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Here at Adam4Adam, we want our users to find themselves in relationships that are fulfilling and make them happy. However, not all relationships work out, and sometimes you need some time to get over heartbreak.
Whether you’re a young guy going through your first real heartbreak or someone whose current breakup is hitting them really hard, here are 10 tips we hope can help you get over the pain and move on.
1. Take as long as you want
Everyone has a different schedule when it comes to overcoming grief, and you shouldn’t be forced to move on if you know in your heart that the time isn’t right. If you think you still need more time to grieve your relationship, then by all means, do so.
2. Let the tears fall
If the relationship that just ended was in any way important to you, then it’s perfectly normal for you to shed a tear or two. It’s a great way to let all the pain out, and you’ll probably feel better afterwards.
3. Find someone to talk to
Once you’re all cried out, you can also reach out to friends and family who you know will understand everything you’re feeling. They don’t even need to give you advice. Sometimes all you need is a sympathetic ear so you can clear your head and your heart.
4. Work out
Sometimes, you can’t work out the tangle of emotions that you’re feeling. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to keep your body occupied so you don’t dwell too much on your feelings. Exercise also has the added benefit of releasing endorphins, which triggers positive feelings in the body.
5. Have casual sex
Speaking about keeping your body busy, very few things can do that like having sex can. If you pick the right person, you’ll end up feeling really good afterwards. However, keep in mind that this doesn’t work for everyone, and in some cases might even be a worse decision to make. Be absolutely sure about your intentions before going out to have casual sex after a breakup.
6. Get a hobby
Keeping your mind occupied is equally as important as keeping your body occupied when getting over a breakup. Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn to play the guitar or learn how to speak another language. There no better time to start than now.
7. Get back in touch with friends
Admit it, when you’re in a relationship you sometimes end up neglecting your friends. Now that the relationship is over, try reaching out to friends you’ve lost contact with because of the relationship. Who knows, they might just be the sympathetic ear you need.
8. Party
Again, this isn’t something that going to work for everybody, so be very sure about your decision before heading out to the clubs. But if you’re sure you’re not going to end up a drunken mess by the end of the night, then go ahead and dance the night away.
9. Conduct a relationship post mortem
If looking back at all that went wrong with your relationship is something you can handle, then by all means, do so. Listing down all the bad things in a relationship can help make you realize that perhaps its better that it didn’t work out. From there, moving on will probably be easier to do.
10. Plan for the future
Now that you’re back on your own, take the time to look at personal goals you may have set aside when you were in a relationship. Look at what you can accomplish and start making plans to do it.
To our Adam4Adam blog readers who’ve also survived tough breakups, what advice can you give to move on? Tell us all about it in the comments section below!
11. Stop being highly emotional. The gift of being a man is to have better emotional control and stability.
12. Look at whether the relationship was enmeshed and codependent then seek therapy as needed.
13. Stop thinking “a gay relationship is like a straight relationship except it is two men”.
14.. Repeat #11
15. Buck up and get the hell beyond it. Don’t lose more than an hour.
This is excellent advise! What really helps me is to embrace that emotional rollercoaster and hope the next guy isn’t like my past…ive been single for like 5 yrs now n im ok with that… 🙂
You’ll have to excuse Matt, he didnt follow step #17 which was “don’t be bitter.”
Sorry Brad, but tell me, which one is “Don’t be bitchy for sport.”
I kinda like that sport
LOL, yeah wow.
Matt adds great points. Here another: 16. Vet your relationships carefully. How often do guys say “I found myself in a relationship with a guy who (insert negative attribute here)”? How often do guys quickly fall into relationships (go exclusive, move in together, etc.) because the pheromones we’re flying instead of taking a couple/few months to get to know the “prince” first? Three of my buds over the years (gay and straight guys) have said to me “whenever I push for a relationship, they’ve ended as train wrecks. I’m just going to stop looking at everyone as potential relationship material… Read more »
We now have fifteen reasons yet not one of them involves forgiving the other person and being friends.
What a stupid article. You are recommending someone goes out and gets trashed at a bar by partying. Yeah, lots of good will come from that. Who writes this poop?
Forgiving as in being codependent?
The best way to get over a man is to get under another
lol
Wow… Matt… you might want to consider counselling yourself. You probably having yet experienced “the one that got away”. You will, boy, you will. And when it happens your “be a man” and “only spend and hour” are not going to be of much comfort. You see real men are taught to have compassion for others, especially others; the sick, the elderly, the young, the less fortunate — and also those who experience hardship, and a breakup in an emotional hardship. To fall is love can be one of the greatest moments of a man’s life, and can also be… Read more »
I actually have a psych PhD and do therapy.
I feel sorry for your clients. Most of your points I disagree with. And I’ve had 4 counselors over a 30 year period. Most of them were great, with good advice. I wish you the best as you evolve as a counselor.
Nathan Suggests the Following if a resolution cannot be found: 1. A Dry Cleaning Bag over the face for proper asphyxiation; 2. A Slashing of-the-wrists while steep in a bath tub of hot water; 3. A rope affixed over-the-head and around-the-neck…tightly drawn; 4. A 110 – 220 power line buried deep within a sponge to be grabbed when steeping into a tub of water; 5. A jar of Applesauce emptied by spoon and then, 60 Nebutals swallowing in progression; 6. A long walk, in a straight line, off The Palisades Cliffs; 7. A Parachute which does not open when jumping… Read more »
Good grief Nathan. That’s some f***ed up word vomit you’re spewing.
MICHAEL:
TOUCHE!
Nathan, you’re more fucked up than Matt. Jesus.
I took a break after my ex and I ended it. I think the break has become my new relationship–it’s been 20 years.
Nothing fixes the breakup blues, as per this article, than indiscriminant sex. Nothing like getting an STD to get over a break up. Yeah, show that tramp ex by getting HIV, Super Clap or a never anal warts. Great idea!
heres some thought guys…the guy u think is a soulful thinker because he doesnt say much..and tries to pass for one of those strong silent types….is really a sociopath…Its not ez to see right away…the turn on for him is manipulation. He has no empathy, is narcisstic, thinks hes superior..the smile he offers is him thinking how stupid u are and how ez u were to manipulate..the main turn on is he uses discretion…its not necessarily sex that he mimicks via porn. He hides behind discretion…so while hes rawgangbanging and manipulating that scenerio discretely….its the facscination of doing it with… Read more »
great eye opener!!!!!!!
Point is guys consider urself lucky….A sociopath tries to make up for his inadequacy and incompetency by manipulation. Thats what turns him on..not necessarily the sex..he hates his life and self loaths himself so he uses nice guys to fill the void via manipulation thru discretion….Exposing them to potential stds, hiv, hpv…All the while thinking its funny…that he was superior, narcisstic enough to do it…remember he has no empathy..Hes engaging .the only person he cares about is himself…u are just an object..he is a very sick individual…So what do we do if we know someone is actively acting in this… Read more »
1.) pray (2) seek prof. help (3) spend time with a true friend (4) write (5)listen to music (6)
exercise (7) create a hobby (8) walk (9) join a group so you won’t have something to do with your time with others (10) go to the park, beach or a lake. The sound of the water or nature may relax you.
Excellent article! Ouch, breakups are tough! I agree with all of the points in the article except clubbing. The point was probably that to push through the awful, lonely time of a breakup, is to push yourself to get out and be with people socially. You can do this in many ways, including inviting guys over for a group dinner, movie night, games, etc. I’ve found with clubs, I usually leave feeling more lonely than when I first arrived. Seems that its a scene for judgement on who is the prettiest and who wears the hottest labels. No thanks! Keeping… Read more »