(Photo Credits: WitthayaP from Shutterstock)
Dating as a gay man comes with its own set of challenges, but for those who are more feminine, it often feels even harder. Or at least this is how some gay men feel just like this gay man online who posed the question: “Why is it so hard to date as a gay feminine man?” His question sparked a conversation about dating preferences, attraction dynamics, and societal perceptions within the gay community.
Some believe that dating struggles for feminine men stem from an imbalance in the dating pool. One gay man in the thread pointed out, “Because most feminine guys seek masculine partners, but most masculine guys go for other masculine guys.” He added, “Feminine guys tend to avoid their own kind. This creates a dating pool imbalance that is usually blamed on masculine men, when in fact the problem stems from the unwillingness of feminine guys to date each other.”
Others argue that dating is difficult for all gay men, not just effeminate ones, but that some fem men emphasize their struggle more. “Dating is hard for all gays not just fem guys. I just think fem guys are more ‘pick me’ about it, especially when most of them won’t even date each other. And I think it’s hypocritical to get mad at a masc-for-masc phenomenon when you won’t even do fem-for-fem.”
Another perspective is that the issue isn’t necessarily about masculinity but rather about attraction and chemistry. Another commenter asked, “Why don’t fem guys date fem guys might be the better question? There are so many, especially in NY and LA. Yet always pining for a masc guy who is typically going to want another masc guy, or someone more neutral.”
However, not everyone agrees that being feminine is a dating disadvantage. Some people find it highly attractive. “That’s crazy. Femboys are some of the most popular subtypes. I exclusively date men more feminine than me because I and many people find that attractive.”
Others suggest that it’s all about finding the right dating pool. “Most gay men wanted masculine gay men, I guess it’s why the reason gay men is gay, as they like men who are man and masculine in nature. However, I’m sure there are gay men who want feminine gay men as well, you just have to meet the right pool of gay men.”
In the end, some advice focusses on self-love rather than external validation. “Dating is hard. Dating gay is harder no pun intended and dating as a femme man is even worse. Just learn to love yourself, don’t ever pretend to be someone you’re not, and someone will be there for you eventually.”
So, what do you think, Adam4Adam blog readers? Have you faced similar challenges as a gay effeminate man in the dating scene? Do you think the dating pool imbalance is real, or is the concern posed by OP above not true for you? Would you date someone more feminine than yourself? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below!
I love submissive, masculine men. The more butch, the better. I am not attracted to effeminate dudes at all. I do not consider myself to be especially masculine. However, I am unusually and overly-endowed for a man my size. I am an exclusive top and only into receiving head. I have many lovers.
I agree with you Eric. I’m only interested in masculine men as well. The more butch the better. I do wonder now about effeminate gay guys sex lives after reading this blog subject. I can’t imagine two girly effeminate guys having a sweaty, pounding, deep fucking sex session. I’m thinking masculine guys prefer masculine guys because women don’t do it for them. Effeminate guys act like women. Hoping to hear from effeminate guys on here.
I am a very masculine married bi/gay man, if you saw me you’d never think l like to wear panties and suck dick/ gets fucked, very submissive with men behind closed doors, I can be very affeminant, I’ve had masculine/dominant guys tell me it turns them on just knowing I’m married, even though I’m in panties behind closed doors they know I’m masculine in my everyday life, they get off on the idea of fucking a married man and then sending him home to his wife , one guy told me it makes his dick hard when he see a… Read more »
some like it, some don’t go with the flow
if your older and a pure bottom i find it harder to find someone that wants to date it is just mostly sex and thats it
I’m actually prefer effeminate men.
I am considered masculine. All of my straight friends have told me I am very masculine, and most assume I am straight until they are told otherwise (I never advertise my sexuality). Dating is difficult for me. I’ve been “out” for 17 years, but I’ve only had one partner and that only lasted a little over a year. It’s been 10 years since I last dated, and not for lack of trying. I just haven’t found anyone truly compatible. There’s more to it than just “masculinity” or “femininity”: if we’re gonna share a life together we gotta share values, share… Read more »
I don’t care. As long as he has pubic hair. But no trannies or cross dressers and any guy that wears womens under garments.
Did you actually just say “tranny” in the year 2025? Are you stupid, or just a troll?
Would chicks with dicks work better for you? Gross, either way
This coming from someone who identifies as a “pup”. Seek help.
Feelings hurt much?
No?
Tranny, trans, transexual, TS. It all means the same thing. Stop trying to look for offense in every little thing.
Tell us you haven’t participated in these conversations since 1974 without telling us.
Agreed. I am so over these f@ggots that are shitty about our trans brothers and sisters. For the fight our community has had in the past, and getting ready to gear up for more fighting immediately because of Agent Orange, these guys just churn my stomach. When I see such shit in a profile, it’s an automatic block!
I think the predominant demographic group that posts in these blogs are older gay men who operate with the entitlement that since they “got their rights,” they can shit on everyone else who is still working on getting theirs. It basically amounts to boomer privilege.
I’d guess he is neither a troll or stupid and likely just familiar with a time when saying “tranny” on a GAY BLOG didn’t ignite the flaming pitchforks from the “everything offends me” generation. Mind you, a time not so long ago… said “trannies” actually coined the term themselves and so self-identified as such. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trannyshack] Don’t be the stupid troll and spend some time learning about your own community, its roots, and its nuances instead of the already tired-ass policing act. Relax bro, you don’t have to read it if you don’t like it, plenty of other things to read-… Read more »
The trans community isn’t “my community.” However, I know enough people in that community to know that many, many people in that community don’t use the word “tranny” to describe themselves. When I call you a faggot, you know I’m just referring to you as a bundle of sticks, right?
Stop being a buffoon.
The fact you are on this website, reading this article makes it very clear, you ARE a part of the same community I speak of, LGBT…xhgjahsgdf and whatever other letters will make you overly sensitive younger folk feel “included”. Hello, reality check calling- its for you. It is all about context; a concept your pea-brain clearly doesn’t quite grasp. Just because you may know a hundred trans (whom likely also fall into the “everything offends me” gen), surely does not validate or prove anything, nor will it ever change history. And if you think your analogy of calling me a… Read more »
What if he’s wearing mascara, or has a voice like Minnie Mouse??
How about some elegant, goth-pallored alterna-dude with long vampiric fingernails??!
If Prince was still among us and he propositioned you . . . . ??
Jeans,Tshirt, and baseball cap, but speaks like Truman Capote on full volume??
I’m simply posing questions here to expose and acknowledge the inevitable “gray areas”.
I Am a Masculine Gay Top Man and I only date Gay Feminine Bottom Men the area I live in it is very hard to find Feminine Gay men to date I am a Older Gay man I have dating Fem Bottom Men all of my life
I Love feminine Gay Bottom Men I am a older gay Black Top Man who it is hard to find fem Bottom Men to date I am single and looking
You seems to be my type of man ,, not many tops will admit that they like feminine bottoms, it no disrespect to the tops that prefer hard manly bottoms, It’s is very hard for me to be a hard manly bottom while letting another man fuck me willingly, I was raised with the idea of, if a man let another man fuck him willingly and without a fight, he’s a bitch, So why not play the whole part, I’m married, masculine but when I’m with a man I am very submissive, and I have and will wear panties when… Read more »
Feminine only for me, totally uninterested in masculine acting men. There’s much more difference between the two than just mannerism. The brains and psychology are completely different. If you want a deeper connection, find a feminine partner.
Being effeminate makes dating no harder than being masculine or anything else. The first issue is dating. Men are not good at it. Especially Gay men. While there are some who look for dating and finding that perfect someone to be with long term, they are in the minority. Many seek to be single, moving from no strings hookups to hookups. Others seek to be single while having one or more long time friends with benefits to spend social and sex time with. Any guy who is effeminate and looks at it as a strike against him is working against… Read more »
I am not attracted to femme / effeminate guys in any way. While we’ve changed the terminology over the years, I prefer guys that are butch, or in today’s term, masculine. I have friends that are femme, but there is zero attraction on my part.