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In the gay dating world, the focus is often on whether someone is a top, bottom, or versatile, but what about those who don’t fit into these roles? They are called sides, you know, those who dislike anal sex. How do sides fit in? And would you date someone who isn’t into anal?
This is the question of a gay man online who asked, “Would you date a ‘side’? Would you date a guy who isn’t really into anal?” While some gay men welcomed the idea of a relationship built on other forms of intimacy like oral sex, frotting, frottage etc., others felt that anal penetration is essential. Here’s what other gay men had to say.
Some men believe that sex is just one aspect of a relationship, and penetration isn’t necessary to form deep emotional and physical bonds. To them, connection, communication, and affection take precedence over anal sex. “It’s not about who’s on top or bottom, it’s what makes a relationship work. I’m okay with it. There’s so much more than fucking in a relationship.”
For those who identify as sides, the answer is simple: of course! They prefer alternative forms of intimacy, such as kissing, mutual masturbation, and oral sex, over anal penetration. “I am a side myself, so obviously yes!”
Meanwhile, for some, penetration is deeply intimate and meaningful, but it doesn’t need to be an everyday occurrence. A mix of cuddling, kissing, and other non-penetrative acts—can create a satisfying and fulfilling sex life. “I mean… the feeling of being inside a bottom’s bottom… feeling his warmth surrounding my dick, while I hug him and squeeze him, and passionately kiss him all over his shoulders and neck, intertwining my fingers with his fingers. To the point of becoming one… even if is for an instant. That’s priceless to me; but I don’t need to do that daily… maybe twice a month? Then I could just play around frothing, hand jobs, blowjobs the rest of the days … lots of cuddles and snuggles is a must too.”
Some men find sides to be perfect for casual encounters, especially if they enjoy the intimacy of cuddling and foreplay without the expectation of anal sex. However, they may not consider them as long-term partners. “Not date, but definitely for fun meets. Sides love to cuddle.”
For others, anal penetration is a crucial part of their sexual expression. While they may enjoy oral sex or mutual masturbation for a while, they ultimately crave anal sex and wouldn’t feel completely satisfied in a relationship without it. “I can date, but for me, fucking an ass is very important. I can go with getting blowjobs for a month or so, but after that, I need a hole to fuck.”
In addition, some gay men are clear about their preferences, and penetrative sex is non-negotiable. For them, dating someone who doesn’t enjoy anal simply wouldn’t be a good match. “Lol no. I love being inside men too much.”
Lastly, for some bottoms, dating a side isn’t necessarily a deal-breaker. With alternatives like toys and a strong emotional connection, a fulfilling relationship is still possible. “I’m a bottom, but I absolutely would. Dildos exist if I’m really antsy, but honestly, I think the intimacy and love is what I really want the most out of a relationship. Besides, sex is so much more than just anal.”
Having said all that, what about you, Adam4Adam blog readers? What do you think? Would you date a side? Sexual compatibility is an essential aspect of a relationship, but for other gay men it’s not just about sex—it’s also about connection, communication, and mutual understanding. How important is anal sex in your relationships? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments section down below!
Since I have never been penetrated, I have often been dismissed as a “Waste Of Time”. Never have ever been interested in getting it or giving it so both have been severe limitations. But there are those who eschew anal sex and they are the ones you can jell with. Be patient and there will be a partner.
I used to be totally versatile, but after developing a rather serious heart condition, I can no longer top. I give amazing head, I’m a great kisser, but seems I always have to take it anally to satisfy a guy.
If a guy is a bottom, he completely writes me off because I can no longer top
So my first two relationships there was no penetration… I was 16 for first relationship and 20 for second one. Subsequent relationships have included everything… and not sure if I’d date someone if they were just side today. Maybe?
I’m ‘still’ not sure what the difference is with being a “side”, isn’t just another form of frottage?
Yeah, it’s the kind of man I crave; someone who is not into-NEEDS anal sex these days-for the obvious (no fuss-no mess), I mean, I LOVE to grind-use my dick to cum. I love getting another off-with whatever part of my body he would desire, aside from my anus.
No. Because I believe this Side thing which you just started hearing about in the last few years is just another made up gay fad. It’s a cop out. It’s a made up gay excuse. Guys all of a sudden want to be identified by the latest version of gayness. When we were younger and teenagers we would place the penis between the thighs with lotion or baby oil from the back or front and called that Slicking. But we didnt make up a whole new category of gay people. All the alphabet people all the continuing new labels. Where… Read more »
Oh How I Sooooooooo Agree w. you. Really, where does it end? “Oh I don’t wanna be labeled” but then out pop out 20+ more labels. The #LGBT need to get their *SugarHoneyIceTea* together. If my uncle were still alive he’d have developed some self inflicted brain anomoly from all the #smh he’d do!
It used to be “Necessity is the Mother of Invention”: Today, Liberalism is the Mother of Chaos”.
You think people not interested in anal sex are a “cop out” and a “fade”? What a bizarre take. I think you may have fallen victim to the idea that just because there’s a new word for something that it’s a new concept.
Pro tip: gay people existed long before the word “gay” was used to describe homosexuality, and they’re not a cop outs or fakes either.
But surely you’re trolling. You can’t really be this dense.
In a world of top or bottom, another option is totally necessary.
Cylon, “Side” is just another less than positive term certain members of “The Community” lay out on guys who they don’t feel are “truly Gay”. It’s a putdown on those guys who are not attracted to or pleasured by anal sex. Down Low (“on the DL”) is a similar putdown on those guys who don’t feel a need to “Come Out” publicly. They keep their sexuality private and only let those who need to know know, mainly guys they wish to have sex with … as is their right. Certain members of “The Community” approve of neither feeling that a… Read more »
Nope. While oral, kissing, and lots of body contact are great, I would not be satisfied long term without fucking.
I’ve always been the side and I’m ok with that
Yes – for SURE would I love to BE with a SIDE and have any and all kinds of pleasures that he wants to satisfy him!! Total love and commitment and understanding are needed in a LTR a lot more than specific types of sex!!! 🙂
Would ya date an UGLY??? .. no .. would ya date a geek who’s ugly??? .. no .. would ya date the ugly gay doofass??? .. HELL NO!!
Love making is too essential to me to give it up. I want more than whatever this side business is. I have to have him inside me, and feel his manhood penetrating me.
I am a side. I’ve topped a few times, but enjoy other forms of gay sex so much more. If someone really needs anal sex, I politely ask them to pass me by.
Totally. What was annoying was that the guy who coined the term, proceeded to exploit it to make money. Typical gay.
anal hurts, side does not .. feel more sensual, more passion with a side .. feel pain and agony, the need for rubbers and not as safe with anal .. and you can still fuck being a side, the mouth is bigger than the asshole (then again, compensate for the size of the PUDD, honey) .. either way, side is and can be just as satisfying as anal
Anal only hurts if he has a huge cock and just rams it in. No man has ever hurt me that takes his time and gives me a minute to relax. Once he’s inside and my hole is relaxed around his penis, the feeling is absolutely incredible.
I have never seen a group of people that have so many labels. It’s kind of crazy and probably not that healthy.
I am bi, gender isn’t an issue for me. If I like a woman and attracted to her, I don’t ask her if she likes anal sex. I know it’s not the same but still do you ask a guy if he likes anal sex before dating?
Hi Scott, (I cannot speak for everybody) but when I contact a guy, I ask what they are into and that includes anal; and specify whether they are top, bottom, or versatile. Just as a way to find out what we are into and if we are going to be compatible from the beginning. Again, let me specify that I do this on a hook up app like A4A… not as a random conversation meeting a person. 🙂
I am married to a woman, one of the mane reasons I play with other men is to be anally fucked, And a nother reason is to suck on dicks, but if I can’t be anally fucked, I really don’t have a reason to be with men, simple and honest, I enjoy getting fucked.
Why not! Is anyone actually dating so if you get someone and their a side then hope it last to a fifth date and PRAY that side gives you something that they choose for you!
I think… If you are actually discussing DATING, than yes, dating a side would be great in the short term. However, in the long term, I don’t know that I would be sexually fulfilled without some version of Anal. For me, the Anal aspect has intimate connotations that I have personally never gotten from just the side stuff. The side stuff for me is fantastic appetizer to the main event; now it doesn’t have to be all in the same night, but if there is NEVER any Anal stuff? I don’t think I would be willing to commit.
Okay, so this old man needs some schooling. I really don’t understand all the labels and titles out there. It becomes quite confusing and some potential partners/hookups on Adam actually ridicule you for not getting the concepts.
I can understand the idea of being a side, but do sides permit, either using on their partner or having used on themselves, anal penetrating toys?
Hi Tim!
I think it depends on the person. A side person might be willing to help you out utilizing toys, but usually it is anything anal from my experience that they do not get turned on by.
Hey Dan,
Thanks for your input. I think the problem here is highlighted in your opening sentence….”it depends on the person”. There’s no agreement on what a term actually means. Everyone has their own interpretation of what a bottom, top, etc. is, and few are willing to take the time to share what they are willing to do/not do.
So I like a dick in my mouth and not in my ass… is that so hard to comprehend???
Everybody has boundaries; everybody gets to choose. For some, anal is a given, others, probably not or never. I don’t understand the big deal. I know what I like. I’ll go find it!