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The world of gay culture is filled with shared experiences, from coming out to finding your first love or crush. But what happens when you are unable to relate to some of the so-called “universal” experiences that many gay men seem to go through? A gay redditor sparked this conversation by asking, “What is a ‘universal’ gay experience that you didn’t experience?” He added, “Apparently lots of guys have jerked off with their friends at some point, I have not and honestly I can’t even imagine doing it.” The topic left many others reflecting on the gay experiences they hadn’t had yet. What are some of these experiences, and why might they be so common, yet out of reach for some?

One of the most popular answers that arose was the so-called “slut phase.” This phase is often depicted in stories about gay men, where many recount their younger years of casual sex, hookups, or promiscuity. One redditor mentioned, “I’ve never really had this slut phase people talk about.” For many, this phase of experimentation and exploration is seen as a rite of passage. However, for some, this phase either didn’t materialize or never felt right. Whether due to a lack of opportunity or personal preference, many gay men find themselves not participating in what others consider a universal part of their gay journey.

Another common experience many gay men talk about is the feeling of early gay love or first crushes, often referred to as a “young gay love.” One gay man expressed, “Yeah, I wish I had a young experimentation phase. Wish I could’ve had a young gay love, or something. Hell, I wish I could find someone now, it’s not easy when you live in the boonies.” For those who grew up in small towns, the idea of a young gay love is often more of a dream than a reality. It can be especially isolating when the gay community feels distant, leaving people longing for experiences others seemed to have with ease.

Physical fitness also seems to be another “common gay experience” that many feel left out of. “Enjoy going to the gym and have ripped physique,” shared one guy. The gym culture in the gay community, often associated with beauty standards and body ideals, is another experience that many gay men either don’t relate to or don’t participate in. While some enjoy building muscle and working on their physique, others may have different interests or feel disconnected from the pressure to look a certain way.

Friendship dynamics in the gay community also come with their own set of experiences. “Having friends that are mostly girls?” another commented. It’s a familiar trope for gay men to bond closely with women, often forming strong, platonic friendships. However, not every gay man experiences these tight-knit bonds with women, and instead, they may have a more diverse circle of friends or may not feel they fit into this social mold.

For some, getting bullied for being gay a prominent part of their journey. However, one guy revealed, “I was never bullied for being feminine, bullies were too busy mocking me because I was fat.” Experiences of bullying often differ, and while some are targeted for their femininity, others experience different forms of bullying based on body image, personality, or other factors. This highlights the unique struggles that come with being part of any minority group, where even common experiences like bullying manifest in diverse ways.

Finally, the experience of being “out” to someone is another universal gay experience that some may have missed out on. As one guy shared, “Being out to someone.” For many, coming out is a life-defining moment, but for others, it may never for them. Whether it’s due to family dynamics, cultural barriers, or personal preferences, the process of coming out is not a one-size-fits-all experience.

What about you, Adam4Adam blog readers, are there any so-called “universal” gay experiences that passed you by? What were some moments that you expected to experience but never did? Share your thoughts and stories with us down in the comments section below!

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