(Photo Credits: bruce mars from Pexels)
“I prefer masculine men.”
How true is this statement for you, guys? We are asking because a video on Twitter that asks 6 gay men whether they agree or disagree with this statement has garnered a lot of attention from the netizens.
Gays on Twitter: masc guys are overrated.
— rick (@ricktrbl) October 21, 2019
Gays in real life: pic.twitter.com/x2secINqh8
In the video, three of the men went to the line that says “I strongly agree,” two of them chose “somewhat agree,” and only the last participant said that they “somewhat disagree” with the statement. They were then given the chance to discuss/elaborate on their answers.
Josh, one of the guys who strongly agreed with the statement explained, “Personally, I’m a really feminine, flamboyant person, so just having that same energy with another person just doesn’t really seem attractive to me.” He added, “I want to find someone who’s like different, unique, and someone I can learn from.”
Charlie, the other participant who also strongly agreed said, “I’m on this line because I want someone who is my equal.” He further explained, “I identify as a masculine man, therefore I think the reason I strongly agree is just because I want that equality in my relationship, as a masculine man.”
On the other hand, Ellis—the only guy who chose the “somewhat disagreed” response—reasoned, “I think yes, there’s a lot of innate attraction of what you like or you’re born with, but I think there’s a lot of social pressure that you don’t even realize is happening subconsciously of what you’re trained to like.” He added, “I do like masculine men as well and then I was kind of taking a step back, like wait, why is that? Why do I like that? Am I being kind of force-fed that?”
Lastly, Bill, who somewhat agree with the statement said and we quote, “When I was growing up, you know gay men were defined as feminine and I had a lot of feminine characteristics as a young boy.” Bill shared further, “And you know I was singled out because of that and bullied because of that but I was sort of was always drawn to people who were masculine and I don’t know if it’s because if there were people who were feminine that reminded me of parts of myself I didn’t like. I think there’s probably an aspect of that but you’re sort of attracted to what you’re attracted to. I think there’s not a lot of logic to it.”
Take a look at what the Twitterverse is saying about the video:
I think the small sample size here probably doesn’t help. Be your genuine self and what you’re looking for will be attracted to you naturally. But you have to put yourself out there, regardless of who you are.
— The Uber Gay (@TheUberGay) October 21, 2019
Masc men are held up to a high standard because it’s closer to straight or “more accepting” fem dudes get the shit end of the stick. I understand off sexual position but this whole masc/fem argument is why a lot of us are still single and alone.
— 😈 (@phuckuprince) October 22, 2019
And then there’s me. I can wear makeup and highheels and a dress and would still feel mascular. Why? Bc I feel like a man. Y’all stereotypic bullshxt ain’t gonna change that….
— Domé Je (@dome_je) October 22, 2019
If it were you, how would you answer and how often do you read Masc4Masc on someone else’s profile here on Adam4Adam? I personally see it too often and I just block these guys if they come talk to me. Don’t get me wrong I don’t hate masculine guys, but if you really feel the need to write it on your profile, for me, you are not what I’m looking for and you are lacking a sense of maturity or respect that I don’t want to deal with. And what is masculinity anyways? Being tall and bearded? Muscular? Deep voice? Ah… well my dad is straight, thin, has a high voice, is he considered feminine then? Bullshit. Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below!
Either
“Birds-of-a-feather-attract-each-other” or “Opposites-attract-each-other”?
For those in between, a little-of-this-or-a-little-of-that? Attraction isn’t always linear; it, sometimes, deviates… .
Having spent 35+ years in the Military, if I want a man that is what I will have. Personally, no hybrids: either the real thing or no thing.
I spent too much of my life in and around men in uniform; I like them manly, intelligent and sexy!
So non masc means not real. Got it.
I’m attracted to masculine hairy men. When I meet straight people I get a lot of “You’re gay? I would never have guessed it.” Or “”You don’t act gay.” Whatever THAT means.
I have never been attracted to feminine or fey men. Not the butchest guy on 3 legs, but if some idiot calls me a Faggot I do enjoy kicking their ass for it.
It’s fun being a gay redneck. LoL
Yeah I hear you. I LOVE beards, scruffy faces, five o’clock shadows, a deep sexy masculine voice, and those with hairy bodies. Included with that the ones that love outdoor activities camping, fishing, sports, etc. I mean I could go on but you get the idea. I’m masculine and I’m attracted to men similar to myself and that share my common interests. It has NOTHING to do with them coming close or passing for being “straight”. It’s just what arouses me, causes me to do a double take when I see that type of guy in public. If I wanted… Read more »
Hey Jason,
You stole my comment. Lol. I agree with every single thing you said 110% I feel fortunate to be masculine especially growing up in a black religious family. I’m totally against any discrimination or hate toward feminine guys and have nothing but respect for my brothers.
I ran into a guy I knew in college a few years after graduation. He had acquired noticeably effeminate behaviors, which he didn’t have in college. During our conversation, he admitted that he had come out as gay. It started me thinking about how many of the mannerisms we associate with gayness are innate or acquired.
I am just me. I am told that I am masculine. I like my men to be men. So would someone tell me what “toxic masculinity” is? Is that just another hateful label?
Have any women friends, they know. As far as the hetero meaning: it’s calling/ referring to women as bitches, lots of rappers, etc., use that term and a few other nasty ones, they really hate women.
As far as gay men, you’ve seen them, it looks like they’re, really, trying ‘not’ to be seen as gay or like they belong in some kinda leather-dudgeon, I just think it’s over-kill, man, plain and simple.
Yes, “toxic masculinity” is a hate term.
Hate, with some folk, probably. Put it another way: it’s like these little pint sized Latin men here in So. flo., driving these really huge trucks, machismo, toxic, usually, or all too often anyway…I don’t hate anybody, just judging what’s before my very eye’s.
Or skinny white dudes shooting up churches and FedEx, talking about “supremacy” right?
The term toxic masculinity is NOT an attack against men. Toxic masculinity is a description of certain behaviors and expectations that collectively brings down men (and others) as a whole.
Toxic masculinity is a really simple concept: men need to act a certain way, or they are considered inferior.
It prevents guys from exploring ideas, hobbies, and love etc. Because some ingrained voice I’d telling them that “a real man wouldn’t do that.”
In summation: the term toxic masculinity is NOT an attack against men. Toxic masculinity is a description of certain behaviors and expectations that collectively brings down men (and others) as a whole.
Men are men. Even if they don’t meet your toxic level of “masculine”
Why the labels? yet again trying to put individuals in a ‘box’. Many years ago I knew a guy in a motorcycle club. Typical ‘masculine’ motorhead, leather jacket, bushy mustache and beard, huge cock. As soon as he got naked, he throws his legs in the air or bends over. has been my experience, the men I am attracted to do fit my ideal sex partner and Usually visa versa. I’ve had some great sex with guys I didn’t find that attractive. What’s a guy suppose to do? 🙂
Men want what they want. The main thing is to have a penis. Who wants faux men in their face? When I was more intimidated by and fearful of macho men, it was because I had inadequate testosterone production. Now that I have normal levels, I understand men much better. That’s why women can’t, won’t understand men. And phony men are just that. What pisses me off is that an ftm who wants men is not gay, she’s a heterosexual, only in disguise. I feel strongly they do not belong in gay dating sites, they need their own.
Masc for masc is toxic, period. If you don’t think so say ‘not fem for not fem’ then and see how many friends you make – saying the same thing but fem shaming. It really isn’t any different. Regardless of what you find attractive, remember someone you are isolating with a bullshit label is going to be affected. It also displays arrogance/narcissistim: telling someone you’re masc/vgl/hung etc is really a way to spread your tail feathers and strut. Masc is a point of view and some people who I’ve hooked up with who said how masc they are spit out… Read more »
Y A W N !
I think that’s why, many times I’ve noticed very ruggedly muscular-hairy-brawny looking men, that when they open their mouths, omg! Not to mention, the ones that swish all over the fucking place, bulging muscles, hairy, they sit like women, like they’re sitting on a uterus, lmao! I call that false advertising, lmao!
Me, I’m a reasonably, masculine man, always have been, always will be, none of toxic shit for me.
So, there’s two types I’m not attracted to, flamboyant, overly masculine=toxic. They are somewhat entertaining though.
Not sure if bi-closeted married (to women) masc men like me are welcome to take part in this convo, but I’ll inject that perspective: Much to the disgust of some in this community, I only consider myself in it for the sex, not the lifestyle, culture, advocacy, etc. That’s NO knock on any of these; it’s just who I am, which is a happily married man who happens to lust for other guys and hot safe gay sex on the side. So for me, it’s all about a physical type, which is wholesome looking masculine guys. I’ve had occasional hot… Read more »
The word “gay” comes with an image. It’s one that does not include traditional masculine (beefy, hairy, bearded, rough around the edges, baritone/bass voices, etc.) attributes. Activists, militants and those who push the “gay” brand show heavy resistance toward the “masculine” gay concept. Yes, there is some tolerance for “bears” but it is not universal. “Masculine” being a topic here, actually, is evidence of such resistance. Gay men come in all shapes and sizes, far outside of the traditional, promoted stereotype. Their partner preferences come in all shapes and sizes as well. This is a great thing!! Personally, like several… Read more »
Masc4Masc is definitely true for the majority of guys in my opinion. Growing up, I was surrounded by “Masc” men who did not exhibit fem traits, so-to-speak. That’s what I’m attracted to, not because of pressure or society. Dave, I can see your point in regards to guys who say “Masc4Masc” on their profile.. I believe that’s their way for “Fem” guys to not message them. Myself, some ppl wouldn’t guess I was into guys and some question that I am. It all come down to being true to yourself overall and not worry about what society says! For the… Read more »
As a feminine man, I’ve always posed the question: What is masculinity? I find the topic of masculinity is so broad it must be put into context. Is it demeanor, appearance, voice, mannerisms, etc. ??? We’ve all met the muscle bears with the high-pitched voice or the feminine tops. I agree with the notion that to some degree is a taught behavior. I would say masculinity for some is what they believe stops them from being recognized. Many gay men still don’t want to be recognized, due to society’s stigma on homosexuality. Therefore, they shy away from the feminine types.… Read more »
I usually ignore people who list preferences in their profile because I respect their preferences, even when they said “not set in stone”. People should be with the type of person they prefer. If they prefer white, they be with white. Prefer black, be with black. Prefer latino, be with latino. Prefer masculine, be with masculine.
People shouldn’t have to change what they’re attracted to just because some people are offended. If we forced some of these upset “fem” guys to go sleep with some 80yr old chubby guy, would they say yes and just accept it because some others might be offended that he didn’t? I DOUBT IT! All these articles about people not being attracted to everyone are just ridiculous.
duh!!!!
“you are lacking a sense of maturity or respect that I don’t want to deal with.” Funny, I think that people that are upfront about what they are and what they want are mature and respectful. Double funny from the website that has “communities” listed on profiles. Is saying “muscle for muscle” lacking maturity and respect as well? Does A4A lack respect for allowing muscle as a community? The gay community needs to grow up and realize that preferences are preferences, and we all have them. Stop being offended over everything. This right here is why people say “masc for… Read more »
There are as many tastes as there are fashions. Unfortunately, being gay isn’t a “one size fits all” state of being, and there is a tremendous amount of pressure to accept and tolerate all varieties of expression. In private, however, no amount of Political Correctness will make effeminacy appealing to men who are not attracted to it. In that same vein, there are some very masculine men who have some traits deemed stereotypically “feminine” or “queeny,” despite these men not wearing drag, snapping open fans, or screaming and hissing… but it’s enough to be deemed “not manly enough,” in the… Read more »
It’s still a preference, just like any other. It doesn’t mean that those same masc4masc people aren’t/can’t be inclusive.
What a huge load of crap. Since the beginning of time straight people have told gay people who they should be attracted to & that is wrong. It is just as wrong for gay people to tell other gay people who they should be attracted to. If you are going to worry about what guys put on their profiles, how about the guys who lie about being on PrEP. I got a message from a guy who’s profile said he was on PrEP but it also said he hadn’t been tested in over a year. Thinking he just hadn’t updated… Read more »
To each his own, everyone has different tastes. For me, I’m considered masculine (Mid 40s Muscle Bear Top) and LOVE what would be considered fem, slim, smooth guys. The dynamic for me is what I want..bring on the fem, pretty, occ cross dress that a MAN but comfortable with who they are and there fem side. Plenty of us out here who appreciate the fem men!
I’m glad you like fem guys, and I think you like the total opposite. Many fem guys would fine you attractive. But many guys considered masc, hate fem guys and so rude about it. No, just because a guy is fem doesn’t means he wants to sex change and become a woman all of a sudden. No, we’re not ‘chicks with dicks’, why thank you. For the record, for those that do want to become transwomen or cd, that’s fine and I’m for it, but the insults the ‘masc’ guys make it seem it’s one size fits all. And no,… Read more »
If I want fish, I’ll get the real thing. Nothing worse than a parody from a John Waters film.
yeah yeah these guys that claim they only want masculine guys remind me of a teetotaling preacher that secretly has a nip or two on the DL,,, they are the ones that take you home and have a great time and wont talk to you at the club the next time they see you,,lol
You sound like you’re referring to one or more of your bad experiences. The issues you’re describing are separate ones. Don’t let this cloud your judgement of what a “masculine guy” is.
That may have been a bit off topic,,I agree with many on here that, attraction is a personal thing and everyone’s is different,,,
You know, I think we should stop stigmatizing guys that like masculine men… we don’t stigmatize guys that like feminine men… I am middle of the road… if a guy says he likes masculine men then I let them know that I am in between… I’d rather the guy be happy to be with me for whatever reason… can we already stop hating on the guys that like masculine men!!!
Most definitely I like masculine men! I’m a masculine same gender loving man and masculinity is what I’m attracted to I don’t need macho, or thugged out or jock or any sort of stereotypical image of masculinity I’m just a guy whose naturally a guy and that’s what I’m attracted to When I seek out other masculine guys I don’t need to be offensive to guys who aren’t my type There are masculine men who aren’t my type too So if I’m not interested in a feminine guy it’s not just because he’s fem it’s just that I’m not attracted… Read more »
let me say this upfront: i like men. Black, white, yellow, brown, green, all colors of the rainbow(if your orange your game better be on point. lol) I like all kinds of men. i dont like guys who specialize. The ones that say things like “im only attracted to” or “i think your hot and love our connection, but i only date…..” i esp hate those that will hook up with guys that arent their type, but only on the DL. i dont like how rude and uncaring gay men can be. Mostly i hate how as gay men, fuck… Read more »
Interesting. I have always been attracted to guys with “packages” and I guess in my mind that meant masculine. That having been said, I never have been attracted to “rough” play which some might equate as masculine too. Being basically a top that really doesn’t enjoy anal, masculine is a difficult word to define for me. Sensual oral is best for me.
All I know is if all these bottoms want a butch top it’s better to be butch yourself. I don’t get transexuals, trannies, cds, gurls…..if you want to limp my hard-on, show yourself in womens clothing, make-up, long hair, high heels or painted nails. I can’t even take speedos seriously (very few guys can pull off wearing speedos). Bikini underwear is effeminate and bikini tans on 80’s pornstars were really distracting and offputting. Sometimes married (m,f) guys are the worst having to get off in their wives’ undies. I like someone dangerous that snarls and bites back. And creating terms… Read more »
To each his own. Everyone has different tastes, and rightfully so. I am an average guy with an athletic build who is attracted to the same. To me, that’s what homosexuality is all about, …sameness. I’m not for demonizing the”masc4masc”term, -let alone bashing it . There have recently been postings on social media about how some get offended by the term “masc4masc”., and some others are buying into it. What these certain individuals need to do is either find their own site, or get accustomed to and comfortable with categorizing themselves as to what they are and what they want.… Read more »
Sounds like you have a mental issues.
I consider myself masculine though not hyper-butch. Prefer the same. if I wanted to be with a woman, I’d be with a woman. And when approached, I consider it very flattering and explain that I’m very happily in a relationship. Let anyone assume what they want.
I don’t think it matters. A person is attracted to whomever they are attracted to: I don’t see this being a gay issue. Everyone regardless of gay straight bi etc has their own likes and dislikes – turn on and turn offs. Nature at work.
Well I “strongly agree” to prefer masculine men because masculinity is just naturally sexier to me than femininity. That’s all.
I am not even remotely interested in a prancing queen cavorting to ABBA. I’m a gay man who is attracted to men and not chicks with dicks. It’s only the judgmental, queenie types that have an issue with masc4masc.
I prefer masculine dudes – but the masc4masc thing usually turns me off. While I respect that we are attracted to what we’re attracted to – the hint of insecurity sometimes deters me from contacting them.
same for me…
I love masculine men too, but if they need to announce that they are, its a huge turn off.
I don’t see that there is anything to debate. People are attracted to what they’re attracted to. I’m not attracted to anything that has any femininity associated with it. It’s not beards or leather or stupid stuff like that, but a way of carrying yourself. I know some nerds who are totally masculine, but still have a wimpy physique My observation is that only about 5% of the guys that identify as gay are masculine in behavior, which is why I want to meet people in public before agreeing to meet up in private. Just a minute or two of… Read more »
It is pretty funny, but gay guys really ought to wake up about trying to describe themselves accurately…it’s just not possible, I ‘ve learned. (It’s not ez for me to do either.) Ask yourself if you’re one of those gay guys who starts to salivate and drool over photos of muscular men wearing harnesses and chains and black leather, because you think that’s the epitome of masculinity. But. No where on earth are men wearing these items considered straight. Same thing with a 6pack abdomen and gigantic muscles. Men wearing speedos. These are all TOTALLY gay tropes, so it’s odd… Read more »
I used to travel a lot for work and when I’d get home after 6 to 8 months away I’d stop at my favorite bar, usually around happy hour and frequently see a new bartender. Some of them would feel obligated to quietly tell me “this is a gay gay, you might want to know that.” Uh… no shit, that’s why I’m here! But I’m not into the over-compensating types, whether overly butch or fem. Be yourself, I’m an adult and I can handle honest representation of who you are. You don’t have to be draped in leather or denim… Read more »
I agree in most part with Ru Paul, “everyone’s in drag” at least, largely I’ll add. It’s when you feel comfortable enough to just by yourself, whatever that is, is how you present yourself in all manner of being. People recognize that one way or the other, fake or real.
I do enjoy meeting masculine looking guys
with athletic build
however they can be less masculine in bes
bed that is
typo
As a guy who has liked and enjoyed all kinds of people, I think other guys should be “allowed” to enjoy whatever they like without everyone so freely debating about whether their preferences are okay or not. This freedom of judgment is what gay rights arguments have been built on since the beginning; how about going back to that? Let’s leave passive-aggressively shaming each other into doing or preferring what we feel they should to the Republicans and evangelicals.
Masc4masc sounds great. For me, the entire point of being gay is that I like men, not girls with a penis. For those who prefer effeminate, or even trans, that is their choice, and there’s nothing wrong with it. But for me, give me masculine men any day.
Personally, I dont care. In my experience, guys with the masc4masc preference are living on the down low and they don’t want to break their straight illusion in public. Obviously, that’s not every masc4masc guy, I have met some out and proud men who just love big burly dudes. I’m a 99% bottom, but I find feminine tops extremely attractive. I like it when people subvert my expectations.
If you’re a feminine top, get at me!
This is nothing wrong with guys expressing a preference for their type. If anyone else is upset by someone else’s preference, move on. Accept yourself for whatever you are, and accept the other person where they are, including if their taste is different than yours. We are all different, that is what is great about us.
“Femme in the streets, Butch in the sheets” (I know that expression really dates me… lol) But “masculine” means such different things to different people. I’m reasonably masculine: I cry at the movies, I go to the gym, I like to be affectionate with another man, I fuck like a stallion, I can change my own oil, and I whimper like a baby when I take it up the ass… and what’s more, I’m comfortable in my own skin. BUT, I’m definitely not butch enough to play football with the heteros. And sure, I sometimes look at these 42 regular… Read more »
Not for me… give me a non flaming fem or transgender who is confident with good career and have their own.