Photo Credits: Kampus Production from Pexels)
How important for you is someone else’s profile picture on A4A Radar, guys? Does it affect your decision to meet someone face-to-face?
For many, someone else’s profile picture is important. Remember the saying “A picture is worth a thousand words?” It’s because a picture alone tells us many things about that person.
First and foremost, what’s a profile picture?
It is defined by sproutsocial.com as “a photo that appears in your online accounts, regardless of whether it’s a social media or professional site. Each social media site has its own unique way of displaying profile photographs as an avatar next to an account name.”
While most of us think our profile pic is simply just a random photo, but the truth is we are actually sharing our personality on the internet. According to sproutsocial.com, it gives others a glimpse on what we like, how we are feeling, whether we are extroverted or introverted, conscientious or chaotic, open-minded or closed-minded, pleasant or disagreeable, neurotic or emotionally stable, simply by how we portray ourselves in our profile pics. Read more here.
Anyway, going back to the question at hand, how do you deal with hookups who do not resemble their profile pic at all? We scoured the internet over what gay men had to say on the matter and one guy shared:
Oh yes! Met a guy while I was in grad school for a drink. He sent a few pics and we set a time and place. I arrived early (I’m very anal about time keeping) and ordered a martini while I waited for a while. I noticed this guy was staring at me but thought nothing of it. After fifteen minutes he came over and asked if I was <screen name>. I replied that I was and he said he was <screen name>. We chatted for a bit and then I left – there was no chemistry and he was just too pushy for sex for me to be interested.
Meanwhile, another said:
When I was 25 or something I agreed to meet someone who said they were 32. I went to the location outside his place and saw him, clearly over 50. I immediately thought if he’s going to lie about something so obvious, what else has he lied about? I just walked past him as if he wasn’t the guy I was supposed to meet, made a U-turn sometime later and walked back to my car and left.
He then sent a message, something like ‘I guess I wasn’t up to your standards.’ I played dumb and said nope, I didn’t see you there, there was just some other older guy there so I left. He offered a new meetup but I said the trust was gone since he didn’t show up.
Further, a guy shared that this happened to him many times. “The main one was a guy in Ipswich who catfished me three times.” He added, “Fucked him the first two times, the third time I said no and told him why.”
Having said all that, what about you, guys? Do you walk out on them? How many times has this happened to you and what did you do? Share with us your thoughts and stories in the comments section below!
It matters but not that much. I often meet people without exchanging any pictures. I’m sort of “old school”. Our initial meeting will be at a public setting. We discuss prior to the meeting that this is not necessarily about having sex. Once we meet and chat, if we hit if off we may have sex right away. If we don’t hit it off, we go our separate ways. So if I meet a person that don’t look like their profile picture, it’s not a big deal to me.
Yeah, that’s why I insist on a public meeting. Only about 1 in 20 guys will accept. I figure that a lot of those who refuse are lying about something, so it’s probably for the best. People are almost always older and fatter than their pics suggest; it’s the “fatter” that is the deal breaker for me.
There is quite a bit of truth about suggesting a meeting “Outside”. Those who are not
hiding anything will usually agree?
Remember this” “Ugly Online = Uglier Offline,” and meeting in person will alleviate the
discrepancies
They aren’t lying. They’re just not going to go through the extra work of meeting up somewhere beside their place when they can get laid without needing to. Why should they? If you or both of you aren’t attracted to the other, just be adults about it, say so, and go your separate ways.
Marcus I want to be like you when I grow..as always good answers and there times u talk with someone online and u meet up sex doesn’t even gobdown but good ole conversation.
Like you, I have met people without exchanging pictures, and I prefer to meet in a public setting. Ideally sitting down for a cup of coffee or something where we can talk and get to know something about each other. My stipulation is that if either of us decides that we aren’t into the other, simply be honest and say so. Then we go our separate ways with no hard feelings. But I really don’t understand why some people post fake pictures. If meeting someone is the goal then eventually they are going to find out. Starting out with a… Read more »
this is my kinda guy the mind and person are #1 everything else can wait to many are only interested in the perfect look and lets face it looks fade
Truthfully we’re meeting up for random sex. After l place him on his butt with his back to the wall and aggressively explore his tonsils with the head of my cock, my view gets limited to the top of his skull, so I could care less that his profile pic isn’t remotely a close match. While in theory it’s possible to find “the one” on Adam, I’m not looking for love here, I’m looking for sex on Adam so if your a blonde in person but a red head in your photos l really could care less, I’m more interested… Read more »
You sound like a lovely person.
Oh, man, you really should try a mouth with no teeth! I did and it was fantastic the way he could use his gums to enhance the feeling. I liked it alot and you will, too!
I despise a liar and if some guy is going to put up a pic it better be one taken within the last few years and not some pic 10, 20, or 30 years old. I’ve actually had guys send me a pic of them that far outdated and when we met they didn’t get what they were after. There’s a guy locally that’s usig a pic of himself when he was 18 to 20 and he must be about 40 now. He was a hot young man but who knows what he looks like now. Other annoyances are guys… Read more »
I sooo agree w. you!
How do you know someone is lying about STDs? Do you have their medical records on file or what? If you do someone needs to lose their job because you definitely shouldn’t have that information. And also why would you knowingly hook up with soemone who you suspect is lying about their status? Sounds like you took a calculated risk and you’re mad because you can’t do anything about it, legally I mean.
“The blank profiles are a definite turn off.”
Blank/empty profiles are usually a giveaway for spambots.
It does not matter. Am in it for the cock anyway♂️
You make a choice:
If they do not look the way their profiles professes –
you accept it and make do or you ask them to leave?
Eventually, with repeatedly dismissals, they –
will get the hint and profile themselves…accordingly or they will continue on the carousel of their
making and perpetually condemn themselves to repeat performances and rejections!
Sometimes, you can teach an “Old Dog some new tricks?
P.S.
Always know the nature of the game…
Look at a profile & read between-the-lines… . Whatever dubiousness therein will be eventually
discernable…
and
you can decide to play-the-game or chuckle at the stupidity of whomever posts a
profile… is hiding reality and reality intrudes… .
Life is the ultimate game so understand the board and play it to win.
Sometimes you can and sometimes you can’t – teach an old ‘dog’ new tricks. You’d think that it was the older guys that have been dating and hooking up for a while long but it’s the young one as well. Most do so much lying and decieving and want somebody to want them yet get mad when they get caught or if nobody looks their way. But they’ll never stop because they are those kind of dudes that always are just either that gullible or desperate for some action that they overlook or be totally blind to the “red flags”.
I agree with you & it wasn’t my deliberate intention to sort out “Older Gay Males”. There is
an old adage that says: “Ugly Online = Uglier Offline”.
Straights do it, too, as I have friends who inflate their profiles looking for attention and
responses.
Many are not actually looking to meet; It’s the responses that satisfy the ego.
lol.
Oh I understood what you were saying.
And ego-tripped guys are like a xanax cocktail for me.
Who cares? Do I really want to expend that kind of energy on someone with whom I are hooking up? Of course not. Why would I? I know how hard it is to change yourself…what would make me think I can change someone else? And further, what would make me think I have that right? People are free to be who they want-if who they are is not acceptable to me, I’ll be an adult and move on. I don’t need to teach anyone a new trick-and whether or not they “learn” from the experience is irrelevant. I love my… Read more »
But enough people are just too chickenshit to not call the liar out and they decide to go through with it anyway. Consequently, liars really have no incentive to learn their lesson.
One doesn’t need to”call out” anything. If someone is not acceptable to you, be an adult and move on.No need to “call them out”-that’s akin to a boy stamping his feet and having a tantrum. Just move on.
No, what it’s akin to is holding someone accountable for wasting my time. And theirs, for that matter.
I agree you make the choice….great point! But I don’t agree with the rest so much. I’m not here to teach anyone a lesson. What they do afterwards, regardless if we have sex or not, I don’t care. If I find the guy acceptable, and he finds me acceptable, we have sex, If not, we don’t. It’s as simple as that. No drama. Too many people these days inject so much drama into everything they see and hear. Keep it simple, folks.
I do agree with you!
This blog provides a forum where we can elaborate a bit and I enjoy the elaborations!
Yeah, that’s a no, no, here. I met a hetero guy on a phone-line before ph. cams, so there were no pics to exchange obviously; he likes blond women, but his other sexual desire, is to suck “BBC,” exclusively, not Caucasian, etc. . . . So, when he came to the door, OMG, absolutely not, don’t even touch me, if he were the last man on earth, no way!
I’m gracious, I let him in, we caught a buzz together, end of story.
I stay away from guys with poorly completed profiles and no pictures. That says a lot about who they are. They’re usually lazy, selfish and/or hiding something, By the time I get face-to-face with a guy, we’ve chatted several times about who we are, what we’re looking for and what we seeking or avoiding when it comes to sex. And have traded pictures. I’ve yet to experience a major surprise or total disappointment upon meeting up for the first time. So what about the great news that Luke MacFarlane (extolled in the Blog here not long ago) and Hig Roberts… Read more »
Wait ! Do some guys actually look like their profile photos?!?!?!
There’s good doesn’t look like his profile pic. And there’s bad doesn’t look like his profile pic.
More often than not, guys I meet who don’t look like their profile pics are in a bad way.
When it happens, I politely tell them “Thanks, but I’m not interested” and walk away.
It’s nice to see someone commenting here actually handles it in an appropriate, mature way. Kudos!
The importance of accurate pictures in Dating and Hook Up Sites By Buttdrilla M.S. M.A. Have you ever experienced “a blind date fiasco? Where you expecting to host for Alec Baldwin in the 80’s look alike and ended up giving a mercy fuck to Grampa Munster? Worst and much more embarrassing, at least to me, having to ask your recently arrived prospective playmate to leave because he has shamelessly misled you with pictures that misrepresent himself. Still, he gives you attitude and call you names. You end up feeling guilty or “EVIL” for calling the whole thing off. Among other negative and… Read more »
When I was younger I either went with it or just kept a distance between myself and the dude. Sometimes who you thought you were going to meet up with turns out to be something better (or worse). I’m all about a picture in the profile because for me, that gives me the chance to say no or yes or just totally ignore altogether. I’m also good at disecting photos and profiles and when things don’t match up, I’ll either inquire why they don’t or keep it moving. Now a photo being used that is >3years old (especially if you… Read more »
I would say yes for safety reasons. When viewing their profile pic, you are immediately drawn to that.
Call them a cunt, suck their dick and leave.
I so agree with you.
I had a guy that didn’t look nearly as good in person as he did in his pic, but could tell it was him… but guessing it was an older pic. He was also 50 – 60 pounds heavier than the pic showed. I made him leave my house. He had some threatening words for me, but he was blowing smoke like the typical F word he was.
Given how much disingenuous personalities there are on this and other sites whether they are gay, bi, or straight, I assume all pictures sent are not fully accurate.
I have the same MO as Marcus…..meet in public with no expectations. Great if there is chemistry, walk away if not.
I met this young man online here on Adam 11 years ago. He kept looking at my profile periodically for over a year, not leaving a message, just visiting my profile. The photo of him was cute, and his profile was very interesting. Eventually I said, “Thanks for the visit.” He immediately responded. We lived in 2 different counties in our state, and after 6 months of talking and sharing thoughts and feelings of life, along with political views, race, the arts, social ideology, we met. His picture wasn’t as accurate as his personal appearance, and I was very pleased.… Read more »
That’s absolutely beautiful. He was just waiting for your response, shy, I guess.
I quickly retreat from any connection. One lie means there can be more. I’m tired of games. If he can’t show me a real pic, he’s not worth it.
next time, two words: BLIND DATE!
Lol
Kick his ass, then bash his ugly face! losers…
So, my comments – which never endorse physical violence – regularly get weeded out while this garbage gets accepted? Do better, mods.
I don’t need a photo. A4A (for me) is a sex/hook-up site. Every guy I’ve met on A4A without a photo looked as described. Am I lucky? No but usually by the second email, I can tell wheter or not the guy is a flake or if we’re compatible. I’m not (and have not been) looking for a long-term signficant other; not interested. It’s about sex, pure and simple. When a guy responds with 2-word emails, I know it’s a no-go. I like complete sentences. 🙂 I have zero interest in meeting at some neutral location to “get to know… Read more »
I agree Josh. It’s about hookups for me. If a guy has a hard dick and wants to blow a load in my ass I don’t care what he looks like.
I agree with much of what you have said. A profile picture is nice but a complete un-necessity for me. However, a clever profile name, the ability to engage in intelligent, funny, witty, serious, or intelligent dialogue in chatting are paramount. If, after engaging in such chatter, a request is made for a picture, I will happily provide an accurate photo, following the “he who asks first, sends first” rule. As to the declared age bit, given the degree of ageism out there in society, not disclosing one’s true age is not a dire matter for me in first impression.… Read more »
Facial looks don’t really matter. Body does. If he’s way overweight, it’s a no. Or if his cock is not like in the pics.
so what? if he has a decent dick or ass or body, go for it!
Yup how you all do online hookups they mostly all liars about something the obvious is the cropped and or strategic angle pictures so as not to show their small dick or muffin top or saggy ass . The pics of them grabbing their dick is a trick to make it look bigger . Like get your hand outta the way dude . Then there’s the colored light pics like red or blue light that hides alot it’s like seeing a shadow . Many online cruisers are pigs too into nasty stuff and lying about their hiv status.if a bottoms… Read more »
There used to be this guy on Craigslist back in the day that had the same pic for years and years and years. I was always boggled at how he could get away with it, but there he was, posting day after day. I just don’t get it. I find that as I get older, I find different ways of being hot. Maybe I don’t have the lovely red beard anymore, but now I have the santa thing going on, and that has its own appeal. I always say confidence is sexy, and people who deceive with out of date… Read more »
***NOT interested in Russian pen pals***
If you cannot do a video call…FaceTime, WhatsApp, Skype or your camera is broken, we are not a good match….
Amazing how many guys can come up with more reasons that I care to here for not doing a video call. Deal breaker!
It is VERY RARE that someone looks better than their picture and it matters to me that if someone doesn’t represent themselves accurately, other things on about them may also be misrepresented. I will meet people, even if it’s for a quickie, outside the building (or for coffee) close enough to get out (or preferably in)easily for both of us if it’s not there. And I’m also totally comfortable saying “ it’s not happening for me,” which I’d rather hear than have a bad vibe instead of a hot one Personally, I’d rather be rejected online than in person and… Read more »
Leave.
I’m fairly direct and immediately get it out of the way so there isn’t that weird and awkward tension. I’ll just say something like “Sorry, but I don’t think this is gonna work out.” If they ask me why, I’ll simply say “You weren’t who I expected,” and then I’ll leave it at that, and be on my way, thinking what an idiot timewaster he is. People might feel compelled to tell them off and make a big stink out of it, but I figure I’m just gonna go home and block his profile and never have to deal with… Read more »
There appear to be two VERY different camps here. One cares very much about what the person looks like, the other doesn’t really seem to mind either way, as he’s just looking for a pole or a hole.
Nothing wrong with either approach; whatever works best for you.
Maybe a more appropriate title for this article would be “If you care about someone’s looks, does it matter if they match their profile photo in person?”
OMG!!!!
Happened to me yesterday. TWICE!!!
First guy was about 60 pounds heavier than his profile pic. Second guy was about the same size overweight with a beard and looked at least 20 years older.
After seeing him in person, I’d bet that he used another guy’s pic.
In his profile pic, he’s clean shaven. He was not.
Both guys opened the door and hide behind it. I know that trick.
Both times I peaked inside and said “No, man I’m not interested,” walked away and blocked their profiles and phone numbers.
It has happened to me as well . I just tell them they lied and we are not a match
Honestly, if they’re gonna be sucking my dick, as long as their teeth aren’t broken, I don’t really care what they look like.
Tell them to get the hell out of my house and to update their photo’s and profile fast! Liar’s.
I usually follow this adage. Add to the age and subtract from their dick size they state in their profile and you are closer to reality. Then go from there.
Most of the guys online are fake anyways or are catfishing anyways
I put in my profile, “If your looks change at my door from your profile photo, so does my mind.”
I met a gent online and we eXXXchanged several E-mails. When that certain comfort level had been established electronically, I invited him over for a beer, or cocktails. As I opened the door, this jerk looked decades older than his posted photo. I queried him on that fact, and he replied, “What’s the big deal? It’s still me!” What a jerk!
If you are playing the online hook-up game you need to realize that people will exaggerate or diminish certain aspects of their lives. Seven becomes six, 45 becomes 50, 165lbs becomes 180, etc. The gross deviations are the ones you need to give serious consideration to. My feelings are if you lied that much about something, what else are you lying about. Ergo, I turn and make a speedy retreat.
Screech, throw my skirt over my head and run away. Come on; cripes. If you invite him over and are grossed out you need to not let him inside. If you are coming to him you don’t enter the dwelling. This isn’t difficult.
I only left on someone once. I said, “Oh, I forgot something in the car, I’ll be right back.” I got in the car and took off. I’ve met people and what I’ll say is your not what I expected. It’s not like a slap in the face. They’ll look at me kind of cross-eyed surprised, I guess not knowing what to say so they say, “OK, or no problem,” and I take off and they’re on their own. I don’t meet many now so I don’t break to many hearts, LOL.
It depends on how he looks. If he doesn’t look like his pic but is still attractive I’ll talk to him. I’ll also point out that he doesn’t look like his pic either. Then I can sense his personality by how he accounts for not looking like his pic. I didn’t have a current pic. BSer. With cell phones it’s easy to take a current pic. That was me 10 years ago. Then you’re a liar because you want people to think that’s how you look now. Pics don’t really matter. So you can’t be taken seriously because you don’t… Read more »
It depends. If they look better than their pics, it’s a win. If they look nothing like they’re pics and they’re ugly, I say, sorry not happening. Fair is fair But then I guess I’m lucky. I’ve run into this several times, but more often than not, they usually look better in person.
When I was younger, I would hookup mostly when I was horny. One time I met a guy who was obviously double the age of his profile pic but I was so horny, I had sex with him and hated myself afterwards. I vowed NEVER AGAIN to be so desperate, so thirsty as to have sex with a person that shared a fake pic of themselves
I think it’s mildly important. I did meet a guy once whose age wasn’t on the profile. I asked and he said we were about the same-I have my real age posted. When I got there he was clearly 15 or more years older than me. The age wasn’t a dealbreaker but the effort to conceal the truth was bothersome. Did he think I wouldn’t find out? Or do I look much older in my pic? As I walked in he said, “come on in daddy”, and I thought I have to be daddy too? I’m more concerned with honesty… Read more »