Dating: Would You Date Asian Men?

(Photo Credits: AJR_photo from Shutterstock)

“I would never date an Asian.” That sentence stings—yet it’s not uncommon.

In an online gay forum, a gaysian man recently asked a hard-hitting question: “Why do so many of you outright refuse to date Asians?” He added:

“Yes, everybody is allowed to have a preference, but I feel like I’m nobody’s preference.

I’ve seen guys on this sub say they like Latinos because they’re family-oriented and settle down, but so do Asians. Where’s the love for us?

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I try to look nice, have confidence, go to the gym, etc. I really feel like I’m gonna die alone.”

The post struck a chord. Hundreds responded, many defensively, others sympathetically, but most echoed a complicated truth: race and dating are tangled in ways that can’t be dismissed as “just a preference.”

One of the most common replies came with a twist: “Well, most Asians only want to date white men, thus contributing to the very same dynamic you evoke.” While the comment attempts to flip the conversation, it reinforces the idea that systemic preferences cut both ways. Internalized racism exists, yes, but blaming Asians for their own exclusion is like faulting someone for trying to survive a system that erases them.

Another user called out the original poster’s (OP) pattern: “Go look at poster’s account posts. All inflammatory or questions to groups where the question is going to rile everyone up to leave comments in general mass.”

In addition, some commenters tried to speak from experience: “My experience with some Asian guys is that they are quite classist and have super high standards—makes it difficult to date them.” That sentiment isn’t exclusive to Asians. Gay dating culture as a whole can be status-obsessed, where having the right body, career, or car determines your value. But when that critique is applied disproportionately to one group, it’s worth asking: is it really about class, or are we grasping for excuses to justify exclusion?

Anyway, there were lighter voices, too, ones that offered a refreshing perspective: “I like them if they like me. How easy is that?” That simple response cuts through the noise. Real connection doesn’t need to be filtered through race. It’s attraction, chemistry, and mutual respect.

Others reminded the poster to reframe the issue: “You really don’t have to worry about people who don’t want to date you lol.” While that might sound dismissive, it’s actually empowering. Not everyone deserves your energy. Spend time with those who see your worth.

Interestingly, another white guy shared: “I’ve dated Asian men and almost married a Chinese guy and I’m white/American if that matters. I will say Asian guys in my experience cared about socioeconomic status quite a bit.” Again, the class conversation resurfaces, but it’s essential to see these experiences as individual—not as blanket truths.

Then, there was a fiery take: “Who’s the ‘many of you’? ‘You’ meaning white men? Latino here and most of the other guys I’ve dated have been Filipino American or Korean American. Send me all the dakgalbi and adobo my way, man.” This answer flips the usual narrative. It also shows that desire and the best connections he’s had were with Asian men. The food. The culture. The vibe.

And then comes the comment that sparked deeper thought: “Racial preference is just racism rebranded. It’s a convenient term people use to mask their bias. You can’t explain why you find an entire race ‘unattractive’ without leaning into racist stereotypes. It doesn’t hold up under scrutiny.” Harsh? Maybe. But brutally honest. How often do we excuse bias behind the word “preference” instead of confronting what shaped those preferences in the first place?

Meanwhile, not all responses were defensive or critical. Some were downright sweet: “I love Asians so much I married one.” Another said, “I only date Asian. Don’t know what you mean. Been that way almost twenty years.” These voices exist too—and they prove that desire isn’t monolithic.

So where does that leave us?

Somewhere between hope and hurt.

To our Asian blog readers on Adam4Adam: how do you navigate dating in a world where you’re often ignored, objectified, or fetishized? Have you experienced rejection that felt more racial than personal? And how have you handled it?

To our non-Asian readers: Would you date Asian men? And if not—why? Have you ever reflected on where your preferences come from? Are they really preferences, or are they patterns shaped by media, porn, and societal ideals?

Having said all that, we get it—everyone’s allowed a type. But when large swaths of people are constantly excluded, it’s worth looking deeper. Maybe your type is actually your bias. Maybe opening yourself to new connections isn’t just politically correct—it’s emotionally liberating.

Love doesn’t have to look a certain way.