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Will you have sex with a friend, guys? Maybe the more appropriate question is: can you have sex with them without strings attached? We are asking because we always stumble upon these questions, and do friends with benefits (FWB) even work?
Dictionary.com defines FWB as a “friend someone occasionally has casual sex with.” Except that in this kind of relationship, there is no commitment and definitely, there’s no romantic involvement between the two parties.
And some gay men on Reddit say yes, it works, like for this guy who said that he’s “had a lot of friends with benefits over the years.” But will it work for others? He said he’s not certain because this kind of relationship requires “some flexibility, open-mindedness, and maturity.” Another guy, on the other hand, said, “One person usually gets attached and the other doesn’t. It’s just a matter of time.”
But what do experts say?
Studies have shown that it does work, but like everything else in this life, you’ve got to make an effort to make it so. The two of you need to talk and set boundaries, to learn to compartmentalize, and recognize that like all the other kinds of relationships out there, communication is the key. You need to talk about using protection, define expectations, and if you caught feelings for your FWB? Then you will have to tell him because honesty is always the best policy. And if the other party wants to stop because they found someone else and they want to be in a relationship with that person, then you will have to let him go and move on because that’s what you signed up for.
More importantly, if you are someone who has a tendency to be jealous or if you like the other person, then you might not be cut out for this, according to dating coach Dave Stultz of The Fearless Man. He explained, “FWB relationships are interdependent style relationships so … you must respect the other person’s decisions and lifestyle.” Stultz added, “This person is not your girlfriend or boyfriend, so you have no say in what they do and who they do it with.” Read more here and here.
What about you, guys, have you ever had a friends with benefits relationship with someone else? How did it go for you? If not yet, will you enter into a friends with benefits set up? Why or why not? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below!
A Friend-With-Benefits-
is, actually, another bit of nomenclature for a “repeating trick? Sort of…it’s there if you want it?
I’m in a relationship that started out as a, FELWB situation but, I went a fell in love with the guy. Lucky enough though, he feel in love with me! I know from, how wrapped I have him. We kept on with an open relationship but, we tend to gang up on a third though? The key is, I think, to have communication.
That’s awesome! Lucky you both headed in that direction. Even if an FWB doesn’t move to something LTR, that’s not a failure of “really last”. People grow. People change. People move geographically due to personal situations. That can happen in any kind if relationship, even monogamy. What’s important is the bonds created along the way.
There’s a bonus. Guys you know well and who know you when it comes to sexual fun. You know them, too, when it comes to family, work, sports, politics etc. for discussion. There’s chemistry, a connection. Not in a monogamous way, of course. A middle ground.
A FWB is anything but a “trick”. A “trick” is what you pick up in as cheap date in a gay bar.
jim-markus02:
In the classic sense, you are correct. I was being more general ..perhaps, I should have written, a “repeating trick” or an “on-going trick”?
Remember: We all start out as a trick and then, if we are lucky, we stop being a trick and we become a boyfriend!
I’m think it’s possible. For me, I have a “fwb” of a long-distance situation, we see each other about 6 times a year; his mother lives about 40mi. from me, but what happens when one of you starts to see and build a relationship with someone else? A bit difficult.
Yes! As a closeted bi-married seeking gay sex, it’s obviously not easy finding guys or the time or place to mess around. But after over 20 years of bouncing from guy to guy, I finally found one – also bi-married-discreet – and we’ve been going strong for the past 3 years.
I am actually in a FWB relationship, we are both single and discreet and it works really well for both of us. We also agreed to NOT have any other guys on the side. So far it’s been great, we do hang out and do other things together as well. We meet regularly like once a week. I think we are both lucky to have found each other !
FWB has worked for me several times. It started with hook up sex and would continue on a somewhat regular basis. When we entered one another’s places, the clothes came off and we did whatever we were there for. Maybe some chat afterwards when resting in one another’s embrace. Then clothes on and out the door. Communication would continue on Adam for Adam or via text to arrange a next encounter. I miss them.
Why wouldn’t it? I’m there for sex, nothing else. The more I know about a guy the more uncomfortable the sex becomes. Talking just kills the mood for me.
all due respect, you’re not remotely into a FWB situation, you are selfish in wanting a sexual only relationship. My FWB for over 20 years is a great friendship.
All due respect jim, if his friends also want “sex only”, those are the terms that they as friends have. The relationship works … for them.
And more all due respect to everyone – I agree with Jock & Overt. We all have our wants, desires, “into’s” etc. I hunt for other male bodies to pleasure myself with, as do many others. Be safe, be hot and be available = that’s my idea of a FWB.
That would be a fuck buddy, not FWB.
I believe this kind of relationship can work only if there’s communication, safe sex, PreP, and up-front understanding. I think it only works if both parties are looking for the same thing. With that said, it can only last as long as both parties are on the same page with no expectations. If that changes, then both parties might have to adjust what’s in their best interest for that kind of relationship to continue. I’ll tell you if it was me in this kind of relationship, it wouldn’t last too long because I know I would want exclusivity at some… Read more »
Having been in a committed relationship of 10 years and spent the next 20 years with FWB I have personally experienced really lasting relationships and deep friendships with FWB. I think every person will have a different experience unique to themselves.
FWB’s can always work.
Yes it can work as described in this article. Maturity and boundaries. My FWB situation began with a craigslist hookup in 2008. It lasted 11 years as a FWB situation. He had a female roommate but loved cock and cum. It was a great situation for those 11 years. We would meet every other month, have dinner and drinks, chat about life in general and of course engage in sexual activity each time. The encounters would last 2-3 hours each meeting. Then one day i received an email letting me know that he was going to try to be 100%… Read more »
Yes They can/do work as long as you are clear about communication and your personal feelings. They can also help you work on areas where you are weak/unexperienced in maintaining romantic/interpersonal relationships without the pressure of actually being in a full on romantic relationship
yes it works after all It’s just about the sex 4 me nothing more or less
Hell yeah I had multiple fwb in college and still have about 3 right now. It’s like any other friendship for the most part except we go fuck the life out of each other too it makes it even better. Instead of betting your friend $10 bucks for something u bet them a raw pounding it definitely makes it so much more fun even if you win or loose.
Why not? With clear understandings benefits is just an extension of fun and good times with someone that means much more than an emotionless hookup.
Regardless of the negative/skeptical tone of the question, FWB relationships work.
I have several FWB buds. Most close to a decade. I’m not a monogamous guy. They aren’t either. But we also aren’t guys who are into hookups only.
There are many types of relationships. It’s a matter of knowing what you want and communicating it. And yes with all things human, especially man, things can change along the way.
Had a fwb for 15 years.came over an average of 3 times a week tapping my booty at least twice a visit
When I was single, I had 2 – 3 FWB at any given time. It was great! We could hang out 1 on 1 or all of us together for group sex or gangbangs. No commitments. For me, it was exactly what I was looking for until I met my partner. Now we have a couple of friends that we play with together as a couple whenever we want. We have found that younger guys can’t seem to handle the “friends with benefits” thing or get squirrely about it. We’ve never had that issue with guys our age or older
Tony, i know two younger guys that say the same; their peers are flakey. That’s why they seek FWBs with older guys. Not for Sugar Daddies either. Just for friendship and sex. Both have also admitted the sexual experience and patience/attentiveness older guys bring has made their toes curl and made them howl.
I’m a married (MF) to a bi woman and have the pleasure of a small circle of married, closeted bi men that I enjoy as FWB’s when they have time so I can attest that it can work if everyone involved wants it to!
if you are that shallow, Their can be so much moor to a relationship
Wow, that’s really going out of your way to try and take an intelligent, civil, and complicated discussion and turn it into common Fecebook fodder or drag it down to your pay scale.
I dont think of a “FWB” as a “Relationship” but more of just what it actually is….. that being a sincere FRIEND with similar interests and desires. A “FWB” doesn’t have to be about sex at all but it is nice when that too is a shared interest.
As a gay single man I enjoy sex immensely. Over the years I have been involved in a lot of FWB situations. I find that sex with them is more enjoyable — you know what they like, they know what you like — everyone is happy. Most of these guys are married to women or in sexless relationships. It’s important to know the boundaries and limitations (they will never leave their partner) upfront but I have to say, the sex only gets better with FWB with age! And it’s a great release for everyone involved.
in my open relationship with my husband and his lover, it works for the 3 of us. .we have also added another couple to join our open minded relationship.. but you are right no room for jealous behavior i am the older man, they are in their mid 30s moving into early 40s.. i pinch my self daily that i have 4 younger {37} year old guys, in a relationship with me. we have had our bumps in the road, good time and bad times like all couples have. .but over time it all fall’s into place and we are… Read more »
I have a couple of FWBs, two men who were partnered and happened to live about 4 miles from me. We’ve played separately and together and all of that worked well for us. I was just over 50 when it began and both of them in their 40’s and now, about 14 years later still get together though more as couples than all at one time. Fortunately there have been no jealousy issues, all of us either not having had that problem or have gotten past it by the time we met. It helps that we know that we’re not… Read more »
I think if its going on for more than six months pretty heavy its not just FWB. My dude and I did two years non committed, then we split. I realized years later we loved each other, but couldn’t be together. Unless the other person is a sex addict though, if its repeated sex and time together there is chemistry somewhere and maybe something yet to be discovered….
There are a vast variety of FWB relationships. I’ve been in some where it was just sex from beginning to end every time we met. I’ve been in ones where there was some casual talk about how life is treating us. And others where there was a very close connection and we knew lots about each other and even became best friends but neither of us wanted to make a commitment of exclusively. I am sure there are many more variations that I have not experienced. I would say FWB relationships and have lots of different variations. And I’m sure… Read more »
Fwb
Yes fwbs work as long as all parties understand that is the plan. I have long term committed FWBs there is no misunderstanding about a relationship and encourage each others private play. Like in a relationship secrets come out and hurt someone.