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Hooking up at 40 and beyond might seem like a challenge for some, but for others, it’s as fun as ever. If you’re a regular in the hookup scene, what’s your secret? Apart from, you know, searching for hookups on Adam4Adam.

A gay man over at r/askgaybros asked: “40+yrs gaybros that have regular hookups, what’s your secret?” He added:

I came out in my early/mid 30s and now I’m in my late 30s (grew up hardcore Mormon). I feel like I missed out on my younger hoe phase. Kinda going through hoe phase right now since I lost some weight and got some muscles and better at dressing myself. I’m kind of afraid it’ll be short lived as I get into my 40s+.

Is staying in shape, skin care, and dressing well going to be good enough to keep getting interest from other men as I get into my 40s, 50s, 60s+? Or do you all have good flirting skills? What is it that keeps men coming to you as you age? Thanks!

Some users have shared insights on how they maintain their sex life and connections as they age. Let’s explore what works for many gay men and might work for you too.

  • Find gay and bisexual men in your own age bracket – a common suggestion is to stick to your own age group. “Hook up with others in the same age group, who aren’t Instagram models,” shared one responder. This tip emphasizes managing expectations and finding people who are on the same page. Chasing after younger, social media-influenced types can lead to frustration. Instead, connecting with those who share similar experiences can lead to more fulfilling encounters.
  • Be a top who can host (and physically fit) – being a top with the ability to host is another major asset. “Be a top who can host in a central-ish location. Facial hair helps; young guys like that. Put out an aura of emotionally safe but physically dangerous,” suggests another gay man. The ability to provide a safe, welcoming environment to hookup or socialize while also maintaining an edge of excitement is key to keeping the hookups coming.
  • Having good hygiene and initiative – cleanliness and effort go a long way, regardless of age. “Be friendly, take initiative, good body hygiene, good teeth hygiene, wear good perfume, clean clothes, and keep your body in shape—pretty basic things for any man, not just gays,” said one contributor. This advice stresses the importance of taking care of yourself physically and mentally while also being proactive in making meeting other gay men and creating connections.
  • Know when it’s time to move on – for some, hookups are a temporary phase. “I was like u literally, lol. Now, I’m out of my hoe phase and married 🙂 Hoeing is fun for a while then it gets boring,” one user confessed. The takeaway? Enjoy hookups for what they are, but recognize when it’s time to move on if you’re feeling ready for something more stable.
  • Tops have an advantage – even for those younger than 40, being a top seems to give an edge. “Not 40+ here but I’m guessing being a top helps a lot lol,” another user speculated. So, if you identify as a top, that may already give you a leg up in keeping things active.

So, 40+ Adam4Adam readers, what’s your secret to getting regular hookups? Share your experiences below and let others in on your tips.

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