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Relationships are full of little tests, but few feel as tricky as this one: your boyfriend still talks to his ex. For some, it’s no big deal—just a reminder that adults can stay friends after breaking up. For others, it’s a flashing red flag that stirs jealousy, insecurity, or even suspicion. So, is it a problem or not? Let’s unpack it together.
For starters, why might it be okay? Some relationships don’t end in disaster—they just fade because of timing, distance, or different goals. In those cases, staying friendly can feel natural, especially if they’ve known each other for years. Maybe they share mutual friends, work in the same industry, or were once each other’s biggest supporters. Completely cutting off contact isn’t always realistic. And honestly, some exes make great friends—who else knows your boyfriend’s quirks and history as well as someone who loved him before?
On the other hand, not everyone is comfortable with that arrangement. Talking to an ex-boyfriend can raise questions about boundaries. Is the communication casual or constant? Is it respectful to the current relationship, or does it cross lines? For some gay men, hearing that their partner still texts or hangs out with an ex can feel like emotional baggage coming along for the ride. Even if nothing shady is happening, the very fact that it could leads to tension.
Another angle: motivation. Why is your boyfriend talking to his ex? Is it because they’re genuine friends or because he’s not fully over the relationship? If conversations are secretive, late at night, or flirtatious, it’s not hard to see why you’d feel uneasy. But if it’s transparent, respectful, and occasional, maybe it’s no different than any other friendship.
The truth is, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Some couples thrive because both partners are secure and trust each other, even with exes in the picture. However, others need firmer boundaries to feel safe and valued. What matters most is open communication: Have you told him how it makes you feel? Has he explained why he stays in touch?
More importantly, what if your boyfriend is bisexual and his ex happens to be a girl—would that change the way you feel about him or the relationship? For some gay men, knowing that their partner has dated women in the past can stir up insecurities or raise questions about whether he’s “fully into men,” while others may see it as no different than dating someone who’s had any kind of past relationship. At the end of the day, bisexuality doesn’t make your boyfriend any less committed or attracted to you, but it may require honest conversations, understanding, and a willingness to confront any lingering biases or doubts. The real question isn’t about his past partner’s gender but about the trust, connection, and respect you share now.
Having said all that, Adam4Adam blog readers, where do you stand? Would you be fine with your boyfriend chatting with his ex, or would that be a dealbreaker? Do you think it’s a sign of maturity to keep exes as friends, or do you see it as unnecessary drama waiting to happen? Drop a comment down below and let us know how you would handle it.
All partners come with histories.
Some of that will include ex’s who are long and permanently gone, geographically or mentally.
Some will include partners that are still present geographically or mentally.
If your partner hasn’t lied to you, stolen from you, broken a promise you two had made when defining your relationship, etc., and you have insecurities about the relationship … there’s only one problem.
You. You should not be in the relationship. You’re a drama trainwreck waiting to happen.
WHY can’t people be sociable with their exes? I’ve never understood the idea of completely eliminating them from your life.
I agree with Hunter0500. Partners may may break up for many reasons, but there may be children involved So yes, there are valid reasons for talking to an ex, to talk about doctor visits, homework, music lessons, the school play, and sports schedules, and all kinds of things around shared custody Or there may be shared assets, like a house, car, bank accounts, that still need to be resolved. So if you cannot handle your man taking responsibility for these things, then the problem is you, and not your man, or his ex Moreover, the original premise of the story,… Read more »
I sent you my comment. You treated it as spam, and deleted it
Why should I write again?
yo, ’ember talk ‘s cheap! house calls are ‘nother thang!
Off the subject, but What’s with the “yo” all the time?