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Mostly straight, except when turned on?

For some guys, teens and otherwise, sexuality feels straightforward—until desire complicates things. Imagine an 18-year-old who has always identified as straight, only to realize that whenever he gets horny, his desires shift. Instead of fantasizing about women, he finds himself drawn to gay porn or imagining sex with another guy.

This internal conflict can be confusing, leaving him questioning his identity. Is he secretly gay? Bisexual? Or is this just a passing phase? Many young men have experienced similar feelings, but what does it mean? Adam4Adam blog readers, were any of you like this as teenagers? What is this dilemma called, and how did you navigate it?

Anyway, we are asking because a gay man recently posed an intriguing question online: “18 straight but gay when horny?” He elaborated, “I’m super confused on this because basically when I’m horny I think of gay porn but in person zero guys are attractive. It’s been happening for 7 years now.” This post sparked a lively discussion among the gay men in the thread, with many sharing their thoughts and experiences.

One commenter responded, “That’s called internalized heteronormativity. You’re either bisexual or gay, but you see straight as being normal because that is how you grew up, so you only notice your gay impulses when you’re horny.” This highlights how societal norms can shape how individuals perceive their own sexuality, sometimes leading to confusion or repression.

Another user chimed in with a blunt but thought-provoking comment: “You’re in for a rude awakening.” He continued, “The closet is made out of glass bro.” This metaphor suggests that while someone may think they’re hiding their true self, others might already see through the facade. It’s a reminder of the importance of self-acceptance and honesty.

Some commenters noted that this kind of confusion is a common stage for many people exploring their sexuality. “You’re gay/bi but in denial and only just coming to terms with it. Standard procedure for many guys. Give it a few years. Next up is the ‘I’m sexually attracted to guys but I could never kiss one/be in a relationship with one’ stage. Honestly you’ll save yourself a lot of trouble by just admitting you’re gay or bi and getting on with life.” This comment underscores the process of self-discovery and the phases that many individuals experience on their journey to understanding their sexuality.

Others suggested a more experimental approach. “I’d say experiment with a guy and see if you like it or not. Worst case scenario you tried gay sex and now you know you’re not into it.” For some, exploring these feelings in a safe and consensual way can provide clarity and help them better understand their desires.

A practical question was also posed: “Ok so when you’re horny, do you still find guys in general unattractive? You’re just into the physicality of it. Or do you find guys attractive while you’re horny, then that PNC [post-nut clarity] hits and you’re like ‘what the fuck am I doing?!??'” This raises an important point about distinguishing between physical attraction, emotional connection, and societal influences.

Some suggested that the original poster (OP) might be bisexual but leaning toward men because it’s “easier.” “Probably bi and getting men is easier,” one user wrote. This reflects the varied experiences within the LGBTQ+ community, where personal preferences and attractions can be fluid and complex.

This online conversation provides a glimpse into the complexities of understanding one’s sexuality. For some, labels like “straight,” “gay,” or “bisexual” may not fully capture their experiences and feelings, especially when societal expectations and internalized norms come into play. It’s important to approach these feelings with patience and self-compassion.

For those grappling with similar questions, consider taking the time to reflect on your feelings and attractions. Seeking out a supportive community, whether online or in person, can also be incredibly helpful. Experimentation, when done consensually and safely, can provide valuable insights. Above all, remember that there’s no rush to define yourself—your journey is uniquely yours.

Having said all that, this dilemma is often referred to as situational homosexuality or heteroflexibility, where a person primarily identifies as straight but experiences same-sex desires in specific situations—often during moments of heightened arousal. Some psychologists also describe it as autosexual fluidity, where sexual attraction shifts based on mood, environment, or circumstances. It’s important to note that sexuality isn’t always rigid; for many, it exists on a spectrum. The Kinsey Scale, for example, suggests that people can have varying degrees of same-sex attraction without necessarily identifying as gay or bisexual. For some, these desires might fade over time, while for others, they could be a sign of a deeper, unacknowledged part of their identity.

Adam4Adam blog readers, what are your thoughts on this topic? Have you or someone you know experienced something similar? How did you navigate the process of understanding your sexuality? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments down below—your story might just help someone else on their journey.

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