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Hooking up at 40 and beyond might seem like a challenge for some, but for others, it’s as fun as ever. If you’re a regular in the hookup scene, what’s your secret? Apart from, you know, searching for hookups on Adam4Adam.
A gay man over at r/askgaybros asked: “40+yrs gaybros that have regular hookups, what’s your secret?” He added:
I came out in my early/mid 30s and now I’m in my late 30s (grew up hardcore Mormon). I feel like I missed out on my younger hoe phase. Kinda going through hoe phase right now since I lost some weight and got some muscles and better at dressing myself. I’m kind of afraid it’ll be short lived as I get into my 40s+.
Is staying in shape, skin care, and dressing well going to be good enough to keep getting interest from other men as I get into my 40s, 50s, 60s+? Or do you all have good flirting skills? What is it that keeps men coming to you as you age? Thanks!
Some users have shared insights on how they maintain their sex life and connections as they age. Let’s explore what works for many gay men and might work for you too.
- Find gay and bisexual men in your own age bracket – a common suggestion is to stick to your own age group. “Hook up with others in the same age group, who aren’t Instagram models,” shared one responder. This tip emphasizes managing expectations and finding people who are on the same page. Chasing after younger, social media-influenced types can lead to frustration. Instead, connecting with those who share similar experiences can lead to more fulfilling encounters.
- Be a top who can host (and physically fit) – being a top with the ability to host is another major asset. “Be a top who can host in a central-ish location. Facial hair helps; young guys like that. Put out an aura of emotionally safe but physically dangerous,” suggests another gay man. The ability to provide a safe, welcoming environment to hookup or socialize while also maintaining an edge of excitement is key to keeping the hookups coming.
- Having good hygiene and initiative – cleanliness and effort go a long way, regardless of age. “Be friendly, take initiative, good body hygiene, good teeth hygiene, wear good perfume, clean clothes, and keep your body in shape—pretty basic things for any man, not just gays,” said one contributor. This advice stresses the importance of taking care of yourself physically and mentally while also being proactive in making meeting other gay men and creating connections.
- Know when it’s time to move on – for some, hookups are a temporary phase. “I was like u literally, lol. Now, I’m out of my hoe phase and married 🙂 Hoeing is fun for a while then it gets boring,” one user confessed. The takeaway? Enjoy hookups for what they are, but recognize when it’s time to move on if you’re feeling ready for something more stable.
- Tops have an advantage – even for those younger than 40, being a top seems to give an edge. “Not 40+ here but I’m guessing being a top helps a lot lol,” another user speculated. So, if you identify as a top, that may already give you a leg up in keeping things active.
So, 40+ Adam4Adam readers, what’s your secret to getting regular hookups? Share your experiences below and let others in on your tips.
Thanks to a4a, I met some fantastic guys on this site. Guys that I love as if we were brothers. I don’t hook up with additional guys any more because I have fuck buddies I met on here that satisfy my every need.
Same for me. Have FWBs I been playing with for years. Met them here and one other site I use.
We indeed have that in common my friend. One of my friends i met on here go on vacations with me. We’re the same age and have so much in common.
I’m 61, and I totally agree with you Matt I have several “friends” on A4A that I meet on occasion. Some of them even know each other off A4A as well. Each has his own needs and likes and dislikes and so plenty of variety both in physical attributes and sexual skills. It did take several years to create this pool of guys but it’s been worth it and just about anytime I am horny I can get someone for some fun, but sulky they are contacting me first. Also work on your skills guys! I’ve been told by most… Read more »
I’m a bi married top with a bi wife and both just turned 61. I’m fit and well-hung and host so I have little trouble finding willing bottoms. Being half of a bisexual married couple is certainly no disadvantage!
You had me at well hung!
what state and town are you in? TEXT me to talk: 516 300 2468
I’m north of Houston in The Woodlands and I host at my place.
Wow, fantastic, I knew, this sort of relationship could work; love, respect, openness, honesty=safety and happiness.
When someone finds out, let me know.
YEah… me too! Seems what I attract are twinks looking for a sugar daddy!
Nothing wrong with that, necessarily…
I’ll be 66 soon and I get offers everyday. There are men out there who enjoy sucking me off.
Agreed! But I need reciprocity
I started years ago sticking to guys 7 or so years younger or older than me. Or with guys with profiles seeking my age. Did well with that. I’m open to guys who are 25 and older (no wish to find out a young man” is a teen or a cop). I get hit up on regularly on A4A by guys of all ages. Most of them are 100s to 1000s of miles away or have “lazy” profiles that tell nothing about what they are seeking or, more importantly, what they have to offer. Many, if they do seem worth… Read more »
just tell everyone that you are 39!
And how long do you do plan to lie? For the the last 40 years of your life?
and how long do you expect to live?
How is this question relevant to anything I said above?
You must be fun at parties. If ball gagged anyway
You’re not fooling anyone by calling yourself “Master.”
shut up bitch
Manage your expectations, know your limits (including your time), don’t take anything too seriously here, and tell the truth since lying about yourself csn get a door slammed in your face. This should be fun and you won’t stop liars from lying, flakes from flaking and assholes from asshoiling.
As a young 25 year old guy here, my advice to the older guys to learn to take and handle rejection. Some older guys had cursed me out or even sent threatening messages in my inbox simply because I wasn’t interested which isn’t a good look on their part. I personally love older guys if I feel safe and attracted towards them, but other younger guys may be attracted for different reasons or have none at all. It’s different strokes for every folks. If that person isn’t attracted or interested, don’t feel discouraged and lash out for you just well… Read more »
I don’t get why guys have to get rude and send threatening messages. I will also say that guys need to learn how to respond politely. Some just ghost, some block, and others say the meanest shit. A simple I’m flattered but not interested goes a long ways.
I agree. I if more people were more kindhearted towards each other even when one isn’t interested in the other, every dating/hook up sites would be less toxic and more user-friendly. Maybe even draw more people to dating sites to meet people without feeling in danger or having their feelings hurt in the process for simply having preferences.
A bit of homophobia there, young man? I agree with the first half of your post re just move on when the other person is not interested, and no reason to send nasty or inappropriate emails. You lost me on “masculine” and “straight-acting.” Masculinity is a spectrum and what you define as “masculine” may not be the same as everyone else. Why anyone would want to be “straight-acting” has always baffled me. But then, if your measure of attraction has to do with “straight-acting” or “straight-appearing,” that says more about the person who uses such terminology, i.e., “I’m gay but… Read more »
Gay doesn’t have to mean fruity and flamboyant. I also find that to be an extreme turn off, as men should be men. If I can close my eyes, and picture a woman when a guy speaks, that is a turn-off.
Nicely said Impuppable. I appreciate you clarifying the matter ❤
Gay also doesn’t have to mean straight acting. But some ignortant gay men seem to equate straight acting with masculinity, which is silly.
I’m gay, yes I’m straight acting, meaning that I still act like what I am…a man. As far as masculinity in general, the media and society have “their versions” of what they define masculinity and then there’s the actual definition of masculinity truly means. And the latter is what I’m going to live by. I don’t let people’s opinions define me, I let creation AKA mother nature define me. As far as “internalize homophobia” goes, that would be true if I was hiding behind a woman while sleeping with men on the side while lying to her and the people… Read more »
it seems you showed your card a little …..”i love acting…” maybe that was just a little boo-boo…?
Ahh. The benign definition of a “man.” Since you’ve bought into that ideolgy, an education on maleness, masculinity, sex, and gender would be useless. So, I’ll skip that and move to a general topic. Flamboyancy and effeminacy. As top, I don’t care about someone’s outward appearance of “masculinity.” Why? I attract men, from all perceived scales of masculinity, who want nothing more than to be a bitch behind closed doors. The definition of a “bitch” various but the bottom (thank god) doesn’t illicit those fake, deep-voiced grunts you see in those awful, staged videos. He wants nothing more than to… Read more »
Who said I even wanted to be straight…besides you? And I do believe when I first posted you, I clearly stated I was gay and I don’t think I could make that any clearer. And sexual roles and sex in general has nothing to do with you calling me homophobic for everyone has a preference in who they like to rockin roll in the bedroom with, so if that’s your thing then that’s your thing. Like I said before, if I was doing what I’ve previously mentioned, yeah I would be homophobic, which I’ve never done and never will for… Read more »
Yes, we can agree to disagee. That’s fine with me. 🙂
masculine-“acting” = someone drinking from the shame chalice
homophobia? any more woke terms? how about not everyone wants a prancing sissy? just because you will fuck anything that bends over behind a dumpster doesn’t mean everyone does
Oh, fuck off.
Yeh. That response meets blog Rules l.
Everyone take note. This comment is the very definition of people should avoid. I just love when people prove my point. But I would definitely be fucking tonight so I’m taking the advice nonetheless lol.
Queeny, know-nothing boy-twat say what?
I’m coming in late in the game here, having read Silva’s original comments that got the others going, and so forth. I’m over 60, have my share of hookups, some FWBs, and I’m BiMM deeply in the closet. I can recall a couple of unfortunate run-ins with overly effeminate gay guys that led me to, thereafter, want to play only with those who are straight (by nature or “acting” – I don’t care which) and are not effeminate, card-carrying members of the gay community. One was gorgeous and we had great sex twice. He was rather effeminate but that didn’t… Read more »
What city and state are you? You sound hot
Age has nothing to do with handling rejection and being rude. Guys of all ages have come up short for me on A4A in both areas since I joined over a decade ago.
The first thing we could stop doing is pretending like we automatically become unattractive to other gay men at the age of 40.
It’s heteronormative to assume you can’t get laid after 40. This is a click-bait article.
Tell that to the age-phobic 20somethings…
money talks Boomer. A hot, tight 20 something only wants your money, not your sharp (t)wit or ‘experience’. That sagging belly and shriveled up circumcision doesn’t work either. It’s money, Morey
Is that anti-semitic enough for you?
LOOK GOOD………..
STAY MUSCULAR………..
HAVING A BIG DICK………..
THE MEN COME…………….
Practical wisdom for the ages.
What does 40 have to do with anything?
Unless you’re somewhat less thinking you’re just too good for guys somewhat more.
Silly sissies trying to explain to themselves why they aren’t getting any. David Geffen has no trouble getting tricks. Broke is a joke at any age. I’d rather spend time with a 40 year old professional than a 20 something barista with dreams of being a star. Silly and stupid get boring real quick
Are you kidding? Geffen just hires them, he’s a billionaire.
Isn’t that what I wrote? Reading comprehension was not your strong suit.
From what I can observe…it’s a numbers game. Think of it like fly fishing. You’ve got keep casting that line and eventually something will nibble. This also means developing a tough skin when it comes to rejection. This thankfully is something that men over 40 have an easier time with because they don’t take things so personally. Also treat your tricks well and try to cultivate a coterie of fuck buddies. I understand the drive to find something or someone new but sometimes a reliable quality hook up with someone you know works for you is just right for scratching… Read more »
I’ve met on here, a few decent men that I can hook-up with occasionally; from other towns though, unfortunately.
I provide oral to black men and have no issues finding cock.
Well being a bubble butt bottom living were I live it’s just hard to find someone my age or someone that is closer to me most guys are a hour from me or more I am 46 and not knowing who is gay at my age and who isn’t gay
I am 70+ and I never have a problem. I could get laid every day. I am not hunky, but HWP, not hung, but not small either. I have a regular FB so I do not need to ‘look. But, like my FB. we need to expand our experience. I am happy to meet new people, I make it clear that sex is not necessary. And I always have a filled calendar.
An in shape 70 yo, single div bisexual. I’ve found it’s important to go for what I want, but be willing to accept less than 100%. I’ve got 2 fbs. One’s a straight family guy, with an insatiable hunger, & the other a partnered guy (no sex w partner) who’s a great kisser, & all around passionate in bed.
I’d love to have a fb I could hang out with & go to dinner, but neither of these guys can. Tho maybe it’s that the relationship is confined to sex only, that makes the sex so hot.
I’m 42 and still get hookup offers, but I don’t have any interest in hookups. The problem I am having at this age is finding someone who wants to date and pursue a relationship.
45 here, 40 and up please.
It’s just tough to find someone my age were I live it’s just tough because everybody I talk to is always a hour or two away from me and most people aren’t single 46 is just a tough age to find someone
The comments never fail to disappoint. Going down the page they get nastier, bitchier and devolve into personal attacks on strangers. Can’t wait for the next blog!
Maybe there should be a survey on discreet tops and discreet bottoms letting each other know what to look for when trying to figure out if a person is closed/DL, signs/hints/ do something that mite make me thing you are a discreet top,, like something only a bottom would notice, if that makes sense
Just don’t understand why there’s negativism toward guys who don’t parade their sexuality out in public. A guy is totally within his rights to keep his sexuality private or to make it public. Yet, the disrespectful terms of “closeted” or “on the down low” are thrown about with no regard for the divisiveness and hate they promote.
You say 40 as if that is somehow a problem? Try 60, 70. I see 40-year-old men online all the time. Most of them are “in relationships” yet they are out there cruising, that is what is sad. Plenty of young men want mature men. Most 40somethings are not actually mature at all. 20somethings are still children. Age is irrelevant.
Says the Chickenhawk
I absolutely prefer older men. They know what they want and know how to fuck. I love an older nice man out of the bed but in the bed, turns aggressive and dominates me. Nothing better than after a session, you feel his cum all over you and you feel like you were forced into every position imaginable. Wore out and wet. I need that more often.