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Have you ever been into an open relationship, guys? If so, how was it for you and your partner? Did it work out? Are you still together? If you haven’t yet, would you enter into an open relationship? Why or why not?
We are asking because we stumbled upon a thread discussing this topic, the original poster (OP) asked the gay men on Reddit for advice. He said that his sex drive is “super high” while his boyfriend’s is “extremely low” and it’s gotten to the point to where all they do is “maybe jerk off together occasionally.”
He reiterated that his boyfriend is not cheating, and that he won’t cheat either which is why he will talk to his boyfriend about opening their relationship first. He explained that he is “such a physical person and am definitely needing more than what I’m getting.” Further, he added that he has no emotional desire to be with anyone else but his boyfriend and that “everything else is great.”
Lastly, he said, “So I guess what I’m asking is, how did you keep your relationship together with one person open? And the other not? Or how does it work for you guys?”
One of the readers admitted that he is in an open relationship with his boyfriend; that he is on the same boat as he has a lower sex drive compared to his partner. He agreed to let his partner see other people sexually as long as it does not interfere with their relationship. The aforementioned reader offered him an advice, saying that “trust is key.” He added:
<blockquote>Explain that you are a more sexually active person than he is and that’s okay, but it might be better to open the relationship in order for both partners to feel comfortable staying together. Being honest with each other about the implications of this openness while communicating thoroughly while it occurs is the key to making it work.</blockquote>
Another reader, however, has a different opinion. He said that it’s “very hard to successfully go from a monogamous relationship to an open one, especially when the motivation for the change is a mismatched sex drive.” He also cautioned the OP that his “partner is all but guaranteed to feel like he’s not good enough for you.” Further, he suggested, “If this mismatch is sufficient to lead you to consider fucking someone else, it’s probably a better (and less cruel) idea to simply end the relationship.”
Meanwhile, another reader said that communication is the key: “Communicate, communicate, communicate. Don’t lie, don’t hide anything and listen to your partner’s concerns.” He elaborated, “It’s about you and your partner.”
Having said all that, what about you, guys? Have you ever been into an open relationship? What advice would you give OP? What would make you agree to open your relationship? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below!
I,m not in an open relationship it,s more like an unfaithful relationship my partner lies to me his good friend died and he went to his dead boyfriend late at night saying to morn but now that he mad at the dude he tells me that the guy sent him a dick pic about a week ago i wasnt allowed to go to his house with my boyfriend that night and my boyfriend has been acting very different i feel disrespected and he doesnt know im thinking about just leaving im not a open relationship type i only need one… Read more »
I agree with you. I think you should pack up and go and not discuss it with him before. He has already proven he doesn’t care about you and has no respect for you. LEAVE
An “Open Relation” is…
getting-your-cake & eating-it, too! It is nothing more than a glorified “FWB,”
However, if you distinguish between…”those whom you fuck & those whom you date,” then an open relationship would be “De Facto”
Why even define it as a “Relationship”? You are either living together because “Two Can Live Cheaper Than One” or there is the necessity of some “Financial” dependency”?
Just keep it as a “FWB” and sleep with whomever else and not complicating things with ego/melodrama or both.
Part of the variety of men. Some guys have emotional relationships with monogamous sex. Some guys have emotional relationships with no sex. Some guys can be emotionally connected to their Top Dog guy, but both of them see sex as not a committed requirement tied to emotion. These guys may play with guys together or separately. At the end of the day, there is no one way for emotional and sexual relationships to be structured for everyone. There is however a requirement that the parties involved discuss and understand the definition of whatever relationships they may have. And, this is… Read more »
An intellectual allowance for “Getting Your Cake & Eating It, too!” The Road of Perversity Is Lined With Many Practitioners”!
My husband of 7 years decided he wanted a divorce because he wanted an open relationship and I said no. I asked him what the point was in getting married if we weren’t going to be committed? He wants to have the freedom to have sex with other men. So I gave it to him. Now he wants to come back home and try again. I said no! “You can’t just walk out on me and the minute you find the grass is not always greener on the side decide made a mistake!” It’s kind of sad because he has… Read more »
Never been in an open relationship before and I am not interested in pursuing one.. Not my thing.
sure, why not?
open relationship is WAY better than cheating. cheating is exclusively awful, and to keep doing it while not telling your partner is fucked up.
if you are cheating/a cheater, pls come clean.
however, what i run into is that the guys who say they are in an open relationship don’t have their partner where i can talk to them too and make sure they are ok with it.
Great point about accessibility to the other partner! It’s a red flag if he is kept out of the discussion, even if you may not necessarily play with him, too.
My thing is if you’re with the perfect person, the person who YOU’VE chosen to commit yourself to, then why the need for someone else? If the person your with isn’t filling your needs, then maybe you need to reevaluate whether or not you’re actually with the right person. You may be able to convince your boyfriend/husband it’s not cheating, but I’m a bit tougher to sell that to. The whole thing feels disrespectful to me & I’ve never seen an open relationship work out, but at the same time do you. It’s your relationship, not mine.
Consider me one of those immature people, but I personally prefer a monogamous relationship. If I’m not #1 why should I waste my time? And I expect my partner to feel the same. If one of us feels that things aren’t working out we can cut out losses, mourn for what was lost & move on.
If you both decide to open the relationship you must set some ground rules. Also it’s crucial that you both make your relationship priority and still be each other’s number one. That means if your partner wants to see a movie on Friday night with you then you don’t go out on a sex date instead. Always consider how you would feel if your partner did to you what you might be considering doing. If it feels bad it’s bad for both of you. I have been in 2 long term gay relationships where we opened it up. Im not… Read more »
I would if it involved slam fuck n slut where inwas the party bottom
Personally, I’ve never looked for “a” relationship. I have cultivated ongoing relationships with several guys over the years. Generally, I’m lucky enough to meet with any one of them a few times per month. None of us want monogamy. With two of them, I have high emotional connections, but we have no desire to “partner.” When it comes to sex, for me it’s not about a high sex drive, frequency or quantity. Each guy brings his own personality, his own sexual skills and his own triggers for sexual pleasure. Ages range from late 20s to early 80s. I crave and… Read more »
Nope, have never and won’t.
I am in one but my boyfriend has to get my approval and he cannot kiss them or leave anything else in their receptacles. I’m sure he’s slipped here and there but so have I and this works for us. He’s always horned up and so am I but we both have 2 jobs so when we’re not free at the same time we do hookup. I keep it all physical, no emotional connection and I think he does too, mosly.
So my last relationship slowly veered towards open waters. Prior to that, I was always 100% against being open. Of course, he wanted to be open. To be fair I actually gave the idea a thought but he never wanted to set up basic ground rules…was it just sex, going on full dates, 3sums…. I allowed the 3sums to happen because I realized that I e joyed watching him take it. We did agree that anything sexual has to be with both of us. Yeah, that lasted oh about 3 weeks, then it was him texting that someone was coming… Read more »
For some of us, variety of partner is an important part of our gayness. So for me, I only want an open relationship. It is highly beneficial to everyone to go into a relationship with that understanding. It is just part of who my partner and I am. We enjoy a great sex life together. I am all bottom and he is versatile. Being open gives him a chance to enjoy getting fucked, and he enjoys that a lot and I am not going to do that for him. I love enjoying different styles of lovemaking, kissing. And of course,… Read more »
I was on a web site and a guy came across and explained that his partner could no longer perform and that he was very much a bottom missing action. He asked if I would mind coming over for dinner and meeting his partner to discuss my “filling in”. I explained that I once had a partner and we invited a third. Turned out that the third was really more into my partner and started to sabotage our relationship. I told him that I am sensitive to people’s feelings and as long as all parties were OK, I wouldn’t mind… Read more »
I would never enter that kind of relationship. In my opinion it means that neither party has any respect for their relationship or each other. Several years ago I was approached by a guy that ask me to go with him home for a little while. He was very attractive. Once at his place I see another guy. I had no idea they were partners. They had mutually agreed that they both had to be present if I were coming over. One day I was invited over and the partner was not home. The next day I got a phone… Read more »
In my younger days…absolutely not. Now in my mid 60’s….maybe. Similar with the OP…my husband has lost his sex drive and we have not had sex in years. I admit my sex drive has waned some too as I have gotten older but I would like to suck a nice dick from time to time and I would love to get fucked. I also admit to having cheated on him a few times too. I know it is not right and there is no excuse for it…but as the old saying goes…If he is not getting it at home he… Read more »
It’s impossible to be truly happy living an inauthentic life. We are LGBTQ+! We understand the hard work of separating *all* the expectations placed on us and that we’ve internalized. We know the struggle of learning who we are and then accepting ourselves. It can be a lifelong and winding journey. But we also know the basic roadmap: learn who we are, be honest with ourselves, embrace our diversity and complexity, live our truth, and be honest with the people who need to know. Easier said than done, I know. But most of us already have experience with it! I… Read more »
I would love a kinky gay exhibitionist to have an open relationship together… i have had one before We played together ,we played separate. When we couldn’t see each other for several days at a time and make requests for one another….and get as many pics as possible.
If we want to get some additional bodies in the middle , its not your business. If you don’t want to have some fun with us, don’t. if you want monogamy, define it for yourself and your hubby and stick to it. It’s up to you to define your limits within your relationship or you are going to have problems. Stop shaming others, my life with my hubby is not for anyone else to define.
I wouldn’t enter into any relationship where it wasn’t plainly understood that at some point, or points in the relationship it will be open.
Everyone defines their relationship in a way that works for the two of them and others outside it don’t get a vote. We are in the same room if there are additional men, it’s worked for 22 years. Was in totally open with the ex and we spin off into different orbit, my first ex it was totally exclusive and he was lying and cheating all over town and i was working overtime.he died young, karma.