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When it comes to love and relationships, age can be a significant factor to other gay men. Age differences between partners can lead to unique dynamics, whether they are a few years apart or several decades. Today, we want to hear from you, our dear Adam4Adam readers: what’s the biggest age gap you’ve experienced in dating?
Age gaps can bring both excitement and challenges to a relationship. For some, dating someone significantly older or younger can be a thrilling experience, offering new perspectives and insights. An older partner might bring a sense of stability, wisdom, and life experience, while a younger partner can offer fresh energy, optimism, and new ways of seeing the world. However, differences in life stages, goals, and interests can sometimes create friction.
I had a friend who dated someone 20 years their senior. Initially, the relationship was invigorating and filled with new experiences, but over time, they found that their differing life goals and interests became a hurdle. On the other hand, another friend described a long-lasting relationship with a 15-year age difference, attributing their success to mutual respect, shared values, and a deep understanding of each other’s needs and expectations.
So, we’re curious: What’s the biggest age gap you’ve experienced in a relationship? How did it impact your connection? Did the age difference strengthen your relationship, or did it present unique challenges that you had to overcome?
We also want to explore the broader question: how big of an age gap is too big in relationships? Does society place too much emphasis on age, or are there valid concerns about large age gaps? And specifically in the context of gay dating, is age an important factor to consider? In the gay community, where relationships can already face unique societal pressures, does age become more or less significant?
Share your stories and insights with us in the comments section below. Your experiences and thoughts could help others navigate their own relationships with a better understanding of how age differences can play a role in love and compatibility. Let’s get the conversation started and see what we can learn from each other.
For me, it’s not really about the age, but the chemistry and attraction and compatibility.
It’s a combination of the age gap and the people’s individual ages together that should be considered. A 30 year old and a 60 year old both essentially know what they want out of life. It may draw some attention, but most people won’t argue that match is morally wrong. Take the same-size gap and apply it to a 18 year old and a 48 year old, and all of a sudden the dynamics are strikingly different because you have a situation which looks like it potentially might be a lot more suspect.
A 30 year old may be a Golddigger just a readily as a 18 year old? depends on motive and execution.
It is just about the potential for “gold-digging.” The dynamics are different because of the greater potential (potential, not necessarily the reality) of the 18 year-old being unduly influenced or even manipulated by a much older person.
an 18 year old in 2024 already knows the deal
I am so into younger guys
Thanks for spelling it out for those who are apparently unable to figure it out for themselves. It’s important to note that it’s not just about gold digging (which I guess would presumably be done on the younger person’s part, but not necessarily always). There’s also concern for the fact that there’s simply little to no overall compatibility because they’re in such different places in life. Or one of them just being in the relationship for purely sexual interest and nothing more.
And a 30 year old gold digger could date another 30 year old with absolutely no age gap. What’s your point?
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
I think that means it cuts both ways. I’ve come across “adults” old enough to know better,do unkewl shit you would expect more from a stupid ignorant kid!
I believe it was Sophie Tucker who once said “Twenty goes into Eighty a hell of a lot more than Eighty goes into Twenty”.
Please disregard my previous reply. It ain’t necessarily so.
If you’re going by age, I would say 10 years max. Otherwise, WHAT would you possibly have in common?
I don’t understand those who graduated hs/college BEFORE their partner was even born.
the dick, you fool! WTF does it matter otherwise?
you must be one of those idiots looking for love in an orgy
& you must be one of those that ONLY care about sex IN A RELATIONSHIP!
Then again, you’re probably AGAINST them too.
Not understanding why those who graduated hs/college BEFORE their partner was even born, in no way means that others of with those statistics could not have an exceptional relationship. It just means you can’t see yourself ever having a relationship with a guy 20 years older or younger than you. Stick with that and respect that others’ have the right to build their relationships as they see fit.
My point was that they would have no life experiences in common (music, tv, politics, clothing, electronics).
If you’re like me (a child of the 70’s), try explaining an Atari game system, listening to records, watching Capt. Kangaroo, actally handwriting letters & mailing them out, going to the library to use encyclopedias to research stuff for school, etc.. to somebody born in the 2000’s.
There are several YouTube videos showing the current youth what we had as popular growing up.
”My point was that they would have no life experiences in common (music, tv, politics, clothing, electronics).” How about a mutual interest in learning from one another…? Younger with lots of curiosity…love oldie movies etc. Older… learning about the tech world from a savvy teacher. Don’t discount older/younger relationships simply because you don’t understand them or they just aren’t for you.
You don’t think it’s possible for a 40 year old and a 55 year old to have a lot of things in common? That’s a … bizarre take. Have you thought this through at all?
I was 19 when my 1st LTR began..with a man 31 at the time…. after 15 years… I can only surmise I “out grew” him…. sadly we lived pretty close to a great cruising beach… quite often I came home from work to a house with a “twink party” going on the the jacuzzi !
there are quite a few gerontophiles walking among us…some simply prefer older/younger relationsips.. (not necessarily about money) others have “daddy issues” and simply seek the compatibility of an older man…mentor, counselor etc. People the same age don’t always possess the same maturity levels… some 50 year old’s still think of themselves as in mid 20’s! I’ve had conversations with 40+ year old guys looking for a “sugar daddy”…even though they obviously are past the due date and prime years to demand max rates (LOL)
Time flies. One of my best friends met his life partner 23 years ago who is 23 years older than him. He was in his early 30s, and his partner was in his 50s. We didn’t think much of it really. We teased him dearly out of fun about it, but they are still going strong. We are the older guys now and only wish we had what our friend has… pure love, joy and happiness. Regardless of age, I wish I had that in my life. I’ve been approached by young men, but I don’t usually pursuit them because… Read more »
18 and 75, so what? as long as the dick is hard and the cash is not counterfeit, it’s all good.
This is America and money talks!
“DATING: HOW BIG OF AN AGE GAP IS TOO BIG IN RELATIONSHIPS?”
I guess the word “RELATIONSHIPS” didn’t get read by you in this thread’s TITLE.
pay me bitch! that’s a relationship
depends if daddy issues are involved
I love a feminine twink with daddy issues
It only makes a difference to those who make it an issue without even getting to know a guy.
It depends. I”m a 68 year old finanancially set , in shape guy and I assume that the younger guys I fuck around with are usually going to benefit from free housing, the first decent meal they have had in a while or are just going to steal from me.I have no illusions . I have adult kids in their 30s and I think I relate to 30 year olds. I’ve been around that generation for a three decades already. As for a relationships,. they are difficult . Period . Full Stop.
You ask as if there is a rule. There are no rules, other than both being of legal age.
My buddy met a guy said he was 18.
I’ve had relationships, brief as in romances, with two older men when I first came out, they were 12 and 15 yrs. my senior, still young enough physically and mentally. I’ve always loved the physical maturity of men; I observed what I think personally that men are at their peak of handsomeness at about 30-40 yrs. of age, mostly. I had two besties that were lovers one was 34 and the other was my age of 20, he like me, was on the precocious side, I fell in love with his lover the older one; he knew it, but I… Read more »
If both persons are of legal age, sensible and truly mindful, able to expand each other through differences and build unity through similarities, and if their knowing each other ultimately gives joy, comfort, and satisfaction, and if their lives are better for the knowing, and above all, if they stay aware of realities, such as the potential for the older to slow down or perhaps need more help when beyond a certain age, then the size of the gap really is not the issue, except to outsiders. The true measure is to note how many presumptively legitimate relationships, between persons… Read more »
If it’s just for hooking up, then age difference doesn’t matter as long as it’s legal and consenting. But for a relationship I think +/- 10 yrs is the limit. If I’m trying to date someone from a different generation, our life experiences, and life stages are too far apart.
that’s what daddies and sons are for, honey! if no age gap existed, there won’t be the need for daddies and sons, and that would be a huge injustice, wouldn’t it, honey?
#DadsForSonsForever
#Sons4Dads4Ever
Age really is only a number. What matters most is mindset. I’ll be seventy-one in October, am a fully functioning topman who needs neither an Rx nor a cock ring, and the youngest of my lovers is thirty-two. Interestingly, Connor and I have the most in common of my lovers — and we couldn’t be more dissimilar. He’s a heartbreakingly gorgeous, brilliant, strong, knowledgeable, wise, kind, and loving Irish-American. I’m not heartbreakingly gorgeous anymore at seventy, but am a very handsome fifty-year-old African-American. My intelligent brain still functions as it always has and my personality is much like his. He… Read more »
Wait a minute.
“I’ll be seventy-one in October”
“I’m not heartbreakingly gorgeous anymore at seventy, but am a very handsome fifty-year-old African-American.”
My partner of 34 years passed on a couple months ago. I was 29 when we got together and he was 55. He was my “One” and he was my “Only”. I was led to believe that we would be exclusive. Unfortunately, I learned that he was engaging in “nonconsensual nonmonogamy”. Essentially, I was just one in a crowd. In time I realized that it was just one aspect of a bigger issue: Making significant decisions that affected both of us with absolutely no input from me. “Stability?” “Wisdom?” “Maturity?”–No, I don’t think so–It still hurts all the way to… Read more »
To me monogamy is the stupidest idea ever. That you think you are only going to have sex with one person, is just a invitation to failure. It’s never going to work and … NEVER DOES!
Can I make you feel better
I’m 36 and I just wouldn’t date anyone under 25 at this point and anyone above 50. If I’m old enough to be ya dad or you my dad, I just can’t get turned on by that…
No guy older that I I’ve ever connected with, even those 15 years older, have I ever considered my dad. I’ve connected with guys 20 years younger, again no son/dad thing. They all were great men, some of both still in my life.
Son/dad is a relationship option. Go for it if you want. Don’t if you don’t. Without assuming anything about other guys.
My first sexual experience with another man came later in life for me at 42 yrs of age and was with a man 30 yrs my senior. I always knew I was interested in older men and for me as long as there is physical attraction, the greater the age difference the hotter it is.
I have 24 million dollars and a wonderful husband of 30 years, who is 8 years younger than me. We fuck 2-3 times a week now and it’s great having a live in good fuck at my age. I stopped having so much recreational sex in 2020 when Covid started. Before then I would go to sex clubs or the baths and fuck as many as ten guys an evening (I loved the now closed 442 Natoma street, bend over fuck club). I always dressed real white trashy and no one knew I had any money at all (even into… Read more »
As long as your turned on your good
-/+ 20yrs……..
I met my husband when he was 26 and I was 53. I’d never been with anyone much younger than me and I first resisted the idea of a relationship. It’s now been 14 years together and the best thing that ever happened in my life. I am so grateful I was open minded enough to be open to the possibility. My younger husband (now 40) is definitely his own man, and also the smartest, funniest, and kindest man I know.
To be equal in everything in love & war, all differences in ages should be no more than 5 to 7, and the maximum is 10. All age differences over 8 to 10 or more, well let’s face it, music, fashions, and certainly styles does change in 10 years. Besides, what can a supposed better half or LT friendship conversation be based on if the younger have to Google the conversation contents. I remember when I did that Daddy-Son thing, I’m 49, he’s 22, I was old enough to be his father. Or when he asked me why do I… Read more »
For me, age is just a number, just a state of mind. Love conquers all, regardless of gender, age, social status, religion. It is about the character of a person on how he treats other people with ethics, values and decency.❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
For me personally, it is 10 years in either direction. I have learned that Especially being a Gen X’er that I have NOTHING in common with anyone currently in their 20’s and have only a little bit in common with people in their 30’s.
If it is just sex, who cares, but for a relationship? Gets kind of boring with nothing to talk about if no one cares about the topics.
yeah… i’m 56 and prefer guys closer to my own age… always block the really young ones on a4a that reach out. just nothing in common.
It may not be on the Kinsey scale…. but neither did they take all the letters of LGBTQ+ into consideration.
For the film, see Gerontophilia (film).
Gerontophilia is the primary sexual attraction to the elderly. A person with such a sexual preference is a gerontophile or gerontosexual.[1]
Etymology[edit]The word gerontophilia was coined in 1901 by psychiatrist Richard von Krafft-Ebing.[2][3] It derives from Greek: geron, meaning “old person” and philia, meaning “friendship”.[4] Gerontophilia is classified as a paraphilia, but is not mentioned in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders or International Classification of Diseases.[2]