative, good body hygiene, good teeth hygiene, wear good perfume, clean clothes, and keep your body in shape—pretty basic things for any man, not just gays,” said one contributor. This advice stresses the importance of taking care of yourself physically and mentally while also being proactive in making meeting other gay men and creating connections.
- Know when it’s time to move on – for some, hookups are a temporary phase. “I was like u literally, lol. Now, I’m out of my hoe phase and married 🙂 Hoeing is fun for a while then it gets boring,” one user confessed. The takeaway? Enjoy hookups for what they are, but recognize when it’s time to move on if you’re feeling ready for something more stable.
- Tops have an advantage – even for those younger than 40, being a top seems to give an edge. “Not 40+ here but I’m guessing being a top helps a lot lol,” another user speculated. So, if you identify as a top, that may already give you a leg up in keeping things active.
So, 40+ Adam4Adam readers, what’s your secret to getting regular hookups? Share your experiences below and let others in on your tips.
Thanks to a4a, I met some fantastic guys on this site. Guys that I love as if we were brothers. I don’t hook up with additional guys any more because I have fuck buddies I met on here that satisfy my every need.
Same for me. Have FWBs I been playing with for years. Met them here and one other site I use.
I’m a bi married top with a bi wife and both just turned 61. I’m fit and well-hung and host so I have little trouble finding willing bottoms. Being half of a bisexual married couple is certainly no disadvantage!
You had me at well hung!
what state and town are you in? TEXT me to talk: 516 300 2468
When someone finds out, let me know.
YEah… me too! Seems what I attract are twinks looking for a sugar daddy!
I’ll be 66 soon and I get offers everyday. There are men out there who enjoy sucking me off.
Agreed! But I need reciprocity
I started years ago sticking to guys 7 or so years younger or older than me. Or with guys with profiles seeking my age. Did well with that. I’m open to guys who are 25 and older (no wish to find out a young man” is a teen or a cop). I get hit up on regularly on A4A by guys of all ages. Most of them are 100s to 1000s of miles away or have “lazy” profiles that tell nothing about what they are seeking or, more importantly, what they have to offer. Many, if they do seem worth… Read more »
just tell everyone that you are 39!
And how long do you do plan to lie? For the the last 40 years of your life?
and how long do you expect to live?
Manage your expectations, know your limits (including your time), don’t take anything too seriously here, and tell the truth since lying about yourself csn get a door slammed in your face. This should be fun and you won’t stop liars from lying, flakes from flaking and assholes from asshoiling.
As a young 25 year old guy here, my advice to the older guys to learn to take and handle rejection. Some older guys had cursed me out or even sent threatening messages in my inbox simply because I wasn’t interested which isn’t a good look on their part. I personally love older guys if I feel safe and attracted towards them, but other younger guys may be attracted for different reasons or have none at all. It’s different strokes for every folks. If that person isn’t attracted or interested, don’t feel discouraged and lash out for you just well… Read more »
I don’t get why guys have to get rude and send threatening messages. I will also say that guys need to learn how to respond politely. Some just ghost, some block, and others say the meanest shit. A simple I’m flattered but not interested goes a long ways.
I agree. I if more people were more kindhearted towards each other even when one isn’t interested in the other, every dating/hook up sites would be less toxic and more user-friendly. Maybe even draw more people to dating sites to meet people without feeling in danger or having their feelings hurt in the process for simply having preferences.
A bit of homophobia there, young man? I agree with the first half of your post re just move on when the other person is not interested, and no reason to send nasty or inappropriate emails. You lost me on “masculine” and “straight-acting.” Masculinity is a spectrum and what you define as “masculine” may not be the same as everyone else. Why anyone would want to be “straight-acting” has always baffled me. But then, if your measure of attraction has to do with “straight-acting” or “straight-appearing,” that says more about the person who uses such terminology, i.e., “I’m gay but… Read more »
Gay doesn’t have to mean fruity and flamboyant. I also find that to be an extreme turn off, as men should be men. If I can close my eyes, and picture a woman when a guy speaks, that is a turn-off.
Nicely said Impuppable. I appreciate you clarifying the matter ❤
I’m gay, yes I’m straight acting, meaning that I still act like what I am…a man. As far as masculinity in general, the media and society have “their versions” of what they define masculinity and then there’s the actual definition of masculinity truly means. And the latter is what I’m going to live by. I don’t let people’s opinions define me, I let creation AKA mother nature define me. As far as “internalize homophobia” goes, that would be true if I was hiding behind a woman while sleeping with men on the side while lying to her and the people… Read more »
Oh, fuck off.
Yeh. That response meets blog Rules l.
Everyone take note. This comment is the very definition of people should avoid. I just love when people prove my point. But I would definitely be fucking tonight so I’m taking the advice nonetheless lol.
The first thing we could stop doing is pretending like we automatically become unattractive to other gay men at the age of 40.
LOOK GOOD………..
STAY MUSCULAR………..
HAVING A BIG DICK………..
THE MEN COME…………….
Practical wisdom for the ages.
What does 40 have to do with anything?
Unless you’re somewhat less thinking you’re just too good for guys somewhat more.