(Photo Credits: LeonWang from Shutterstock)
The gay community is diverse and vibrant, filled with unique trends and cultural nuances that make it so rich and fascinating. However, there are always some trends or behaviors that might leave you scratching your head. Or at least this is the case for some of the gay men on Reddit. The original poster (OP) of the thread asked, “What is something that is common in the gay community but you just don’t seem to understand it?”
Here are some popular responses we’ve gathered:
- Diva worshipping: Some people just don’t get the intense adoration for divas like Cher, Mariah, or Madonna, or the case of today’s generation – Nicki Minaj, Taylor Swift, and Beyoncé.
- Drag culture: Drag, drag race, drag queens – while many celebrate and enjoy this vibrant part of the community, others find it hard to connect with. “You be you, by all means!” said one of the gay men on the thread. “No shade. I just don’t get the appeal.”
- Open relationships and excessive partying: The concept of open relationships and frequent parties can be baffling to some.
- Extreme femininity: While some appreciate small bits of femininity, the full-on feminine behavior in both social and sexual life is hard to grasp for others. One commenter on the thread said, “That’s not to say I judge guys who are like that. I just honestly don’t get the appeal of being very feminine. Especially when it comes to sex where girls’ underwear and such are used.”
- Hooking up with strangers: Open relationships and casual hookups can be a source of anxiety for some, making it a hard trend to understand.
What about you, Adam4Adam readers? What is something that is common in the gay community but you just don’t seem to understand it? Are there any trends or cultural practices that you find puzzling or hard to relate to? We’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments section below.
I personally agree with bullets 1, 3, 4, & 5.
I would also list that we’re all “natural experts” in fashion, hair, & makeup.
Not me. I’m colour blind and lack the fashion sense gene.
here & queer
Open relationships and excessive partying – Oh I GET THAT completely, I just DON’T participate in either one of them anymore(bad experiences made that choice).
the hundred label mentality. It has gone too far and will likely lead to a fascist pig being elected and Project 2025 coming into play We need to stop supporting every crazy concept that comes down the pike.
What i don’t get is below average looking gay guys searching for guys based on looks. They search and search and search looking for guys that look like Ben Afleck or Michael B. Jordan. These guys end up very lonely. Looks aren’t everything but personality is!!!!
100%
Cracks me up. these dudes have lists of must have a mile long yet they themselves would be hard pressed to have two of those must haves.
you are not alone
My, what a shallow, classless comment.
Remember, there’s more than one person out there who thinks you’re ugly, not to mention ugly from the soul outward.
Adam4Adam could NOT survive without that concept. I get dudes that I would not setup J.Dahmer with a blind date with and YET they expect to get a baller or rapper. No offense, but you’re gay and if you’re black, you’re further down the totem pole under AngryBlackWoman which NOBODY wants. Its hilarious.
Based on looks, I’d have not gotten to know all of the FWBs I’ve fostered relationships with over more the the last decade. We won’t end up old, lonely, and bitter. We value each other for who we are, what we give each other, and how we support each other.
I don’t get the whole “LGBT” or now “LGBTQ” term being used. What was wrong with “gay” or “queer”? Plus the whole change of the pride flag…what was wrong with the 6 striped rainbow? Now we have to add black, brown, pink, and baby blue stripes….why????? Soon, we are going to add every letter of the alphabet and every color on the spectrum so we can “include” everybody and not offend or hurt any feelings. Give me a break!!!!!!
It an attempt to box us all into one corner. Let’s be real, its basically just a way to say non-straight community without being “offensive.”
Mark, I agree that I don’t understand why we are constantly adding more and more letters. But I have absolutely heard the reasoning behind the changing of the flag (take it with a grain of salt). The constant changes were added because we indulged in the individuals and not the entire community. Individuals wanted their own flag feeling they weren’t represented when the original flag is supposed to represent all of the different types of peoples and ideals. Therefore we are no longer one community of people who came together for equal rights, but have now become a fractured community… Read more »
I’m a 60-something bi-married, completely hidden in the closet. My only attachment to anything gay is for male bodies to have sex with. I have no involvement whatsoever in anything gay – social-wise. So while I may sound like a bigot – and I’m not – I’ve just never understood the whole effeminate thing. We’re guys who want guys, not women. Why the effeminate behavior and especially why the clothing? Just never understood it.
I think being affeminate may be apart of being gay” you have some masculine gay men that prefer masculine gay men,,, and then you have masculine straight acting men that prefer a feminine bottom,, I don’t think all gay men want a masculine man,, some gay tops want a feminine bottom but sometimes feminine bottoms come with a lotta drama,, notice I said some not all,, some feminine bottoms find out you’re on the DL and will out a DL man,, cause some or drama queens, notice again I said some , not all,but some DL men prefer a DL… Read more »
Appreciate the breakdown here and certainly “some, not all” is key with just about anything. What I don’t get is why/how some become so effeminate, like, naturally. Wanting to touch, lick, suck, etc. every part of the male anatomy, whether they be a sub or dom, I still just don’t get how/why the whole effeminate thing has a role.
I have a theory and no proof to back it up but it is still my theory. I think that in this day and age it is safer to be who you are than it ever has been in the past. I think if it was legal for men to be gay in the past without fear of repercussion, you would have had a lot more effeminate men out and about instead of suppressing their natural personalities and try to pass as straight. Just a thought.
” Wanting to touch, lick, suck, etc. every part of the male anatomy,…” that has nothing to do with being effeminate or masculine…
AND>>>>>YOU FRIEND…………..
ARE WHAT IS THE MOST WRONG WITH THE GAY COMMUNITY…………
LETTING PEOPLE LIKE YOU USE….PLAY….AND ABUSE MEN…………….
THE RUN BACK TO THE “WIFE” (BEARD) AND TALK VERY DIRTY ABOUT GAY MEN…….
If you’re going to berate me, which I think you attempted to do, you may want to use an understandable language and not the gibberish you banged out. But from what I can make sense of, it’s hardly abusive of me to bring physical pleasure to those from the “gay community” who enjoy my body in bed. As for the last line of what you wrote, I have one big HUHHH???
Not understanding what is new about these trends. Diva – Judy Garland, Dianna Ross, Muddona.
Party- Cocaine, Crystal meth
Hookup 5 guy group in a university restroom when I was in college.
Relationships poly pan? Used to call that promiscuous
Drag is really at its height now, but has always been part of the community.
I’m promoting bisexual/dl parties and no more ‘labeled gay’ event because it invites divas, ‘attitude queens, and a lot of drama. Its been done and rehashed over the decades and its crazy TIRED. The word gay now tranlates into ‘trouble’ to many of all lifestyles. Its time we seperate/segregate and allow the really, really, gay, gay, gay dudes party in one circle and the few last masculine bi/gay men party in another. Thats whats coming down the pike this fall.
TRUMP 2024!!!!
I don’t get the gay vote for Biden….
Because the alternative trump, project 2025 a dystopian society, trumps fact checked bankruptcies, a felon with additional trials in the wings and his vitriol attacks on anyone or anything that attacks his psychopathic mindset are all reasons to vote for Biden. Biden is ruunning because of his great distain for trump. Any gay or lesbian who voted for trump or plans on voting for trump is not in touch with his psychotic ways.
I don’t understand the parades and all of the fluff behind it! Just be proud and happy that we are accept to most now a days!
Agreed.
The “pride” parades do more harm than good. If we want to be accepted, skipping down the street partially or even in some cases fully naked waving a dildo is not going to help.
In the past the parades were a statement that the gays were not hiding from the world and to force recognition and that we are proud to be who we are. I will agree that they have absolutely gotten out of hand and I am pretty sure there will be people angry for me saying this; in the public space where families come out to support, be who you are in a public setting, not who you are in the bedroom. I don’t think it is appropriate for people to be walking down the parade in only their jockstraps or… Read more »
Extreme femininity!!! If I wanted that experience, I’d try dating a real women. It utterly baffles me that many of the gay dating apps have opened to trans and women. My dating pool includes neither, and I don’t want to see men in skimpy women’s clothing as I use the dating apps. I remember the old days of Yahoo chat rooms. Many different rooms for varied interests. Wish we had that in the dating apps of today, instead of being lumped together.
It has been said “that ‘we’ emulate whom we are wanting to attract.” I can and do, appreciate the art of drag, I’m just not attracted sexually to total femmes, period. And I’m REALLY not down with the anonymous-promiscuous sexing; for all of its shortcomings, not to mentions the dangers. And I definitely prefer one on one relationships, not a bevy of men; “open relationships,” they’re just backups for each other or trying to have it all. As a spiritual man, I’ve always felt like, you’re just exposing and giving away, some of best of your inner being, subsequently, contaminating… Read more »
I have read alot of subjects/posts/replies and swore to myself I would never be part of any of it. But I am curious to know when/if this blog will address the John Heath Smith situation?
There are a lot of “content creators” who make porn for sites like onlyfans, etc. I thoroughly understand that some participants like privacy and don’t want to show their faces when creating porn. However, I won’t watch them because I am not attracted to porn that don’t show faces. Watching bodies fucking and sucking without the face is not my thing. Might as well use AI for that. I need to see faces to be turned on.
Overuse of the adjective “amazing”. Find another superlative.