(Photo Credits: Estrada Anton from Shutterstock)
“What is the harshest truth about being gay?” one gay man asked online. It’s a simple yet powerful question that opened the floodgates to a wide range of honest, heartfelt, and even painful answers from fellow gay men.
One of the first hard-hitting replies reads: “Most people are severely damaged by the experience of being gay and it makes finding a decent partner difficult.” Whether it’s growing up feeling isolated, being bullied, or facing rejection from family and society, many gay men shared that the scars of those early experiences shape how they connect—and often struggle to connect—with others.
Loneliness was another common answer. “It can be very lonely,” one gay man confessed. Even with progress in LGBTQ+ rights, many men still feel a sense of deep, lingering isolation that can be hard to explain to those outside the community.
Practical realities also surfaced. “If I want kids it’s gonna cost a lot more,” one commenter wrote. “Not really harsh since it’s channeled a lot of my drive but I grew up pretty well and I wouldn’t want less for my kids so my 30s has been about accumulating wealth more than I’d want it to be.” For many gay men, building a family through surrogacy or adoption is not just emotionally challenging—it’s financially demanding, too.
Another sobering truth was about relationships. “That gay men who are in real, healthy, loving relationships are the exception and not the rule,” someone shared. Despite the romanticized image of love winning out, sustaining a long-term, healthy gay relationship remains tough, especially when many men carry emotional baggage or have limited models of lasting same-sex partnerships.
In addition, the issue of masculinity also came up. “That some straight folks will never look at you as being a real man,” one person said. Even now, outdated notions of masculinity persist, and some gay men still find themselves fighting to be seen as “man enough” in broader society.
Subtle homophobia was another painful but common experience. “People will treat you normal, find out you’re gay, and you can feel the vibe switch a bit. Even if it’s not overtly homophobic, you can feel something’s changed,” one guy explained. Those small but sharp changes—someone’s tone, a sudden stiffness, a slight distancing—cut just as deeply as outright discrimination.
And bullying hasn’t disappeared, even in 2025. “It’s 2025 and you can still get bullied, though sometimes subtly—but it is still there, in your workplace and personal/professional interactions,” one man pointed out, reminding everyone that acceptance is not universal.
Perhaps the darkest truth came from a commenter who said, “That at any point in time society can regress and we could be a hunted minority, threatened, jailed, beaten, murdered, etc, and our ‘allies’ will turn on us or become conveniently deaf to our distress.” Even with progress, safety and rights can never be taken for granted.
What about you, Adam4Adam blog readers? What’s a harsh truth about being gay that you’ve experienced—or seen others face? Have things improved compared to when you first came out? Or do you believe some challenges will always remain? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section down below—we want to hear stories.
People playing online games: ghosting, lying. Otherwise, I avoid people so I am never ever lonely. Being alone is a tremendous gift!
I have been on that same journey myself…it’s just EASIER to live day by day w/o the ‘Gay men’ drama most do/live for….
That is me also – easier to live life day-by-day w/o the GAY MEN drama of all that….
People thinking what I do in my bedroom somehow impacts their lives.
It is the Media not the average person or persons
Actually, it’s becoming a political issue again.
Actually, it has always been a political issue again because Trump was re-elected. Thus, the liberal-minded Media is using Trump as the Viagra to substantiate its continued existence.
Do you think that it is possible, to just report the news, without bias to such repugnancy, as we see and hear, with our own ears? I do.
Sure, it’s possible but it’s not practiced on the lame stream media. In the spectrum of news sources, left, right, and in between, it is also rarely practiced. Sensationalism and BS sells ad space. And, as I’m sure you have noticed, trying to get your average Joe or Jane Blow to actually use their reasoning skills to come to a conclusion based on facts alone is about as hard as poking butter up a bobcat’s ass with an ice pick. It would also be nice if there was an IQ test for reporters as many have no idea what actual… Read more »
That’s why, I watch good ole’ time honored ch4, the PBS ch’s.
Pfffftttt…
“about as hard as poking butter up a bobcat’s ass with an ice pick”
*ROTFLMAO*
probably not as Homo Sapiens Sapiens are imperfect beings but an attempt to be reasonably objective and not overwhelmingly subjective should be possible?
That Ch., CBS; like PBS Ch 2, are TV institutions, in American television; it’s old school, “just the facts” style journalism, since their conception, back in like 47′ just after WW2.
I guess, if you don’t like that kind of journalism . . .another words, without aalll that spinning, lmao.
Possible? Yes.
But we all know there are some that, even if an event occurred right then on camera, they would deny it ever happened & blame the opposition for “spouting lies”.
No, christianity at large is remobilizing against gays. They are becoming militant and loud again. Lots of politicians and judges favor rescinding gay rights, and more people are openly calling for the execution of gays.
Do some research. Many Christian denominations do accept LGTBQ+ individuals, some for decades. The Progressive/Left/Liberals keep fanning the flames of fear among the LGTBQ+ to keep themselves alive. Even the most conservative/strict Christians I know openly say that while they personally adhere to traditional male and female definitions, they also realize it’s against their beliefs to attack those who don’t. There’s plenty of room for both views. Where are Gay rights actually in jeopardy? States and judges are not actively calling to rescind marriage, or adoption, or inheritance or housing or finance? There may be discussion, but there’s not “lots”;… Read more »
I have to agree; I’ve always said, that ‘if’ you’ve achieved puberty-gaining muscle mass, no, you should NOT be, competing in woman’s sports; as you have the common-sense clear advantage of sheer muscle, that they do not have.
Not to start the debate, but is that line of thinking telling trans people they can’t/shouldn’t be athletes?
What about those biological females that are ”more masculine” built…is that okay?
What I’m saying is there’s a LOT OF GREYNESS trying to be labeled as black or white.
In some states you can be arrested for what you’re doing in your bedroom. Sometimes you have to fight for things in life.stop being so afraid of everything. It’s always a political issue. You were just riding the coat tails of someone else’s labor and sweat. Stop being an apologist to your oppressor.sometimes you have to stand up. You want the media to shutup so you can “sneak by and try to pass”.
Aging, Isolation and eventual Invisibility…particularly, by the Gay Community
if you gay but also UGLY and CLOSETED, THAT is BAD, honey, like REAL BAD!!
“Closeted” (and “on the DL) is a hateful, ugly label. No one should have to be pressured to be “Out, Proud, Deal with It”. Everyone has the right to their own sexuality and who needs to know about it.
Be out or be on a “need to know” basis … both are a right.
true, no pressure at all, unless you in an Asian family that can’t keep their fucking nose outta yo bizness!
Hey! Latino ones be too “Mijo”!
Be out or be on a “need to know” basis … both are a right.
ugly closeted AND gay like myself that is, honey! this is truly BAD!!
how to go from bad to good is the challenge
how about beast to beauty is also the challenge.
Try a little self love and daily affirmation.
Preach!!!!
Every day, you have to get up, and you have to sparkle. Find that joy. It will not walk in the door and jump in your lap. It’s up to you. People see sparkle beyond the superficial. It is your dignity, and it is your own; don’t let people steal it from you. It is fundamental. Without it, your glow is gone. Get that glow, hold onto it, nurture it. Make it yours.
I know numerous guys who don’t check the boxes for handsome or attractive. They have great relationships with guys just like them, leaving the handsome and attractive guys to interact amongst themselves.
Meeting new guys and finding hookups
It’s militant Gays expectations that I “Come Out!”, that I fit their supposed rules for what it means to be within their narrow views of what it means to be Gay, that no Gay guy can present as a Straight Guy or be Bi or be a married to a woman.
I live in a very rural redneck area of Southern Indiana, so for me the hardest part is meeting men and hooking up.
Try S. Ga.. When I do a search, the A4A default is a 250 mi. radius with nothing checked…resulting in 1200+ profiles. I change it to a 100 mi. radius, max age 40, & with pic. The results drop to………….30! So, with just those 3 selections, I only get 1/40 of the beginning selection. If you want to take it a step further, of those 30, almost all ARE OVER 50 mi. away! Here’s a bonus tidbit: some of those in the group of 30 are in completely different states (like middle of the country) or ANOTHER CONTINENT! Try making… Read more »
Look me up. I’m a full-service M2M advocate, discrete if you need that.
Being bi, the main concern is stay clear of a surge of hepatitis, chlamydia, gonorrhea and HIV, with or without a condom. Being on a4a for 20 years now, I have chatted and interacted with more liars, thieves, beggars, prostitutes and others who are just plain full of tihs! It’s sad that most guys on gay websites are afraid to post their real face pic, tell where they really live, worry about other people on here who have some sort of chip in their azz, DL guys–BELIEVE ME, YOU WILL GET CAUGHT–meth heads and masseurs who are really pay-for-play! Makes… Read more »
Being on the DL and being a bottom, it’s hard to trust people, not knowing if someone trying to record you while you are performing oral on them or while you are in the act of bottoming trying to out you, I have excepted who I am, but I still think it’s my business if I want to stay in the closet, But it’s plenty drama queen and kings out there that’s looking to out a person,
I agree with you. I don’t want to be outed. It would hurt and embarrass innocent family members.
Yes I totally agree with you, my family looks at me as the strong alpha male, the straightest guy on the planet, I have close friends of the family that is openly gay and they have never gotten out of line with me, now some may say, (Oh they know, gays can read anutha bi/gay man) well if they know, they put on a helluva front, but yes it would really hurt them, not that they have anything against gays, they just wouldn’t never suspect that of me, if I was a top it would still be bad, but for… Read more »
Having those who so called represent us don’t really represent us at all. Lot of things going on in the community, I don’t agree with. The media and politicians seem to think the LGBT community are a monolithic demographic. It’s frustrating.
FINDING BBC’S IN IDAHO… I NEED TO MOVE SOUTH TO GEORGIA…. WHERE ARE YOU BBC MASTER??
Don’t know about Ga.. I can’t find anybody around me & been told there are no tops here (despite me being a total top).
Men…
Having been bullied and some people destroyed my gay relationships by telling lies and deceptions to my partner in a “attempt” to “save” them from me. But when the truth comes out later, for my partner, the damage is worse for them. Trying to find someone who’s trust worthy and honest is very tough to do. One night stands are rare for me. But all I want is someone to love, enjoy, and feel at peace. For those who destroyed my partners from me, I hope they can live with the crushing guilt they feel daily.
They don’t feel guilt. All they care about is themselves. You would get more satisfaction catching up with them somewhere and leaning on them pretty hard.
I think that being gay for most gay men, the media has portrayed the silliest ‘make-believe’ versions of real life, leaving them not so capable of lasting relationships, additionally, some of the biggest and worse narcissists, seemingly, happen to be gay.
To damn shallow or superficial and trendy. You know, they’re a great deal like vamps, “looking for their next “supply.”
Yes, I ‘m lonely, because I don’t just hook-up, as a repeat serialist. I LOVE a date, to see who you and I are, to each other.
I am sixty-five years old and wonder if I will ever kiss again, spend the night with someone again, have sex again, go on a date again, fall in love or lust again, go dancing again.
Nothing is inherently hard about it.
It only becomes hard if you bind yourself or your happiness to other people’s opinions, expectations, acceptance, or approval.
Tame the lust wolf and life becomes infinitely easier and happier.
Deciding what socks to wear out on Saturday night.
That most gay men fear real Intimacy! Guys, fall in love, have relationships, get married. If as a community, we would get our act together we might be taken more seriously by society as a whole. But, like most humans, gay men can be lazy and not concern themselves with personal growth and fulfillment. A close 2nd is the continued stigma placed on our community by the ignorant folks that just can’t get their heads out of religion and accept that homosexuality and bisexuality is just as relevant and natural as heterosexuality.
Just as those who can’t get their heads out of the Progressive/Left/Liberal/”The Comjmuty” view that lumps anyone who is religious into a cult of hate. Do some research. Christians years ago, and Jews to some extent, have taken a better course. Too many members of “The Community”, however, stay in their hateful past.
Being gay absolutely sucks. I can’t find a steady bf to save my life. There are a few scattered men that just want occasional sex with another man, but nobody wants a relationship.
It’s hard not knowing if the guys you see out and about into men or not, and wonder if they’re thinking the same about you, I do know it a lot of us closet/DL guys these days now more than ever, well I think it’s way more bottoms than tops in my opinion, I think the curious top are more afraid to act on their desires, and I understand, just my opinion
Have found some something interesting. Not too many years ago, when out in public (at a store for example) if yours and another guy’s eyes met, you’d both look away quickly. Now, I’m finding that with more and more guys the eye connection lasts longer, and if there’s something in the location to speak about, guys will engage in a brief conversation.
Haven’t gotten to any connections yet, but I’ll keep on with the study.
I freaking LOVE being gay ! It’s been the the whole reason for my happy, successful life ! I’ve been with my brilliant sexy husband for over 30 years now. We fuck 2-3 times a week still. I’ve had hot sex with literally thousands of the hottest men on earth. CELEBRITIES, PORN STARS, ESCORTS LOOKING FOR SOME GOOD DICK (They top for pay, but crave a good dick in themselves). I could never be a financial and business success on my own. But with a partner, we both had what it takes to succeed. I also had a huge bit… Read more »
Care to give hints to the stars you’ve been with?
I think that’s so wonderful that you do not have to take any kind of Prep! You are blessed!
In the famous words of ‘Marsha Brady’: “Sure, Jan…” 😛
If you’re not an RuPaul drag race member you just don’t fit in these days. If you are not a sassy queen you will be in trouble round these parts. Most gay men can’t get fucked today because of this.