(Photo Credits: Monkey Business Images from Shutterstock)
What does it mean when a man who always thought he was straight suddenly finds himself aroused by a male friend? Is it a fluke, a suppressed truth, or simply a new realization? Such is the case of this guy who took to the internet to ask the question that’s been consuming him: “Am I bisexual? Something happened and now I can’t stop thinking about it.” His story sparked a conversation that many others could relate to — and maybe you will, too.
The man added: “So… I always thought I was straight. Like, 100% straight. Never really questioned it seriously. I’ve had crushes on girls, been with a couple, watched straight porn, all the usual. The idea of being into guys was always something that felt ‘not me.’ Until a few days ago.”
He shared that a close male friend of four years had always been just that—a friend. They gamed, joked, hung out. Nothing ever sparked interest beyond that. But something changed during a recent hangout. He further shared, “I caught myself looking at him in a way I hadn’t before. I don’t even know what triggered it… but all of a sudden, I felt something. Like, actual arousal. My dick got hard. I tried to ignore it… but it didn’t go away.” That physical reaction confused him deeply. Later that night, he couldn’t stop thinking about the moment—or his friend. “I literally had to jerk off just to get it out of my system. And while doing it — I wasn’t even thinking about girls. I was thinking about him. That’s never happened before.”
He then asked, “WTF does this mean?” The man didn’t label himself as gay and still felt attraction to women. He wasn’t panicking or ashamed, but genuinely curious. “I’m not scared of the label or anything, I just genuinely want to understand myself better.”
In the comments section, gay men and bisexual men alike offered their takes — some funny, some deeply reflective. One guy for example, cut straight to the chase: “Did you feel straight before? It’s not like being gay has a feeling; it’s just getting a boner when you look at dudes.”
Sometimes, our bodies reveal truths before our brains catch up. That seems to be a recurring theme in stories like these.
Others approached the moment with humor and relatability. “I used to joke with my friends about how gay I was feeling, usually around 20% when sober, more like 60% when drunk,” one man shared. In a more serious note, he added: “For me, when I first admitted I was bi, I was really only interested in men for sex only, not romantically, but as time has moved on, I am more open to all experiences.
I used to justify the attraction to guys as being so horny that I’ll take anything, but that was probably just internalized homophobia”
Another respondent didn’t mince words: “It sounds like you’re bi. Just go with your heart and do what makes you happy.” For many, the label isn’t the priority — happiness and authenticity are.
Then there was a more nuanced possibility: “Might be a bit of demisexual going on. That’s when a person isn’t interested in sex unless there is already an existing relationship or strong bond between the two people.” This perspective could explain why the arousal seemed to come out of nowhere — but was perhaps always there, waiting for the right connection.
One particularly moving comment came from someone who had gone through something strikingly similar. He said, “I had very much repressed my attraction to men until I fell in love with my best friend. One night, we got stoned together, and it hit me that I wanted him. Looking back, I realized there had been other clues.” Sometimes, it takes a singular, emotional moment to shake loose years of hidden truth.
And then there are those who remind us to zoom out and breathe:
“Sexuality is a spectrum. The stars aligned and you encountered a guy who turned you on. No need to label it. Explore if you want to. Sex feels good — does it matter who it’s with?”
In other words, the need to define and categorize ourselves might not be as important as we think — especially if the experience brings joy and clarity.
Having said all that, what do you think, Adam4Adam blog readers? Have you ever had a moment that made you question your sexuality? Have you experienced a shift in attraction that surprised you? How did you figure it out — or are you still figuring it out?
Moreover, is this kind of experience common? Do you believe labels help or hinder sexual self-understanding? And does one moment define a person’s sexual orientation — or open the door to discovering more? Share with us your thoughts in the comments section below! We want to hear your stories.
So growing up in a very strict Church… I thought I was straight until about aged 16. I had my first real relationship with a male classmate in 11th grade, Up until then, I thought I liked only females. A few years later at about 21 I labeled myself gay… I only had relation with men. But years later now age 40. I consider myself pan. I realized I’m attracted to a host of gender identities. I think sexuality is a spectrum, it took my literally decades to finally be comfortable with what my true spectrum is.
Been puzzled about the term “pan” and finally did some research. Lets start with the much older term, “Bisexual”. It meant someone (male or female) who is sexually attracted to both males and females. Simple enough. But let’s move forward a few decades where nothing is simple. If I have it right (and I’m open for opinions), “Pan” means being attracted to individuals whose gender (physically speaking, how they came from God’s factory body-wise) is male or female but who may identify their sexuality as female, male, or neither. Pan individuals can be attracted to and may have sex with… Read more »
Someone with no standards at all.
Never Str8 and never WANTED or pretended to be Str8!!! Gold Star all the way ~~~
This question is something I’ve battled with since college days, when I had the opportunity to explore sexuality in a more open way. Women are my primary preference and I’ve never been so homophobic that I can’t acknowledge another man as attractive. My first same-sex encounter was awkward and clumsy…amounting to a shared hand-job. He’s a friend, I know him well, and trust between us is absolute. That made it work for me. I found it exciting as hell to handle another dude’s junk and witness the raw power of getting a man to orgasm. I was hooked on the… Read more »
Amen….As I said in my post, enough with the labels.
an excerpt from the “Diary of a Mad Housewife”?
I’m 65 now and have been happily married to my wife for nearly 40 years. For the first 13 years of my life, I was 100% totally straight. The idea of sex between men literally appalled me. Puberty changed that – albeit gradually. First the glances in the locker room, then the arousal, then the lust for dick. But that entire evolution was solely on the sexual side of me and not at all on the social side. Fast forward to the present: I’ve had sex with well over 200 different partners – all male. I haven’t made love to… Read more »
Sounds so much like me
Me too
Me too!!!
My wife and I still have sex, and I’m the straightest guy my family knows, I keep this side of me on the DL , I have a man that I play and lay with in my me time, I try my best to protect her and myself, it’s not all the time, but I really enjoy being a bottom for other men
Continue to be the best version of you and “enjoy it a little too much”.
Your story mirrors my life and I fully agree with your thoughts ….so much of what brings people to this path is the apparent need to label aspects of sexuality. The broad spectrum between “straight” to “gay” is well documented…very few people are strictly “straight” or strictly “gay”. Somewhere in that spectrum is “bisexuality”. Why label all of this? Pigeon-holing one’s sexuality in this manner can only lead to confusion, frustration, and the potential for serious mental health issues. Why not just say I am “MSM”…I’m a man who has sex with man and stop tying consequences to invented labels… Read more »
I don’t have a positive or negative reaction to your post other than…Whoa, that’s heavy!
That’s a mouthful, but I believe you’re spot-on
Sounds like my story. I was a player in my teens and 20’s..hooking up with different women and never thinking about men. Sometime in my 30’s I was online and for some reason started looking at gay male porn and got aroused. This led to me cruising the local park to get my cock sucked, which led me to fucking guys and then I found I liked sucking cock and getting my ass plowed. I have had many encounters since then.
Yes, very similar. Only real diffs are that I started at 18 and I cruised in Times Sq. adult bookstore booths instead of parks (though I have done it in parks on two occasions years ago).
Ever visit the Ramble in Central Park?
I was a Queens boy and used to hit Forest Park.
Moved to Long Island and then discovered the Park N Rides
I’m not breaking your balls, I’m being honest. BTDT….It wasn’t “for some reason” you checked out gay porn, it’s what you were interested in, probably all along without realizing it, and you simply got around to acting on it.
I used to watch straight porn on a regular basis and then one day realized that I was looking at the guys, not the gals.
I still watch straight porn nowadays days with my wife and or other women, and I’m focused on the guys and their dicks, but when I’m alone I enjoy watching gay porn , I enjoy watching guys getting fucked and I enjoy looking at big beautiful dicks and the men who’s carrying them,
That is me too living it right now
Hope there’s plenty of room in your boat…. Many of us here need a seat too.
“…suddenly finds himself aroused…” “Until a few days ago.” “I caught myself looking at him in a way I hadn’t before.” “My dick got hard. I tried to ignore it…” After I wiped up the coffee I’d laughed out of my mouth onto my desk, I wanted to thank A4A for the comedy! Seriously? No. The guy even never never ever noticed that he had the remotest slightest attraction to men??. Never “found himself” taking sneak peeks? And then finally reality with another guy in the post: “I had very much repressed my attraction to men until I fell in… Read more »
an excerpt from the “Diary of a Mad Housewife”?
When I had my first guy to guy experience at age 16 I had a moment of thought like this. I examined my feeling for what we had done and came to the conclusion that I was bisexual and could see no wrong in it. Now, I have been married 38 years to my bi wife and still have the freedom to enjoy men, sometimes with her present and participating. Most of my male lovers are closeted, married bi men whose wives cut off their sex lives. Most had experienced man to man play in the past and reverted back… Read more »
These days almost 100% of my hook-ups are with “straight” married guys. I have several semi-regulars. They’re usually married with kids and don’t consider themselves “Bi”. I’m not big into labels so it doesn’t matter to me. They seek me out when they are horny and just want to get off, with no drama, no questions.
NO STRAIGHT WILL EVER HAVE SEX WITH ANOTHER MAN………
PERIOD……..
NO MATTER WHAT GAY FANTASY BOOKS SAY…….
TRUE! BUT FANTASIES FULFILL WHAT AGE DENIES
“straight” married guys. These are guys who dated women, married one, probably became fathers, and then had sex with only their wives. They may still have sex, unless she has lost interest as many women do. These guys may have become divorced or the wife may have died. The only people who might know these guys have sex with men is their male partners. “straight” married guys choose to reveal their sexuality usually only to male partners, but frequently the wife can be aware. Some family members and friends may as well. “The Community” loathes these guys. Many members calling them… Read more »
In my younger years always thought about sucking a dick, in my older years only thing i do sucking a dick is involved
Um ok… lol
The only thing you need to keep in mind if you figure out the Bi label appropriately fits, disclosure!!
That’s right; you owe it to anyone you are considering, might consider or already have considered having a long term relationship with.
These prospective partners have the right to know you are twice as likely to have extra curricular sex.
Go get ’em Tiger!
I had my first gay experience at 12 loved it me and a friend blew each other didn’t do again till after I got divorced been doing it ever since nobody body has a clue I do it.
Nobody’s business. Keep doing you and enjoy.
I was raised that sex between men was taboo. After my divorce (from a woman) I started watching CD/BI/GAY videos. They turned me on so I decided to act on my feelings and joined a dating site. I met a guy on there and he opened my eyes to bi/gay sex. He was gay but damn it was great fun. I don’t see men as a life partner but I do enjoy being with them physically. I’m very much into both sexes.
Good Lord, can we please stop with the freakin’ labels? Sex between two consulting adults is meant to be enjoyable, without the need for who-what-where-when. If it feels good, do it and do it often, just don’t hurt somebody else in the process.
And just for just, a guy doesn’t wake up one morning and decides he’d like to suck a dick. That feeling’s been there all along. Maybe he just didn’t recognize it.
I’m a 61 year old bi top…I’ve bottomed for some guys and balled both sexes. I’m satisfied with twa twa and bussy in my declining days…If either sex is attractive, intelligent, freaky/sensual AND, last but not least, interested in/attracted to/desiring or consenting to being with me sexually, then, I leave caution to the wind and fuck him/her. So far, neither informed sex objects to my sexual title, so, ‘Nuf said. ☺️
As long as you’re honest with yourself, firstly, otherwise, personally I’m not dealing with it, as a 100% gay man, having an encounter with someone who might be pan-sexual or bi. As long as your single while you and I, mingle.
I’ve always been bi. I just enjoy have sex with men and women. Although I do find sex with men much more passionate, intense, and satisfying.
I was straight but not very good with the social skills, and was curious a bit with the gay porn back in the VHS days, where it was maybe 15% of what I had. Became a Passport Bro to Thailand in 1992. They have bars and massage places for all preferences, though the straight ones are far more numerous. First tried the gay ones and upstairs service in 1996 in my 30s. Was total top in my early years and (get this) the rationale was that I had to use a condom with either gender and was having sensitivity problems… Read more »
I thought I was bi at around 21. Had my first M2M experience an I’m happy that I am gay an no turning back
You couldn’t find a photo of middle-aged men??