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Mostly straight, except when turned on?
For some guys, teens and otherwise, sexuality feels straightforward—until desire complicates things. Imagine an 18-year-old who has always identified as straight, only to realize that whenever he gets horny, his desires shift. Instead of fantasizing about women, he finds himself drawn to gay porn or imagining sex with another guy.
This internal conflict can be confusing, leaving him questioning his identity. Is he secretly gay? Bisexual? Or is this just a passing phase? Many young men have experienced similar feelings, but what does it mean? Adam4Adam blog readers, were any of you like this as teenagers? What is this dilemma called, and how did you navigate it?
Anyway, we are asking because a gay man recently posed an intriguing question online: “18 straight but gay when horny?” He elaborated, “I’m super confused on this because basically when I’m horny I think of gay porn but in person zero guys are attractive. It’s been happening for 7 years now.” This post sparked a lively discussion among the gay men in the thread, with many sharing their thoughts and experiences.
One commenter responded, “That’s called internalized heteronormativity. You’re either bisexual or gay, but you see straight as being normal because that is how you grew up, so you only notice your gay impulses when you’re horny.” This highlights how societal norms can shape how individuals perceive their own sexuality, sometimes leading to confusion or repression.
Another user chimed in with a blunt but thought-provoking comment: “You’re in for a rude awakening.” He continued, “The closet is made out of glass bro.” This metaphor suggests that while someone may think they’re hiding their true self, others might already see through the facade. It’s a reminder of the importance of self-acceptance and honesty.
Some commenters noted that this kind of confusion is a common stage for many people exploring their sexuality. “You’re gay/bi but in denial and only just coming to terms with it. Standard procedure for many guys. Give it a few years. Next up is the ‘I’m sexually attracted to guys but I could never kiss one/be in a relationship with one’ stage. Honestly you’ll save yourself a lot of trouble by just admitting you’re gay or bi and getting on with life.” This comment underscores the process of self-discovery and the phases that many individuals experience on their journey to understanding their sexuality.
Others suggested a more experimental approach. “I’d say experiment with a guy and see if you like it or not. Worst case scenario you tried gay sex and now you know you’re not into it.” For some, exploring these feelings in a safe and consensual way can provide clarity and help them better understand their desires.
A practical question was also posed: “Ok so when you’re horny, do you still find guys in general unattractive? You’re just into the physicality of it. Or do you find guys attractive while you’re horny, then that PNC [post-nut clarity] hits and you’re like ‘what the fuck am I doing?!??'” This raises an important point about distinguishing between physical attraction, emotional connection, and societal influences.
Some suggested that the original poster (OP) might be bisexual but leaning toward men because it’s “easier.” “Probably bi and getting men is easier,” one user wrote. This reflects the varied experiences within the LGBTQ+ community, where personal preferences and attractions can be fluid and complex.
This online conversation provides a glimpse into the complexities of understanding one’s sexuality. For some, labels like “straight,” “gay,” or “bisexual” may not fully capture their experiences and feelings, especially when societal expectations and internalized norms come into play. It’s important to approach these feelings with patience and self-compassion.
For those grappling with similar questions, consider taking the time to reflect on your feelings and attractions. Seeking out a supportive community, whether online or in person, can also be incredibly helpful. Experimentation, when done consensually and safely, can provide valuable insights. Above all, remember that there’s no rush to define yourself—your journey is uniquely yours.
Having said all that, this dilemma is often referred to as situational homosexuality or heteroflexibility, where a person primarily identifies as straight but experiences same-sex desires in specific situations—often during moments of heightened arousal. Some psychologists also describe it as autosexual fluidity, where sexual attraction shifts based on mood, environment, or circumstances. It’s important to note that sexuality isn’t always rigid; for many, it exists on a spectrum. The Kinsey Scale, for example, suggests that people can have varying degrees of same-sex attraction without necessarily identifying as gay or bisexual. For some, these desires might fade over time, while for others, they could be a sign of a deeper, unacknowledged part of their identity.
Adam4Adam blog readers, what are your thoughts on this topic? Have you or someone you know experienced something similar? How did you navigate the process of understanding your sexuality? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments down below—your story might just help someone else on their journey.
MEN…..
STOP THIS BS………..
THEY ARE NOT……NOT…..NOT “STR8″………..
‘THEY ARE BI……….
FUNNY DO GAY MEN GET DRUNK AND FUCK WOMEN???………..
. . . You know you have an excellent point; the drunk excuse just doesn’t cut it.
You right!!! His last sentence says it all.
Some do, the traitors.
I doubt I’m alone here: I’ve been married for over half my life even though since my teens, I always was into gay sex. Since the first time I made love to my wife, heterosex was – both then and now – secondary to homosex for me. But I don’t I.D. as “gay” because I’m not at all into the gay lifestyle; I’m only into the standard straight life (wife, kids, biz, etc.), but secretly my pref. has been cock over cunt. So I consider myself bi, but reality is, sexually I’m almost totally gay and socially I’m 100% straight.
While you get to be whoever you want (without anyone’s permission) the “gay lifestyle” is a fairly homophobic term (which I’m certain you used without thinking it homophobic)There is not a “gay lifestyle” which is more than anything a construct of conservatives and fundies which implies all kinds of [pick your] negative stereotype) rampant and unsafe promiscuity, acting in some way effeminate, too butc, sissified all the way to weird concepts of recruiting and molestation. Try to use a different term to describe your unique perception of what is not heteronormative rather than a very broad and easily offensive concept.
I owe all of you a clarification and apology. I am not only a far-left leaning liberal, but also need a little work on my terminology. In MY mind, I equate “gay lifestyle” to being someone who socializes with and relates to other openly gay guys. I DON’T mean any of the homophobic stereotypes whatsoever. Really only meant hanging out in gay social circles and nothing beyond that. I hang out in male-female hetero social circles. My ‘gay side’ is being only in it for the sex behind closed/secret doors. Sorry if I offended anyone.
Let’s lose the dawgs of war and may the L, G, B, and T, alphabet rain supreme.
This is also homophobic. It’s probably time to start engaging in some real, meaningful reflection about the obvious self-repression you’re engaged in.
Tell me in your own obviously homophobic words, what the fuck is the gay lifestyle?
The gay “lifestyle” is a myth. Being gay has nothing to do with gay bars and such. It’s who you love. It sounds like you are either emotionally straight and physically gay, or you are a deeply dishonest person.
Says Father Judgmental.
The Gay “lifestyle” is the stereotype that “The Community” promotes. Gays are feminine, flamboyant, sexually obsessed and loose, enthralled in fashion, divas, and celebrities.
Some Guys fit that mold. The majority don’t.
Damn that’s clarifying, TY!
THIS IS WHY PEOPLE LIKE THIS ONE SEES US SILLY…SIMPLE….AND DESPERATE…..
SOME MEN JUST COMPLETELY ‘FALL OUT” CAUSE SOME UTTER THE LIE WORLDS ” I AM STRAIGHT BUT WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU…..A MAN WITH A WAYYY BIGGER DICK THAN ME……
SOME OF US ARE A JOKE WITH ZERO SELF LOVE OR RESPECT WITH THIS “STRAIGHT BULLSHIT……
REPEAT……NO….NADA….NONE “STR8” MAN IS HAVING SEX WITH ANOTHER MAN!!!…..
PERIOD…….
DRUNK OR STRAIGHT……….
THIS IS HOW SOME MEN WIND UP BASKED OR KILLED THINKING SOME MAN WANTS YOU….
The TRUTH shall SET YOU free dude!!!! For whatever BENEFITS the “STR8” Lifestyle provides you and your family, YOU hopefully KNOW who you are and what you want!!! I would NEVER and have NEVER let myself FALL into that EASY trap of PASSING!!! Thank GOD!! 🙂 I haven’t CARED what ANYONE else thought about me for MANY DECADES ~~~ And never will. LOTS of guys do PASS tho, since it makes their lives and careers much easier. WHATEVER floats your BOAT – I’m not selling my SOUL for an “EASIER” life!!!!
Can you imagine anyone saying “I don’t identify as straight because I don’t like football and Hooters restaurants”? No one asked what you thought about “the lifestyle.” Being homo-, hetero-, or bisexual has nothing to do with a “lifestyle”. It has to do with what you’re *sexually* attracted or not attracted to.
I really tried to be polite and clearer in my second post in this group, but obviously some guys see 2 words and cry bloody murder without reading further. John’s analogy about hetero = football/Hooters, etc. isn’t at all what I was getting at. All I was saying is I happen not to have a circle of gay friends with whom I hang out with. My circle of friends are hetero – fellow husbands/fathers, etc. That has nothing to do with where we hang out, what the discussion topics are or any of this homophobic stuff you charge me with.
Mostly Straight? A Little Pregnant?
yo, mostly white and a little black or mostly black and a little white? a bit white a bit black
False equivalency. Sexuality exists on a spectrum. Pregnancy doesn’t.
I have come to believe that very few people are strictly gay or strictly straight.
Sexuality is a spectrum with most sitting somewhere along the middle of the spectrum, not the extremes. The labels we attach…gay…bi…straight rarely reflect the true state of sexuality of a given person and only tend to confuse and, often, disrupt the lives of those who are not on the ends of the spectrum. I personally do not label myself in these categories and simply say I’m MSM (men having sex with men.
It’s called the Kinsey Scale. Look it up.
Imagine thinking that “I have come to believe that very few people are strictly gay or strictly straight” is a new idea, lol. Sometimes I wonder whether people ever crawl out from under their rocks.
I am horny all the time and I can be myself when I talk to gay guys i get on this site and I can talk more openly then I can with women and I have what guy men like a nice big bubble butt
Everybody is raised as if they are straight. When they turn out not to be, or they fall somewhere else on the sexual timeline, confusion is natural.
Pointless to stress over labels.
Sexuality is innate. Sexual identities are cultural constructions that vary across times and cultures. Pidgeon holing passing attractions under the, ever growing, plethora of the alphabet of attractions is just the currently popular fashion. But who or what you may find attractive, at any one time, doesn’t make you a different species or describe any underlying biological reality whatsoever. I can’t speak for the wahine, but all the boys, by the time they’re 12-13, or so… if they haven’t stuck their dicks in it already, they’ve at least considered it… deeply! Most…given the opportunities… reasons… situations… will, at least consider,… Read more »
I am married and I love pussy, but I don’t consider myself straight, I also enjoy sex with men, but I have excepted the fact that I am bi, and I could be a little pass bi, I am a 100% bottom, A very submissive bottom, hell I may be considered a gay man that happens to still love women and pussy, I have a feminine, sissy side, When I’m with men I prefer to wear panties crop tops, lingerie, I enjoy being on my knees sucking a real alpha mans dick, And I enjoy it when a alpha male… Read more »
ONLY ON GAY SITES DO MEN COME ON TALKING ABOUT HOW THEY “LOVE PUSSY” ETC……
SO FUCKING DISREPECTFUL……….
AND WE ALLOW IT…AND SOME DESPERATE MEN THINK IT IS “HAWT”…….
FUNNY…..ON STRAIGHT SITES THEY DON’T GO ON TALKING ABOUT THEY “LOVE DICK” DO THEY???…..NO……..
THEY WOUJLD NEVER……..++EVER++ DISRESPECT A WOMAN LIKE HIS…………..
So it’s the in titled mad MFr like you that thinks you own this site,, ( we allow it ) first off, how are you and whoever besides the site owner going to stop it, Oh how you wish you could, (we allow it) really ? I bet if you could control who could be on this site, you probably would banned bi, closet, , married to women, guys from this site, but you can’t, Yes I still love women and PUSSY, and I’m sure it’s plenty of bottoms and top guys on this site that still does, and probably… Read more »
I agree with you. You’re allowed to voice your opinion on here as you wish.
Thank you
Grow up! Gay lifestyle comment isn’t homophobia. Is there anyone out there confused about what that means? Hell no. Quit demanding diversity from other people when you not willing to give it. Every person has their own preferences. But ooooh I’m offended by what others say. Offense offense offense. Ooooh I’m so offended. Cry baby cry
Exactly! I do not live a “gay lifestyle”. We all know what is meant by that. Don’t pretend you don’t know. I don’t mean that as homophobic.
TY! Jesus Christ, lighten up people! People are doing the best they can to speak sensitively, so give them a break and embrace what they say, bc they really mean well. And, as to Gay Lifestyle? Of course there’s such a thing bc I’m living it! Even tho I’m not flaming and i live a suburban lifestyle, I live it in Gay Man style: stylish clothes, great car, beautiful home that’s well decorated, i go out a lot, travel, and basically do all the things that my straight, married w/kids friends can’t do. And to them, I’m their gay friend… Read more »
I sleep with guys and trans females.. what does that make me? Bi, pan? I say just someone who likes to have sex…
I’d just like to know why I have to see clips of porn with women’s boobs and vaginas on a site that is supposedly for GAY MEN?!?!?! Stop heteronormalizing my gay experience!!!
Being heterosexual IS normality. Realizing you are gay can happen at any age, but usually during or after adolescence. I didn’t have a clue until I saw a naked man in Playboy, and then Playgirl was published. If Hugh Hefner had come out then, I would have, too. Just because it takes time for the process to happen, it doesn’t mean it is fluid. Fluid applies to bisexuals and heteroflexibles.
Gosh…you seem to be an expert on just about everything! And judgemental and negative as well…Where did you get all your knowledge, as well as your medical, psychology and sociology degrees? Bet you have school loans out the wazoo! Oh wait…you’re wazoo is filled with other things!
That’s just unnecessarily nasty, judgemental, and demonstrates a very deep and hateful meanness of spirit. Do you think the 2020 election was stolen too?
Hardly…I’m actually quite the opposite than your observation. If you follow the writings of Father, you might see why my comments are what they are. If you were to look back on Father’s long history of comments throughout the various blogs, you might understand who’s comments are actually the ones that are nasty, judgmental and showing a meanness of spirit.
In the next several years, all of us will have ample opportunity to speak out for the meanness and negativity of others. I hope we all do so rather than sit back and let it happen.
US voters did that in November when they freed the country from the hateful dividing clutches of Woke Ideology. An acquaintance said the day after the election that he felt like he’d been pardoned from Woke Prison. He no longer needed to feel ashamed because he was born White, was born a male, was Straight, attended church and had views that leaned Conservative. He could go back to being anti-racist, anti-bigotry, and proud of and hopeful for the US and its place in the world without being sneered at.
Mother Hennepin is one of this blog’s most notable examples of how not to be gay.
I’ve always been a freaky guy, I’m not sure if it comes from when I was very young, a friend of the family would make me suck his dick and he would rub his dick between my cheeks until he came, ( I can remember his cum was very warm) , but anyway I was always horny, I would have sex with women, but I had often thought about sex with men , I just wanted sex, it didn’t matter if it was a male or a female,, if it would have been a possibility and no one would know… Read more »
And your LUCKY WIFE doesn’t have a CLUE, dude?!?!?! 🙂
Well to answer your question, no she doesn’t, because in my everyday married life I carry myself as a masculine , dominant man, in fact she and my family thinks I’m probably the straightest man on earth, that’s just how I carry myself , Although behind closed doors with a man I and a very submissive 100% sometimes panty bottom, but you would never know it in my everyday appearance,
“This online conversation provides a glimpse into the complexities of understanding one’s sexuality”
It’d great if the A4A blog team would accept that without bias. And would stop its biased blog articles.
There are straight acting tops that are 100% total tops that don’t even suck dicks and will not ever touch another man’s dick, which is the kinda tops I personally prefer that don’t consider or think that they are bi, or gay, I’ve ever been with some tops that have made me cover my dick so that they can even see it, and I’ve been with some married tops that only wanted their dick sucked, after it’s over they tuck their dicks in and go, I don’t hear from them until they want me to suck them off again, I… Read more »
Yeah – they can KEEP lying to themselves until the DAY they die, for all the good that’ll do them and their “fantasies”!!!!
Yeah, fantasies that other men would easily fulfill. An old straight friend I used to hangout with was like that. He always wanted me to admire his muscles, physique, etc… then one night, the first BJ happened without words. He took me in his parents backyard in complete darkness to show off some type of craft he was working on with his father. I couldn’t see a damn thing…we stood in the dark staring at each other. I knew what he wanted. I dropped to my knees and unzipped him and sucked him off while he was standing there with… Read more »
Well they thought they were getting what they wanted, even though they didn’t call on me until they wanted some ass and or a blow job, but I got what I wanted as well,, I got to suck some dick and a mouth full cum and I got some good dick up in my hot ass, so I benefited also
Some Gay guys are fairy fems. Some are masculine macho. Most are somewhere in between.
Some guys like giving and/or receiving anal. Some don’t.
Some guys like giving and/or receiving oral. Some don’t.
Some guys like kissing. Some don’t.
Some guys are fairy fems in presenting themselves. Some are masculine macho.
Some fairy fems are dominant during sex.
Some masculine machos become submissive during sex.
There’s nothing black/white or either/or when it comes to men and sex.
i cant help but feel this conversation is helpful for everyone EXCEPT the person in question. Humans like to put things into order, often that means starting with a label. He/She is…[political identity / social status / sexual identity]. That gives us a starting point to frame our approach to that person.
So you hooked up with a guy, and that guy mostly prefers women, only sometimes not, and maybe in a circumstance….sorry, these are YOUR problems. YOU need a category.
I like sex. And I like having sex with a person who likes having sex with me. If that person has a pussy, fantastic. If that person has a cock, that’s great. Both of those people have mouths, assholes, and nipples, so I have plenty of things to get my lips around and onto. Why is it that some people feel the need to put me in a box with a label? I don’t care what you want to call it. Just as long as you want to share bodies with me.
I agree , and I feel the same way, I’m just a freaky guy, I can be a alpha male and fuck and eat my wife pussy, or I can be a submissive bottom and suck a mans dick and or sit on it and ride his dick, I enjoy sex,
Interestingly, this evening a regular sex partner of mine asked a similar question, “How many straight men have you had sex with?” I had to tell him that the answer was NONE as far as I know. Yes, I been with bi/gay guys that have been or were married at the time, but I just figured that if we were sucking and fucking, the guy couldn’t be straight.